Anybody else's career seem to be a disaster, or is it just me?

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CajunMedic

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So, this is gonna be part catharsis (had the worst run of shifts EVER last week), part griping, with a helping of legitimate curiosity if I'm really the black cloud/dumpster fire I seem to be. This doesn't even account for my 1st residency program closing 45 days into my intern year, or doing residency at the height of COVID.

So, here goes...

Job #1 ends before I ever start. CMG 1099 paid me a stipend through residency and moving allowance. Call me 4 months before graduation to tell me COVID cut the visits down and they didn't have a job for me after all. Laughed all the way to the bank with their money, even the recruitment bonus I got when the co-intern that I recruited somehow kept their job and made 60 days

Job #2, started out as an employed SDG with a potential partner track in a community shop with an EM residency. Sold to CMG and converted to 1099 4 months in. Wound up core faculty. But, I was assaulted no less than 6 times by violent psych patients, and completely thrown under the bus by admin when I defended myself. Boarding issues out the wazoo, working with the IM residents and hospitalists to keep boarded ICU patients alive, while trying to run the ED. I've talked about the hypothermic arrest in another thread here. Pushed Dantrolene on a boarded ICU patient. 3 Level 1 traumas 3 nights in a row and closest anyone has come to doing an ED thoracotomy there.

Job #3, across the river from #2, Employed CMG. Community shop, busy as hell. I've seen at least 3 necrotizing fasciitis patients there. A legit status epilepticus, True myxedema coma, aortic dissection. 2 shifts ago, I used 3 crash carts and flew 2 patients out. Crazy census and acuity. The worst part was the 6 weeks my wife spent in the LTAC on the 9th floor there before she died. Took the month off and came back. Made it 7 months before the PTSD, and constantly running into people that cared for her became too much and went full time at Job #4

Job #4, Small community hospital down the road about 30 mins. It was attached to my hospital that closed intern year. Was bought by a psychiatrist and reopened as a pet project. I took over as ER director and things went downhill a couple of months after. Missed paychecks, no supplies, constantly broken CT, mutlple state complaints-enough they set up shop in the conference room. Got a phone call at 5:30 on a day off, telling me to get there, they were locking the doors as soon as the last patient was D/C'd. Multiple lawsuits from creditors, Power cut off for non-payment, ambulances repossessed, owner in hiding. Won't see my last paycheck and I'm having to find my own tail coverage. The last week we were open, had an overdose dumped off that got tubed, lined, and flown out. Then a chainsaw accident with arterial bleed that wound up an NSTEMI and flown out. Then a stroke that got TPA'd and shipped out.

I'm back at Job #3 and #3.5 (affiliated critical access) part-time until my new job starts June 2nd. Hospital employed, independent system, multiple opportunities for advancement. Already scheduled to give an EMS/Disaster Med lecture to the residents. Looking forward to stability and teaching again.

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Man, there's a lot going on with your post... the worst of it is your wife passing away. I am incredibly sorry.

Most ER docs don't have this misfortune of so many shops closing/selling out. Hopefully you find stability. Again, I am really sorry about your wife.
 
Dude, I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine the level of grief and distraction I'd feel working in the same hospital where my wife died. I don't know if you've mentioned it on here before but this is the first I'm hearing about it. Make sure you're taking care of yourself and I'd need a lot more than 1 month to grieve and get my head straight. #4 sounds like a gig from hell but I think the overarching thing jumping out from your post is your wife's passing. That's huge and I hope you have a good support network. Please hang in there and reach out to friends and family. We're so used to bottling things up in our line of work, I think a lot of time that bleeds over to our personal lives. Hopefully the new job ushers in positive chapter.

Lesson learned from gig #4 that would have probably raised red flags with me is....never work at a hospital owned by a psychiatrist. Things are guaranteed to be crazy.
 
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My hands started to sweat about halfway through your post.



I also had a bad experience in EM. I'll objectively state it wasn't nearly as bad as yours but it was bad enough i had to get out.

For me, the moment was not a patient. It was watching an EM doc in his 70s constantly lose his ****. 30 years of doing EM at a high acuity place had chiseled his soul down to nothing and even minor issues caused him to lose his mind and shout at everyone near him.

I saw him screaming at a tech one day and thought, holy ****, if I don't change my life, that's going to be me in 20 years. I immediately started looking for exits.

There are a number of opportunities available outside of EM. You've clearly done your share of nonsense. If you want out, get out. I did utilization management. Others do pain or palliative. Do what you need to do to get out.

Unless teaching residents is relaxing enough for you that you can squeak it out, get out. EM to me was like an abusive spouse, always promising to be better then beating the **** out of me. Your last gig sounds a lot more stable. I hope it is. But if it isn't, in the words of sam beckett, make your next leap your last.
 
All of that is terrible, but losing your wife... I'm so sorry. I worked with another EP who lost their young spouse suddenly and unexpectedly and went right back to work (because bills). It was heartbreaking to work a shift with that person. We've been trained to be terrible at taking care of ourselves.

There's nothing wrong with getting out. I'm one of the many who did. I agree with AlmostAnMD that I could see myself becoming a miserable person to be around if I'd kept at it much longer. Life is much better now.
 
Thats a horrible run. I do think good jobs and situations exist. I think far too many become trapped in their own mind. “I cant leave this city” or more commonly people are sucked in by the comfort of familiarity.

It is no accident those sign on bonuses take 3-4 years to fully become yours. They want to lock you in, cause they know it is hard to leave and it is an amazing mind F they put on people. I have a former resident who took a job in the middle of nowhere, multiple changes there. They see locums docs out earning them by a lot, job sucks, admin sucks yet they wont leave cause they bought a house (mistake #1), bonus isnt fully theirs etc.

Another doc I know lacked some basic math skills, took a substantial bonus (lets call it 50k) but the hourly rate was lower than other jobs in town such that in 1 year he ended up earning less than if he took the other job. This is the reality of many residents / young physicians. The allure of the shiny object is real. Making $40/hr less is ok if you get a 50k bonus.

Sometimes you need a full hard reset.
 
My dude you've had a lot of bad luck. I am so sorry for everything, but I'm glad we have a supportive community here that you feel like you can talk to.

My tale is nothing like your's but it had a couple bumps.

Job 1 was CMG 1099 firefighter. Was good experience tbh. Traveling sucked. As time went on I found myself in some weird ass situations. Woke up one morning to find myself taken off schedule after some bad interactions with an idiot medical director. I sent in my letter of resignation the same day.

Luckily I had already been transitioning to job #2. Not luckily, it was about this time I discovered my spouse's multi-year affair w a family friend. Still went to shift on the day I found out about it. Got divorced - did pretty well in the divorce actually, as far as high earners go. 50/50 custody, got the dog, minimal financial loss, no alimony / child support (aka scam grift).

Job #2 started out great. Hospital employed. Really changed during COVID. Leadership blew. Constant throwing under bus by nursing etc and zero "support" from "leadership." Literally would hear about a nursing issue once a month. Honestly certain directors I had at the CMG were way better. Ridiculous compensation pyramid scheme where boomers seeing half the patients I was seeing were being paid more. My friends started quitting left and right. I joined them.

Job #3 much better so far. SDG. I am on the way to partnership. Great leadership. Strong group clinically. Very supportive. Zero nursing complaints. Still have the typical ER issues which you'll never avoid if you stay in EM. Met new spouse. Prenup, ofc. Bought nice but modest house. My child is thriving.

I share this to show that you can bounce back from adversity and find your path with hard work and a little luck. Again, your experience was way worse than mine, but you'll make it through. Feel free to DM me at anytime.
 
So, this is gonna be part catharsis (had the worst run of shifts EVER last week), part griping, with a helping of legitimate curiosity if I'm really the black cloud/dumpster fire I seem to be. This doesn't even account for my 1st residency program closing 45 days into my intern year, or doing residency at the height of COVID.
Sorry man. I can relate to #2/#4 but #3 is wild. If you are in Houston, PM me and I may have an option out of the pit. Actually, any Houston Docs who wants a to step a foot out of the hospital, PM and I may have a job option in the FSER world in a stable physician own group.
 
Even without the grief, it is a lot.
With the grief, it sounds unbearable.
The fact that it was your hospital, your home turf, your people... of course you had to leave.

Being a black cloud is often a "badge of honor..." at least in the grizzled, old school way. But it makes you old a crispy very quickly. You deserve a break, and there aren't words for that biggest loss. I am so, so sorry. (I had nurses sobbing on me yesterday after losing a kid, so my shoulder is free today. We expected it, but it was still hard. You need to talk, anytime, you can drop any of us a PM...)
 
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