Best time to get married in an MSTP program?

[PsychStudent]

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I see this kind of post a lot in the spouses/partners board, but I think people on this board could probably give a more insightful answer to my particular question. I'm a 2nd-year PhD student dating a 5th-year MD/PhD student, and we're on the verge of getting engaged. Right now we're considering two potential wedding dates:

1) December of 2006. He is expecting to defend his dissertation in the late spring of 2007, so during the writing phase he would take 2 weeks off to get married and go on the honeymoon.

2) June of 2007. This would be right after defending his dissertation and the beginning of re-starting med school. He anticipates getting about 3-4 weeks off at this time, depending when he defends. We would also be moving during this month because his graduate program and the med school are on different campuses. This option could potentially put a lot of pressure on him to make sure he defends before a certain date, but once he defends the wedding/honeymoon period would obviously be less stressful (although he is pretty anxious about the return to med school after so much time away).


Obviously a lot of this is dependent on knowing he can get his PhD done in exactly four years, but right now it seems pretty certain that this will happen. And I think it is possible that having an extra built-in deadline will actually help him be motivated in both cases.

Am I correct in assuming it would be almost impossible to get married in his last two years of med school and have enough time for a honeymoon? Thanks so much for your advice! We have talked this over but haven't come to a decision yet.

 

[kassie]

I got married to an MSTP who is 1 year behind me. It was set for June of my last year grad and was supposed to leave 2-3 weeks before starting med school.

I do have to say preparing to defend while in the final stages of a wedding is very difficult unless someone else is planning it for you...if he's not very involved in planning it should be fine. We were split down the middle so it would have been tough. We also got a planner at the end because it was too much stuff we didn't care to worry about - we just wanted to celebrate!

However, life circumstances prevented me from defending on time. So, I had a wedding, was writing, and dealing with an ill parent. Stress was beyond description from my end. But we had fun anyway! 🙂

He was in 3rd year grad and defended 1 year later (handed in thesis the day after our anniversary!).

People do get married in med school. Honeymoons don't have to be 3 weeks!

And I would say don't delay for years and years - it will not be "perfect" no matter what you do. You never know what life will bring and who may miss your wedding. My dad passed away 3 months after we got married and I'm glad he got to see it - if we delayed for "perfect timing" he would have missed it.

Good Luck and let us know what you decide!

 

[Vader]

I think kassie gave some excellent advice and made a very important point for everyone who might be reading: don't put life on hold because of what you are doing in the present. There is plenty of life to be lived before, during and after the MD/PhD.

Congrats PsychStudent on the upcoming wedding!