Anyone willing to read a PS (pls)??

[Apparition]

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I would really appreciate any comments on my PS. I just finished it three minutes ago and I don't plan on having it read by anyone I know.
It's actually too long at this point and I have to take out about 150 words. So I'm also looking for input on which part can be taken out.

So if you could read my PS, please respond or PM me.
Thank you so much! 🙂

 

[UT_OC]

http://forums.studentdoctor.net/sho...t=104232&page=7

there are plenty of ppl there to help you..