Are you a different person when you are in the hospital?

[Leukocyte]

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When I am not in the hospital, I am this down-to-earth, shy, humble, soft spoken, calm person who just loves to help people, laugh, joke, and have fun. But once I set step into the hospital, it is like I get an instant personality change. I become this bitter, calous, firm, authoritative, dominant guy who takes no crap from no one, and who sometimes responds "firmly" to nurses who keep paging me about simple things while I am in the ER admitting a patient, and still have 3 more left waiting to be admitted, with the Emergency Physician pushing in more patients down my throat, and ER nurses constantly naging me about the admission orders.

The floor nurses already labled me as "stuck up" and "firey", and think twice before paging me for something simple because they do not want to hear my "smart alec" remarks. I realy feel bad when the floor nurse pages me, and quickly says, "I am very sorry to page you Dr. Leukocyte, I know you are very busy but......." I realy feel bad for the nurses. I am not like that. I do not like to be labled as something I am realy not. It just sometimes it gets VERY overwhelming. When I get 3 pages at the same time (one from the floor nurse who wants me to come up and deal with Mr. x'S Chest Pain, the other form the ICU nurse who is saying that Mrs. x is having severe SOB now) all while I am trying my best to admit the 4 patients I have in the ER as fast as I can........IT IS CRAZY, and sometimes I cannot help but "lose my sophistication" with the nurses.😳

Do you guys also behave differenlty when in the hospital?

This is specialy bothering me since I am a single guy who would love to hook up with a nurse, if possible. But it is difficult to make them believe I am a nice guy, and not the same person they see at the hospital.

 

[RTrain]

Very interesting question. 👍

For me, the answer is yes, but not the same way you mean it. I actually like the person I am in the hospital better than the person I am outside. I am the same easy-going, kind, quick-to-smile, funny, and well-liked person in the hospital as out, but at work I am also self-confident in a way that I am not when in my private life. In my real life, I tend to be kind of a doormat, but at work I'm a proud leader. I'm trying to incorporate some of that bravado from the hospital into my personal life.

 

[Leukocyte]

This is specialy bothering me since I am a single guy who would love to hook up with a nurse, if possible. But it is difficult to make them believe I am a nice guy, and not the same person they see at the hospital.

Yesturday, while I am up to my neck with patients in the ER, a floor nurse (who happens to be this petite, blonde, with curly hair) pages me and tells me, "Mrs. X is in pain, and very aggitated, and demands to speak with a doctor right now". I tell her (very firmy and with a angry tone) "NO way, unless it is an emergency, there is no way in hell I am coming up....you deal with it." Then before she hangs-up the phone, I heard her say to her fellow nurse "This Dr. Leukocyte, he needs to get laid!" It made me giggle, although I was angry at that time. I was going to go up and tell her, "Well then, would YOU help me get laid?"

 

[Decepticon]

When I am not in the hospital, I am this down-to-earth, shy, humble, soft spoken, calm person who just loves to help people, laugh, joke, and have fun. But once I set step into the hospital, it is like I get an instant personality change. I become this bitter, calous, firm, authoritative, dominant guy who takes no crap from no one

Well, maybe the relationship you have with people in your leisure time does not sound your "eat or be eaten" alarms.

If a colleague wants to swap night shifts with you, and suggests that you should be morally obliged to do so, because she has a family and you don't, how do you react?

If a friend wants you to use of your time to pick up his granny at the airport, because hospital is so close, and he has to take his son to a ball game, and you don't have a family, how do you react?

Me generally, I think it is a lot harder to let people down, or to act in a way that will make me unpopular towards people that I know like me. I am really not comfortable acting cold or not activating my mimic musculature to make a sympathetic grimace, when I want people to still like me. If they are all a-holes, I don't care.

When you act cold from the beginning, you don't risk people liking you, so you don't get a bad conscience all the time. You protect yourself, and the benefit is not worrying about what other people will think of you, when you follow your own interest. Hospital life can be very cynical and manipulative.

I think your attitude of not taking crap from anybody is very good. I don't see any reason why you should play victim when other people step on your toes. (Although what you are describing sounds a bit more like..well, active warfare to prevent people from getting within a mile of your toes. 😉 )

Who do you think you benefit more from? The Hospital you, or the being-with-friends you? (And I put bitter in bold, because I didn't understand why you want people to see you as bitter. Just the wrong word, or are you looking for sympathy?)

 

[Incandescent]

I am the same easy-going, kind, quick-to-smile, funny, and well-liked person in the hospital as out, but at work I am also self-confident in a way that I am not when in my private life. In my real life, I tend to be kind of a doormat, but at work I'm a proud leader.

Ditto.

 

[Decepticon]

Very interesting question. 👍

For me, the answer is yes, but not the same way you mean it. I actually like the person I am in the hospital better than the person I am outside. I am the same easy-going, kind, quick-to-smile, funny, and well-liked person in the hospital as out, but at work I am also self-confident in a way that I am not when in my private life. In my real life, I tend to be kind of a doormat, but at work I'm a proud leader. I'm trying to incorporate some of that bravado from the hospital into my personal life.

Again- are you a different person in your personal life, or are the stakes just different?

 

[nonesuchgirl]

leukocyte's post

What year are you?

I have never been a confrontational person; I was always the guy who broke up the fight, diffused the confrontation, never yelled, never got angry.

Since about half-way through medical school, I have become an angry, hot-headed dude who calls out staff and rides nurses who aren't doing what I think is appropriate.

I also curse like a sailor, which is new in the last couple years.

I quit drinking, just because I was worried these personality changes would cause me to behave . . . irresponsibly while under the influence.

I don't drink either. 🙂

 

[Leukocyte]

If a colleague wants to swap night shifts with you, and suggests that you should be morally obliged to do so, because she has a family and you don't, how do you react?

If a friend wants you to use of your time to pick up his granny at the airport, because hospital is so close, and he has to take his son to a ball game, and you don't have a family, how do you react?

I would do it in a heart beat, because this is the person I am. I hate to say "No" unless I realy realy have to. But when I am AT work, and a fellow resident tries to push HIS/HER work at me, I do become cranky. I will HAPPILY do it if he/she had an emergency, and cannot do the work...but if they just dump their work at me without giving me a valid reason, then I will let it be know that what they are doing is "strange", and that "the cheif residents should know about this"....having said that I will do the work that was dumped at me, because I am a resident, and the work needs to be done. However, I WILL let the cheif, the senior, and the attending KNOW that this was not my work, and that I did not HAVE to do it.

 

[Leukocyte]

Who do you think you benefit more from? The Hospital you, or the being-with-friends you? (And I put bitter in bold, because I didn't understand why you want people to see you as bitter. Just the wrong word, or are you looking for sympathy?)

I like the out-of-hospital me. I like to laugh and joke around. I like being a calm, sophisticated gentleman. In the hospital, I am like "The Hulk".

I used "bitter" because I do not like the specialty I am in, Family Medicine. I am the focused surgical hands-on type. Not the anal, detailed thinker type.

 

[Leukocyte]

What year are you?

PGY-2 (almost).

 

[nonesuchgirl]

I like the out-of-hospital me. I like to laugh and joke around. I like being a calm, sophisticated gentleman. In the hospital, I am like "The Hulk".

I used "bitter" because I do not like the specialty I am in, Family Medicine. I am the focused surgical hands-on type. Not the anal, detailed thinker type.

PGY-2 (almost).

Hmm. That explains a lot. I know it's a PITA in every sense of the word for everyone involved, but is there anyway out of your programme and into something you'd be happier in?

 

[RTrain]

Again- are you a different person in your personal life, or are the stakes just different?

Well, obviously I'm the same person. 🙄 I behave differently at work than in my private life.

 

[Leukocyte]

Hmm. That explains a lot. I know it's a PITA in every sense of the word for everyone involved, but is there anyway out of your programme and into something you'd be happier in?

That is what I am trying to do....Transfer into a more focused, narrower, specialty that is procedure based. However given my IMG status, and average USMLEs, it is a very risky move. That is why I am planning to tough-it-up for now, and do a second residency (a focused surgical residency) after finishing FM.🙁

 

[Decepticon]

I would do it in a heart beat, because this is the person I am. I hate to say "No" unless I realy realy have to.

Wohoo, I am halfway through that. Say no a million times, and it gets easier, trust me. Even with the most dominant and persuasive motherf*ckers. It is possible to be friendly in form, and firm in content.

I agree that it can feel good to give in to feelings of bitterness. Otherwise people wouldn't be bitter...lol.

How about looking elsewhere on the planet, for a surgery job? I have heard it is easy to get a job in Germany these days.

 

[Leukocyte]

How about looking elsewhere on the planet, for a surgery job? I have heard it is easy to get a job in Germany these days.

Interesting. I will look into that. Natural hairy German women are also a plus.😉

 

[fab4fan]

I have never been a confrontational person; I was always the guy who broke up the fight, diffused the confrontation, never yelled, never got angry.

I'm sorry--the juxtaposition of this statement with your avatar cracked me up.

 

[Apollyon]

I also curse like a sailor, which is new in the last couple years.

Well, it's appropriate now that you are a sailor.

 

[Winged Scapula]

I think I'm pretty much the same person.

But when I'm stressed, whether at work or at home, I'm a *little* less pleasant to be around; we weren't allowed to show negative emotions as kids so consequently I don't handle it well. In retrospect, my ex used to tell me I was nicer to my colleagues at work than I was to him. Maybe I AM different!😀

 

[Samoa]

I don't think I'm much different at work than at home. Both places, I have a pretty clear limit on how much I'll let people impose on me. The only difference is that at work, the line is much closer to me. Whereas at home, I'll still say no when I want to, but I'm a lot more generous with my time.

 

[Kubed]

...
If a colleague wants to swap night shifts with you, and suggests that you should be morally obliged to do so, because she has a family and you don't, how do you react?
...

Ugh… that kind of crap gets me fired up. I’m not anti-family by any means, but if someone wants to swap shifts because they have an appointment, or they’re working a bunch of days in a row, or if their favorite TV show is on, I’m far more likely to respond positively than if they try to guilt me into switching because they have a family.

It’s all about how it’s asked too:
“Hey, I haven’t seen my kid in forever. Can we switch so I can see him while he’s actually awake?” – I’m pretty likely to switch.

“Monday night is when I spend time with my family, so you need to switch shifts with me” – Pretty likely to get a middle finger from me and a resounding “no.”

 

[IndyXRT]

I find that I'm more outgoing and sure of myself in the hospital than I am in social settings.

 

[buckley]

OMG! I am so different. Right now, the hospital setting just overwhelms me so much, I seem like a lost lamb. And I know I'm a feisty funny gal who can crack the most sarcastic remarks. It's just that here, I don't think I'm able to communicate very well. I'm always afraid that I will be misunderstood. I just feel *flat*. Like I'm dead. Hahaha. Seriousy, I wish I could feel more at home in my program. I'm really not as aloof as I know seem to be, or as weird 🙂 I hope a few more months will cure me.

On another note, I don't get it why residents have to wear such a thug face in the wards. I mean, sometimes I feel it's just a stare-down game. And everyone's so aggressive sometimes, some really border on being rude. I'm also a nonconfrontational peacemaker-type, hence, i'd rther be a lamb here...But it does make me feel so bad when I don't speak out my opinions. An attending actually had to tell me, "you have to speak up." And of course with that my voice went even smaller...

 

[dragonfly99]

I think I am mostly the same. I try to be polite.
I am actually totally shocked that you have gotten away with saying the things you have said to nurses. I said a couple of things that were 50x more mild to nurses when I was a trainee and I got called into the program director's office about it and he was PISSED. I mean really, really angry. I think I just got unlucky though, b/c a nurse decided to write me up. Others had described me as "sweet" which is a pretty hard assessment to get from most academic hospital nurses...

 

[cali-ob]

I find that I am much more friendly to the general public in the hospital than out. I smile and say hi to all the unit secretaries, nurses, janitorial staff, patient transport people, patients, and their families. Out in public, I am generally not the outgoing type. Not that I am unfriendly...just don't engage in eye contact and smiles on the street....maybe it's the LA in me.
But for some reason, in my white coat and badge, I feel much more comfortable being friendly and outgoing. I think because it makes your life easier in the hospital when all ancillary staff like you. Out in the real world, I don't really care who likes me. Plus I don't like to encourage stranger conversation in public.

 

[ForpulteFaen]

It seems to me, you are never guaranteed to escape from the potential wrath of nurses, no matter how much you reduce your ego. You can play a dog with the tail between your feet, and they will not stop picking on you. You have worked your behind (I suspect a more common term for buttocks will be censored) to get through med school, and now you have to put up with being a slave, subject to the goodwill of others + chance before you earn more autonomy.

Picking the right strategy is a hard thing, and it is a personality/ego issue as well. There are good books on this topic.