I am in my 3rd year residency, still have 2 years to go and ONE and only ONE attending that I have is a BITCH ( sorry but i am so frustrated that I can't take it anymore ) no matter what I do and how long and hard I work, she will always find something wrong.. i dread it when she is on.. all she does is complain about me and everything that I do as soon as she walks in .. I was at a point today after working 18 hours straight to just tell her what i think but that would only hurt me and not her .... and I cannot even go to the head of the department to complain/talk because he is best friend with this b---h .. so what do i do ?.. any suggestion , help , support is greatly appreciated...
Attending is a bitch what do i do ?
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Uh, suck it up?
quit .. yeah right !.. after giving up 8 years of my life .. that's not even an option !.. any constructive comments ?.. this b---h was herself a resident here also.. now she is abusing me like maybe she was before me.. and the pain goes round and round.. but it doesnt make it right !..
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Is she just doing this to you alone or she this way with many residents. If the latter, then suck it up and learn from the others how to deal with her. If not, here are your options:
Like the above posts say, suck it up.
Or if its more personal i.e there's something about you that just pisses her off, read her carefully and see what it is about you that pisses her off. If you can change it change it. If not...suck it up.
Another option is to keep smiling at her and never give any hint that her behaviour is irritating you...maybe she'll loose steam.
My final idea is to give her something else to bitch about. If she is married you could send her husband anonymous flowers (or aftershave or WTF you feel like) signed by a woman's name. If you live in a big city, go through craigslist or the phone book or Google and find an escort and place an order to their house or use her phone number.
If she's not married then you could do the same with her father or brother or even son, as long as they too are married. No doubt any controversy which may onsue will eventually involve her.
If she cares for no one in this world then you could send her an anonymous email (use a fake account) saying that you are admiring her. I'm sure that even you with a surgeons nature could muster words of amour.
Finally, report her to the IRS. Everyone changes for the better when they get audited.
GL
Like the above posts say, suck it up.
Or if its more personal i.e there's something about you that just pisses her off, read her carefully and see what it is about you that pisses her off. If you can change it change it. If not...suck it up.
Another option is to keep smiling at her and never give any hint that her behaviour is irritating you...maybe she'll loose steam.
My final idea is to give her something else to bitch about. If she is married you could send her husband anonymous flowers (or aftershave or WTF you feel like) signed by a woman's name. If you live in a big city, go through craigslist or the phone book or Google and find an escort and place an order to their house or use her phone number.
If she's not married then you could do the same with her father or brother or even son, as long as they too are married. No doubt any controversy which may onsue will eventually involve her.
If she cares for no one in this world then you could send her an anonymous email (use a fake account) saying that you are admiring her. I'm sure that even you with a surgeons nature could muster words of amour.
Finally, report her to the IRS. Everyone changes for the better when they get audited.
GL
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Let's keep this professional and not resort to the inaccurate male belief that when women are upset they must be menstruating. There is also no need to continue with the name calling in this thread, even if the attending is very difficult.
Almost all residents have had to deal with a difficult attending from time to time. Sucking it up is a time honored tradition in dealing with these people in all walks of life. There are just some co-workers whom you have to try and avoid.
I suspect 1 of 2 things is going on based on the second post by the OP:
- since she is apparently a new attending and perhaps in a male dominated field, she may feel she has to play harder to get along, she may be feeling a bit self-important and egocentric as a new attending
- the OP may have assumed that because he knew her when she was a resident, they were buddies, and his attitude and behavior may have reflected that. It can be difficult to transition and realize that "Jon", your friend from residency, is "Dr. Smith", your attending until he tells you otherwise.
Please do not send her husband flowers or other such antics: these are the province of 14 year old girls and women with DSM diagnoses. Not to mention that making someone's home life miserable is a sure fire way to make them EVEN MORE miserable at work.
Do everything she asks, keep your head down, talk to the PD or other faculty if you feel she is singling you out and you cannot discuss it with her.
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Well said.
First sorry about the joke. It was a joke not an opinion.
Very well said. I seen many minorities (by minority I mean woman in male dominated profession or FMGs (like first FMG ever to get faculty position at prestigious university hospital) who get faculty position at a teaching hospital then ego and attitude change a lot. I have seen this with many of my friends. As Winged Scapula pointed out former resident is now attending. If this is the case then you need to make her important. Show how much you value her accomplishment or she is as good as senior attending. If she published a paper then quote her work if you get similar case etc.
Other thing you can do is throw a party and find an occasion like welcome party for new interns or your fake birth party. Only invite one attending (that would be her). If she show up, kiss her ass, make an announcement to other guests that how much do you appreciate from all the invited attending only she showed up. How much you value her commitment to other fellow residents.
Dude iron cuts iron. Don't go to your PD like a crying girl. First try herbal remedies to see if that can solve the problem.
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I had an attending whom I (and almost everyone else) despised. The saving grace was when she got a puppy and treated that thing like it was the Second Coming. If she started to get riled up about something, all I had to do was to ask about the puppy and she would soften.
So while I don't advocate gratuitously kissing ass, finding some common ground or engaging her as a human being, can be helpful. I'm not sure you need to go the extent of hosting parties, bringing in cookies, etc. - just do your job without complaining, whatever she asks, anticipate what sets her off, etc. I am unaware of any herbal remedies to rectify the situation unless sam1999 is recommending you (or she) smoke some herbs to calm things down.
Perhaps even say, "hey, I thought we got along really well in the past and it seems like you're frustrated or angry with me recently. Is there something I have done?"
If not, suck it up.😛
So while I don't advocate gratuitously kissing ass, finding some common ground or engaging her as a human being, can be helpful. I'm not sure you need to go the extent of hosting parties, bringing in cookies, etc. - just do your job without complaining, whatever she asks, anticipate what sets her off, etc. I am unaware of any herbal remedies to rectify the situation unless sam1999 is recommending you (or she) smoke some herbs to calm things down.
Perhaps even say, "hey, I thought we got along really well in the past and it seems like you're frustrated or angry with me recently. Is there something I have done?"
If not, suck it up.😛
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When joking, you might want to use an emoticon like 😉
Even then, understand its not something most women like to joke about. We've heard it from men all our lives as an explanation as to why we're mad at them (never mind the nefarious deed they've done to make us mad). 😛
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sounds like she needs to get layed. Just be glad she isn't your mom.
thanks everyone.. she is doing this to me only.. no one else.. for some reason.. since i have this psycho bitch for another 2 years.. once i get board certified and have a job and leave this hell hole... would it be wrong to give her a piece of my mind and tell her what a f-----g bitch she was to me for last 5 years ?.. i would love nothing better then that ... i have had it with her.. i have tried everything.. nothing works.. hopefully she wont do this to the next person.... what can they do to me once i am out ?..
thanks,, al
thanks,, al
There is another thread next to your and it is about law suit filed by former resident for causing emotional distress to her by residency program, PD and attending. May be your should keep an eye on that law suit and get all court proceedings etc. which may help you once you are done. May be this is the way to go.
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I would ask her why she is very unhappy with your work. This acknowledges that she has a problem with you, and makes you look good because you care to figure out what is wrong. Because, although it may be obvious that she has emotional problems, she could later say that she made all of these "suggestions" that you never took up. I wouldn't be upset or complain about her being mean, but at least start getting some documentation that you are trying to figure out why she is mad at you.
Problem of being the "nice guy or gal" is that you are pretty much allowing her to harass you without doing anything about it and are sort of giving her the benefit of the doubt when she might try to get you fired later on.
Attendings like this are emotional leeches and love to make little mean comments about everything just so that they can get a satisfying emotional response out of people. I think if you talk to her then she gets that emotional reponse she wants i.e. a scared little resident, and if she doesn't get it that way then she will make complaints against you. At least this is my take on it.
It is a bad sign that you refer to her with profanity as this means that this a real fight brewing, (unless you use that word a lot) . . . not to blame you, but just to make you realize that this could blow up in your face. As I knew some female attendings who were very mean to me, but didn't use the b word in reference to them, i.e. they still seemed like human beings.
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They do it to the next person too, they can't help themselves, it would take an intervention of her peers, of which she doesn't view you as being one of, I wouldn't make a complaint just to help somebody else while in the end it would really just hurt yourself. Believe me, I have been in this situation before, it is like being a U.S. soldier who died to fight Hitler in world war 2, yeah you would be doing a good thing, but you are still dead. . . . let somebody else slay the monster (wait for her to die of old age, death is the great equalizer)
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In terms of what can she do to you after you graduate, the answer is: it depends.
Generally, for about 5 years out of residency, every time you apply for a job, hospital privileges, etc. a form is sent to your residency program for information about you.
The trouble I forsee is unlikely, but envision:
- she becomes the new program director; these forms are not filled out by the PDs when you were a resident, but the current sitting PD. Hell hath no fury...if you tell her what you think of her.
- she is not PD, but someone new, who doesn't know you. They go to your file and see some scathing reports from her.
Now, in all likelihood, it will not affect your future employment. But its best to never burn bridges. I have seen former residents who were disliked by faculty be turned down for attending jobs on the basis of faculty opinion. You never know when you might want a job and she gets to weigh in on your suitability.
You have a right to see whats in your personnel file and write a rebuttal to any accusations in there. If you cannot find a way to make peace with her and cannot avoid her, at least you can protect yourself and start documenting OBJECTIVE measures of her treatment of you, so if any questions arise, you have armed yourself with data.
Then again, I told one of our Vascular surgeons to F-off two weeks before the end of residency. But it wasn't years brewing, it was several weeks in the making, coupled with post-call fatigue. I don't think it hurt me (especially since the PD hated him too, and high-5'd me when he heard about it).
Generally, for about 5 years out of residency, every time you apply for a job, hospital privileges, etc. a form is sent to your residency program for information about you.
The trouble I forsee is unlikely, but envision:
- she becomes the new program director; these forms are not filled out by the PDs when you were a resident, but the current sitting PD. Hell hath no fury...if you tell her what you think of her.
- she is not PD, but someone new, who doesn't know you. They go to your file and see some scathing reports from her.
Now, in all likelihood, it will not affect your future employment. But its best to never burn bridges. I have seen former residents who were disliked by faculty be turned down for attending jobs on the basis of faculty opinion. You never know when you might want a job and she gets to weigh in on your suitability.
You have a right to see whats in your personnel file and write a rebuttal to any accusations in there. If you cannot find a way to make peace with her and cannot avoid her, at least you can protect yourself and start documenting OBJECTIVE measures of her treatment of you, so if any questions arise, you have armed yourself with data.
Then again, I told one of our Vascular surgeons to F-off two weeks before the end of residency. But it wasn't years brewing, it was several weeks in the making, coupled with post-call fatigue. I don't think it hurt me (especially since the PD hated him too, and high-5'd me when he heard about it).
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I would buy a diary, or research notebook, and write down in ink what happens during each episode of abuse which could be a couple of times a day or a couple of times a week.
This would make you happy because she is really just shooting herself in the foot, if it comes to it this is *great* physical evidence in a court case, especially if done over a period of two years, the ink can even be tested to know when it was written. Good if she decided to do something mean to you.
Nice people don't think about doing this to other people, but you need to learn to be defensive and not rely that other people will see how silly she is. . .
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Describing her with a gender-charged epithet makes it very hard for me to give a **** about your life. Maybe she's figured out that you're a misogynist and deserve what you get from her.
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So I'm going to try to be helpful, although I highly agree with gastropathy and was thoroughly repelled by your post.
Professionalism, one of the 6 core competencies of the ACGME...perhaps you could bring up a discussion with your Attdg about it and your obvious value for respect in the work-field. Try something like: "During your residency years, what was the most difficult thing for you to deal with? I've learned respect in the work-field is very impt to me..." Something along those lines...Perhaps, this way, you'd get to know your Attdg better and learn from her.
I'm sorry you're having such a hard time at work, I hope it get's better. Always address the issue, with the key players.
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I agree with gastrapathy and winged scapula.
I have to say that your using a gender-specific epithet pretty much repulsed me as well. I don't think anybody would think it is OK to refer to an African American attending we didn't like by using the n-word, but something the b-word is still acceptable to a lot of people...not sure why that is.
At any rate, I'm sorry you are in the situation you are in. Sometimes people get unfairly singled out. However, if you think you can stomach asking her what the problem is, without it degenerating into an argument or you losing it and getting MORE angry, it might be a good idea to do so. I don't really suggest complaining to the PD because it sounds like the two are friends, and he is likely just going ot refer you back to her to discuss this, or to tell her what you said/complained about. If you have a good relationship with your coresidents, you might want to discuss with one or two of them what they think the issue/problem might be, or how they manage to keep her happy.
I know it must be really hard and it sounds like you are probably in a surgical residency, which is really hard to begin with, but this might just be one of those situations where you have to suck it up, work very hard, and keep a good attitude. It just doesn't benefit you to do much else, IMHO. And I can tell you that once you finish residency and leave you probably will care a lot less about giving this person a piece of your mind...it's just not really worth it and could still bite you in the a--. Success is the best revenge anyway.
I have to say that your using a gender-specific epithet pretty much repulsed me as well. I don't think anybody would think it is OK to refer to an African American attending we didn't like by using the n-word, but something the b-word is still acceptable to a lot of people...not sure why that is.
At any rate, I'm sorry you are in the situation you are in. Sometimes people get unfairly singled out. However, if you think you can stomach asking her what the problem is, without it degenerating into an argument or you losing it and getting MORE angry, it might be a good idea to do so. I don't really suggest complaining to the PD because it sounds like the two are friends, and he is likely just going ot refer you back to her to discuss this, or to tell her what you said/complained about. If you have a good relationship with your coresidents, you might want to discuss with one or two of them what they think the issue/problem might be, or how they manage to keep her happy.
I know it must be really hard and it sounds like you are probably in a surgical residency, which is really hard to begin with, but this might just be one of those situations where you have to suck it up, work very hard, and keep a good attitude. It just doesn't benefit you to do much else, IMHO. And I can tell you that once you finish residency and leave you probably will care a lot less about giving this person a piece of your mind...it's just not really worth it and could still bite you in the a--. Success is the best revenge anyway.
thanks everyone for all the input, i was so frustrated yesterday that i said all this.. i was being nice to her, she is a lot worse then what i said here ..i will try all the approaches described here ... she will never change, so i have to ..
al
al
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ROFL. First, the ink will not be tested to show when it was written. Sure, if it's 100 years old there are easy tests you can do to authenticate an approximate date, but over the course of a year or two, ink is ink. Nobody is going to spend thousands of dollars on forensic tests to try to narrow the window, and certainly cannot do it to the week, let alone the day. Second, this is not "great" evidence -- in fact it is very poor evidence in a court case, because it is (1) self serving and (2) unauthenticated. It's perhaps better than nothing, and perhaps will make you feel better venting on paper, but no judge is going to look at your diary of abuse and say -- this is good evidence of your abuse. Much better evidence would be (1) anything from the attending or others in writing, (2) testimony or affidavits from other, unbiased people. But if it becomes a he-said/she-said issue, then having put down instances where you felt abused over the past year(s) isn't going to add much. You will have more specifics, but so will she. So what. At the end, she is still your boss and has the ear of the other bosses. You have a diary of what will be characterized as years of being a malcontent and whining. If anything, it shows you had issues with this attending for years, and makes some of what you say currently to be taken with a grain of salt - nothing you say will be presumed to be objective. I think the generation who grew up watching People's Court and Judge Judy put too much stock in self-written evidence but in fact unless there is a way to authenticate that it is (1) true, (2) written at the time stated, and (3) objectively accurate, it is very poor evidence. Not nonexistent evidence, and some courts would at least read through it to get a flavor of what you are alleging, but to call it "great" evidence is laughable. It's actually just "better than nothing" evidence. I would still do it, if you truly think things are heading toward administrative action or litigation, but wouldn't be too excited going in armed with just this.
Which is why, BTW, pretty much all individuals dismissed from residency programs hang their hat not on attending issues, but instead on work hour violations, as the latter is objective and copies of time cards are more credible and checkable than a diary of attending foibles. There's another thread which is an example of this -- where a resident was held back and sued both on such personal issues and on hour violations. I'm willing to bet the latter gets further with the courts.
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Victims of work place harassment are advised to keep a written record of what happened. If it was only you and the attending in the room, then it will always be he said, she said. But, if you have it documented it shows that you are concerned about what was happening and eventually it will need to written down, so you might as well do it while it happened, rather than try to reconstruct something.
This is what one website (http://www.stopworkplaceharassmentnow.com/top_10_sexual_harassment_tips.html) says:
4. Keep Careful Notes On What Happened, But Not On Employer Owned Equipment.
Keep any notes, memos, letters, gifts, or other tangible evidence from the harasser. And keep a diary or notes of any incidents or other information that may be relevant to your concerns about sexual harassment. But be careful how and where you record your evidence. Your communications using company equipment are not confidential and can be used against you. Many employers monitor their employees' communications at work, including documents prepared on company computers, emails and text messages sent and received, websites visited, and even phone numbers called. Also, be aware that employers, just like anyone else, may access any public website that may contain your personal information (i.e., Facebook and MySpace). Even personal emails sent from your own account may be traced by your employer if you accessed your provider through the employer's server. Thus, always assume that you are being monitored while at work or while using employer-owned equipment off premises. You may want to document your experiences in handwritten notes or in notes on a computer that you own; but don't leave them at your place of employment.
In terms of dating ink:
http://www.thefreelibrary.com/Altered+and+%60lost'+medical+records-a054702262
For example, ink dating may prove the entry was made at a different time than its author claimed at deposition. The technique can detect an alteration made with a different pen, determine the age of the document, or determine the age of the particular ink. Ink can be dated to within six months of use with reasonable scientific probability, and current technology allows ink dating in about 70 percent of cases.
There are three primary methods of ink dating: (1) identifying a chemical date tag (these nonink chemical pieces are not found in inks made after 1994);(2) using chromatography to separate and identify the components of the ink (the process can date inks to within six months of use until they are approximately three to four years old); and (3) comparing a known dated standard with the questioned ink. For example, in the Phyllis Clark case, the critical entry was shown to have been made at least six months and up to two years after the physician testified he made the entry.
You can submit your diary as evidence and the other side can try to ink test it if they want or doubt it. But I think that ANY documentation helps a lot in any sort of court case. Jurors like stuff they can see in black and white.
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my thoughts on the issue:
1) Dont tell her how you feel after you get a job. you never know where she may be working in the future. what if she ends up working at place you are applying to in the future? or in any position of power in the future? Better to just keep it to yourself...you never know
2) i am opposed to the "suck it up" comments. Now, if i was in this position, i probably would just suck it up...BUT...this sort of behavior (if she is behaving in an inappropriate way as you describe) wouldnt (i dont think) be tolerated in any other field....and it shouldnt be tolerated in medicine. Verbal abuse, yelling, demeaning in front of your peers...etc etc...should not be tolerated in the workplace. I dont know anything about the lawasuit about emotional distress. On the one hand...i hope it goes through, because this shouldnt be allowed to happen....on the other hand...i dont think it would be good for attendings/seniors to be scared to reprimand or tell a resident they were wrong for fear of a law suit.
1) Dont tell her how you feel after you get a job. you never know where she may be working in the future. what if she ends up working at place you are applying to in the future? or in any position of power in the future? Better to just keep it to yourself...you never know
2) i am opposed to the "suck it up" comments. Now, if i was in this position, i probably would just suck it up...BUT...this sort of behavior (if she is behaving in an inappropriate way as you describe) wouldnt (i dont think) be tolerated in any other field....and it shouldnt be tolerated in medicine. Verbal abuse, yelling, demeaning in front of your peers...etc etc...should not be tolerated in the workplace. I dont know anything about the lawasuit about emotional distress. On the one hand...i hope it goes through, because this shouldnt be allowed to happen....on the other hand...i dont think it would be good for attendings/seniors to be scared to reprimand or tell a resident they were wrong for fear of a law suit.
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Agreed Winged. The whole PMS thing is tired. As bad as this sounds and coming from another woman, I think women in medicine tend to feel like they have to try harder, to prove something, to prove equal to men. This in turn, somehow and often times equates to an overall all-show-you demeanor and attidute. Believe it or not, female HC providers tend to be worse to OTHER female providers, not men, especially when they get up to attending or chief. I have to deal with this often. Again, I hate to say this because I'm a woman but I won't use females doctors for anything if I can help it. In my years in medicine, I saw this attitude way too much so I just avoid these woman all together unless it was a patient issue. The one thing I did see fairly often was that the super nasty women, the ones were ya kinda wonder if there is some mental health issues on board, broke down publically more often so maybe this behavior and break down is just a different way of dealing with stress? Surprisingly the times when I did see a few of these women verbally challenged, they didn't exactly have a worthy come back and did back down. It wasn't until recently at Harvard were I finally came across some extremity gifted female physicians, two in particular, who were even-tempered all the time. It was quite refreshing actually. Whether higher academics has anything to do with it I don't know but on numerous occasions this was the case.
Good luck. I would just suck it up as it won't last forever. Just rememeber that's it not you and no matter what ya do she'll be that way so do your best and at the end of the day, go home and not think about her.
Good luck. I would just suck it up as it won't last forever. Just rememeber that's it not you and no matter what ya do she'll be that way so do your best and at the end of the day, go home and not think about her.
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Look her straight in the eyes all the time.
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Prodigy also has some advice for you...
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This is not being defensive. This is keeping a log which will hopefully be accurate. You should date and sign each entry and periodically have the pages notarized, if you anticipate problems down the road. Don't use a hospital notary or tell anyone you're doing this.
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You can always find something positive about someone. Find it and focus on it. You'll be glad you did.
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It's fine to do but you are just kidding yourself if you think it's going to be considered "great" evidence. You guys can link to all the anti harrassment websites you want but as a lawyer I'm telling you this doesn't play out in court the way some of you seem to think. Which is why all of these suits involving resident also tend to allege a more objective claim, such as work hours or breach of contract to have a shot
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But the OP is a guy!
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I don't know about you, but I've run into some people who I don't get with.
I consider myself a likeable, fun guy who has integrity. Lot's of people would agree. I'm also very happy and love what I do. I never set out to cause anybody any undue difficulty, and I'm not sadistic.
That being said, I cannot see why anyone would truly dislike me. Sure, there may be some things about me that you don't prefer, but to outright dislike is unnecessarily harsh.
Therefore, I've come to the conclusion that if you don't like me, there's likely something wrong with you and your life.
As for this attending, she likely has a lot of personal issues and is picking on the guy who 1. She wishes she was and 2. She knows will take her crap.
I consider myself a likeable, fun guy who has integrity. Lot's of people would agree. I'm also very happy and love what I do. I never set out to cause anybody any undue difficulty, and I'm not sadistic.
That being said, I cannot see why anyone would truly dislike me. Sure, there may be some things about me that you don't prefer, but to outright dislike is unnecessarily harsh.
Therefore, I've come to the conclusion that if you don't like me, there's likely something wrong with you and your life.
As for this attending, she likely has a lot of personal issues and is picking on the guy who 1. She wishes she was and 2. She knows will take her crap.
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Why would she want to be the guy who will take people's crap?
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have been away from medicine for over a year and your post reminded me of what i disliked most about medicine. ugh!!! i'm sorry you have to deal with this beotch. yeah, you pretty much have to suck it up. nothing good will come of telling her off even though i'm sure you want to. i had an attending as a med student who was such a bitc*. her name was actually bich!! she was so mean to mean, and we were actually the same age. she went to med school with one of my friends! i'm nost sure how she got such a stick up her as*. just kept telling myself she must have some serious personal problems or self hatred to treat me that way.
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Was she an OB at UC-I?
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How long is she going to be your attending?
Did you do anything to upset her at some point in time?
Don't feel alone, because it happens all the time. I was once the hated object of a mean female too. My senior resident I was assigned to hated me and would say it out loud. I don't know what her problem was--she was a little older, married, and had kids, she didn't like her life, she never smiled, and she acted like this toward only me. I saw her talking to everyone else including other interns as if she was friends with them. She was even the same race and religion as me--so it couldn't be that---but I was a born U.S. citizen and she was on a visa. I don't know if that was the problem or not. In fact, most people had an awful and mean attitude at that hospital, so you are lucky if it is only one person that is doing that to you compared to others, because then you can have people on your side and get good LOR's. I had only a few and attendings didn't even want to write me a letter at all stating they didn't know me long enough (what a crock!). She even threatened to tell my PD some minute thing about me that didn't even matter. She made me cry of course, because she was that mean and inhumane toward me. She lied to attendings about me to make herself look good and was never on time.
As a med student, my brother was hated on by a obgyn attending who picked on him for minute things and had to repeat the rotation because he failed a test by half a point. No mercy there either.
These are just small examples. Of course the above posters are right about documenting things in case she tries to ruin your career for no reason. Maybe you need a tape recorder too, in that case.
Some people just hate with or without a reason. Usually there's a reason. I noticed that people that got by at that program brought attendings Dunkin Donuts and Coffee in the mornings. As they rolled the cart of charts by the patient rooms, some nice resident would strategically place a cup of coffee there and let the attending see them do that. Maybe things will change if you do that.
Maybe she's psychic and knows you think she's a b**** and acts the way you think. Maybe there's some supernatural curse on you where whatever you think will happen to you. I once felt like that. You'd have to change your thinking and become a positive thinker. She can probably sense your negative vibes about her or about something about you. I feel that could be true. Always think positive about everything, even her.
She may also be stressed out because new attendings may feel in over their heads--it's a whole new world because liabilities are all on them now and what happens to her would end up being all ur fault. She probably hates her job because she used to have it easy as a resident, now she's a head honcho and does'nt know what to do about anything anymore and has to get used to it.
I hate these bad memories, and I wish you the best to get out. Hopefully your time with her is temporary for only a rotation and then you can move on. Lay low and under the radar. This too shall pass.
You're going to have to get on her good side some how.......I'm sure you can do it. Good luck!!
Did you do anything to upset her at some point in time?
Don't feel alone, because it happens all the time. I was once the hated object of a mean female too. My senior resident I was assigned to hated me and would say it out loud. I don't know what her problem was--she was a little older, married, and had kids, she didn't like her life, she never smiled, and she acted like this toward only me. I saw her talking to everyone else including other interns as if she was friends with them. She was even the same race and religion as me--so it couldn't be that---but I was a born U.S. citizen and she was on a visa. I don't know if that was the problem or not. In fact, most people had an awful and mean attitude at that hospital, so you are lucky if it is only one person that is doing that to you compared to others, because then you can have people on your side and get good LOR's. I had only a few and attendings didn't even want to write me a letter at all stating they didn't know me long enough (what a crock!). She even threatened to tell my PD some minute thing about me that didn't even matter. She made me cry of course, because she was that mean and inhumane toward me. She lied to attendings about me to make herself look good and was never on time.
As a med student, my brother was hated on by a obgyn attending who picked on him for minute things and had to repeat the rotation because he failed a test by half a point. No mercy there either.
These are just small examples. Of course the above posters are right about documenting things in case she tries to ruin your career for no reason. Maybe you need a tape recorder too, in that case.
Some people just hate with or without a reason. Usually there's a reason. I noticed that people that got by at that program brought attendings Dunkin Donuts and Coffee in the mornings. As they rolled the cart of charts by the patient rooms, some nice resident would strategically place a cup of coffee there and let the attending see them do that. Maybe things will change if you do that.
Maybe she's psychic and knows you think she's a b**** and acts the way you think. Maybe there's some supernatural curse on you where whatever you think will happen to you. I once felt like that. You'd have to change your thinking and become a positive thinker. She can probably sense your negative vibes about her or about something about you. I feel that could be true. Always think positive about everything, even her.
She may also be stressed out because new attendings may feel in over their heads--it's a whole new world because liabilities are all on them now and what happens to her would end up being all ur fault. She probably hates her job because she used to have it easy as a resident, now she's a head honcho and does'nt know what to do about anything anymore and has to get used to it.
I hate these bad memories, and I wish you the best to get out. Hopefully your time with her is temporary for only a rotation and then you can move on. Lay low and under the radar. This too shall pass.
You're going to have to get on her good side some how.......I'm sure you can do it. Good luck!!
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Have you seen the movie, "The Proposal"? sounds like that. Some guy hates this girl cuz she's the boss and she's a mean boss, because her parents passed away and she's a loner.
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She's miserable because she hates her job, or her life, or her kids, or her husband. It didn't turn out the way she wanted it to.
Now, the OP, as far as the cantankerous attending knows, is not miserable like her. He is probably pretty easy going. She hates this because she doesn't have it.
Seeing as how he is her inferior on the totem pole, and how he is likely too laid back and polite to defend himself from such petty onslaughts, she takes advantage of this and constantly berates him.
She sounds like she should get some paxil or something.
OP, please do not resort to, as suggested by the feminist winged scapula, taking order and bowing your head down. Don't lose your balls please, you are too a physician. Send her husband flower and break up her marriage. Just because most of these docs had to bow down during their residency dosen't mean that you have to do the same. The bad treatment of residents by their superior must stop and it will start with you to make this happen. Bow down to no one especially a female, pms'ed doc.
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I suggest you re-read my post with an eye toward comprehension of American English phrases.
You are making a grave misassumption that my post was some sort of a feminist manifesto that the OP should grovel at the sight of his attending's Manolos.
I never said the OP should "bow down". The meaning of "keep your head down" is to stay out of her way, try and be invisible, work hard, avoid her and any potential arguments. By his own admission, this attending only treats him badly. Therefore, standing up to her is not going to make life better for anyone else and will only ruin his reputation, make his life miserable and potentially ruin his career. He can discuss it with her in a mature fashion, should he choose to do so, or simply try his best to avoid her. Ideally, he and she could talk and resolve the issues but he says it is not possible. Making her life miserable will NOT help him, so its best to stay out of her way as much as possible.
And as for advice to break up her marriage and comments about "PMS" - again: immature, unprofessional and unnecessary. I'd expect more from someone in their 30s.
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Seriously, would you be calling WS a "manist", if she had said the same thing and the OP was a woman and the Attdg was a man? I'm pretty sure she would have said the same thing, b/c her comment as read by I wasn't meant to be some sort of gender innuendo. You failed to understand that her comment was professional advice. In medicine when there is a dispute, the best/wisest advice given to me has always been to bow-down to your upper level and avoid controversy as the medical community is small and reputation is of utmost importance.
The advice WS gives comes from a well respected physician & mentor on this forum. There is an order of respect and professionalism in medicine that you seem to lack...
Au contraire mon frere, a physician doesn't use his "balls", he/she uses his/her brain.
Pick up a copy of Eliza Lo Chins, "This side of doctoring" & learn about the "bad treatment of residents by their superiors that must stop and will start with you to happen" and then get on here and talk about gender issues in medicine.
FYI: This message comes does from a feminist...seriously...so tired of the assinine comments...that extra "s" in asinine is extra and free of charge just for you Scurred/Ben!
Lastly, OP, I wouldn't take advice from Scurred09/Ben/troll or whatever his name is, as his reason for going into medicine is as follows:
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I have faced attending like this. I think what works best is to get the rest of the team on your side! When she tells you something you dont deserve you can bring up an expression of surprize+frown+what-is-she-talking-about on your face and look at the nurse/pharmacist/other residents sitting by your side.
Also you have know what you are doing. Read up about your patients beforehand.
Also you have know what you are doing. Read up about your patients beforehand.
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