It's not a good idea to keep your name on the PS.....
With that said, you would get a lot of good critiques on what to write. However, be aware that someone people might steal your material as their own...
With that said... there is one essential part you are missing. In paragraph 2, you mentioned you decided to shadow a dentist. What made you decide to shadow a dentist? What was the realization? It's this realization that ADCOMs want to know and that will make you stand out. Your PS is too generic.
Also, cut out all the unnecessary fluff about your interest in art/sculpting etc. Talk about what you learned from doing them, not that you like them. Also, the patient is too much of a cookie cutter patient. If you are going to include a patient, make sure it stands out/really different from others.
Lastly, the last statement is too cliche, and serves no purpose in my opinion. You need a better ending
