engagement on the interview trail?

[sootymangabey]

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I have a sort of complicated question but I'm hoping I can get some good feedback from you guys. I've been reading SDN for a while now and it's great.

Here's the situation:

I am trying to coordinate going to medical school where my boyfriend does his post-doc. (He's waiting to see where I get in before he commits to any lab.) Trying to go to the same city is really important to us. From reading SDN I've gathered that saying, "I want to coordinate with my boyfriend" is not nearly as strong as "I want to coordinate with my fiance." IF I chose to add that to the many reasons I tell a school that I am interested in them, I feel like I would have to say "fiance" for it to be even slightly meaningful.

So while we weren't planning to get engaged until next spring, when we knew where were moving to, etc, suddenly now that it's nearing interview season I'm feeling like that was a mistake and it would help to be engaged now. BUT I don't want to rush it. I want it to be romantic and nice, and I feel like saying, alright, let's get a ring in the next 2 weeks is NOT romantic. (And what if we don't find the perfect ring in such a short amount of time?)

So basically what I'm getting at is, I'd like to wait on the actual pomp and circumstance of the actual "engagement" but I'd like to say "fiance" at my interviews. (Maybe.)

So we've been brainstorming and come up with a couple options:
1. suck it up and just buy the ring.
pro: honest
con: time consuming at a time when neither one of us wants to deal with it.
maybe I'm stuck with not the perfect ring for the rest of my life

2. buy a $50 cubic zirconia ring on ebay or walmart or something to use for interviews, and wait on the real one.
pro: cheap and easy
con: will it be obvious it's fake? Any of you engaged people had your ring scrutinized on the interview trail?
Any suggestions on how/where to get a good CZ ring?

3. not wear a ring and be like, "oh, we haven't gotten the ring yet."
pro: easy
con: "they" wont take it seriously.

I would appreciate all the help and thoughts I can get!

 

[adamj61]

No one ****ing cares...

 

[wxl31]

No one ****ing cares...

That's so mean! Being close to her boyfriend during medschool is important to her. Why are you disparaging that?

Sooty, I'm in your same situation. My boyfriend gave me a promise ring 2 years ago (we've been together for 4). I wear it on my ring finger. Have you thought of that?

I dont know....Option 1 and 2 just sound a little fake to me. And buying an engagement ring is NOT EASY. Don't rush it. I've gone shopping a couple times and it's hard. Hope it all works out.

 

[JDAWG07]

No one ****ing cares...

Screw you adamj61

 

[WatchingWaiting]

This is the 21st century-- you don't have to wear your ring. Some people don't like rings, find them uncomfortable, you may just not have the money to be able to afford a good one, etc. I doubt interviewers will be paying much attention to whether or not you are wearing a ring, and if any particular one does notice, you seem to have a perfectly reasonable explanation.

 

[Bman143]

This is the 21st century-- you don't have to wear your ring. Some people don't like rings, find them uncomfortable, you may just not have the money to be able to afford a good one, etc. I doubt interviewers will be paying much attention to whether or not you are wearing a ring, and if any particular one does notice, you seem to have a perfectly reasonable explanation.

I would totally agree. Just do whatever works out, but don't stress about it bc that's the last thing you need. I would say if you end up with a ring by the time you are doing all your interviews, great, otherwise just go with option 3. Be confident about it, though, and make sure that both you and your boyfriend are ok with this before you do anything.

 

[adamj61]

They don't care, we don't care....if you really think adcoms need to be looking at the fingers of every women that walks in the door, you need to spend your time thinking about something other than marriage. A simple...I left it at home would work, but you felt the need to clutter the board with whiney stories abouta boyfriend and forced engagement, let the dude ask you to marry him when he is ready...not because you have the false assumption adcoms are checking your finger out because you felt the need to embellish your PS because you are worried what people think about you. Who ****ing cares if he is your boyfriend...that is what he is, people move and do big things for a SO, so quit worrying

 

[Darko]

Doesn't it take several weeks to order an engagement ring? You better start nagging him now!

 

[adamj61]

Doesn't it take several weeks to order an engagement ring? You better start nagging him now!

That is lame, let the man do what he wants

 

[tinkerbelle]

It sounds like you have given this issue a lot of thought and it is obviously on your mind. If it makes you feel more confortable during interviews, then just buy the cheap cubic zirconia ring for now. Try CostCo or Walmart for a good ring. If you buy one from e-bay, it *might* not fit. However, I seriously doubt an interviewer is going to screwtinize your ring 🙂

Good luck!

 

[VPDcurt]

I wouldn't rush into getting a ring or even getting engaged just for the sake of an application or to make a question easier to answer on a secondary. I think it would be fine to rush into from a guy's perspective, but I know how important that stuff is to women. Just let them know that you guys are going to get engaged but with everything else going on between the both of you and your schooling, there just simply isn't any time to deal with the engagement right now. Honesty is always the best thing. You don't want to start a web of lies during a med school interview.

 

[principessa]

So, are you actually getting engaged, or are you just going to pretend to be engaged for med school interviews? I don't think it's a good idea to get engaged just for this, and it's definitely not a good idea to lie to anyone. Tell them that you want to be near your serious boyfriend whom you are seriously considering marrying. It will probably mean about as much as saying you want to be near your fiance - it conveys that you have a strong interest in going to school in a particular location.

And, for the guys - you have no idea how much attention women pay to other women's fingers.

 

[sootymangabey]

Thanks guys, I appreciate the input. I think the consensus is probably correct, there's no problem with option #3. I wasn't even worried about this whole thing til I started reading SDN and then I started panicking. I just know interviews are going to stress me out and I didn't want one more thing hanging over me. Count on SDN to get me into a frenzy and then SDN to get me out. 🙂

adamj61 I don't know what the heck your problem is but take a deep breath and chill out. If you think it's clutter don't read it, alright?

Principessa, we are actually planning to get engaged, it's certainly not a ruse, we just planned to wait until the next stage of life was a little more settled (where I go to school, where he works, where we live etc).

Again, thanks for the thoughtful responses. Goodluck to everyone!

 

[VPDcurt]

Hey Sooty, don't worry about adamj. He just blew up on me on a different thread for asking him an innocent question. I think he has other issues and he comes to SDN to vent. Good luck with your interviews and with your engagement/relationship. I hope everything works out for you and your boyfriend.

 

[sootymangabey]

Hey Sooty, don't worry about adamj. He just blew up on me on a different thread for asking him an innocent question. I think he has other issues and he comes to SDN to vent. Good luck with your interviews and with your engagement/relationship. I hope everything works out for you and your boyfriend.

Thanks VPDcurt. Best of luck to you, too. 🙂

 

[Fed Meat]

I'd go with option 2. I wouldn't take you seriously unless you had a ring on your finger. If a guy is really serious, he'll make sure he has one.

I don't buy into the "But it's the 21st-century!" argument. I'll say it again, if a guy is serious, you'll have a ring. Get the cheapie zirconia and go with it.

Just make sure your boyfriend knows that there is no rush, and that this is just to help the two of you out.

 

[lisa13579]

I don't really think you even need to mention the boyfriend/fiancee. Not to be blunt, but I don't think it will make a difference on whether they accept you.

I was in a similar situation last year when I applied and choose not to mention it, because I couldn't think of a good way to bring it up. I did say, however, that in addition to really liking the school, I liked the city and had a good support system there. (i.e., my boyfriend). I don't think it can seriously sway the admissions decision, but it does show that you are committed to the area and would be a happier student.

btw, everything worked out for us, we are in the same city 🙂 Good luck, I know how incredibly stressful it is. Please don't rush into an engagement for the purpose of interviews. Things usually work out.

 

[Iamajew]

I think that it's ridiculous to lie about your plans. Engaged or not, you are what you are.

 

[akpete]

Adam was blunt in his comments, yes, but VPD is no angel either. Might want to give people the entire story on the "other thread" on which he blew up at you.

To the OP, I wouldn't stress too much. Just let things be for now. No need to rush. If your SO comes up in the interview, you'd be able to explain that while you may not be engaged now, you have made plans for the future. But in the end, I think acceptances will come down to other factors.

 

[adamj61]

Adam was blunt in his comments, yes, but VPD is no angel either. Might want to give people the entire story on the "other thread" on which he blew up at you.

To the OP, I wouldn't stress too much. Just let things be for now. No need to rush. If you SO comes up in the interview, you'd be able to explain that while you may not be engaged now, you have made plans for the future. But in the end, I think acceptances will come down to other factors.

Yeah, I didn't blow up on him...he attacked english as my first language. I don't come here to vent, I am like this in real life. I am extremely honest and straight forward...hopefully with tact most of the time. I also don't need to chill out, clutter is still clutter...it gets in the way of reading more important things...even the party school rankings go above this one. I am not one to care what is posted...but this whole thing is just stupid, what is the point? Go to the lounge and talk about how much you want a ring

 

[adamj61]

Thanks VPDcurt. Best of luck to you, too. 🙂

You wish this dingus luck just because he supports your brilliant idea...come on, we all need the luck

 

[Albert Einstein]

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[Howard Roark]

good luck

 

[Rugger81]

i gotta go with adam on this one. what a friggin annoying post. almost as annoying as those people who come to this forum to post their amazing stats, seeking reassurances from a bunch of faceless names on the internet even though they know damn well they have great numbers.



ahhhhh! and i thought SDN was going to have so much useful info about applications and the whole process. instead it's become a bunch of stupid ass posts like this. what a waste.

 

[lorelei]

If you guys are planning to get engaged, that means you're planning to get married right? So what makes you say you're not engaged yet? The ring isn't the point, though if it'll make you feel better you could wear a cheap one - if you're planning on getting married, you're already engaged. So call him your fiance if the subject comes up; it's not a lie just because you haven't done the fancy proposal/ring thing yet.

 

[sootymangabey]

If you guys are planning to get engaged, that means you're planning to get married right? So what makes you say you're not engaged yet? The ring isn't the point, though if it'll make you feel better you could wear a cheap one - if you're planning on getting married, you're already engaged. So call him your fiance if the subject comes up; it's not a lie just because you haven't done the fancy proposal/ring thing yet.

You make an extremeley valid point. 🙂

I'm gonna reiterate one more time: if you don't like the thread don't click on it and/or don't respond. I really do appreciate everyone who gave me advice. All the negativity is a bit of a turn off.

 

[katnapper]

Doesn't it take several weeks to order an engagement ring? You better start nagging him now!

It depends on if you design it yourself or collaborate with a jeweler. I would imagine that it doesn't take *that* long.

Also, it is possible that she doesn't have to *nag* for anything. 🙂

 

[aparecida]

If you're annoyed, how about just ignoring the post and moving on with your life instead of attacking the OP? Jeez.

Say fiance during the interviews. Don't worry about the ring. Jeez.