Changing speciality of choice to be with spouse

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kimposibl

kimposibl

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EDIT: I meant spouse or S/O in the thread title!!

Hi SDN MD students/doctors

Female here. I am currently dating a non med man. Originally I was planning on specializing in Neurology and staying on the east coast for work and also policy change advocacy. The guy I'm dating wants to move west in rural country. Obviously we're not married and I'm only a 2nd year but I am considering switching to Gen Surg and moving out west after med school for him.(My step scores and 3rd year grades will determine my career path more, I understand but then I'd just do FM or EM and still move, but I'd like to aim for GS rn).

Has anyone, male or female, considered changing career goals to be with someone else? If so, what were the specifics and what ended up happening? I've never put another person before my career ambitions so I don't know what to do. Thanks!
 
kimposibl said:
EDIT: I meant spouse or S/O in the thread title!!

Hi SDN MD students/doctors

Female here. I am currently dating a non med man. Originally I was planning on specializing in Neurology and staying on the east coast for work and also policy change advocacy. The guy I'm dating wants to move west in rural country. Obviously we're not married and I'm only a 2nd year but I am considering switching to Gen Surg and moving out west after med school for him.(My step scores and 3rd year grades will determine my career path more, I understand but then I'd just do FM or EM and still move, but I'd like to aim for GS rn).

Has anyone, male or female, considered changing career goals to be with someone else? If so, what were the specifics and what ended up happening? I've never put another person before my career ambitions so I don't know what to do. Thanks!
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If you're a med student, maybe just wait until you finish 3rd year to see where things stand? Just enjoy the relationship for now. A lot could change in a year. After 3rd year, you should have a better idea of what specialty you want (since it seems like you're undecided about very different specialties, which is perfectly fine for someone in their 2nd year). Plus, you would better know where the relationship stands, how serious it is, etc.
 
How long have you two been together/dating? What type of work/career does he have?
 
kimposibl said:
EDIT: I meant spouse or S/O in the thread title!!

Hi SDN MD students/doctors

Female here. I am currently dating a non med man. Originally I was planning on specializing in Neurology and staying on the east coast for work and also policy change advocacy. The guy I'm dating wants to move west in rural country. Obviously we're not married and I'm only a 2nd year but I am considering switching to Gen Surg and moving out west after med school for him.(My step scores and 3rd year grades will determine my career path more, I understand but then I'd just do FM or EM and still move, but I'd like to aim for GS rn).

Has anyone, male or female, considered changing career goals to be with someone else? If so, what were the specifics and what ended up happening? I've never put another person before my career ambitions so I don't know what to do. Thanks!
Click to expand...

Your career goals and path should be modulated by your significant other and family. Not dictated, but modulated. There are certainly people out there that are career #1, career #2, and career #3, but they are a small minority. You have to make your life work.

Now that having been said, there are huge differences between neurology, general surgery and some other specialties you listed. There are also training programs across the country. Yes, most are focused in urban areas, but not just in the big cities. Your focus should be on doing well and trying to figure out what specialties are of interest to you, more than, "Oh that sounds like fun!", which is what your post sounds like. Which is perfectly fine given where you are at in school, but very naive.

It is one thing if your spouse is somewhere else and you are trying to match to be near them. It is another for them to not have a job lined up and simply want to move somewhere else. Personally, I think that the best is for you to figure out what specialty fits you best and then figure out what that means sacrificing based on where training programs are. Everything else is premature.
 
mimelim said:
Your career goals and path should be modulated by your significant other and family. Not dictated, but modulated. There are certainly people out there that are career #1, career #2, and career #3, but they are a small minority. You have to make your life work.

Now that having been said, there are huge differences between neurology, general surgery and some other specialties you listed. There are also training programs across the country. Yes, most are focused in urban areas, but not just in the big cities. Your focus should be on doing well and trying to figure out what specialties are of interest to you, more than, "Oh that sounds like fun!", which is what your post sounds like. Which is perfectly fine given where you are at in school, but very naive.

It is one thing if your spouse is somewhere else and you are trying to match to be near them. It is another for them to not have a job lined up and simply want to move somewhere else. Personally, I think that the best is for you to figure out what specialty fits you best and then figure out what that means sacrificing based on where training programs are. Everything else is premature.
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Thank you for your reply. He has a job lined up and is set to move there by next year. It's a great job with great benefits, in a nice rural area. He says he might only stay for a year, but it may also be for as long as he has the job, which could be years.

I am very interested in Neurology and that is my goal. However, if I'm going to live and work rurally, I want a specialty that will most benefit the community. Maybe that's the wrong way to decide on a specialty, but I want to help people. I think I'll be happy doing anything, although I did shadow a primary care doctor and it wasn't a very fulfilling experience me.

I will take your advice to heart and do well in school, then ultimately choose a specialty that fits me best and go from there.
 
kimposibl said:
Thank you for your reply. He has a job lined up and is set to move there by next year. It's a great job with great benefits, in a nice rural area. He says he might only stay for a year, but it may also be for as long as he has the job, which could be years.

I am very interested in Neurology and that is my goal. However, if I'm going to live and work rurally, I want a specialty that will most benefit the community. Maybe that's the wrong way to decide on a specialty, but I want to help people. I think I'll be happy doing anything, although I did shadow a primary care doctor and it wasn't a very fulfilling experience me.

I will take your advice to heart and do well in school, then ultimately choose a specialty that fits me best and go from there.
Click to expand...

There isn't a "wrong" way to pick a specialty. And if there was one, as described, yours would be far from it. If maximizing your impact on the community is important, then it should be a factor in picking your specialty and your practice. Ultimately, when you make your match list for residency, you should be ranking based on where you will be happiest in the long term. This is often a balance between training and proximity to family. There is no replacement for having a good support system close by for residency. By the same token, you only get to pick one residency and where you train, does somewhat dictate how good you will be in the end.

With your significant other having a job lined up in a specific area, research programs that are within 30 minutes, an hour, two hours and fours away. Look at the realities of neurology, general surgery, etc. With the match, there are never any guarantees, but knowing things ahead of time can really boost your chances at specific programs. If there are local/semi-local programs, make sure you do aways there. Do as well as you can now so you have options later.
 
I'm preface this with saying I'm one of the "career #1, career #2, career #3" priority people, so read my post with that in mind. I cannot imagine altering my specialty decision to facilitate my partner's career when it's a job they may only have for a year that they haven't even started yet. I mean, is this their dream job? Do they foresee staying there indefinitely? Are there minimal nonrural alternatives for their career? Is there no room for compromise on their end here? There are certainly compromises you can make on your end, but changing your specialty is a HUGE one assuming you aren't a coin toss between two. And I'm not clear what the plan for match / residency is. Shoot for a program in the vicinity of that one rural area?
 
kimposibl said:
Thank you for your reply. He has a job lined up and is set to move there by next year. It's a great job with great benefits, in a nice rural area. He says he might only stay for a year, but it may also be for as long as he has the job, which could be years.

I am very interested in Neurology and that is my goal. However, if I'm going to live and work rurally, I want a specialty that will most benefit the community. Maybe that's the wrong way to decide on a specialty, but I want to help people. I think I'll be happy doing anything, although I did shadow a primary care doctor and it wasn't a very fulfilling experience me.

I will take your advice to heart and do well in school, then ultimately choose a specialty that fits me best and go from there.
Click to expand...
Neurology is a pretty broad field that is in demand in both rural and urban settings. I don't know why you think it would only benefit a large city, there are many rural neurologists, and a demand for it in many places.
 
Keep in mind if you're a second year General Surgery will take you another 2 and a half years to graduate and another 5-7 years depending on your program to train (some require research years). Your boyfriend might not still be in that area in 7 years time.
 
Whoa!!!! Hey now, rural communities need neurologists WAAAAAAAAAAAAY more than surgeons. Some of my patients have to wait 6 months just to see one. My surgeons will usually see elective cases same week. It's night and day.

Nothing against surgeons, I love surgeons! But to say that neurologists are not needed in a more rural community could not be any further from the truth!!

Follow your gut, your heart, your brain, whatever organ that dictates your life, listen to it. If this guy doesn't support that, find someone who does! You're the one who has to do the work, not them.
 
kimposibl said:
He says he might only stay for a year, but it may also be for as long as he has the job, which could be years.
Click to expand...

I'm from the family #1 career #2 camp, so I'm not opposed to your overall thought process, but I'd hesitate to make massive career decisions for you based on what might be a short-term decision for your other half. You're going to be in medical school for 2+ more years and residency for 3+ years-- even if your significant other sticks it out at this job for a while, there's a decent chance he'll be onto something else by the time you're an attending. At that point, you obviously want to be in a position where both of you can be employed in the same geographic area, but I don't think you need to rule out specialties at this point to make that happen. As others in this thread have said, even if you do end up wanting to be in a rural area long-term, it doesn't mean you can't be a neurologist.
 
kimposibl said:
Female here. I am currently dating a non med man. Originally I was planning on specializing in Neurology and staying on the east coast for work and also policy change advocacy. The guy I'm dating wants to move west in rural country. Obviously we're not married and I'm only a 2nd year but I am considering switching to Gen Surg and moving out west after med school for him.(My step scores and 3rd year grades will determine my career path more, I understand but then I'd just do FM or EM and still move, but I'd like to aim for GS rn).
Click to expand...

I sense a lot of confusion in this post. Come back 18 months from now when you actually have to make this decision...assuming you haven't already made it by then, which you will.
 
Yo I did my FM rotation in a rural part of my state and there were NO neurologists. They were literally begging any neurologists to come to that 2 county area with ridiculous salaries. It was in a nice part of the state too! You can be of great benefit to your community doing what you want.
 
kimposibl said:
EDIT: I meant spouse or S/O in the thread title!!

Hi SDN MD students/doctors

Female here. I am currently dating a non med man. Originally I was planning on specializing in Neurology and staying on the east coast for work and also policy change advocacy. The guy I'm dating wants to move west in rural country. Obviously we're not married and I'm only a 2nd year but I am considering switching to Gen Surg and moving out west after med school for him.(My step scores and 3rd year grades will determine my career path more, I understand but then I'd just do FM or EM and still move, but I'd like to aim for GS rn).

Has anyone, male or female, considered changing career goals to be with someone else? If so, what were the specifics and what ended up happening? I've never put another person before my career ambitions so I don't know what to do. Thanks!
Click to expand...

If you aren't in a life-long committed relationship, I wouldn't consider that person at all in your decision making. Also, the chances that your SO is making as much/more money than you can are relatively slim, so I'm confused why that person's career is the one predicating your decisions. Especially for what seem like really short term stints (they want you to change specialties over a job they may have for one fu*kin year? Seriously?).

Maybe I'm oversensitive, but it seems like my female colleagues put up with way too much of this horsesh*t.

If it's a spouse saying no to neurosurgery + 11 children, then ok. Whatever. But if it's a spouse or SO saying "hey how about you completely change your life course over this job I might work for a year or so" then that's a little weird.
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Just in general, I would suggest spending a few hours brushing up on what each specialty sees and does, and then I would spend some time looking at how competitive various specialties are.

EM and Gen surgery are pretty comparable in competitiveness, so one makes a bad back-up for the other. You also have named four radically different specialties as good options for you.
 
Affiche said:
Girl you better have a ring on your finger before you start compromising something as significant as your career.
Click to expand...
YES! And compromise is a 2-way street. What's he going to give up? Otherwise it is a recipe for career dissatisfaction and divorce.
 
I would like to point out that the op has not stated that the guy is asking her to do anything but presented the idea as something she has thought about. This doesn't sound like one of those scenarios where the guy is being unreasonable (though it may be). It sounds more like the op is single sidedly figuring out how to change her life to stay with this guy which is in a way so much worse. Maybe that guy isn't planning on asking her to go with him. Maybe he doesn't see long term potential and is setting up an out. Or maybe he does want to be with her and figures he can spend a year trying this job out while she will be busy in her clinical years and then they can discuss things when he sees how he likes it and she is making her residency plans later. Or whatever is going on. Basically it is ridiculous to make such a big change in a one sided way. Not rdiculous to want to compromise with a SO in general, but for something big like this i wouldn't do it for someone i wasn't married to (though if someone felt their relationship was just as committed as a marriage they may consider it reasonable).
 
dpmd said:
I would like to point out that the op has not stated that the guy is asking her to do anything but presented the idea as something she has thought about. This doesn't sound like one of those scenarios where the guy is being unreasonable (though it may be). It sounds more like the op is single sidedly figuring out how to change her life to stay with this guy which is in a way so much worse. Maybe that guy isn't planning on asking her to go with him. Maybe he doesn't see long term potential and is setting up an out. Or maybe he does want to be with her and figures he can spend a year trying this job out while she will be busy in her clinical years and then they can discuss things when he sees how he likes it and she is making her residency plans later. Or whatever is going on. Basically it is ridiculous to make such a big change in a one sided way. Not rdiculous to want to compromise with a SO in general, but for something big like this i wouldn't do it for someone i wasn't married to (though if someone felt their relationship was just as committed as a marriage they may consider it reasonable).
Click to expand...
I agree, for the most part. It seems to me that OP's s/o has found a new job and she's now decided to completely change her plans and career goals in order to accommodate him, which is totally unnecessary and honestly not a very healthy response. If, ultimately, you need to compromise some of your career to accommodate a spouse, that's okay, but to immediately jump to that conclusion without exploring other options is unfathomable to me.
 
Affiche said:
I agree, for the most part. It seems to me that OP's s/o has found a new job and she's now decided to completely change her plans and career goals in order to accommodate him, which is totally unnecessary and honestly not a very healthy response. If, ultimately, you need to compromise some of your career to accommodate a spouse, that's okay, but to immediately jump to that conclusion without exploring other options is unfathomable to me.
Click to expand...
Seems like a huge red flag on the health of the relationship that she feels she needs to chase him.
 
Resentment is a terrible thing.

That is what is certainly going to be felt many times in your relationship, either brought up during every argument ("yeah well, I gave up my dream career for you"), or even if you split up ("I gave up my dream career for that person...and now what?")

Regret stays with you for the rest of your life (unlike spouses, very often).

Do a favor for two people:
Yourself: avoid regret and feeling resentful

Partner: avoid making them a punching bag because you resent them so much later on.

This holds true even if you have a ring on your finger.


Sent from my iPhone using SDN mobile
 
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