Are you/did you feel this way?

[American Dreams]

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Before I start let me make it clear that I am NOT asking for medical advice. I just want to share something in hopes of finding out if others are feeling this way too. I'm a regular poster on SDN, but created a throwaway because some people know who I am in real life.

I graduated medical school recently and am waiting for residency to start. It should be one of the happiest times of my life but its not. I'm depressed. I liked med school a lot but at the same time I'm glad its over too. I'm so proud of becoming a doctor. There were so many times I didn't think I would make it. I matched into my top choice for residency and a few short months ago, I was on top of the world. But the last few weeks, I'm just so down and I can't even pinpoint why. I'm no longer excited.....about anything. I don't want to start residency but at the same time, I don't want to do anything else either. It's driving my SO nuts because nothing seems to motivate me or interest me. I don't feel like watching TV, I don't feel like going to the movies. I just sit at home, play online and wait to go back to bed. I tried to force myself to go to the movies today and I sat there for two hours, tuning out and having no idea what the plot even was. When the lights came on, I just followed everyone out like a zombie. I'm just miserable and I don't know if this is normal or not. I've never felt like this before.

Are there any other 2014ers out there feeling this way? Any of you residents experience this after your med school graduation?

 

[Kahreek]

Drink a beer, watch the sun rise, take a deep breath
Do this tomorrow and you'll be cured.
Trust me i am soon to be a doctor.
I normaly dont advise drinking on a empty stomach much less in the morning, but this is a therapeutic plan.

 

[BlondeDocteur]

I get where you're coming from. I just scrapped four years of surgery training (2 clin + 2 research) and am starting over in a new specialty.

I think a big part of it is that you just endured four years of something very difficult and hard to obtain. You worked hard, sacrificed a lot, and endured a lot of stress. Congrats! You finished! But you know that without the next step (residency) it was basically all for naught. And you also know that residency is more difficult and demanding than med school. So, you're thinking about the big countdown you had in your head ("1 more year... 6 more months... 1 more month... done!!") and the elation you felt at climbing that mountain. But now there's an even bigger mountain ahead, and you're tired.

You're also in limbo. Many of us who are used to being extremely productive and overscheduled don't do well with down time.

Give residency a shot, and acknowledge your feelings.

 

[styphon]

Before I start let me make it clear that I am NOT asking for medical advice. I just want to share something in hopes of finding out if others are feeling this way too. I'm a regular poster on SDN, but created a throwaway because some people know who I am in real life.

Are there any other 2014ers out there feeling this way? Any of you residents experience this after your med school graduation?

Maybe it is the stagnency that is getting to you? After four years of on the go, always having something to do and having a direction (getting the residency you want) and suddenly you are inbetween school and residency - no direction, no path.

Another thing is just plain ole depression - do you have people to talk to? Family/friends? trusted love one? How about your primary?

 

[primadonna22274]

It's the emotional letdown after a long hard journey. I feel it too. I think it's probably more common than many of us admit and we don't talk about it much. Mine hit about the last week of rotations, coupled with relationship stress. By the time I got to graduation I just wanted it over already...I hardly even took any pictures (although I'm not much of one for pics anyway...drives my mother nuts.) I'm grateful to be starting residency orientation soon--I think the routine will help lift the blahs.
Good luck to you.

 

[Baller MD]

I get where you're coming from. I just scrapped four years of surgery training (2 clin + 2 research) and am starting over in a new specialty.

I think a big part of it is that you just endured four years of something very difficult and hard to obtain. You worked hard, sacrificed a lot, and endured a lot of stress. Congrats! You finished! But you know that without the next step (residency) it was basically all for naught. And you also know that residency is more difficult and demanding than med school. So, you're thinking about the big countdown you had in your head ("1 more year... 6 more months... 1 more month... done!!") and the elation you felt at climbing that mountain. But now there's an even bigger mountain ahead, and you're tired.

You're also in limbo. Many of us who are used to being extremely productive and overscheduled don't do well with down time.

Give residency a shot, and acknowledge your feelings.

Why? According to your sig., it seems like you've been training to get to this point for a long time.

 

[TUGM]

Hang in there bud. Going from medicals school to residency is a big transition. It could be a combination of being stagnant and bored (because your level of stimulation has gone way down and you have more free time than you know what to do with), being subconsciously anxious for the next phase of life, and thoughts of leaving behind some sort of familiarity.

The closer I get to leaving what has been my home for many years to start in a completely different part of the country with new people, even though I matched at my number 1, is definitely daunting and occasionally makes me feel the same way. I take a deep breath, put on some good music, and try to relax as much as possible.

Hopefully you'll feel better once residency starts and you're reminded that your life has a purpose, and that you make a difference in peoples' lives on a daily basis!

 

[maygrl110]

Agreed to above posts-likely it's hard to find yourself at a standstill after being busy. I get bored very easily and find that can be just as stressful as being busy. Do you think you have any concerns about starting residency-stress even subconscious? It is not as bad as you anticipate. Might not be bad to talk to therapist about how to maintain work/life balance and stress before residency starts. Really think they should teach us this better b/c this is so crucial to surviving residency and beyond.
Blond docteur-what specialty did you switch into? I also switched specialties this year; unfortunately means more time, but am sure I will be happier in the long run.

 

[herewego]

I'm a recent grad and I can relate to a degree. I wouldn't say I didn't have energy to do things/get motivated, but I definitely felt an odd sense of feeling down. I actually thought it was like an existential crisis. Spend the majority of your adult life's effort toward that goal of being a doctor, all that stress, anxiety, excitement etc.. Then all of a sudden you're matched, you're graduated, and in limbo before residency starts with no clear goal, nothing monumental to work toward anymore. You're not a med student but you're only a doctor in name. I can say that this weird feeling passed for me. Just kick back, get back in shape, hang out with your friends, hell do nothing all day if thats what you want to do. Feel like a real person again. Hope that helps.

 

[PB n J]

I feel it, too.

I think that, for me, it has to do with the fact that I worked EXTREMELY hard for 3.5 years (I mean, we all did, but I probably went a little overboard) and then the past 6 months have just sort of been a little coast. I put in my ROL, matched to my #1, and just sort of chilled out from there. I still had some tough rotations with long hours but I chilled way down with the studying. I actually had some semblance of a life again. I picked up old hobbies. Hell, I even picked up a new hobby! I had tons of time to hang out with my wife and family. And now, with only a week away from the beginning of orientation and two weeks away from the beginning of residency, I'm sort of sad to give it all up (and I'm going into a surgical subspecialty so my life is about to drastically change once again as I give up virtually all my free time).

It was also bittersweet to leave medical school. You develop a little family and make some awesome memories during what is arguably the most stressful part of many peoples' lives up until that point. Then, you graduate, get your diploma, celebrate like hell, move away, and WHAM! that feeling hits. It's scary going from known to unknown all over again.

Recognize it, embrace it, shake it. Realize it's probably very normal, and it, too, shall pass.

 

[shiftingmirage]

I feel the same.

In the last 3 weeks I have graduated, bought a car, made several trips from my old city to the new one, and just moved to the new apartment. Having the family come to graduation was great, but as host, I felt a need to please everyone which just made the situation stressful. Moving has also been difficult. My mother and I did all the packing which was surprisingly exhausting given I only had a large studio apartment. I used a pod to move and went through the pod company to order movers, ship the pod to new location, and to have movers unload. The pod company royally screwed it up. I currently don't know where my stuff is and neither does it. Before making the arrangements for the pod, I gave an employee a list of my furniture, and asked if I would need one or two pods. He said one. Well, my couch was taken out to the dumpster because there wasn't room. In the end the cost of an additional pod and shipping would have been about the cost of the sofa, but it still kind of sucks.

There have also been financial strains - the move, rent at the old place, rent and security at the new place, buying a car.

I'm also worried that my medical license wont come through in time to start residency.

So I am definitely looking forward to getting a more structured life - work, sleep, repeat - and hopefully getting my pod soon.

 

[dienekes88]

Felt the same. Some days I still feel that way. Many days I feel worse than that.

It is the epic let down at the end of all the pageantry. This is the way the world ends/this is the way the world ends/this is the way the world ends/not with a bang but a whimper. Congratulations, you have completed medical school only to be confronted with a field that is declining in respect, reimbursement, and rationality. Not only that, but you also don't feel any different. You have a couple letters after your name, but you're pretty much the same guy you were 3 weeks ago. That's the trepidation that I felt at least.

Just remember that you have the incredible honor of taking care of patients, and it becomes easier to come in to work. This can be as small as titrating someone's outpatient regimen for hypertension or as large as implanting his left ventricular assist device. Do the right thing. Show up. Don't watch the clock. See the patient.

 

[Haybrant]

Im reading alot of BS on this thread. The truth is, you feel ****ty because your expectation are out of line with reality. As it turns out being a doctor really isnt that big of a deal. You were just lead to believe it was for a long time. You actually arent a special snowflake like youve been told. You're about to become another cog in the wheel of a ****ty system. My advice is you find something that you actually like to do in life and keep doing it on the side and never let it go. Whatever it is. Medicine blows chunks, it really does. The system is rigged to make you waste so much individual potential. But teaching patients and working with them can be awesome so we keep doing it. Good luck

 

[RadOncDoc21]

If this thread is any indication of what the future residents are going to be like... I'm already worried. You guys have the one thing we all wish we had more of... Time! Yet, you rather spend this time feeling sorry for yourself. Let me tell you residency doesn't get easier and you will wish you made better use of it. My advice, travel, work out and enjoy the moment because soon it will all pass and the real world begins...

 

[deleted116380]

It's normal to have anxiety before a big transition. I had it after I graduated undergrad and got a career in a big city far away from home. Then again with quitting that job and going back to school as a non-trad, and last year when I moved far away again for intern year. Each time I had doubts about whether I really wanted to go there because I had felt comfortable with my life just prior to that and was hesitant for change. And each time it was worth it. I'm glad I moved away for the job, I'm glad I left my job for med school, and I'm glad I ended up at the prelim I did (it wasn't my #1). Once all the orientation crap gets over with and you're working again (yes, intern year felt like MS3 year again to me in some ways), you get used to the system and make new friends and you'll never doubt the decision you made to get there.

Relax, MS4 is/was supposed to be fun. And no, it's not the last time you'll have time off to enjoy your life. Not all rotations are 80hrs/wk average, you get vacation time, you get PAID! Some months suck and others don't, but your co-interns are going through the same and thousands of other have before you and it's nothing really that new. You've already written progress notes and H&Ps before. 😉 Life could be a lot worse.

 

[Carlin]

Relax, MS4 is/was supposed to be fun. And no, it's not the last time you'll have time off to enjoy your life. Not all rotations are 80hrs/wk average, you get vacation time, you get PAID! Some months suck and others don't, but your co-interns are going through the same and thousands of other have before you and it's nothing really that new. You've already written progress notes and H&Ps before. 😉 Life could be a lot worse.

THIS.

 

[DermViser]

Im reading alot of BS on this thread. The truth is, you feel ****** because your expectation are out of line with reality. As it turns out being a doctor really isnt that big of a deal. You were just lead to believe it was for a long time. You actually arent a special snowflake like youve been told. You're about to become another cog in the wheel of a ****** system. My advice is you find something that you actually like to do in life and keep doing it on the side and never let it go. Whatever it is. Medicine blows chunks, it really does. The system is rigged to make you waste so much individual potential. But teaching patients and working with them can be awesome so we keep doing it. Good luck

THIS.

 

[mercaptovizadeh]

Normal feeling. It will pass. Part of it all is the anxiety over what is in store in residency. It's been done by like 95+% of American med school grads, so it can be done, and take it one day at a time.

 

[cabinbuilder]

Before I start let me make it clear that I am NOT asking for medical advice. I just want to share something in hopes of finding out if others are feeling this way too. I'm a regular poster on SDN, but created a throwaway because some people know who I am in real life.

I graduated medical school recently and am waiting for residency to start. It should be one of the happiest times of my life but its not. I'm depressed. I liked med school a lot but at the same time I'm glad its over too. I'm so proud of becoming a doctor. There were so many times I didn't think I would make it. I matched into my top choice for residency and a few short months ago, I was on top of the world. But the last few weeks, I'm just so down and I can't even pinpoint why. I'm no longer excited.....about anything. I don't want to start residency but at the same time, I don't want to do anything else either. It's driving my SO nuts because nothing seems to motivate me or interest me. I don't feel like watching TV, I don't feel like going to the movies. I just sit at home, play online and wait to go back to bed. I tried to force myself to go to the movies today and I sat there for two hours, tuning out and having no idea what the plot even was. When the lights came on, I just followed everyone out like a zombie. I'm just miserable and I don't know if this is normal or not. I've never felt like this before.

Are there any other 2014ers out there feeling this way? Any of you residents experience this after your med school graduation?

I totally felt this way after medical school. I didn't want to start residency. I had panic attacks my first day of call. I didn't wan't to kill anyone. I couldn't believe I did it to myself. I didn't feel like medical school prepared me at all. Etc. I think we all go through it. It gets better as time goes on. Residency can be fun but it's a lot of sweat and tears too. It will be ok. You are not alone.

 

[mestielest]

As the other collagues above said you are not alone. I also felt and am still feeling time to time akin to your current feelings. Things get better with time and after you start to get more and more busy it also helps to forget this mood. As others said also you have to face some difference from med school:
-you are in charge.you have some responsibility now.
-in school you work and you get rewarded(at least by exams). bu in residency even you work harder nobody cares and nobody gives a **** but while you make a little fault your aSsS is on the table 🙂)
-minutes matter
-its tiring
-and welcome to real life. as Hybrant mentioned above after then you are just a doc who serves people and system. you are much a robot less a person as all we are in working area.

then I may suggest to you to spend your freetime as good as you can. leave job at the hospital. have time with friends and darling. take a cold beer or bourbon or scotch or anything you want. and let the time go by 🙂 but if you cannot get over it please take help 👍

 

[deleted116380]

-in school you work and you get rewarded(at least by exams). bu in residency even you work harder nobody cares and nobody gives a **** but while you make a little fault your aSsS is on the table 🙂)

Guess my intern year experience was different, but I felt my attendings and senior residents cared more and gave their appreciation/thanked us when they could more than med school since we are doing more and had more responsibility as an intern. Guess cultures of your place and mine are different, but we all definitely cared and gave a ****. Those of us that worked harder were thanked and was made known to others every now and then. If you did well/better than your peers, attendings and others would find out during their closed door meetings...peopled talked.

 

[Bacchus]

Guess my intern year experience was different, but I felt my attendings and senior residents cared more and gave their appreciation/thanked us when they could more than med school since we are doing more and had more responsibility as an intern. Guess cultures of your place and mine are different, but we all definitely cared and gave a ****. Those of us that worked harder were thanked and was made known to others every now and then. If you did well/better than your peers, attendings and others would find out during their closed door meetings...peopled talked.

Agreed. If we do well we are told about it. I've had off-service attendings email my PDs and let them know I did well. I've had residency attendings give me high remarks in front of others. We're a culture, at least in my program, of letting people know when they did well. Overall, it makes us do better so why not do it?

 

[mestielest]

Agreed. If we do well we are told about it. I've had off-service attendings email my PDs and let them know I did well. I've had residency attendings give me high remarks in front of others. We're a culture, at least in my program, of letting people know when they did well. Overall, it makes us do better so why not do it?

I agree with you about residents should get rewarded & thanked and we need some moral boost sometimes. But nope in my program(uro in turkey) its something you can not find 🙁 Only in your senior year while you perform a good surgery they say "hey man its good" or something like that. But in jr years -ward and outpatient- your asss is always on table