Dental Jokes (stress relief for NBDE)

[kerrydds06]

A man is at the dentist's for a check-up.
As the dentist leans over, he asks, "Well, so you had oral sex this morning?"
"How did you know?" asks the man, embarrassed but also amazed at his dentist's perception. "Was it the smell on my breath?"
"No" says the dentist.
"Well, did you see a pubic hair caught in my teeth?" asks the man.
"No" says the dentist.
"Well, what then? How did you know?" asks the man, losing patience.
The dentist says "There's a little bit of **** on the end of your nose."

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[kerrydds06]

Keep them coming guys. and gals.

 

[kerrydds06]

The usual scene. A Dentist says to a patient, "Well, I've got good news and bad news."
The patient asks for the bad news and the dentist tells him that he need all his upper teeth removed and replaced with an implant supported denture and 6 root canals on the bottom jaw with crowns and a 4 implants for 2 bridges. Total cost about $27,000.
"$27,000 DOLLARS! That's terrible. I'll have to use up all my savings and my daughter's college fund! What's the good news."

Dentist says, "See my huge breasted receptionist, those two young hot assistants and that sexy hygienist? Well, I'm [with] them all!"


Alternative clean ending "I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to GEICO."


EDIT: Item in [brackets] was edited by moderator due to offensive content.

 

[kerrydds06]

When a Dental student at UB remarked on a new patient's extraordinarily ruddy complexion, he said, "High blood pressure, Doc. It comes from my family."
"Your mother's side or your father's?" the doctor asked.
"Neither," he replied. "It's from my wife's family."
"Oh, come now," the doctor said. "How could your wife's family give you high blood pressure?"
He sighed. "You oughta meet 'em sometime, Doc!"

 

[kerrydds06]

Dentist: "Would you help me out? I'd like you to give a few of your loudest screams."
Patient: "Why, Doc? It isn't all that bad this time."
Dentist: "Well, there are about 20 people in the waiting room right now, and I don't want to miss the five o'clock Bills game on Channel 2."


GO BILLS!!!

 

[kerrydds06]

A professor is giving the first year dental and medical students their first lecture on anatomy, and decides to give them a few basics before starting.

"You must be capable of two things to deal with corpses. The first thing is that you must have no sense of fear."

At this point, the lecturer sticks his finger into the dead man's anus and then licks it. He asks all the students to do the same thing with the corpses in front of them.

After a couple of minutes' silence he asks the class if they know what the second thing is.

Almost in unison the Dental students said:
"The second thing is that medical students don't have an acute sense of observation: You stuck your middle finger into the corpse's anus, but you licked your index finger!"

(see the PAT was good for something)

 

[kerrydds06]

A guy goes for his annual check-up, and the dentist calls him and his wife in to give them the results.
"Well," says the doc, " I have some good news and bad news for you."
"Give me the GOOD news first," requests the guy.
"Your tongue is three inches longer than it was at your last oral examinationl."
"That's GREAT!" exclaims the guy's wife with a huge smile on her face, "but what's the BAD news?"
The dentist replies, "It's malignant!" 😱

 

[kerrydds06]

You Might Be A REDNECK DENTIST if..........
-instead of Nitrous you ask your patient to "pull my finger."
-you have more curtains in your pick-up than you do in your office.
-chiggers are included in your list of "top 5 dental hygiene concerns."
-your lab coat has the sleeves cut off.
-your dental school song was "Dueling Banjos."
-you keep a can of Raid in each operatory.
-you clean your fingernails with a Cavitron.
-there are more than 5 old Burger King bags on you desk.
-you wonder how your staff can keep the restroom so clean.
-you almost quit dental school because Dad was opening a Lube Rack.
-your patients complain the ceiling fan is blowing too hard.
-you think Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy.
-the pen at your check out desk has a chain on it.
-your dental assistant can hear your car before she can see it.
-you use the words debridement and divorce interchangeably.
-after a haircut you look like Willie Nelson.
-your largest monthly office expense is from your taxidermist.
-your patients ask if they can wear a mask too.
-your assistant has to start suction by sucking hard on a plastic tube then lowering the end into a bucket.
-your Website is located in the corner near the ceiling.
-your high speed is made by Black and Decker.
-you have a velvet picture of Elvis in your waiting room.
-you use the term over yonder' instead of distal.

 

[kerrydds06]

What's worse than having your doctor tell you that you have VD?
Having your dentist tell you. 😱

 

[kerrydds06]

What to do you call an old dentist?
A bit long in the tooth

Did you hear about the dentist who planted a garden?
A month later he was picking his teeth

What does the dentist of the year get?
A little plaque

What do you call a depressed dentist?
A little down in the mouth.

What game did the dentist play when she was a child?
Caps and robbers

What does a dentist do on a roller coaster?
He braces himself

Why did the guru refuse Novocain when he went to his dentist?
He wanted to transcend dental medication.

What did the dentist see at the North Pole?
A molar bear

What was the dentist doing in Panama?
Looking for the Root Canal

Where does the dentist get his gas?
At the filling station

How did the dentist break his mirror?
Acci-DENTALly

What is big and scary and fills cavities?
Dentist the Menace

What did the dentist say to the computer?
This won't hurt a byte

What do dentists like most about amusement parks?
Molar coasters

Mother: Has your tooth stopped hurting yet?
Son: I don't know. The dentist kept it

What did the tooth say to the departing dentist?
Fill me in when you get back

What did the vampire say after the dentist finished checking his teeth?
Fang you very much!

 

[Dr.SpongeBobDDS]

-your high speed is made by Black and Decker.

I used to work at a place for the mentally handicapped. There were a few of the patients that I would have to take to the podiatrist fairly regularly. The first time I went I was taking a 72 yr. old lady to have some corns and callouses removed and her toenails trimmed. The doctor opened up a cabinet and pulled out a Black and Decker rotary tool with a narrow shopvac hose taped to the end.

At first, I didn't believe that was what he was going to use, but he just put a new sanding drum on and went to work. Had everything ground down including the toenails in about 10 minutes.

 

[Dr.SpongeBobDDS]

Why did the guru refuse Novocain when he went to his dentist?
He wanted to transcend dental medication.

This is my favorite.

 

[Dentalist]

I like this one. 🙂

Patient: How much to have this tooth pulled?

Dentist: $200

Patient: $200 for just a few minutes work???

Dentist: I can extract it very slowly, if you like.

 

[kerrydds06]

come on guys and gals, Dentist are supposed to have a good sense of humor. Some of you must have some jokes to share!

 

[lnn2]

only have R rated jokes 😉

 

[kerrydds06]

those are the best jokes. Leave out the bad words, we can use our imagination.

 

[lnn2]

The dentist was striving to extract a tooth, but every time he got ready to proceed, the patient clamped his jaws. At last, he took his assistant aside and told her at the very moment he poised the forceps, to give the patient's balls a vicious pinch.

The pinch was administered, the nervous patient's mouth flew open, and the tooth was easily removed.

"Didn't hurt, did it?" asked the dentist.

"Not too much," replied the patient, "but who would have thought the root went that deep?!"

 

[Yah-E]

A lady walks into the dentist's office, takes off her underwear, sits down on the chair and spreads her legs wide open.

"You must have made a mistake," says the shocked dentist, "The gynecologist's office is one level higher."

To that the lady replies, "No mistake, you installed my husband's dentures last week, now you'll be the one getting them out."

 

[Yah-E]

A pretty young lady was having a tooth pulled. The dentist gave her the usual "This won't hurt a bit" routine before bending over her with equipment in hand.
He immediately drew back in complete alarm. "Miss," he said in a barely audible whisper, "You have hold of my testicles!"

"Yes, doc, I know," she smiled, "And we aren't going to hurt each other, are we?"

 

[Yah-E]

A Scotsman goes to the dentist and asks how much it is for an extraction. "$85 for an extraction sir" was the dentists reply. "Och huv ye nay got unythin cheaper", replies the Scotsman getting agitated.

"But that's the normal charge for an extraction sir", said the dentist.

"What aboot if ye didnae use uny anaesthetic?", asked the Scotsman hopefully, "Well it's highly unusual sir, but if that's what you want, I suppose I can do it for $70", said the dentist.

"Hmmmm, what aboot if ye used one of ye dentist trainees and still wi' oot anaesthetic", said the Scotsman,

"Well it's possible but they are only training and I can't guarantee their level of professionalism and it'll be a lot more painful, but I suppose in that case we can bring the price down to say $40", said the dentist,

"Och that's still a bit much, how ab oot if ye make it a training session and have yon student do the extraction and the other students watchin and learnin", said the Scotsman hopefully.

"Hmmmmm, well OK it'll be good for the students I suppose, I'll charge you only $5 in that case", said the dentist.

"Wonderful, it's a deal" said the Scotsman..."Can ye book the wife in for next Tuesday"

 

[Yah-E]

#8 pertains to us!

1. Sex is a beauty treatment. Scientific tests find that when women make love they produce amounts of the hormone estrogen, which makes hair shine and skin smooth.

2. Gentle, relaxed lovemaking reduces your chances of suffering dermatitis, skin rashes and blemishes. The sweat produced cleanses the pores and makes your skin glow.

3. Lovemaking can burn up those calories you piled on during that romantic dinner.

4. Sex is one of the safest sports you can take up. It stretches and tones up just about every muscle in the body. It's more enjoyable than swimming 20 laps, and you don't need special sneakers!

5. Sex is an instant cure for mild depression. It releases endorphins into the bloodstream, producing a sense of euphoria and leaving you with a feeling of well-being.

6. The more sex you have, the more you will be offered. The sexually active body gives off greater quantities of chemicals called pheromones. These subtle sex perfumes drive the opposite sex crazy!

7. Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world. IT IS 10 TIMES MORE EFFECTIVE THAN VALIUM.

8. Kissing each day will keep the dentist away. Kissing encourages saliva to wash food from the teeth and lowers the level of the acid that causes decay, preventing plaque build-up.

9. Sex actually relieves headaches. A lovemaking session can release the tension that restricts blood vessels in the brain.

10. A lot of lovemaking can unblock a stuffy nose. Sex is a natural antihistamine. It can help combat asthma and hay fever.

 

[howui3]

Some tortures are physical and some are mental, but the one that's both is dental.

The wedding date was set and the groom's three pals, a carpenter, an electrician, and a dentist, were deciding what pranks to play on the couple on their wedding night. The carpenter figured sawing the slats of their bed would give them a chuckle or two. The electrician decided to wire the bed. The dentist wouldn't commit himself, but wore a sly grin and promised it would be memorable. The nuptials went as planned and a few days later, each of the grooms buddies received the following note: "Dear friends; We didn't mind the bed slats being sawed. The electric shock was only a minor setback. But I swear by God almighty, I'm going to kill whoever put Novocain in the K-Y jelly!"

One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and says: "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh." The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. This time he whispers in her ear: "I don't suppose you have dental appointment tomorrow as well?"

 

[HuyetKiem]

the main purpose of "spit bowls"

 

[aphistis]

Take it easy with the graphic jokes, please. This is a family website, so let's hold the conversation at PG. 😉

 

[Dr. Dai Phan]

OK,

Not dentistry related but funny as heck...

An elderly Asian man went to his doctor for an eye check up because he can't see too well latetly. After the examination, the doctor said " Well, Mr. Chang ... you have cataracts...". The old man then replies.." No, No Doctor... you are mistaken... I don't....I have a Lincoln". DP

 

[leia05]

A woman and her husband interrupted their vacation to go to the dentist. "I want a tooth pulled, and I don't want Novacaine because I'm in a big hurry," the woman said. "Just extract the tooth as quickly as possible, and we'll be on our way." The dentist was quite impressed. "You're certainly a courageous woman," he said. "Which tooth is it?" The woman turned to her husband and said, "Show him your tooth, dear."

A man walks into the dentist's office and after the dentist examines him, he says, "that tooth has to come out. I'm going to give you a shot of Novocain and I'll be back in a few minutes."
The man grabs the dentist's arm, "no way. I hate needles I'm not having any shot!"
So the dentist says, "okay, we'll have to go with the gas."
The man replies, "absolutely not. It makes me very sick for a couple of days. I'm not having gas."
So the dentist steps out and comes back with a glass of water, "here," he says. "Take this pill."
The man asks "What is it?"
The doc replies, "Viagra."
The man looks surprised, "will that kill the pain?" he asks.
"No," replies the dentist, "but it will give you something to hang on to while I pull your tooth!"

Anyone know the six most frightening words in the world ??? "The Dentist will see you now."

"Open wider." requested the dentist, as he began his examination of the patient. "Good God !" he said startled. "You've got the biggest cavity I've ever seen - the biggest cavity I've ever seen." "OK Doc !" replied the patient. "I'm scared enough without you saying something like that twice." "I didn't !" said the dentist. "That was the echo."

Patient: Doctor, I am very nervous. You know, this is my first extraction.
Young dentist: Don’t worry, it's my first extraction too.

When a new dentist set up in a small town he quickly acquired a reputation of being the latest kind of "Painless" dentist. But a local lad quickly disputed this. "He's a fake ! " he told his mates. "He's not painless at all. When he stuck his finger in my mouth I bit him - and he yelled like anyone else."

Cranky names
Actual Names of Practicing Dentists Dr.Pullman, Dr.Filler,
Dr.Fear, Dr.Rensch (pronounced wrench), Dr.Pick,
Dr.Tusk, Dr. Drewel (pronounced "drool"), Dr.Tucek (2thChk),
Dr.Chu, Dr.Shugar, Dr.Pic, Dr.Pang, Dr.Butcher,
Dr.Harm, Dr.Hurter, Dr.Toothaker, Dr.Lynch,
Dr.Root, Dr.Nasti, Dr.Paine/Payne/Pain (15 entries
but notably Dr.Daryl B Payne = "There Will Be Pain"),
Dr.Smiley, Dr.Schotz, Dr.Hale (pronounced
"hell" in southern), Dr.Bliss, Dr.Lancit, Dr.Gager, Dr. Eke

After a difficult day seeing patients, most of whom
had been children, the dentist's biggest challenge
had been getting those little mouths to stay
open. To his delight, his last patient was an adult.
"Welcome," he told her as he began the examination.
"It's so nice to work on someone with a big mouth."

 

[howui3]

the main purpose of "spit bowls"

why is your image linked up to some wedding webpage? just wondering.....

 

[L8DYV]

A lady walks into the dentist's office, takes off her underwear, sits down on the chair and spreads her legs wide open.

"You must have made a mistake," says the shocked dentist, "The gynecologist's office is one level higher."

To that the lady replies, "No mistake, you installed my husband's dentures last week, now you'll be the one getting them out."

LOL, I like