Being Forced Into Medicine

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Striving4greatness

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Here's some background information: My parents came to America in the late 80's and met each other here and had me and my other two siblings. I am the middle child and just finished my freshman year of college.Growing up my parents (mainly my dad) has always been really strict and centered around getting good grades with the intention of going to medical school. My dad was very poor when he came to America and worked his way up in life to become a pharmacist .Since we were children, my siblings and I were told that we would become doctors and if we didn't we would not have a stable career in life. But as I have grown up I have noticed that my parents are always comparing me to other Nigerian children many of whom are becoming doctors or other related careers.I interned at a hospital for four months and never felt moved to go into medicine. After telling my dad this he told me that I was stupid and he would not listen to my reservations. It seems as though my dad is focused on the prestige of being a doctor rather than lifetime happiness that I want.
I really like dentistry but my father doesn't want me to pursue that . I like dentistry because of the favorable hours and I find it interesting in general. When I was younger, we never went to the dentist. Coming from Nigeria, my parents did not know the importance of dental health. The first time I went to the dentist was when I was 12 years old. For some people, going to the dentist is very scary. It was never like that for me. Me and my siblings looked forward to going to the dentist because our teeth were so bad. I had seven baby teeth that needed to be extracted. It was terrible being embarrassed to smile because of how my teeth looked before. After my dentist took out my baby teeth, I gained a lot of confidence. I was happy to smile and enjoyed going back for regular visits. The whole experience opened my eyes to dentistry. I always thought of how great it would be to do the same for someone else. What makes me shy away from medicine is the fact that you can work your butt off with the hopes of getting into a certain specialty and still not match. I couldn't imagine matching into a field you don't like and being stuck doing something you're unhappy with. I also don't like the fact that for most of not all specialties, you are on call. I feel as though the hours you get called to work can be very strenuous and tiresome. With dentistry, you are not on call and whether you choose to specialize or not, you will be a dentist at the end of the day. Personal time is also important to me. After working hard in school, I feel physicians/dentists should be able to enjoy the fruits of their labor. With dentistry the hours are great and I would be allowed time with my family.
Shadowing will help me come to a decision. I have done a lot of research and have not found a medical specialty that interests me (maybe OB/GYN). Out of the specialties in dentistry, I like Oral and Maxillofacial surgery and Orthodontics. I am planning on applying to SMDEP summer internship in the fall. I really feel it will further help me come to a decision about what is best for me.
Part of the problem is the pressure we are in as Nigerian children. Many believe that if you are not a physician, you are a failure. They don't open their eyes to the vast field of healthcare. I dislike how my parents compare me to other African children. They like to show off and it's like a competition comparing who is the "best" Also dentists graduate with a doctorate making them Dr's as well but my dad doesn't care. I finished the fall semester with a 4.0 and and 3.9 in the spring. I'm currently taking classes that are prerequisites for dentistry and medicine since they are the same thing. My question is, what should I do if I'm being forced into medicine? What if my parents do not let me shadow a dentists? Is my situation normal? How do I persuade my parents to let me do what I want? They keep trying to brainwash me by saying that they would never lead me in the wrong direction. My dad didn't even know that you can't just pick a medical specialty.. You have to match.
 
Dentistry is a prefectly acceptable and stable profession. You gotta live life for you. You only get one shot, you know. There are plently of successful people who were at one time an embarrassment to their parents. Unfortunately, family is just an additional obstacle you will have to overcome.
 
I don't know your parents or how you can best convince them that dentistry is a good path for you and an honorable profession. Here are two ideas:

If they are logical, you might consider a table with the pro's of dentistry paired with the con's of medicine as you have described here.
If they are easily swayed by the opinions of their friends, maybe you can find a sympathetic person in their circle of friends who can bring this up as a topic of conversation and say how much they admire someone who has gone into dentistry.

No one can force you into medicine. If all else fails, you can bomb the interviews. (I swear, I see a few people each year who seem to be doing that although I'm not sure it is deliberate.)
 
Either try to reason with them/explain your desires, ignore them, or pretend like you are going to med school when you are really in dental school (you even get white coats in dental school). It doesn't sound like they will be paying for you (?) so do what you feel is best for you
 
So I read the title and I just want to let you know... unless they are putting a gun to your head - no one is forcing you to do anything. You are an adult, you have the right to choose. Your happiness is your responsibility. Go to dental school, be a dentist, make 6 figures, and they will shut up. (If it makes any difference, my parents are asian - so I understand the whole "listen to your parents" but sometimes they are absurd and you just gotta ignore them).
 
it's hard to go against their wishes especially when you are financially dependent on them but sometime you have to stand up.

I know Parents are quick to pull their financial support once u go against their wishes.

I say play along . Once u are done with undergrad u are free. Apply to dental school and move out. They will be mad but they will come along. Mine did

On the other hand if they offer to pay cash for med school then it's a good offer


Sent from my iPhone using SDN mobile
 
I think it's time for you to sit down with your parents and have an earnest discussion with them. Explain everything about how you feel and that dentistry is a noble profession just as much as a physician is. If they will not support you despite reservations or even give you the chance to speak, they are not doing their job as parents. Parents are here to support and guide their children, not to order them around as subjects. If they will not listen, perhaps it is time for you to not listen to as well.
 
Striving4greatness said:
Here's some background information: My parents came to America in the late 80's and met each other here and had me and my other two siblings. I am the middle child and just finished my freshman year of college.Growing up my parents (mainly my dad) has always been really strict and centered around getting good grades with the intention of going to medical school. My dad was very poor when he came to America and worked his way up in life to become a pharmacist .Since we were children, my siblings and I were told that we would become doctors and if we didn't we would not have a stable career in life. But as I have grown up I have noticed that my parents are always comparing me to other Nigerian children many of whom are becoming doctors or other related careers.I interned at a hospital for four months and never felt moved to go into medicine. After telling my dad this he told me that I was stupid and he would not listen to my reservations. It seems as though my dad is focused on the prestige of being a doctor rather than lifetime happiness that I want.
I really like dentistry but my father doesn't want me to pursue that . I like dentistry because of the favorable hours and I find it interesting in general. When I was younger, we never went to the dentist. Coming from Nigeria, my parents did not know the importance of dental health. The first time I went to the dentist was when I was 12 years old. For some people, going to the dentist is very scary. It was never like that for me. Me and my siblings looked forward to going to the dentist because our teeth were so bad. I had seven baby teeth that needed to be extracted. It was terrible being embarrassed to smile because of how my teeth looked before. After my dentist took out my baby teeth, I gained a lot of confidence. I was happy to smile and enjoyed going back for regular visits. The whole experience opened my eyes to dentistry. I always thought of how great it would be to do the same for someone else. What makes me shy away from medicine is the fact that you can work your butt off with the hopes of getting into a certain specialty and still not match. I couldn't imagine matching into a field you don't like and being stuck doing something you're unhappy with. I also don't like the fact that for most of not all specialties, you are on call. I feel as though the hours you get called to work can be very strenuous and tiresome. With dentistry, you are not on call and whether you choose to specialize or not, you will be a dentist at the end of the day. Personal time is also important to me. After working hard in school, I feel physicians/dentists should be able to enjoy the fruits of their labor. With dentistry the hours are great and I would be allowed time with my family.
Shadowing will help me come to a decision. I have done a lot of research and have not found a medical specialty that interests me (maybe OB/GYN). Out of the specialties in dentistry, I like Oral and Maxillofacial surgery and Orthodontics. I am planning on applying to SMDEP summer internship in the fall. I really feel it will further help me come to a decision about what is best for me.
Part of the problem is the pressure we are in as Nigerian children. Many believe that if you are not a physician, you are a failure. They don't open their eyes to the vast field of healthcare. I dislike how my parents compare me to other African children. They like to show off and it's like a competition comparing who is the "best" Also dentists graduate with a doctorate making them Dr's as well but my dad doesn't care. I finished the fall semester with a 4.0 and and 3.9 in the spring. I'm currently taking classes that are prerequisites for dentistry and medicine since they are the same thing. My question is, what should I do if I'm being forced into medicine? What if my parents do not let me shadow a dentists? Is my situation normal? How do I persuade my parents to let me do what I want? They keep trying to brainwash me by saying that they would never lead me in the wrong direction. My dad didn't even know that you can't just pick a medical specialty.. You have to match.
Click to expand...

Tell them to f'off and get an education.
 
I understand what you're saying and good for you on earning those great grades and seeking advice here! You should really sit down and talk to your parents about how much you love dentistry and how much you really aren't attracted to medicine. Explain everything in regards to the hours, the matching, etc and just how you will be completely unhappy being a physician and that is going to show in your work. What if you do become a doctor and you end up not loving it and not paying attention to your work and you end up harming a patient instead of saving them? I truly think you just need to sit them down and lay it out for them and see what they say. Honestly, you don't want to end up spending four years of your life in med school and then residency and be completely unhappy. And becoming a dentist is still becoming a doctor. It's medicine for the teeth!
 
Hey OP, just wanted to say I can relate to your struggle! I am pursuing medical school, but I am also Nigerian and it seems like my father and I have been in constant arguments regarding the approach I am taking towards gaining an acceptance and matriculating in the future since I started college.

Like you my dad came here and worked his way to becoming successful. Personally I think the process of making themselves from nothing and the intensity and drive that requires pervades their parenting styles as well. I know they have good intentions but sometimes it can be overwhelming and intolerable. I feel like parents of immigrants experience this often but American kids do not experience this as much( no disrespect to them or their particular struggles)

Great job in your studies so far! 🙂 I feel like sometimes our parents focus on the things we are "doing wrong" and don't see the positive things we accomplish. Keep being successful in your studies to keep the most doors open for yourself. As I'm sure you know still respect your parents because its a huge part of our culture, and it makes life a little easier. BUT, start owning your future at the same time, its your life after all. I've noticed that my dad grudgingly comes to appreciate or at least respect my decisions when he sees my determination and hard work, plus the results usually aren't too shabby 😉

Keep pushing you got it! and if you ever need support or someone to vent to, feel free to PM me, I know this stuff can drive you bonkers. I just had a heated argument with my dad today where he was like if you fail the MCAT its your fault because I haven't started studying even though I'm not taking the MCAT for 8 more months LOL
 
By the way is this type of thing an okay topic for writing about greatest challenge in secondaries or overcoming adversity? @gyngyn or @LizzyM I know it sounds a little odd but it is a serious question haha. A lot of the decisions I've made have come with serious contention from my dad, and often I have to go against his judgement and am chastised for it constantly until I accomplish something. As I have gotten older I've gotten better at dealing with it, but it was definitely a struggle and added a lot of stress and caused me to question myself a lot. If this seems petty or childish I can see how someone might think that and I won't write about it. I'm just curious cause I fell like I could write pretty eloquently about how it was a challenge but also caused me to grow as a person and develop skills for dealing with stress etc.

Other opinions are appreciated too, thanks all!

-Chromium
 
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dentists have a higher rate of suicide compared to physicians [citation needed], however, right after dentists in sucide rates are physicians
that risk will be different for you I would expect because you want dentistry and you KNOW you DO NOT want medicine

so I would approach this like a homework assignment, maybe even make a professional looking powerpoint with references or a write a detailed paper on the subject
research and have citations for the pros of dentistry, and the cons of medicine
that is the factual argument you can make to your parents
dentistry as a field is actually in higher demand and has better employability than quite a few fields in medicine, and the path is shorter
I would say from a financial standpoint dentistry is a better idea if you have the passion for the work itself
the list of why dentistry over medicine is lengthy and the dentistry forums of SDN could proably help you

then, look up Dr. Pamela Wible's work on burnout, depression, and suicide in physicians
http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/834434
Especially poignant is the case of one family, where the husband says he believes he would still have a wife and daughter were it not for medical practice. Both were lost to suicide. What is sad about these cases, is from what we can tell, these were people who *wanted* to go into medicine, not forced to.
also have them read this http://www.nytimes.com/2002/04/28/m...nsible-for-elizabeth-shin.html?pagewanted=all
for the emotional aspect you can add to your argument to your parents
In this story, we have to wonder how much the culture of immigrant parents putting pressure on a child to succeed was at play.

The point isn't that you're threatening your parents with suicide. The point is to try to appeal to whatever empathy they have inside themselves for you as their child. 6 figure salary and happy child beats 6 figure salary and miserable. Yes, they want you to be secure, security is part of happiness. But put them on the spot a little! Why should it matter to them which stable 6 figure doctor career you choose to be happy? Do they really think all those things will matter if you are depressed? If you commit suicide?

Quote me if you like. Forcing your kids to go into the medical field is like forcing them to go into the military. There is that level of stress, dedication, and you are certainly "on the front lines" in a certain way in both fields. If they don't like the thought of you signing up to potentially face the sort of danger that you would as a foot soldier in Iraq, why the heck would they want to subject you to similar pressures against your will for medicine? It's one thing when people undertake these things because they have the passion, and quite another when they don't.

Medicine is a grim future for the people who feel called to do it and would essentially crawl over broken glass each morning to get to their beloved patients. For people not called to it, I see it as a sure recipe for disaster. And I would not only worry for my children's mental health in that scenario, but for their very lives.

They don't know about the match?
As part of your lecture I would add in all the details about what the path to medicine requires, including the pressures, the step exams, matching, and compare that to dentistry
Compare salaries and work hours, etc
Dentists have far greater control over their practices and income

DO NOT
I REPEAT DO NOT
let them force you into medicine if it's not your passion
fear for your life aside, it really is a sure recipe for lifelong debt and misery
 
It's ironic that you don't like medicine because you might not match in a desired specialty and be stuck spending you life doing something you don't enjoy but are fine with being pushed by your parents into a whole field you won't enjoy.

You express a fear of long intense hours, call and lack of personal time and frankly if those are primary concerns for you medicine is going to be a bad fit. This is a field where you'll do best if you are the guy ready to roll up your sleeves and jump into the fray, even if it's the middle of the night. You don't do this for prestige or to make your parents happy. 90% of doing well on this path is having the right attitude and from your post you don't have it currently.

You seem to have a passion for dentistry and it probably is a path that will afford you a lot more free time. Your choice is obvious. Either stand up for yourself and your dreams, or as LizzyM suggested, find a way to tank your chances for medicine behind the scenes.
 
I think it is best to be upfront about this for both you and your parents. Really have a talk with them about the benefits of dentistry how it is a stable career. If it still doesn't work out, you will have to slowly push away from your parents and conquer this dream by yourself (live by yourself, take loans, etc.). Parents will be upset, but they will usually come around. Personal happiness is also a part of success in life.
 
You gotta do what you love or you will burn out. I know someone that just didn't tell his parents and applied to grad school instead of medical school lols. By the end of the cycle, their parents had no choice but to accept that he was going to grad school

On a different note, I've noticed that Nigerian/other immigrant African parents are just like Asian parents…they espouse similar values and both have higher than normal amounts of "tiger parenting". Both groups typically immigrated with a very humble background. Now, I'm not trying to start a debate on whether the immigrant African applicants should benefit from AA. Just pointing out an interesting fact.
 
MaxPlancker said:
Now, I'm not trying to start a debate on whether the immigrant African applicants should benefit from AA. Just pointing out an interesting fact.
Click to expand...
Your comment didn't sound like were starting a debate until you said this, hahaha. And this is case for almost all immigrants. All those "got into all 8 ivy" news stories come from children of Ghanaian, Nigerians, etc.
 
Mansamusa said:
Your comment didn't sound like were starting a debate until you said this, hahaha. And this is case for almost all immigrants. All those "got into all 8 ivy" news stories come from children of Ghanaian, Nigerians, etc.
Click to expand...
Lol
 
Many parents are very ignorant about the process. It is our duty to at least educate them. Some are much more stubborn than others, but to calmly discuss and use logical reasoning is the best route. Be strong and be confident. If they ignore your argument, continue attempting to logically explain to them the truth of a very prestigious dentistry profession. The most important thing is for you to believe what you are telling them. The more you believe in what you want, the easier it will be.
 
You are going to have to be a little more confrontational and explain to them why dentistry is also a good career choice. They might resent you for it for a while but all parents want is for their kids to be respected and make money, and by "being respected" I mean, of course, "make money". Dentistry will get you there easily.
 
MaxPlancker said:
You gotta do what you love or you will burn out. I know someone that just didn't tell his parents and applied to grad school instead of medical school lols. By the end of the cycle, their parents had no choice but to accept that he was going to grad school

On a different note, I've noticed that Nigerian/other immigrant African parents are just like Asian parents…they espouse similar values and both have higher than normal amounts of "tiger parenting". Both groups typically immigrated with a very humble background. Now, I'm not trying to start a debate on whether the immigrant African applicants should benefit from AA. Just pointing out an interesting fact.
Click to expand...
Amy Chua wrote a hilariously poorly thought-out book the subject. I would place West African, East Asian, Ashkenazi Jewish, Russian/Belarusian and Mormon parents, especially recently immigrated (I also get the same from Haitian grandparents) into the "likely to tiger-parent" category.
I completely understand where OP is coming from and would recommend the excellent college performance while exploring your other career options. While OP can't just "ignore their parents and take out loans to do whatever they want" in undergrad, they certainly can in grad school.
If you continue to do this well, you'll have your pick of schools.
I don't believe your parents could stop you from shadowing a dentist/oral-surgeon, especially as an adult, with their own free-time.
But your situation is not at all unusual.
 
Look, you're an adult now. You're old enough to vote, drink, smoke, drive, work, pay taxes, and fight and die for your country. You're thus old enough to grow a spine and tell your parents that "Medicine is not for me."



Striving4greatness said:
Here's some background information: My parents came to America in the late 80's and met each other here and had me and my other two siblings. I am the middle child and just finished my freshman year of college.Growing up my parents (mainly my dad) has always been really strict and centered around getting good grades with the intention of going to medical school. My dad was very poor when he came to America and worked his way up in life to become a pharmacist .Since we were children, my siblings and I were told that we would become doctors and if we didn't we would not have a stable career in life. But as I have grown up I have noticed that my parents are always comparing me to other Nigerian children many of whom are becoming doctors or other related careers.I interned at a hospital for four months and never felt moved to go into medicine. After telling my dad this he told me that I was stupid and he would not listen to my reservations. It seems as though my dad is focused on the prestige of being a doctor rather than lifetime happiness that I want.
I really like dentistry but my father doesn't want me to pursue that . I like dentistry because of the favorable hours and I find it interesting in general. When I was younger, we never went to the dentist. Coming from Nigeria, my parents did not know the importance of dental health. The first time I went to the dentist was when I was 12 years old. For some people, going to the dentist is very scary. It was never like that for me. Me and my siblings looked forward to going to the dentist because our teeth were so bad. I had seven baby teeth that needed to be extracted. It was terrible being embarrassed to smile because of how my teeth looked before. After my dentist took out my baby teeth, I gained a lot of confidence. I was happy to smile and enjoyed going back for regular visits. The whole experience opened my eyes to dentistry. I always thought of how great it would be to do the same for someone else. What makes me shy away from medicine is the fact that you can work your butt off with the hopes of getting into a certain specialty and still not match. I couldn't imagine matching into a field you don't like and being stuck doing something you're unhappy with. I also don't like the fact that for most of not all specialties, you are on call. I feel as though the hours you get called to work can be very strenuous and tiresome. With dentistry, you are not on call and whether you choose to specialize or not, you will be a dentist at the end of the day. Personal time is also important to me. After working hard in school, I feel physicians/dentists should be able to enjoy the fruits of their labor. With dentistry the hours are great and I would be allowed time with my family.
Shadowing will help me come to a decision. I have done a lot of research and have not found a medical specialty that interests me (maybe OB/GYN). Out of the specialties in dentistry, I like Oral and Maxillofacial surgery and Orthodontics. I am planning on applying to SMDEP summer internship in the fall. I really feel it will further help me come to a decision about what is best for me.
Part of the problem is the pressure we are in as Nigerian children. Many believe that if you are not a physician, you are a failure. They don't open their eyes to the vast field of healthcare. I dislike how my parents compare me to other African children. They like to show off and it's like a competition comparing who is the "best" Also dentists graduate with a doctorate making them Dr's as well but my dad doesn't care. I finished the fall semester with a 4.0 and and 3.9 in the spring. I'm currently taking classes that are prerequisites for dentistry and medicine since they are the same thing. My question is, what should I do if I'm being forced into medicine? What if my parents do not let me shadow a dentists? Is my situation normal? How do I persuade my parents to let me do what I want? They keep trying to brainwash me by saying that they would never lead me in the wrong direction. My dad didn't even know that you can't just pick a medical specialty.. You have to match.
Click to expand...
 
Demosthenes1 said:
Amy Chua wrote a hilariously poorly thought-out book the subject. I would place West African, East Asian, Ashkenazi Jewish, Russian/Belarusian and Mormon parents, especially recently immigrated (I also get the same from Haitian grandparents) into the "likely to tiger-parent" category.
I completely understand where OP is coming from and would recommend the excellent college performance while exploring your other career options. While OP can't just "ignore their parents and take out loans to do whatever they want" in undergrad, they certainly can in grad school.
If you continue to do this well, you'll have your pick of schools.
I don't believe your parents could stop you from shadowing a dentist/oral-surgeon, especially as an adult, with their own free-time.
But your situation is not at all unusual.
Click to expand...

Immigrant parents who are successful in general are this way, I feel. My parents and I are from Latin America and this is not too different, especially the weight of "honoring your parents" which is a value that is either alien or nonsensical to most Americans at this point in time. I really appreciate the American values of independence and personal responsibility and whatever, but I think to immigrants who come here with nothing and work their way to having a decent life the debt owed to one's parents is palpable. Second to that is that most other non-"Western" countries have much "older" values when it comes to family dynamics. Americans like to say things like "suck it up", or "man up" or "grow a spine" and stand up to your parents but that really underestimates the power differential in a more traditional family. If I hung up a poster in my room my mom didn't like, she would walk in, tear it off the wall, and throw it away. If I wanted to go against their wishes then I had to face the consequences, the punishment, etc. I'm not saying it's impossible to defy your parents in this situation, but to most Americans "standing up to your parents" just means saying "lol no, dad, I'm going to do what I want" and then your dad stares at you firmly or cuts you off financially (everything is about money after all isn't it...). it's nowhere near that simple.

That being said, OP should definitely make a firm argument for what they want in this case because the fact remains that their life is theirs to live and no one else's. Not even mom and dad. You honor your parents by not going behind their back, being honest with your intentions, and providing a sound plan that respects their wishes for you but protects your autonomy.
 
Demosthenes1 said:
Amy Chua wrote a hilariously poorly thought-out book the subject. I would place West African, East Asian, Ashkenazi Jewish, Russian/Belarusian and Mormon parents, especially recently immigrated (I also get the same from Haitian grandparents) into the "likely to tiger-parent" category.
I completely understand where OP is coming from and would recommend the excellent college performance while exploring your other career options. While OP can't just "ignore their parents and take out loans to do whatever they want" in undergrad, they certainly can in grad school.
If you continue to do this well, you'll have your pick of schools.
I don't believe your parents could stop you from shadowing a dentist/oral-surgeon, especially as an adult, with their own free-time.
But your situation is not at all unusual.
Click to expand...
Don't forget Indian... mine pressured my brother to follow in my footsteps until he started failing classes.

Sent from my SM-G925V using SDN mobile
 
I'm 19 and I've never been allowed to get a job. I have a debit card but my dad monitors my account and puts no more than $10 in my account at a time. If I bought something, he would question why I bought it or tell me to return it. I don't get allowance.

It is difficult because he is very controlling and wouldn't even allow me to get my license and drive myself to school in high school. I had to ride the bus and bum rides off of friends in school.

I am supposed to get my license this this summer so I can drive myself from campus and back. During the fall and spring my sister would have to drive me everywhere since we share the same car.

That is why I say "what if they don't let me shadow a dentist"

If I don't have a car of my own or my drivers license, how would I ever get a chance to move out or find a job? This is why my situation is difficult and I don't know what to do.
 
striving4greatness90 said:
I'm 19 and I've never been allowed to get a job. I have a debit card but my dad monitors my account and puts no more than $10 in my account at a time. If I bought something, he would question why I bought it or tell me to return it. I don't get allowance.

It is difficult because he is very controlling and wouldn't even allow me to get my license and drive myself to school in high school. I had to ride the bus and bum rides off of friends in school.

I am supposed to get my license this this summer so I can drive myself from campus and back. During the fall and spring my sister would have to drive me everywhere since we share the same car.

That is why I say "what if they don't let me shadow a dentist"

If I don't have a car of my own or my drivers license, how would I ever get a chance to move out or find a job? This is why my situation is difficult and I don't know what to do.
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I opened my own bank account. You don't need his permission to open up a new, unmonitored account for yourself. You shouldn't get an allowance at 19....? You can also get a research job if that is the only job he would allow you to get (you need research for med school). And then your sister can take you to a road test to get your license.

They don't need to let you shadow a dentist. Say that you are shadowing a dentist or if you aren't ready, you can lie and say you are shadowing a doctor.

I can definitely sympathize with how difficult it may be to live under someone so controlling and how you may be nervous to assert yourself. But if you aren't ready to be your own person yet, there are plenty of ways to accomplish your goals without your dad catching on until you are ready to come clean. You should start being creative and try to come up with solutions- whatever they may be. There will come a time where your dad isn't controlling you and you don't want to end up miserable as a doctor just because he told you to be one while you were young

Don't focus on how you can't do things and focus on how you are going to do them despite obstacles. And it may be uncomfortable right now, but you will thank yourself in the future
 
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Chromium Surfer said:
By the way is this type of thing an okay topic for writing about greatest challenge in secondaries or overcoming adversity? @gyngyn or @LizzyM I know it sounds a little odd but it is a serious question haha. A lot of the decisions I've made have come with serious contention from my dad, and often I have to go against his judgement and am chastised for it constantly until I accomplish something. As I have gotten older I've gotten better at dealing with it, but it was definitely a struggle and added a lot of stress and caused me to question myself a lot. If this seems petty or childish I can see how someone might think that and I won't write about it. I'm just curious cause I fell like I could write pretty eloquently about how it was a challenge but also caused me to grow as a person and develop skills for dealing with stress etc.

Other opinions are appreciated too, thanks all!

-Chromium
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I can't say that I've seen an "overcoming tiger parenting" adversity essay...
I guess it would depend on the skill of the author.
 
The good thing, is that you essentially need the same classes for dentistry as you do for med school. Jump through the hoops for a health career. Instead of applying right out of school, find a reason to take a gap year (some sort of research, Teach for America, Americorp). While out on your own, apply to dental school.
 
striving4greatness90 said:
I'm 19 and I've never been allowed to get a job. I have a debit card but my dad monitors my account and puts no more than $10 in my account at a time. If I bought something, he would question why I bought it or tell me to return it. I don't get allowance.

It is difficult because he is very controlling and wouldn't even allow me to get my license and drive myself to school in high school. I had to ride the bus and bum rides off of friends in school.

I am supposed to get my license this this summer so I can drive myself from campus and back. During the fall and spring my sister would have to drive me everywhere since we share the same car.

That is why I say "what if they don't let me shadow a dentist"

If I don't have a car of my own or my drivers license, how would I ever get a chance to move out or find a job? This is why my situation is difficult and I don't know what to do.
Click to expand...

Quite frankly, I think you and your parents need some counseling with a LCSW (licensed clinical social worker) or someone who does family counseling.

Your parents are not giving you the opportunities you need to make independent decisions about small things such as how to spend a clothing allowance. (Do your parents buy your underwear for you or do you go shopping for it together rather than let you go and make your own choices without supervision?) Keeping you dependent on them is not good for your development.

Keeping you dependent on others in the family is stunting your growth in a manner of speaking. Please talk to a counselor at school and see if you can get a referral to someone who can speak to you and your parents about giving you more freedom to make small decisions for yourself to help you along a path to adulthood.
 
MaxPlancker said:
You gotta do what you love or you will burn out. I know someone that just didn't tell his parents and applied to grad school instead of medical school lols. By the end of the cycle, their parents had no choice but to accept that he was going to grad school

On a different note, I've noticed that Nigerian/other immigrant African parents are just like Asian parents…they espouse similar values and both have higher than normal amounts of "tiger parenting". Both groups typically immigrated with a very humble background. Now, I'm not trying to start a debate on whether the immigrant African applicants should benefit from AA. Just pointing out an interesting fact.
Click to expand...
Yes!!! People don't realize how intense Nigerian parents can be lol
gyngyn said:
I can't say that I've seen an "overcoming tiger parenting" adversity essay...
I guess it would depend on the skill of the author.
Click to expand...
Fair enough! Haha I probably will not write about this but I think it would be an interesting essay for sure!
 
striving4greatness90 said:
I'm 19 and I've never been allowed to get a job. I have a debit card but my dad monitors my account and puts no more than $10 in my account at a time. If I bought something, he would question why I bought it or tell me to return it. I don't get allowance.

It is difficult because he is very controlling and wouldn't even allow me to get my license and drive myself to school in high school. I had to ride the bus and bum rides off of friends in school.

I am supposed to get my license this this summer so I can drive myself from campus and back. During the fall and spring my sister would have to drive me everywhere since we share the same car.

That is why I say "what if they don't let me shadow a dentist"

If I don't have a car of my own or my drivers license, how would I ever get a chance to move out or find a job? This is why my situation is difficult and I don't know what to do.
Click to expand...
walk around town applying until you find someone who will hire you and get out
 
Honestly you need to make your own decision, because you're going to be the one having to live with whatever you choose. Also, you'd probably doing infinitely better in dental school than in medical school because it INTERESTS you. Sitting down and forcing information into your brain that you didn't want to learn in the first place isn't the most ideal plan for retaining anything.

Also, you need to get some distance from your parents. My mom is pretty similar to how you're describing your parents, and my life has gotten infinitely better since I moved out. Do you live at home during the school year? If so, you may want to consider living on campus or something...it might allow you a bit of space to A. figure out what you want to do with YOUR life, and B. shadow some dentists. I don't know if it's financially feasible for you, but it would be one way to bypass that conversation with your parents for now if you know it's not going to be productive at this time. It would give you a little bit of time to figure things out, and then eventually you could sit down with your parents and explain everything when everyone is hopefully in a better headspace for that discussion.
 
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