Challenging time adjusting to M1

[dreaminmd]

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Hi everyone, I am a non-traditional medical student who just started my first year of medical school after taking 6 years off.

I am having a much harder time adjusting to school than I expected, and for the first time in my life, am experiencing test anxiety. On my first exam in September, I panicked when I was faced with a number of challenging questions, and ended up feeling dizzy and nauseous, and failed the exam. I was able to get my anxiety under control when I took the final for that class the next month, and did very well on the exam and passed the class (luckily my school is pass/fail with no internal ranking during pre-clinical years). I also did well on another exam I had in October for a different class. However, I had an exam yesterday and felt very good for the first 30 questions (out of 72), but again reached a block of challenging material and started to feel panicked and nauseous again. When this happens, I usually end up choosing wrong answers because I second-guess myself (when I reviewed the exam I failed in September, I noticed that I changed enough answers from right to wrong that if I hadn't changed them, I would have passed). Now I am very worried that I may have failed the exam that I just took yesterday (I didn't get my grade yet) but if I did, I will have to retake it in April in order to pass the class.

My school administration is pretty kind to students - there are only consequences if we fail three exams, and since this would only be my second, I am safe even if I failed -- nothing on my transcript. However, I am concerned about my anxiety because I feel like my performance on tests seems to have more to do with my anxiety than with my ability to learn the material, since I was able to do well on some of my exams but not others. I am so ashamed because I have worked so hard to get into medical school and now I am worried that if I keep feeling anxious, I may be jeopardizing my dream of becoming a doctor. I think that much of my anxiety also stems from loneliness; I just moved back to a new city for school and while I have a lot of friends from college nearby, I have found medical school to be rather isolating and haven't really found my community here yet, and also recently ended a romantic relationship. So, I feel very alone and am often sad, and I think that has led to me feeling very anxious. I am also embarrassed because people in my class joke about how awful it would be to fail a test, and while they don't know that I failed a test, I feel like they would think I was stupid if they knew. Finally, I don't want the administration at my school to think that I am not cut out for this - I was lucky enough to have been awarded a merit scholarship, and I obviously want to do well and become a good doctor.

Did anyone else have a rocky start to medical school, or experience test anxiety? Even though I have gotten off on a bit of a bad foot, is this rectifiable?

 

[MedWonk]

Hi everyone, I am a non-traditional medical student who just started my first year of medical school after taking 6 years off.

I am having a much harder time adjusting to school than I expected, and for the first time in my life, am experiencing test anxiety. On my first exam in September, I panicked when I was faced with a number of challenging questions, and ended up feeling dizzy and nauseous, and failed the exam. I was able to get my anxiety under control when I took the final for that class the next month, and did very well on the exam and passed the class (luckily my school is pass/fail with no internal ranking during pre-clinical years). I also did well on another exam I had in October for a different class. However, I had an exam yesterday and felt very good for the first 30 questions (out of 72), but again reached a block of challenging material and started to feel panicked and nauseous again. When this happens, I usually end up choosing wrong answers because I second-guess myself (when I reviewed the exam I failed in September, I noticed that I changed enough answers from right to wrong that if I hadn't changed them, I would have passed). Now I am very worried that I may have failed the exam that I just took yesterday (I didn't get my grade yet) but if I did, I will have to retake it in April in order to pass the class.

My school administration is pretty kind to students - there are only consequences if we fail three exams, and since this would only be my second, I am safe even if I failed -- nothing on my transcript. However, I am concerned about my anxiety because I feel like my performance on tests seems to have more to do with my anxiety than with my ability to learn the material, since I was able to do well on some of my exams but not others. I am so ashamed because I have worked so hard to get into medical school and now I am worried that if I keep feeling anxious, I may be jeopardizing my dream of becoming a doctor. I think that much of my anxiety also stems from loneliness; I just moved back to a new city for school and while I have a lot of friends from college nearby, I have found medical school to be rather isolating and haven't really found my community here yet, and also recently ended a romantic relationship. So, I feel very alone and am often sad, and I think that has led to me feeling very anxious. I am also embarrassed because people in my class joke about how awful it would be to fail a test, and while they don't know that I failed a test, I feel like they would think I was stupid if they knew. Finally, I don't want the administration at my school to think that I am not cut out for this - I was lucky enough to have been awarded a merit scholarship, and I obviously want to do well and become a good doctor.

Did anyone else have a rocky start to medical school, or experience test anxiety? Even though I have gotten off on a bit of a bad foot, is this rectifiable?

Yes and yes. See a counselor. Your school is likely to have counseling services available that are free/low-cost to students. Take care of that **** sooner rather than later.

 

[alpinism]

It's tough since you've worked so hard to get to this point and the last thing you want is to fail.

Just do your best to study for exams while still setting aside time for family and friends.

That's all any of us can hope for.

Go with your gut and don't second guess yourself. If you prepared for exams like you should, the answers are there, you just have to trust yourself.

Talk to someone. A counselor, classmate, friend, mentor, whoever.

Many of us have been there at least once and despite what other classmates say in public, many med students feel the same way during exams.

 

[Psai]

Yeah, this kind of thing happens to everyone. We're all adjusting and sometimes people say things that they don't really mean because they're insecure. Even when I do well, I feel uneasy a lot of the time because the tests are not easy. A lot of the time, you narrow it down to two choices, take an educated guess and hope for the best. You got into medical school so you can handle the material. You just need to believe in yourself and put the time in.

Most people have a difficult transition. I really struggled in anatomy and felt like quitting early in first year. I thought it was too much material and felt overwhelmed. I got through because I had a really supportive friend who talked me through it and I'm doing just fine now. Maybe get together with your friends every once in a while. It's important to have a good school-life balance although they probably won't understand what it's like as a medical student going through the same thing would.

And about the relationship thing, there are plenty of fish in the sea, you'll meet a nice person when you're not expecting it

 

[Sed8&Intub8]

Hi everyone, I am a non-traditional medical student who just started my first year of medical school after taking 6 years off.

I am having a much harder time adjusting to school than I expected, and for the first time in my life, am experiencing test anxiety. On my first exam in September, I panicked when I was faced with a number of challenging questions, and ended up feeling dizzy and nauseous, and failed the exam. I was able to get my anxiety under control when I took the final for that class the next month, and did very well on the exam and passed the class (luckily my school is pass/fail with no internal ranking during pre-clinical years). I also did well on another exam I had in October for a different class. However, I had an exam yesterday and felt very good for the first 30 questions (out of 72), but again reached a block of challenging material and started to feel panicked and nauseous again. When this happens, I usually end up choosing wrong answers because I second-guess myself (when I reviewed the exam I failed in September, I noticed that I changed enough answers from right to wrong that if I hadn't changed them, I would have passed). Now I am very worried that I may have failed the exam that I just took yesterday (I didn't get my grade yet) but if I did, I will have to retake it in April in order to pass the class.

My school administration is pretty kind to students - there are only consequences if we fail three exams, and since this would only be my second, I am safe even if I failed -- nothing on my transcript. However, I am concerned about my anxiety because I feel like my performance on tests seems to have more to do with my anxiety than with my ability to learn the material, since I was able to do well on some of my exams but not others. I am so ashamed because I have worked so hard to get into medical school and now I am worried that if I keep feeling anxious, I may be jeopardizing my dream of becoming a doctor. I think that much of my anxiety also stems from loneliness; I just moved back to a new city for school and while I have a lot of friends from college nearby, I have found medical school to be rather isolating and haven't really found my community here yet, and also recently ended a romantic relationship. So, I feel very alone and am often sad, and I think that has led to me feeling very anxious. I am also embarrassed because people in my class joke about how awful it would be to fail a test, and while they don't know that I failed a test, I feel like they would think I was stupid if they knew. Finally, I don't want the administration at my school to think that I am not cut out for this - I was lucky enough to have been awarded a merit scholarship, and I obviously want to do well and become a good doctor.

Did anyone else have a rocky start to medical school, or experience test anxiety? Even though I have gotten off on a bit of a bad foot, is this rectifiable?

I'm sorry things aren't going well for you. I am also a non-trad and was out of school for several years. I did a graduate post-bacc/SMP and during the program I was doing poorly on exams and was panicking just like you. Unfortunately for me, I didn't know what the heck was going on during exams because I studied very thoroughly, knew the material extremely well, and I was actually teaching it to others. The people I taught it to would thank me and tell me they got an A and that if I did not teach the aspects I that I taught them, then they would not have done so well. While, at the same time, I was getting C's. I was dumbfounded, I just concluded that I need to study harder and put even more pressure on myself, which made everything even worse. That semester did not end well. I did not even know what testing anxiety was until I approached a professor for help and explained to her what is going on, she took a verbal exam to gauge my knowledge and she concluded that I know the material well and that the C does not correspond to my knowledge. She told me to see a counselor for testing anxiety, I did, and it helped. The following semester I got all A's and a B.

The fact that you know what is going on is good! Go seek help from your university's counseling center and also speak to your professors and department. They will be able to guide you and give you good advice. If I had sought help earlier it would have turned out better for me.

 

[redpanda]

Go with your gut and don't second guess yourself. If you prepared for exams like you should, the answers are there, you just have to trust yourself.

For this, it also helps to know what your gut feeling right:wrong ratio is, which is something you just find out over time. For me, I know that my gut feeling is right:wrong 2-3:1. Nerdy, I know, that I have calculated this, but it's reassuring.

 

[Pacna]

I can't say that I, personally, have ever had test anxiety, but a friend of mine (with a much more intense work ethic than I have) freaks out EVERY EXAM WE EVER TOOK. We tried to take classes together ASMAP in undergrad b/c we're bros, but I would never sit by him in exams because he would flip through the exam booklet like it had the codes to shut down nuclear warheads.

As far as I know, there is no silver bullet which will solve this problem. He compensated with a lot of mnemonics (which I benefited from) and sheer hard work which I admire hugely. He also may or may not smoke marijuana in excess (daily). Come to think of it, it might be related to that! Anyways, he's in dental school now and doing well.

There are also anti-anxiety meds which you can take before exams at the direction of a psychiatrist. I second the above posters' recommendation to seek professional help. My school is (mostly) p/f as well, and I know that the vast majority of classmates of mine are understanding that we all have weaknesses and do not judge each other for them (not that you even have to tell them, but I would were I you).

Good luck!

 

[LostinLift]

I'm confused about internal ranking. Do these schools keep track of your percentile on each test and lump you accordingly? And you just aren't aware of your overall ranking? Our school is H/P/F in preclinical. H is a 4.0, P is a 2.0. I wouldn't say that is an "internal ranking" when you can calculate your GPA and you know how many people got honors on a test. You can't completely figure it out, but the bottom half of the class probably will have no honors, perhaps 1. 2nd quartile might have a sprinkling of honors and top quartile will have a higher sprinkling of honors with the top 5-10% having mostly H.

When people refer to internal ranking is it only at P/F schools? Because I've seen that term used with non P/F.

 

[DermViser]

I'm confused about internal ranking. Do these schools keep track of your percentile on each test and lump you accordingly? And you just aren't aware of your overall ranking? Our school is H/P/F in preclinical. H is a 4.0, P is a 2.0. I wouldn't say that is an "internal ranking" when you can calculate your GPA and you know how many people got honors on a test. You can't completely figure it out, but the bottom half of the class probably will have no honors, perhaps 1. 2nd quartile might have a sprinkling of honors and top quartile will have a higher sprinkling of honors with the top 5-10% having mostly H.

When people refer to internal ranking is it only at P/F schools? Because I've seen that term used with non P/F.

Internal ranking usually only applies to P/F systems. If you have an H/P/F system, they're pretty much telling you that your grades matter (external ranking). It's when it's only P/F but the school keeps either grades on file to calculate class rank/AOA, which is when it matters,
and is called internal ranking.

Hence why we say a school is "true" Pass/Fail when your only grades are P or F with no internal record for ranking purposes, so everyone who gets a "P" in courses has the same class rank (if you failed, then obviously your rank would be lower at the end of MS-2). If your school is Pass/Fail but still keeps internal rankings: percentile averages, quartile you fall in, or an H/HP/P/F, etc. then it's not "true" P/F, and you're still being ranked it's just not up front.

 

[Serous Demilune]

This is exactly what benzodiazepines are made for. Talk to your PCP about alprazolam to help you get through tests, he or she should be understanding.

 

[DermViser]

This is exactly what benzodiazepines are made for. Talk to your PCP about alprazolam to help you get through tests, he or she should be understanding.

I seriously hope you are kidding.

 

[Serous Demilune]

I seriously hope you are kidding.

No, why? That or propanolol.

 

[redpanda]

No, why? That or propanolol.

Seriously, benzos are for short-term use only (aka while getting therapeutic on your long term anti-anxiety meds, like an SSRI, getting started on your behavioral therapies, etc.). Using them every time you have a test is like throwing water on a fire, not figuring out how not to start the fire in the first place.

 

[dreaminmd]

Hi all -- I just wanted to thank everyone who offered advice on this thread. I actually did end up passing that exam, but it is still important for me to figure out why I am not doing my best, so I have been speaking to a therapist and trying to take things one day at a time. Best of luck to all of you and thanks again.

 

[DermViser]

No, why? That or propanolol.

Seriously, benzos are for short-term use only (aka while getting therapeutic on your long term anti-anxiety meds, like an SSRI, getting started on your behavioral therapies, etc.). Using them every time you have a test is like throwing water on a fire, not figuring out how not to start the fire in the first place.

Exactly. Thanks redpanda. Benzos have a huge addiction potential and due to tachyphylaxis, can require higher and higher doses to get the same effect. They aren't meant to pop like candy every time you have a test. SSRIs are much better for over a longer term although they usually take about a month in order to have an affect, and don't have addiction potential.

 

[NontradCA]

Not everyone with general anxiety needs SSRI or benzos.