ER theme song

[deleted65604]

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I need your help with composing and perfecting a ballad to be sung to the tune of My Favorite Things (from The Sound of Magic). I would love you to suggest some modifications or to add some stanzas.

Here is my rough draft:

Scratched by my doggie and bit by my kitten
My butt hurts so bad I can't stand any sittin'
I think that I have a Brown Recluse sting
These are a few of my favorite things

Chest pain and dyspnea and I can't find my Tampax
I got so darn sad that I ate some Ajax
Girls with vag bleeding and gross green discharge
My tonsils hurt real bad and have become large

My tooth hurts so bad that I need narcotics
I need ten days worth cause I live in the sticks
My large prison roommate Bubba loved rainbows
Now I can't stop sticking things up my hose

When I'm fed up
When I'm sleepy
When my kids drive me mad
I simply remember I'm not these patients, and then I don't feel so bad

 

[deleted77919]

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[doctorFred]

Chronic low back pain and migraine's a-plenty
I need ten days off work - no wait, make it twenty!
X-rays for ev-ery low-impact ding,
These are a few of my favorite things

Octogenarian DNR and on hospice
The family still wants all the invasive nonsense
He'll be dead by next tuesday, as sure as I sing
That these are a few of my favorite things

You wrote "ER doc" under "Primary Care"
I wouldn't have believed it if I wasn't there
Here's a sandwich, a soda, what else can I bring?
Tell me a few of your favorite things

When the gomers
And the junkies
Have me defeated and sad
I simply remember my favorite things.. and then, I still feel bad!

 

[Zanegray]

I got a toothache and its friday night
Only 10 vics doc? you know it ain't right
I wasn't looking my kid swallowed my ring
These are a few of my regular things...

When the dog bites,
When the bee stings
When they're just plain mad,
I simply remember we're paid for these things
and then I don't feel so bad!