being abandoned

[splattered]

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My pathetic story.

I supported my girlfriend into medical school, through medical school, and into residency, and now I am in the process of being dumped ... um, downgraded to best friend ever.

As I look back over the years, it seems like only yesterday that we were moving for medical school, and I remember how women were impressed that a guy would follow the girl rather than the other way around. So much for that ....

We have been together for a long time. So much of my life, intertwined as it is, is now going to vanish. The future is a complete, utter blank.

I am now free to go anywhere, do anything ... it's like I'm staring at a blank sheet of paper and I have writer's block.

OK, enough wallowing. If you could go anywere, do anything, make a fresh start, what would you do? I would appreciate anyone's suggestions.

 

[14931]

are u a med student or applicant?

 

[splattered]

Neither a med student nor an applicant. And not really considering it, though I do find neurology fascinating.

 

[14931]

oh then i am sorry, that was selfish of her, but move on, really thats all u can do now.

and dont think of the years as bad ones or wasted ones, u spent it with a person u loved and u helped her, u are a wanted hero 😉
cheer up,it gets better

 

[cafe ahnan]

Hi. I am sorry about your situation. However, you have to realize that it was your choice to follow her and stay with her for 6+? years. Like immediatespring stated, you have to move on.

Think positively, the future is a complete blank - you have the freedom to do as you will, start a new path, make new connections. How fun is that? And your 6+ years of experience will help you develop better relationships in the future.

If I were in your situation, I would probably take a nice trip (maybe to Alaska), somewhere peaceful, and take time to reevaluate my goals in life. I may also make plans to move closer to family or other friends.

Hope you feel better.

 

[Nic_machiavelli]

splattered
You're not alone; many men have been there before you. Not that this means anything to you at this point.

So far you've been the follower. It's time to lead. You need to begin to think about what you want in your life. There are many options open to you. Do you want to pursue a career? How about returning to school? Does being a househusband suit you? You've more choices today than men in previous generations had.

Again, not that this matters all that much as your guts seep out of your skin... All you must do is believe one thing: This will pass. If you truly believe this, you will survive and be stronger.

Good luck on your journey.

PS: Screw the friendship BS. Resist the temptation to have anything to do with your EX for at least a year. The older people get the less they need friends who are not their mates. You need to focus on building up YOU, not continuing to support HER. You should also check out Dr. Phil. He's corny but his message is pretty good. All my generation had were Journey songs.... eeeewwww!

 

[mudbug]

Sorry, splattered.

People underestimate the extra investment it takes to be the siginificant other of someone in medical training.

I'm in a non-medical career, and my boyfriend is an MS1. When I think of the emotional investment it's taken me just in supporting him in getting this far (i.e., through the application process and into med school), and then think about supporting him for several more years through med school and into residency . . . only to THEN be dumped . . . I really, really feel for you. They go through this draining experience to get a degree and a career; we significant others go through a draining experience just because we love them. If they then bow out of the situation, we're basically screwed. You've gotten a raw deal and it sounds like you're handling it pretty well.

It IS impressive that a guy would follow a girl to med school and support her through such a demanding time in her life--and you have to remember that you still are that same impressive person. You also seem to have an impressive lack of self-pity in this situation. I predict you will do well.

First, though, you've got to get your own independent life back in place, as you've indicated. If I were in your shoes (and of course nothing says I won't be there in a few years), I would probably A) throw myself into my career for awhile if I had a career I was enjoying at that point, and/or B) move back closer to my family and re-strenghten those ties, or C) move to an area of the country that I've never lived in but have always been interested in--for me that would probably be the Northwest--and/or D) go back to school.

A blank sheet of paper causes writer's block in most people, don't worry. But as you obviously already know, a blank slate can be a great gift. After college ended I was sort of like "wow, I have unlimited choices at the moment . . . crap, now what am I going to do with myself now??" Almost on a whim, I decided to move to NYC, and all kinds of crazy adventures ensued.

I really hope you pick some endeavor and just go for it. And I wish you the best.

 

[splattered]

Ah, Mudbug, someone who understands the extra devotion required ... mudbug ... as in south central Louisiana?

Quite a few people have suggested world travel, but been there done that, and besides, you can never get away from yourself. On the other hand, Alaska, to see the Aurora Borealis shimmering across the night sky! To hunt for gold in the Yukon! To freeze my butt off in the long, dark winter! Tempting.

Time to move to a new state, I think, and find new work to throw myself into.

Now I just have to decide where to go. Not sure if I should plan it out; I might do better throwing a dart at a map ....

 

[Kovox]

Originally posted by immediatespring
oh then i am sorry, that was selfish of her, but move on, really thats all u can do now.

and dont think of the years as bad ones or wasted ones, u spent it with a person u loved and u helped her, u are a wanted hero 😉
cheer up,it gets better

I could not have said it better myself

Spattered:

It's never too late to start something in life. It's only late if you never start.

 

[Mannix]

Splatter, how about being a farm worker in oregon wine country.. Drive tractors, prune, sucker, tie the vines. You like wine? It's a good life.

 

[squeek]

I highly recommend Alaska, having lived there for the first 18 years of my life, and having just returned from a glorious week up there visiting my family. 🙂 On to the North!!!

 

[pathdr2b]

splattered:

I've got to ask, did you guys ever think about getting married since you were together such a long time? If not and you know she wants/wanted marriage, a lack of commitment on your part may be the reason she split.

 

[mudbug]

Originally posted by pathdr2b
a lack of commitment on your part may be the reason she split.

Yeah, splattered, I'm sure this is all your fault. 😉

(just kidding, pathdr2b--excuse my sarcasm🙂 )

Seriously though, splattered, I'm curious about updates on your situation if you have any.

 

[The White Coat Investor]

Should have asked her to marry you five years ago, then at least you could take her to court for some sweet alimony. I'm with the Alaska idea.