Can relationships realistically workout once I move out of state for Med school?

[FredAstaire]

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Hey eveyrone

Just curious what everyone thinks of this topic. Advices from current medical school students in my situation are particularly welcome.

Basically, I have been with my girlfriend for 3 years, and we live together and all. Basically, we are like married. The dilemma is, if I get accepted to a med school out of state, possibly far away, she is unwilling to move with me. She has a good paying accountant position here, but does not want to move due to the poor economy, and thus the very strong possibility that she will not find a job in the new city.

So guys, in your opinion, do you think long distance relationships can ever workout? How busy are medical school students? Do I realistically have 1-2 hours a night talking to her and maybe spending every 2nd weekend with her when she comes over or vice versa?

Thanks.

 

[sideways]

Hey eveyrone

Just curious what everyone thinks of this topic. Advices from current medical school students in my situation are particularly welcome.

Basically, I have been with my girlfriend for 3 years, and we live together and all. Basically, we are like married. The dilemma is, if I get accepted to a med school out of state, possibly far away, she is unwilling to move with me. She has a good paying accountant position here, but does not want to move due to the poor economy, and thus the very strong possibility that she will not find a job in the new city.

So guys, in your opinion, do you think long distance relationships can ever workout? How busy are medical school students? Do I realistically have 1-2 hours a night talking to her and maybe spending every 2nd weekend with her when she comes over or vice versa?

Thanks.

No. Besides, a husband and wife would stay together. You guys seem to value your careers more than your relationship. Which is fine at this stage of the game of life.

 

[boaz]

Word is that these long distance relationships usually fail, especially with med school in the equation. Uncomfortable to hear, but true.

 

[MilkmanAl]

It can work. The odds are stacked against you, and it will definitely be a significant struggle for both of you. Med school is tough enough on relationships when you can see you SO regularly. Adding in distance will be a killer. You'll have to work really hard to keep things working smoothly-ish.

 

[VikingLegacy]

baleeted

 

[LRAccord624]

I guess you two haven't been long distance for any length of time before? The biggest thing for both of you is to be realistic and compromise. Trying to be apart for 4 years of med school and maybe even residency is not realistic- someone will have to compromise at some point.

Talking on the phone for 1-2 hours most nights is also not realistic. You can't expect to have that kind of time... Besides... Talking on the phone for that long gets old fast.

I will also bet that you won't be able to see her every two weeks during med school- there are too many tests and too much to do to be flying or driving that much. In the fall she could come see you but what about during tax season?

I know I haven't started medical school yet, but I've done two years of long distance and the only reason it has worked (besides that we love each other) is because we are committed to being realistic and we have each made compromises for the other.

 

[BigRedder]

My gf and I have been at different medical schools for the past 2 years, and while it has been hard at times, we've made it work. However, we didn't really have the opportunity to stay in the same location. If it ends up that you will have to move a significant distance, she really should at least try to find a new job in order to stay with you. If she isn't even willing to try, then it isn't going to work. She doesn't have to move right away, and she doesn't have to give up her job until she finds another one. It is certainly worth thinking about now, but don't get bent out of shape until it becomes a reality.

 

[tttttc]

Hey eveyrone

Basically, we are like married.

Thanks.

Then get married first.

 

[searun]

Long distance relationships in med school usually fail. It took four months for my long distance relationship to fail. Everything fell apart at Christmas. But life goes on. Now I am a 4th year med student, living the dream.

 

[jdh71]

She already telegraphed this for you. He job over yours. It's nothing personal, cut your loses and move on. Med school and residency are better single.

 

[Perrotfish]

There is a very low chance of the plan you described working. Even when two people are married it's normally not good for the realationship for them to be seperated for years at a time.

There is a chance that she would be willing to relocate and risk unemployement/a lower paying job if you proposed, though. I have to admit, I couldn't imagine asking someone to move across the nation and risk their career for me without offering her a commitment. Have you asked her if being married would make a difference?

 

[mspeedwagon]

Every one is going to tell you that it will FAIL. However, I don't like to base life decisions on popular opinion.

My gf and I have been together for 4 years only the first 6 months of which wasn't distance. I met her just before she was set to move out of state to start medical school.

She's now an M3 and we have made it work. I live in CA and she's at SUNY Upstate. We're planning the wedding for the end of her M4 year. As she starts residency, I'll be embarking on the start of medical school. I will be holding off applying so that I only apply in the state where she is.

There are going to be sacrifies and it's going to difficult, but where there is a will there is a way.

Edit: I was definitely NOT willing to re-locate to Syracuse as there are no jobs for my line of work there and I'd have had to take a substantial pay cut. I really do think things work out for the best in the end (but, then again, I'm an eternal optimist).

 

[eablackwell]

It's possible, but it's not going to be easy. My husband and I had a very long distance relationship (florida/Austria) for years. My 1st and 2nd choice schools are within driving distance of my husband's job, but if I don't get in either school we've decided it's more important for me to follow my dream and live apart. I believe we'll make it, but we've been dating since 10th grade and married for 6 years so it's a little different. Good luck, it's a tough decision.

 

[ILikeDrugs]

No. Why? There is no sex. If there is no sex the relationship is bound to go to ****.

 

[mspeedwagon]

There is more to relationships than sex. If you are just looking for sex, there is absolutely no need for a relationship.

No. Why? There is no sex. If there is no sex the relationship is bound to go to ****.

 

[ILikeDrugs]

There is more to relationships than sex. If you are just looking for sex, there is absolutely no need for a relationship.

Of course there is, but sex is important. Your gf is probably cheating on you with some guidos.

 

[ButImLETired]

This question gets asked fairly often here and on Allo, so for more opinions you might want to look around. Unfortunately, most of the answers tend to be negative because I think failed long-distance relationships are far more common than successful ones.

I'll tell you this. In my class of 100ish students, maybe 40% started school in a relationship, and most of those were long-distance. Of those that weren't long-distance, about half worked out and the rest are getting married. Of those that were long-distance, by Christmas about 80% had broken up, and the rest are getting married and the SO is moving here anyway.

I think it CAN be done, but it depends on a whole host of factors. For one thing- how far away you are. If you're within driving distance (up to 3-4 hours in a car) it's fairly doable. Your study habits also come into play. If you're a crammer, it's harder to make it work because chances are your weekends will be your prime study times, and your weekdays you'll have to stay where you are for school. Your girlfriend has to be VERY understanding because it's likely that you'll need far more support than she does, especially in the beginning, and there are lots of people who can't handle that kind of role-reversal. I know from experience (watching a guy friend go through this) that it's very hard to call your girlfriend after having studied a full 8 hours, taking time to talk when you really don't have it, to then hear her complain about how you don't talk enough and she had a problem with a coworker being catty and you weren't there to listen.

It's just hard. Med school has an uncanny way of totally taking over your life and becoming the only thing you think/talk about, and if she has zero interest in medicine, your side of the conversation may become very short. It's also hard to give up your only free weekends (say, a long weekend, or some time after a big exam) to hang out with your gf elsewhere instead of spending time with your classmates in a relaxed setting. I think it kind of affects your social life within your med school class.

That being said, those who made it work are very, very happy. They say that it's all about compromise, not taking yourself and your career too seriously, and always leaving each other with a firm plan of when you'll see each other next, not just "when we have time again".

Good luck!

 

[eablackwell]

Of course there is, but sex is important. Your gf is probably cheating on you with some guidos.

🤣

If she is, she's not worth worrying over.

 

[mspeedwagon]

Yes, because ONLY the most attractive guys live in Syracuse, NY🤣.

Sex is important, but it's not the be all and end all of a relationship. He's going to medical school in a different state, not to war in Afghanistan with no set return date. They can have all the sex they want during school breaks and they can visit each other at other times.

Of course there is, but sex is important. Your gf is probably cheating on you with some guidos.

 

[BigRedder]

Yes, because ONLY the most attractive guys live in Syracuse, NY🤣.

Yup, you've got nothing to worry about there...