Can I recover?

[ScarlettC]

Advertisement - Members don't see this ad

Hi everyone,

I'm in undergraduate school right now, and I've screwed up pretty badly. I'm giving my backstory not to garner pity or to try to make excuses for my poor decisions as an adult, but because it's the reason I fell in love with medicine and to kind of explain where I'm coming from.

I had a rough adolescence. My dad died when I was ten. When I was fifteen I was diagnosed with Leukemia (ALL). I had pneumonia on top of it because obviously my immune system was down. I spent six weeks in the hospital, recovering from the pneumonia and starting my chemotherapy treatments. When I finally got to go home, my mom had some shocking news for my little sister and I: she had breast cancer. So she and I both were on chemo at the same time and we both went into remission.

I spent a ton of time at the hospital. I hated being sick, but I liked the hospital. I was fascinated by the diseases and treatments and meds we all had. I loved hanging out with the nurses. It was a teaching hospital, so I met a lot of med students and residents. Some of them would even come visit me after their shifts were over. I liked playing with the little kids in the clinic. They were such a bright spot. For some of them, all they ever knew was the hospital. They didn't know they were different from other children. They were so happy...it was contagious. Of course, I also dealt with loss. Some of them died, and so did a couple of my teenaged friends, and it was a lot to deal with.

Anyway, my mom's cancer returned and metastasized. I took care of her until she passed away. None of our relatives really wanted us, so we stayed with neighbors until I turned 18. Then I got legal custody of my sister (I had to battle DSS in court--they thought she would be better off in a foster home because I was so young--the judge saw things my way).

Then I did something very, very stupid that will apparently haunt me forever. I enrolled in four classes at the local college. I wasn't ready. I was getting used to being the guardian of a fifteen year girl, still dealing with the trauma of everything that had happened, and working. I stopped going to classes within the first week and ignorantly thought that I would just be dropped from them automatically, which of course isn't the way it works. So I have four F's. Forever.

I went back to school in 2008, when things had calmed down. I had a full time job...it was a corporate cubicle type that pays decently but slowly sucks away your soul. I did fabulously the first couple of semesters back...I took two or three classes a semester and made high grades. Then a few devastating things happened in my personal life which I won't get into. 2009 was not a good year for me and I ended up with several W's.

I went back last year and had the same pattern. I had great spring and summer semesters, aced my classes, then in the fall I had a serious bout of depression and was hospitalized. It was too late to withdraw from the two classes I was in (both of which I had high A's in at that point), and I ended up failing them.

I left my hectic job, which was requiring too much overtime and stress, and took this past spring off to get myself together. I've always wanted to be a doctor and I realized that my focus needs to be on school and ECs, not on a job like that. I'm enrolled in three summer classes right now, including retaking the ones that I failed and so far I'm doing very well.

My plan is to never, ever have another W again and be consistent with my classes for the rest of my undergrad career. I have about two and half years left of undergrad school if I go full time for fall and spring semesters...so I'm hoping schools will see that I'll have an upward trend. I've done the AMCAS GPA calculations, and if I did it correctly, I know I'll for sure have over a 3.0. If I do excellently, I will have around a 3.4. Still low, I know. So I know I have to be strong in other areas. I've started studying for the MCAT (I know how important a high score is with such a low GPA). Also, I'm going to volunteer at the local hospital and I have a few physicians lined up that I will shadow. I'm going to shadow and volunteer as much as possible.

Anyway, my question is, as the subject says...can I recover? Am I being too optimistic here? Sometimes I think there's no way I'll even get looked at because of my horrible transcript, but then other times I think I have a shot. Part of the reason why I want to be a doctor is because I know exactly what it's like to be a patient, and to be the family of a patient. To be the one lying in the bed, staring up at all the doctors during early morning rounds. To be the one who has to make the decision to pull the plug at the end of someone's life. I think that's valuable.


But six F's is insane. I see people on these boards panicking over a C in one class. Should I just not even bother applying after undergrad and get in a post-bac program first? I realize that there are a lot of "but what ifs" in my post, but that's just where I am right now. I've been lurking and I know that some posters give really great advice. I will be talking to someone in admissions at the med school I want to get into, but I was just curious to see what you folks would think.

Sorry it turned into a novella! Any advice would be very much appreciated.

 

[calimeds]

Short answer: yes you can recover.

Longer answer: I too have F's from back in the day and I too had lots of issues. I can't tell you how to fix your own issues - for me the only thing that worked was growing older. Growing older solved two problems:

1 - I worry less about how I screwed up in the past - getting older puts things in perspective and for me, has let me stop kicking myself for past mistakes.

2 - I focus on doing well now. Now I kick ass and I'm at the top of my classes - because I have learned how to study, I always go to class, and I put in the time, not because I'm brilliant.

You sound like you have some things to worry about - un-treated depression, for example. What if it comes back and kicks your ass and you end up with another round of W's or F's? I don't know your situation but that needs to be addressed.

Lastly - there is always the D.O. route - maybe you know this already. DO schools will recalculate your GPA for classes that you re-take. So re-do the F's, and they will become A's.

 

[calimeds]

Some more advice - don't obsess on these boards - it will mess with your head!

Focus on one class at a time, one day at a time, one hour at a time.

"This hour I am going to do 5 projectile motion problems" or whatever. That will keep your head in the right place.

If you are panicking you are not able to perform. Stop thinking about the 'can i recover' and focus on succeeding in your current classes. As you start to build up a back-catalog of A's, your confidence will build - it's like putting money in the bank.

 

[calimeds]

BTW some specifics - if you are telling the truth here and you really were HOSPITALIZED for depression, I would think you would have a case for getting those last two F's wiped from your transcript. I don't know, but you might want to call your dean and maybe an education law attorney.

Also it sounds like you might be able to get academic accommodations - are you familiar with what those are?

 

[shauna]

I was moved by your story ScarlettC, as you went through a lot. From the way you write I can tell you are very smart and exhibit the ingredients necessary for the making of a good doctor.

Calib gave you good advice about your depression and possible legal recourse. I also see another possible trend of self-sabotage: Dropping right at the cusp of good grades. It's a tendency some people develop when they begin to succeed after experiencing adversity because they come to believe they deserve no better. This might be something you want to look into, or perhaps just being aware of it is enough.

I myself am worried at the 10-year gap in my transcript and not taking a more than one class per semester for 1.5 years as a re-entry, all due to financial hardship and illness but which will have to be compensated for. Though not minimizing your history, many of us non-trads have a story to tell so you are not alone.

Have you checked out Texas Fresh Start (see thread in this forum section) which would give a you a shot a wiping away all your sins....though for that program you would have to redo your A's as well. Don't give up! Contrary to belief, adcoms have a history of favoring those who have overcome hardships, especially health problems. Liz Murray was accepted to Harvard on scholarship after being raised in sheer poverty by drug addicted parents, and there is an SDN non-trad cancer survivor who was accepted to Boston Univ. med, an outstanding program. Even if you don't get rid of the F's, having a hospitalized depression is documentation that could excuse them.

 

[rrt]

Texas fresh start can be an option. But it will only work for you if you postpone getting into medical school for 10 years. I am not sure, but I believe other states have similar programs. The fresh start program will delete classes you've taken and done bad AND good on that are older than 10 years old.

DO school is another route you can take. I am actually working on my undergrad degree in biology. I already have a BS in respiratory care, but most of my classes are technical classes, so they don't apply to medical school. DO programs tend to recalculate your gpa if you retook classes and passed them. I will be applying at the DO program in my state (TX) for 2 years before I push for the academic freshstart. I can't apply it to my GPA until mid 2015.

 

[Supisak]

Scarlett,
first off...I have heard from adcom members and have read on this board as well (sorry can't cite or give credit, you OPs know who you are)
read this and let it sink in...

EVERYONE LOVES A GREAT SUCCESS STORY......

and you have the makings for one.....you just have to decide if its worth the work or not...because it will be lots of work...
-check into "freshman forgiveness" at your first institution, many schools have it and it would be an easy way to wipe away four of those Fs
-be prepared to take all of your c,d,f classes over again....choose a schedule that works for you and take it class by class, test by test, day by day, hour by hour if you have to (like cali said)
-know that many have already succeeded at what you are about to attempt...if they can do it you can too!

I had a similar story, really screwed up undergrad, came back 14 years later, took it all over, did very well, nailed MCAT and now matriculating to MD school this fall
I am proof that if you want it bad enough anyone can do it

NOW GO DO IT!

 

[lunate76]

ScarlettC,
your story inspired me. Thank you for posting it.
One of the things that amazed me about your story is that regardless of the things that happened to you in life, you are moving in a direction of your dream. You went back to school and even though you got some F's and W's , you DID NOT stop and gave up...you are very determined and smart. does not matter if you fall in life sometimes but what matters that you get up after a fall. In my opinion, you DO have a shot and I hope you take it)
good luck to you! and I am sure you'll inspire many other people.