Actually, what made me faint when I was shadowing a fellow who specializes in prostate cancer, was a simple examination of a patient. The fellow was very nice, and gestured me over to hear the sounds of fluids in the man's lungs, and then to push on his belly to feel the fluid building up. While I felt completely calm and rational, all of a sudden I started to feel nauseous and dizzy. I was confused why I felt like I was about to black out, when I felt completely calm. I think that it was the emotional/psychological gravity of the situation, and what this man was facing. I think I started to get dizzy when the fellow was explaining how many times a week he needed to be drained, etc. Needless to say, I held it together for three more minutes, and then as we crossed the hall back into the doctors' lounge I literally blacked out as I sat down into the nearest chair I could find. Granted, I'd just moved that weekend and didn't have much of a kitchen and thus hadn't had anything to eat that day, but I was MORTIFIED. They were very nice and put me in a clinic bed (it was at the VA hospital) with some juice, but I was so mortified that I never went back to shadow again after thanking the doctors profusely. I see now how silly I was to make such a big deal of that in my mind, but there was some small amount of terror in the back of my head that maybe that meant I couldn't handle being a doctor. This was about two years ago. I still worry that I'm a little too sensitive, but I suppose I will eventually become desensitized enough to be useful to someone. Regardless, I have every intention of avoiding surgical specialties (I will of course do my rotations as required). But the type of thing that really knocks me out seems to be more emotional than gore. Then again, gore might do it too. Ugh. Maybe I am in trouble. Lovely.
