As a former BPD sufferer I would have to say that yes, we are an exceedingly difficult population to deal with. But I don't think the majority of us really mean to be. Having BPD is kind of like hitting yourself in the face with a hammer and saying 'ouch that hurts', but you still keep on hitting yourself because a hammer is the only tool you've been given and shown how to use.
I do remember, when my symptoms were full blown, experiencing a lot of what I guess might be called circular logic and self fulfilling prophecy type thinking. My thought process at the time tended to go something like this -
"I start with the premise that I am the most worthless and horrible person in the history of ever, I meet someone I'd like to have a long term, positive engagement with, I really want to make friends but deep down I know that eventually they'll see the ugliness that is me and I'll be abandoned and alone. What do I do? Do I just not bother to try at all, or do I go in with a back up plan to keep hold of the friendship when the inevitable happens. I desperately want to be normal and have normal relationships with people, so I pick option 2. On some conscious or subconscious level I remember growing up and watching my mentally unstable Mother kicking off and going into hysterics in order to elicit some sort of reassuring or attention seeking response - there were the tantrums, the screaming, the foot stomping, tears on cue, threats of suicide, etc etc - that's how I know how to relate to people, that was the behaviour that was modeled for me. So inevitably the day comes when my new found friendship under goes it's first challenge. In my black and white borderline world there's not really too many shades of grey so things tend to either be categorised into 'it has to be 100% perfect all the time', or 'behold the approaching apocalypse is upon us'. So I think to myself, okay I was prepared for this and I respond accordingly - I scream, I yell, I cry, I throw tantrums, I cut myself, I threaten to commit suicide, and so on. After all this is what I know to do, this is what I've seen in the past, it's not like someone's come along and tapped me on the shoulder and gone 'Psst, there's actually a much better way to relate to people than what you're doing. Now maybe my friend does what I want them to do at first, maybe do the rush in with reassuring words, and attentive gestures, but more often than not there comes a point where my volatile behaviour is just too much for them and they end up walking away. Aha, I think to myself, I am the most worthless and horrible person in the history of ever, and I will forever be abandoned and alone, this experience has just proven that point, next time I will be prepared (to do exactly the same thing, and come to exactly the same conclusion)"
It was the same with romantic relationships - 'OMG, holy shizzballs, hideous and worthless me has actually found someone who wants to be my boyfriend/girlfriend. Quick, I must turn into the world's biggest limpet and cling for dear life'. Invariably my behaviour would end up driving them away, but instead of being able to stop and think 'okay, maybe the way I'm approaching things isn't working, let's try something else', my mind would go straight to 'Clinging didn't work, clearly I wasn't clinging hard enough, must cling more'.
Again, the hammer analogy, instead of us thinking 'Okay, clearly continuing to smack myself in the face with this hammer isn't working, maybe I should put this hammer down and try to find a better alternative', we tend to go '*whack' Ouch that hurt, let me hit myself again, *whack* Okay that still hurt, let me try hitting myself faster this time *whack-whack-whack*, Hmm, nope still in pain'. That's when we need someone to come along and go 'Here, this is a pillow, try this instead, I'll show you how to use it'.
