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Can't please everyone.
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You either are really bad at choosing the right people to surround yourself with, or it is honestly something to do with you if you are having issues with everyone around you. It is perfectly reasonable to be able to excel in classes, maintain your EC's and health, as well as keep strong relationships with other people around you in undergrad.
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Sorry, OP, we all get what you are feeling but the truth is that the world won't cut you any slack. Sounds to me as though you need to find a couple of friends who build you up, not criticize all your decisions.
You need to prioritize the things that are important to you, and focus on those. Personally, I sacrificed some grades I could have kept up because my research was more important. A current friend/lab mate of mine prioritizes a daily workout over social activities.
If you accomplish the things you truly find value in - not just what you think you ought to find value in but what is actually important to you (academics, health, research, socialization, gaming, etc) -then you will feel more at peace with coming up short in other areas of your life. I'm not saying that you ought to give up on doing things you are not "prioritizing", but that you cut yourself some slack (even when others won't) if you skip a workout, get a not so great grade, loose a friendship, whatever.
You need to prioritize the things that are important to you, and focus on those. Personally, I sacrificed some grades I could have kept up because my research was more important. A current friend/lab mate of mine prioritizes a daily workout over social activities.
If you accomplish the things you truly find value in - not just what you think you ought to find value in but what is actually important to you (academics, health, research, socialization, gaming, etc) -then you will feel more at peace with coming up short in other areas of your life. I'm not saying that you ought to give up on doing things you are not "prioritizing", but that you cut yourself some slack (even when others won't) if you skip a workout, get a not so great grade, loose a friendship, whatever.
1) you need to find a balance. if you are spending 4+ hours a night studying and not pulling As then you need to re-evaluate your study skills
2) either find new friends or just kindly tell them that you do not tell them what to ingest so you would prefer the same from them. also who cares if people think you're skinny. i honestly can see how that would bother you though. i went thru a lot of weight troubles in middle and high school before i started playing football, came to college for football, and then now have gotten involved in powerlifting. i would just tell them you're trying to gain weight but it's hard on a college budget and leave it at that. if they continue to make comments... again kindly tell them that you aren't reporting on their body size so you'd prefer the same
3) talk with your PI privately. tell him the situation and surely he will understand. if not, maybe you need to find a new lab. you could also address the group at the next meeting and say that you sensed some tension last time when you were late and you wanted to publicly apologize for being late and that you hope it never happens again but that you were involved at a prior commitment and didn't have good cell service at the time. i would say that if anyone wants to talk personally about it that you'd be more than happy to meet with them.
you'll learn your true friends. i went through a totally different group of friends between freshman and sophomore year. my freshman year "friends" just used me to DD most of the time and i never realized it. then once i stopped doing that, they stopped talking to me/involving me in things and i got the hint. you'll get a few reality checks in college. it's no big deal
2) either find new friends or just kindly tell them that you do not tell them what to ingest so you would prefer the same from them. also who cares if people think you're skinny. i honestly can see how that would bother you though. i went thru a lot of weight troubles in middle and high school before i started playing football, came to college for football, and then now have gotten involved in powerlifting. i would just tell them you're trying to gain weight but it's hard on a college budget and leave it at that. if they continue to make comments... again kindly tell them that you aren't reporting on their body size so you'd prefer the same
3) talk with your PI privately. tell him the situation and surely he will understand. if not, maybe you need to find a new lab. you could also address the group at the next meeting and say that you sensed some tension last time when you were late and you wanted to publicly apologize for being late and that you hope it never happens again but that you were involved at a prior commitment and didn't have good cell service at the time. i would say that if anyone wants to talk personally about it that you'd be more than happy to meet with them.
you'll learn your true friends. i went through a totally different group of friends between freshman and sophomore year. my freshman year "friends" just used me to DD most of the time and i never realized it. then once i stopped doing that, they stopped talking to me/involving me in things and i got the hint. you'll get a few reality checks in college. it's no big deal
i would also suggest seeing a counselor at your school if you think this is an underlying issue. it doesn't make you crazy. it doesn't make you weak. it makes you smart to want to deal with the cause of some of these feelings instead of just trying to ignore them. i'd really suggest it through personal experience.
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I'll address 1 and 2 later but this one thing caught my eye: You are mad at your PI (who is doing you a huge favor by allowing you to participate in HIS lab and do research so that you can put this down on your application for medical school) who was clearly irritated bc you were LATE to a research meeting well known in advance (correct me if this assumption is incorrect), bc you were at the gym?
And the conclusion you've reached is:
And the conclusion you've reached is:
- Basically I think everyone would be more happy if I did less proficiently in my courses, didn't care about going to the gym, and just hung out when they wanted and just went by their schedule.
- Are people just jealous or something?
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OP says he/she was late because was in the gym with poor reception for a *last minute* text to meet. i don't blame OP honestly. depending on how late the text was at least.
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Oh, ok. I thought it was a last-minute text to remind him to come to an already scheduled meeting. What would the PI had done if he was in a class?
Something about the PI asking if they were "alert enough" just strikes me as strange. I feel that with most PI's that a quick, normal explanation that you were at the gym and didn't have reception/check would be by far a good enough excuse, or even with a harsh PI they may still chew you out a bit for being late, but I don't see why they would ask you if you could be alert unless you said something strange or were acting inattentive/strange.
Thanks for all the responses.
Yeah, the PI is doing me a favor, so I guess they can be upset at me (no sarcasm, serious). I should have seen the message regardless, since I'm getting paid to do research. I didn't realize the PI would call us on such short notice though. What happened was that I had emailed the PI the previous day that I would not be able to attend the lab meeting the next day because of a morning class. I said I'd meet them in the afternoon in their lab one on one. I didn't get a reply up until after the class, so I assumed it would be okay to go to the gym in the afternoon. The response came while I was in the gym, so I guess I was just unlucky.
On the other points though, I suppose that's why so many people are imperfect (antisocial/overweight/not doing well academically) these days. If it were that easy to stay in shape, excel (meaning straight A/A-'s), and socialize, wouldn't everyone be doing it? I don't spend 4 hours a day studying, but the time that I do study drains me and I don't have the energy to get drunk or go play basketball afterwards.
Yeah, the PI is doing me a favor, so I guess they can be upset at me (no sarcasm, serious). I should have seen the message regardless, since I'm getting paid to do research. I didn't realize the PI would call us on such short notice though. What happened was that I had emailed the PI the previous day that I would not be able to attend the lab meeting the next day because of a morning class. I said I'd meet them in the afternoon in their lab one on one. I didn't get a reply up until after the class, so I assumed it would be okay to go to the gym in the afternoon. The response came while I was in the gym, so I guess I was just unlucky.
On the other points though, I suppose that's why so many people are imperfect (antisocial/overweight/not doing well academically) these days. If it were that easy to stay in shape, excel (meaning straight A/A-'s), and socialize, wouldn't everyone be doing it? I don't spend 4 hours a day studying, but the time that I do study drains me and I don't have the energy to get drunk or go play basketball afterwards.
No. Most people are lazy and don't care about doing extremely well in classes or care to prioritize that or staying in shape over doing things that are more fun and instantly rewarding.
Exactly this. I can't tell you the times I've been asking friends about professors for gen eds and they say "oh yeah I took so and so's class and did really well blah blah blah I got a B-"
uhhhhh what? really well to me is an A. okay is a B. lol. just how i'm (and probably most of us here on SDN are) wired because we know how influential GPA is and how easily it can be lowered by Bs
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I know this will shock you but there are people who do well academically, socialize, and stay in shape (and they aren't a minority of people). All 3 are important, whether you realize it or not. I think more importantly, you need to improve on the efficiency of your studying. Also if 4 hours a day studying is a long time for you....😆
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deleted407021
Some people just don't like to socialize all that much. Also, be careful how you use "antisocial".
I'll reiterate what others have said regarding who you choose to socialize with and how you respond to the presence of these people. Your current group doesn't seem like the best group to be around. Repeatedly criticizing someone's choice of drink and time allocation is actually a bit antisocial. Find a group that's supportive and friendly.
I'll reiterate what others have said regarding who you choose to socialize with and how you respond to the presence of these people. Your current group doesn't seem like the best group to be around. Repeatedly criticizing someone's choice of drink and time allocation is actually a bit antisocial. Find a group that's supportive and friendly.
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