I think you start to realize how much of a sacrifice medicine truly is — giving up your youth, missing out on so many important family moments etc and seeing everyone else around you live life while you are tied down to studying, training, etc. During med school it's easier to tell yourself that youre supposed to be studying (which you are) because youre learning medicine. But then you realize the studying never ends even into your 30s, 40s, 50s... There really isnt much agency except for "wellness" at least from what I've seen.
I do not mean this to sound patronizing but medicine is not unique in the sacrifice of time - this is indeed a myth that tends to be popularized and dramatized as a form of unique martyrdom. The sacrifice of time would be more accurately viewed in terms of an opportunity cost. Given any amount of choices, choosing one thing (or set of things) will negate the opportunities provided by the others. You chose a profession that demands people to become high performers. There are other professions that either demand or provide the opportunity to be a high performer as well, but to do so - in any area of profession or hobby will come with its own set of opportunity costs (and opportunity rewards). Common examples can be seen anywhere for the people who are pushing the edge of any profession or hobby. Our lot just appears as a lot of schooling, followed by continuous learning in a continually changing environment, but again this is not unique.
Most choices, like going into medicine, can always change. Sure, it's difficult to say to hell with it all and write off 6 figures of debt as a sunk cost fallacy, so I won't be that terse.
The fact is that you are feeling this way likely because you are experiencing some friction between how you thought things would be and how they currently are. First, you should know that while it may currently suck, this too shall pass. Secondly, after your residency (should you choose to continue with this one or change to a less demanding residency) you will begin your journey to becoming quasi-human again. But since you are where you are at this moment, think deeply about what you want your life to look like post residency and consciously take time to make choices that align with that. You've already proven that you can so with your journey into medicine. The amount of intentional thought and action that it takes to get to where you are now is a very impressive feat, so now apply it to something selfish and useful: creating a life outside of hospital that will make you enjoy supporting the well-beings of others so they may do the same.
Did you go into medicine straight from high school and undergrad or were you a nontraditional student?
In either case, why did you choose medicine? Why did you choose the roll of physician within medicine?
If you are willing to, would you be able to share your specialty and why you chose that specialty?
