dilemma...serious inputs needed

[MMK2001]

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I have been lurking in this forum for a while and I have finally decided to post. I have a very serious issue so any insight/inputs would be very much appreciated.

I am currently a second yr optometry student. Recently I have been thinking of dropping out of opt school due to my lack of interest/motivation in the profession. I have to say my lack of interest gradually developed and now I have gotten to the point where I just want to quit. My husband has made numerous sacrifices to make it possible for me to go through school and it’s eating up inside of me to just give up what I had started. On top of that, I have accrued ~$80,000 in student loans debt (plus undergrad loans). I graduated from college with honors and at the time I was extremely driven and convinced that I have chosen optometry as a good career choice. But now I wish I have taken some time off after college to explore my options.

I am currently in good academic standing in opt school, but everyday I go to school feeling extremely miserable because I don’t even have a drop of interest left in optometry and I don’t want to be in school anymore. I tried telling my husband that I wanted to quit but he kept telling me that I am heading in the right direction because I have not experienced life enough to know what it is like in the real world and it’s best that I stay in school to finish my degree.

I have lost lots of sleep over this and it’s eating up inside of me. I imagine myself dropping out of school with just my biology degree in hand plus $80,000+ student loan debt and I got really nervous as to how I am going to pay all those money back and in the end I will still end up with nothing.


Please help me!!!! I am feeling miserable and depressed. I am finding it really hard to concentrate on my studies and I am afraid I will fail out if I don’t keep up, which I don’t want to happen. I have created a big hole and I can’t get out. What can I do and how can I regain my drive/ motivation back so I can go through another 3 yrs of opt school. PLEASE HELP!!!!

 

[docwatson]

I have been lurking in this forum for a while and I have finally decided to post. I have a very serious issue so any insight/inputs would be very much appreciated.

I am currently a second yr optometry student. Recently I have been thinking of dropping out of opt school due to my lack of interest/motivation in the profession. I have to say my lack of interest gradually developed and now I have gotten to the point where I just want to quit. My husband has made numerous sacrifices to make it possible for me to go through school and it’s eating up inside of me to just give up what I had started. On top of that, I have accrued ~$80,000 in student loans debt (plus undergrad loans). I graduated from college with honors and at the time I was extremely driven and convinced that I have chosen optometry as a good career choice. But now I wish I have taken some time off after college to explore my options.

I am currently in good academic standing in opt school, but everyday I go to school feeling extremely miserable because I don’t even have a drop of interest left in optometry and I don’t want to be in school anymore. I tried telling my husband that I wanted to quit but he kept telling me that I am heading in the right direction because I have not experienced life enough to know what it is like in the real world and it’s best that I stay in school to finish my degree.

I have lost lots of sleep over this and it’s eating up inside of me. I imagine myself dropping out of school with just my biology degree in hand plus $80,000+ student loan debt and I got really nervous as to how I am going to pay all those money back and in the end I will still end up with nothing.

Please help me!!!! I am feeling miserable and depressed. I am finding it really hard to concentrate on my studies and I am afraid I will fail out if I don’t keep up, which I don’t want to happen. I have created a big hole and I can’t get out. What can I do and how can I regain my drive/ motivation back so I can go through another 3 yrs of opt school. PLEASE HELP!!!!

Fortunately, you've only completed just one year. I know someone who dropped out after three years. Not sure what he's doing now.

Have you explored other fields of interest? If it didn't cost a dime, what would be your prime motivation in life?

What does your husband do for a living? Can he support the family by himself?

 

[xmattODx]

I don't have any advice for you. I don't know you or your situation aside from what you've written above.

I'll tell you that I was in a similar place during my optometric education. A little further along than you, however. After a trip to Honduras, during my second year, I realized that optometry was not necessairly what I wanted to do. All through my third year I told people I would quit if I weren't so financially invested in the program. The courses, the minutae, the assignments that we were to do was not fun for me. I didn't get a kick out of seeing patients in clinic half a day a week. I didn't enjoy studying most of the material (although I found at least one or two courses a semester enjoyable from an academic perspective).

I got through third year and enjoyed much of fourth year. I still didn't enjoy many of the patient encounters but I enjoyed the challenge, I enjoyed learning from a hands on place more than studying my notes. There were still problems though. I didn't get along with one of my supervising ODs - to the point I was miserable (longest 4 months of my life).

I chalked it up as a life lesson. I survived and was still able to learn a lot from that supervisor. I even got honours from him.

It was a difficult two years but I'm happy I stuck it out. I still don't know if I want to practice optometry but those two letters after your name, OD, can really open a lot of neat doors outside of direct patient care/true optometry.

I would go and speak with a professor/staff member you respect and have a heart-to-heart with them. I think you'll be surprised how many people in the midst of optometry school have regrets/doubts. Bring your husband to the meeting as well so that he can hear the pros and cons.

Good luck with whatever you decide!

 

[bwac2]

Dear MMK,

I am in the exact same situation as you, just a year earlier. I am a first year and am already feeling the way you are now, which is why I've been on SDN and ODwire the last few weeks. (my name is brandonchorbal on ODwire) I've asked a lot of the same things you have and started some discussion here (see "concerned student") and on ODwire (see "student uncertainty"). I am still making my decision as well but I am leaning on getting out of school. I find myself unmotivated most times and it's extremely difficult. I too was an honors student in undergrad and thought this was the right fit but opt school has not been all I hoped it would be. I feel like I'm willing to take my ~40k debt and my bio degree with me and see what I can do in the world. There are more opportunities than you think. Obviously I have not made a firm decision yet so I can't provide an example of what worked for me but I want you to know you are not the only one going through this kind of crisis. I could sum things up this way: Would you rather work off you ~$80k debt doing something that might be somewhat interesting or take you ~$150k debt into a field in which you know you already have lost interest. Not an easy choice but thinking about that way has helped me in sorting through all of this. As for the significant other, mine has simple said she "just wants me to be happy". I think that is the most important thing in anyone's life. Again, I don't know your personal situation and it's none of my business what goes on with you and your family but if you are genuinely unhappy in optometry you should come out and say it. Don't go through with something because you "think it's what you should do." I have fought that feeling and am finally overcoming it myself. I was a straight A college kid and was supposed to be in school forever but, truth be told, I'm really looking forward to not having to go to class anymore! I hope that, if nothing else, my post has at least let you know you are not the only one going through this sort of thing. I have been dealing with it for a month now and am still working on a decision. I know it's extremely difficult but there is hope! And we have bio degrees and great records so far, we have lots of potential! And as for DocWatson's post, I think he's right...separate yourself from the $$ aspect of it and decide what you really want to do with your life. Don't hesitate to contact me on here or ODwire as it's comforting for me, too, knowing someone else is dealing with this. Sorry for being so long-winded but I had to let you know my side of it! Good luck with everything!

-BH

 

[KHE]

Dear MMK,

I am in the exact same situation as you, just a year earlier. I am a first year and am already feeling the way you are now, which is why I've been on SDN and ODwire the last few weeks. (my name is brandonchorbal on ODwire) I've asked a lot of the same things you have and started some discussion here (see "concerned student") and on ODwire (see "student uncertainty"). I am still making my decision as well but I am leaning on getting out of school. I find myself unmotivated most times and it's extremely difficult. I too was an honors student in undergrad and thought this was the right fit but opt school has not been all I hoped it would be. I feel like I'm willing to take my ~40k debt and my bio degree with me and see what I can do in the world. There are more opportunities than you think. Obviously I have not made a firm decision yet so I can't provide an example of what worked for me but I want you to know you are not the only one going through this kind of crisis. I could sum things up this way: Would you rather work off you ~$80k debt doing something that might be somewhat interesting or take you ~$150k debt into a field in which you know you already have lost interest. Not an easy choice but thinking about that way has helped me in sorting through all of this. As for the significant other, mine has simple said she "just wants me to be happy". I think that is the most important thing in anyone's life. Again, I don't know your personal situation and it's none of my business what goes on with you and your family but if you are genuinely unhappy in optometry you should come out and say it. Don't go through with something because you "think it's what you should do." I have fought that feeling and am finally overcoming it myself. I was a straight A college kid and was supposed to be in school forever but, truth be told, I'm really looking forward to not having to go to class anymore! I hope that, if nothing else, my post has at least let you know you are not the only one going through this sort of thing. I have been dealing with it for a month now and am still working on a decision. I know it's extremely difficult but there is hope! And we have bio degrees and great records so far, we have lots of potential! And as for DocWatson's post, I think he's right...separate yourself from the $$ aspect of it and decide what you really want to do with your life. Don't hesitate to contact me on here or ODwire as it's comforting for me, too, knowing someone else is dealing with this. Sorry for being so long-winded but I had to let you know my side of it! Good luck with everything!

-BH

I have been out of school for coming up on 8 years now, and I took a three year sabbatical away from optometry to work teaching high school math and science before returning. I have some experience with the feelings you are all feeling, although I think you are both unhappy for very different reasons.

To the OP, I would recommend that you make the commitment to finishing off your year, if not your entire program. I do not agree with the argument "well, it will cost me $xxx.xx more dollars to finish a program I am not happy with." because in the totallity of your entire working life, the amount of money your are talking about is quite small, though it may seem like a lot now.

The question you have to be asking yourself is, of course, what else would you do? Do you have another career in mind? If you do, then maybe start thinking about it, but when you are unhappy the tendency is to look at every other situation with rose colored glasses. There is also a tendency to jump into another undesireable situation because you are just so anxious to get out of the situation you're currently in, you don't see the potential downsides of the move you are considering making. I've experienced that myself as well, both inside and outside of optometry.

PM me if you wish....I have some suggestions for you but I would at least finish off this year, if not your whole program.

 

[IndianaOD]

To me, I think it would depend if you wanted to do optometry after its over. A couple more years of misery is not that big of deal if you get to do what you want to. Like KHE said, if there is something different that you definitely want to do then I would probably leave.

Its difficult on our part because we don't know you. Is it the classwork that seems irrelevant and is depressing you? Note these classes will be nearly identical in medicine, dentistry, etc. Have you done a lot of OD shadowing?

If private practice, working at a referral center, VA etc, academics, or research holds no interest to you then unfortunately an OD will not do you much good. However, you can always add a combined PhD and expand your opportunities.

Good luck.

 

[Ben Chudner]

I have been out of school for coming up on 8 years now, and I took a three year sabbatical away from optometry to work teaching high school math and science before returning. I have some experience with the feelings you are all feeling, although I think you are both unhappy for very different reasons.

To the OP, I would recommend that you make the commitment to finishing off your year, if not your entire program. I do not agree with the argument "well, it will cost me $xxx.xx more dollars to finish a program I am not happy with." because in the totallity of your entire working life, the amount of money your are talking about is quite small, though it may seem like a lot now.

The question you have to be asking yourself is, of course, what else would you do? Do you have another career in mind? If you do, then maybe start thinking about it, but when you are unhappy the tendency is to look at every other situation with rose colored glasses. There is also a tendency to jump into another undesireable situation because you are just so anxious to get out of the situation you're currently in, you don't see the potential downsides of the move you are considering making. I've experienced that myself as well, both inside and outside of optometry.

PM me if you wish....I have some suggestions for you but I would at least finish off this year, if not your whole program.

I'll come at this from another perspective although I think you have already received good advice from everyone above. While I really enjoy being an optometrist, I do not necessarily enjoy the day to day practice of optometry. Sometimes, the repetitive nature of this profession can get a little old. So, to keep my interest I looked for other things within optometry to spice it up. Owning a practice has helped a lot, because dealing with staff is never dull. I like to lecture, so I found a way to go on the road and lecture 2 times a month. I enjoy helping people with dry eye, so I started a dry eye clinic. All of these things make optometry very fun for me, and I had no idea about them when I was in school. The point of all this is that optometry school may prepare to become an OD, but life as an OD is completely different than what it looks like to you right now. There are many aspects of optometry beyond simply asking which is better 1 or 2 all day. You might find that you like low vision, or binocular vision, or anything else other than primary care. Maybe you like research or teaching. My advice is to look at everything you can possibly do with an OD degree and if you can't find something that interests you, only then should you consider discontinuing your education. I wish you luck.

 

[Dr Gump]

I'll chime in my two cents, as well.

You haven't even gotten to the good stuff yet. Everybody hates the first two years....tedious classroom "schmutz". It will get better as soon as you see your first patient. You don't want to miss that reaction a patient will have when they can see clearly for the first time in a long time, or combining all your findings into one to make an unusual diagnosis. These are a feelings no one should miss.

You should think back and remember what attracted you to this profession in the first place. Discuss this with your husband and see if you can conger up those old feelings.

Ultimately it is your decision, but let me give you something that may help. Click on this link. I like the "brick wall" part the best.

http://link.brightcove.com/services/link/bcpid452319854/bctid1199157902

Good luck with your decision.

Dr. Gump

 

[MMK2001]

Thank you all for sharing your stories and your experiences. They are very precious to me. Your responses have given me direction in my thinking. Most likely, I will try to regain my focus so that I could finish up this semester. Then I will use the short winter break to reevaluate my goals and make my decision from there.

 

[ODhopeful]

I'm 3rd year UHCO and it really sucks. I hate all the stupid peds classes we take, honestly, all the classes are ******ed except contact lens (borderline ******ed) and retinal pathology (more interesting). I hate seeing all the patients that can't tell me what their chief complaint is because they can't say "blurry eyes" in English. I think you should just drop out and save yourself some money and headache. WHY does optometry seem so unpromising?!?!??!?!?!!! I hate this s^&*!!!!!

 

[cunikki]

wow that is depressing!!!!!!!!! honestly if i were you i would sit down and evaluate what you don't like about it. if it is something like just the classes you are taking but you really like the patient interactions i would stick it out. if you are pretty sure you don't want to interact with patients and you hate everything about it why are you wasting your time?? unfortunately there have been a couple people at my school who waiting until late into second or even third year to drop out when they knew the whole time they hate it. life is too short to not like what you are doing... i know the money you have put into it seems like a lot but is money worth sacrificing your happiness? if you can figure out what you really want to do and be good at it then you can get rid of that debt eventually
honestly i LOOOOVE being in clinic and it makes me soo sad to talk to people whoa re just biding their time... i have worked for 2 years before this in a job i hated and it was hell....why would you do that to yourself??

 

[EyeQ]

I know this is a little off topic but I came across this blog from a 3rd year student at UC Berkeley. Reading it makes me smile.

i love my patient!!!

on friday, i saw a patient in primary care clinic and today, she came back to pick out her glasses/frames with me in the eye wear center. guess what??!! she brought me a bag of eyeball candies to thank me and said that i can bring it to Mod A to share with the mod if i like!!! awww !!! how sweet!!! she is a very fun patient! it's patient like this that makes u feel so warm in your heart and that your care has really made a difference in her life. optometry rocks. i love my profession and my job.

eyeball chocolates!





Isn't that the sweetest!! 😍

 

[IndianaOD]

Satisfaction also comes when you solve a problem that 5 other doctors couldn't figure out. Remember, ophthalmology is not trained nearly as much concerning the entire process of vision. (BV, visual efficinecy, stereopsis etc.) Did you see the article in Dear Abby where it took an OD at Mayo to finially diagnose the child's problem?

Some get a kick out of disease, personally I like BV problems and treating headaches and learning problems that were never diagnosed before.

The greatest: I had a little boy say "Mommy, I guess the doctor at Sears didn't do a very good job did they" when I diagnosed and treated the BV problem.

There are definite highs and lows. I think its like golf where all it takes is a couple of good shots to keep you going.

 

[Ben Chudner]

The greatest: I had a little boy say "Mommy, I guess the doctor at Sears didn't do a very good job did they" when I diagnosed and treated the BV problem.

🙄 Somewhere, there is an ophthalmologist posting on a forum just like this: The greatest: I had a patient say "Gee, I guess that optometrist missed my (fill in the blank)" when they saw me for a second opinion.

The consistent attacks on the skill level of corporate optometrists because of the location of their practice is as logical as ophthalmology's attack on our skill level because of our degree. I am happy to hear that you enjoy BV, but even in private practice you are in the minority. I don't believe it's accurate to say that corporate docs miss more BV problems than the majority of private practice OD's.

 

[KHE]

The greatest: I had a little boy say "Mommy, I guess the doctor at Sears didn't do a very good job did they" when I diagnosed and treated the BV problem.

Pardon my skepticism but I have worked with a LOT of children of all ages during my professional life and I have NEVER heard a child EVER make any comment even close to resembling something like that about anything.

To me, that just sounds like a made up anecdote by a commercial basher so that they could get in their little daily dose of commercial bashing. 🙄

 

[cpw]

I'm 3rd year UHCO and it really sucks. I hate all the stupid peds classes we take, honestly, all the classes are ******ed except contact lens (borderline ******ed) and retinal pathology (more interesting). I hate seeing all the patients that can't tell me what their chief complaint is because they can't say "blurry eyes" in English. I think you should just drop out and save yourself some money and headache. WHY does optometry seem so unpromising?!?!??!?!?!!! I hate this s^&*!!!!!

The first two years in school are always awful because you can't understand why you have to learn all this stuff just to see patients. By third year you're trying to hold down courses and still see patients 20 hours a week. And yes, in Houston you're going to see patients who can't speak English. It's Texas.. it's kind of a given. I tried to use it as an opportunity to practice my Spanish. Unfortunately, my exam room in "the donut" at the end of third year was right in front of the reception desk.. when the girls up front found out my spanish was above average suddenly every day I never got patients who spoke english again. Where was I going with this ? ... Oh yeah, you're just going to have to accept the fact that you're in Texas, serving an under served population. It's not all going to be easy.. and you know what.. that's where your retinal/ocular pathology comes in. People with good insurance who get good medical care... tend to have less path and don't come to the university clinics.

But, if you hate being in clinic, you definitely chose the wrong profession. I LIVED for clinic. It made me realize just how much I hated sitting through yet another lecture on anti-sympathetic drugs or graphing BV disorders (Ugh). Clinic should make you realize why you're there putting up with all the BS

The peds classes were especially painful for me as well. I still love seeing kids though. 😳

 

[IndianaOD]

Pardon my skepticism but I have worked with a LOT of children of all ages during my professional life and I have NEVER heard a child EVER make any comment even close to resembling something like that about anything.

To me, that just sounds like a made up anecdote by a commercial basher so that they could get in their little daily dose of commercial bashing. 🙄

Sorry, It happened. I remember it clearly. My old boss might remember it if you have some money to put on the line 😀.

Back to the serious topic at hand.

 

[ODhopeful]

I know this is a little off topic but I came across this blog from a 3rd year student at UC Berkeley. Reading it makes me smile.

i love my patient!!!

on friday, i saw a patient in primary care clinic and today, she came back to pick out her glasses/frames with me in the eye wear center. guess what??!! she brought me a bag of eyeball candies to thank me and said that i can bring it to Mod A to share with the mod if i like!!! awww !!! how sweet!!! she is a very fun patient! it's patient like this that makes u feel so warm in your heart and that your care has really made a difference in her life. optometry rocks. i love my profession and my job.

eyeball chocolates!





Isn't that the sweetest!! 😍

That's really nice and all, but if she don't buy any glasses then I have to eat those eye ball candies for dinner. To that I say, heck no... buy some glasses and u can have ur candy back, I'll buy u another bag too if u get AR coating. haha

 

[ODhopeful]

The first two years in school are always awful because you can't understand why you have to learn all this stuff just to see patients. By third year you're trying to hold down courses and still see patients 20 hours a week. And yes, in Houston you're going to see patients who can't speak English. It's Texas.. it's kind of a given. I tried to use it as an opportunity to practice my Spanish. Unfortunately, my exam room in "the donut" at the end of third year was right in front of the reception desk.. when the girls up front found out my spanish was above average suddenly every day I never got patients who spoke english again. Where was I going with this ? ... Oh yeah, you're just going to have to accept the fact that you're in Texas, serving an under served population. It's not all going to be easy.. and you know what.. that's where your retinal/ocular pathology comes in. People with good insurance who get good medical care... tend to have less path and don't come to the university clinics.

But, if you hate being in clinic, you definitely chose the wrong profession. I LIVED for clinic. It made me realize just how much I hated sitting through yet another lecture on anti-sympathetic drugs or graphing BV disorders (Ugh). Clinic should make you realize why you're there putting up with all the BS

The peds classes were especially painful for me as well. I still love seeing kids though. 😳

Glad to hear u hate all that peds stuff too. I think they're just trying to make up stuff to teach us so the doctors can have a job and we can be billed for our 20th peds class. Peds and all that binocular SCHAT should be a subspecialty of optometry.