Anyone with a family that could speak to moving to different locations?

[coloradocutter]

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I would most likely have to move my family for grad school. I am finalizing interview plans and am trying to determine if some of these interviews are even worth my time if I can't really justify the move. My only option where I currently live is not funded and super expensive. I have interviews at 2 PhD programs near my husband's family and my family alternatively. I have 1 funded PsyD interview, but it's far away from both of our families and with a higher cost of living. I just had a baby and my husband is self-employed, so I am just extra concerned about these issues. 3+1 of a PsyD gets me out quicker and making money quicker and 1 gives me a funded option. PhDs are funded and nearer to family but 4+1 (more likely 5+1). I also don't want to be a researcher - my focus is clinical. Both of the PhD programs are more clinically oriented though.

Let me know if anyone has any thoughts on experience with any of these choices/issues.

 

[numbereight]

haha.. hey there.

im laughing because my wife and I were facing the same decision a little while back. few things tax my brain's computing power as much as trying to balance school+career+career after school with family. even my wife, who is the brain in the family, needed to take a break from time to time to not overheat her own brain. basically, i feel how stressful it can be at times

what we had to do was prioritize and be reasonable. money is very important, and happiness is too. then family considerations need to be factored in. it sounds like you're doing all that.

we decided that if i got into my top choice, we were going there. even though my wife would have to turn down a fat cat lawyer job in another location and try the market. this was contingent on us visiting the area, liking it etc. Luckily i didn't get into my first choice (no interview). it would have required her sacrifice of a job, and each of us commuting an hour to a crappy town in the middle of nowhere, halfway in between where her job and my school would've been at. no fun. it would have been a huge sacrifice on both our parts, especially in light of the fact that we were planning on having a baby in my 2nd year of school.

so, instead of rambling, ill try to be as helpful as I can.

IMHO, the priority list will make the decision for you, if you can only work out the priority list with clarity, and are lucky enough to have priorities that dont conflict with each other. for example, neither my wife or i are interested in high profile jobs. i dont want to be a prof at UCLA and she doesn't want to make a partner in a law firm in 5 years. we want to see each other and our families. Thus, I dont need to go to Berkeley, and she doesn't need to work for big prestegious law firm. Family time accomplished through a good work-life balance is #1 to us.

long story short- I beleive that she will take the job offer and i will go to one of my safety schools (the top one, thankfully) in the same area. it could have worked out differently, but i am very happy that it worked out like this!

good luck.

 

[deleted190534]

It's super late, so I don't know that I'll contribute much right now. I did want to say, however, that it is totally doable. My family (hubby & 2 preteens) & I moved 1,500 miles. It's been an adjustment, but I'm coming to believe that this "change" is/will be a growing/learning experience for all of us. In the end, I think we'll be better people for it. In terms of the kids' school & stuff, I think it's a good thing to be able to do all of this while your child is still young. I'm already stressed about which leg of the journey my kids will plant roots. I'm of course hoping they'll keep moving with us (you know, internship, career...) until we plant some permanent roots too! Anyway, like the above poster said, just outline your priorities & make the best decision for your family. Good luck!

 

[Aggieanthony]

Coloradocutter,

Your plight is not uncommon among the 20s/30s set, and several of my friends, myself included, are experiencing similar personal life/career digressions.

Without venturing deeply into your personal affairs of which I have little business knowing more than you posted, it is clear that family means more to you than a bustling business and a high dollar salary.

That said, there's one thing bothering me about what you said, and it's this line, when you stated,

I also don't want to be a researcher - my focus is clinical

First of all, as many posters here will tell you, as I have learned through my own research and from other sources, that the Ph.D is not necessarily a license to spend your days locked away in a laboratory. There are "counseling psychology" track Ph.D programs at several schools in my area alone (Northern California) that, while there is a focus on research, you won't be limited to that as a career choice. You'll merely know how to collect, analyze and parse statistical data.

Don't be frightened away from reputable Ph.D programs solely on the basis of not "wanting to be a researcher". You can most assuredly become a great clinician graduating from a research-oriented school, and I don't think anyone here will disagree about that. Besides, you said yourself that the Ph.D programs are clinically-oriented.

It appears to me as though you're less concerned about research vs. clinical and more concerned with the bottom line, that is, turning your education into dollars. Obviously I don't know how "funded" the Psy.D program you're looking into is, but if you ask me, and you have in a way, that 1 less year you'll spend via the Psy.D program (3+1) is absolutely not worth uprooting your husband's business and it would be putting undue burden upon your newborn child.

In my approximation, you owe it to yourself, and to your family, to not move them all around tarnation for the reasons of:

1. A year or two less of school and more 'trigger time' in the Psych market
2. Erroneously equating a Ph.D to pigeon-holing you into a "research box".

You could also conduct a comparison of the 3 schools (3+1 Vail, 4+1 Boulder, 5+1 Boulder) and look at their curricula, match rates, etc separately.

you may find that your funded Psy.D program has faculty that do not publish readily and that might not outfit you with the necessary tools to make it in our burgeoning, yet overwhelming, market.

in the military, I learned a phrase that sticks with me even to today, and it goes, "Always choose the hard right over the easy wrong." Even though the Psy.D program is possibly easier to get into, and will produce quicker gratification (4 years compared to 5/6), it may very well be a poor choice for you and your family. All the degrees in the world won't help you if you're not being matched to internships, externships, and other practica.

I hope this helped more than it hurt...

- Tony

 

[Sassafrass]

I'm in the same boat (minus the newborn).

Its hard to balance everything so I can definitely empathize. One of the greatest problems was trying to find a location that could accommodate his career as well (he more or less needs to be in a metropolitan area for his engineering). This greatly limited the number of programs I could apply to. Also, I knew I wanted fully funded... as I was sure that our family is going to expand either in the final years of my PhD or shortly after and I did not want those exorbitant monthly fees looming over my head. This only compounded the problem of where to apply... and I think that in the long run I actually painted myself into a corner by trying to make programs fit my interests and background if the location was right. I have lucked into 3 interviews... but I think had I not been restricted the numbers would be higher. Ahhh... the sacrifices we make for the ones who we will never live without!

My advice to you is only to follow your priorities... even if it means moving your family to another location. The way I view it all is that it is all only temporary! Although 5-7 years in a less than perfect location sounds daunting, if obtaining your graduate degree is that important to you, then those years will pass and you'll be left with your major accomplishment and the ability to move to a more desirable spot. Also, my SO keeps reminding me that no matter what city we end up... we're together... and I'm accomplishing my dream... and that makes it all worth while!

 

[compassionate1]

Hi,

I think that having some extended family around would be extremely helpful, if they indeed stated ability and willingness to assist with childcare or be a back up, in a dire situation. ( babysitter did not show up, your child has to be taken to the doctor and you have an importnat test etc.) Assuming they would help, since they now live nearby may be risky, so you might as well find that out in advance.

Either this or you have the means to have a reliable, regular help at home and with the children.

From my own personal experience of being in school last semester ( I am transfering), it can be done but was harder than I anticipated. I have two kids, a teenager and a young one.And even though the latter, is no longer a baby or even a toddler, she still would wake up occassionally at 3 a.m. singing "Twinkle, Twinkle little star" , lungs at full capacity... And she would get sick, and then I would come down with whatever virus was circulating in her nursery class. Fun, fun, fun!

I am not saying any of this to discourage you in any way, just to make you realize the importance of support: internal and external. If your husband makes his own hours and is able to do his share of child care, that would make things a lot easier for you. Also,if possible at all, moving several months prior to actually starting the program might prove to be a sanity saver, as you would be more adjusted and comfortable by the time you start, rather than have to deal with all the changes all at once.

Good Luck!!

Compassionate1