Family member trying to re-write my personal statement

[Kuune]

I bet many people have had to deal with this annoying problem. So I wrote finished my personal statement a few days ago, and sent it out to a few people to read and edit. I wrote about my research and how I've grown from it. I used particular instances in my research and connected them to experiences in volunteering, and wrapped it up saying I wanted to be a doctor because I want to be the one to apply new research to the patients.

My father read it, and told me that I should instead focus my essay on family influences and how "my life was changed because my mother died from cancer." Now of course, it was a life changing event, but it's so cliche, and I don't think I can write something like that without sounding super fake. Also, I've read in various tip sources that writing about a family death isn't a good idea because the ad com doesn't want to see one incident being the sole reason for all your decisions.

What do you guys think? Do ad coms care for the emotional family member being sick essays?

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[schrizto]

I never let my parents read my essays, because they give terrible, cliched advice. You're an adult and the one submitting the essay, so it should be easy to not take their advice if you don't think the advice is good.

 

[TooMuchResearch]

Keep your version. The family member bit has been done to death.

 

[justinbaily]

They do if you can show how you responded to the event and if it honestly influenced your desire to go into medicine. If it was, in fact, a life changing event as you mentioned, then I think that it should find its way into your PS.

Unless you're applying to MD/PhD programs, I am a little bit worried by the outline of your PS.

I'm sorry to hear about your mom by the way. 🙁 I'm sick in bed today with nothing to do, so I would be happy to read your PS and provide you with an independent and unbiased point of view.

 

[Asyouwereatrio]

I would only do it if it TRULY and SINCERELY affected your decision to become a doctor...that's the idea...things in your life that motivated you to want to become a physcian.

 

[justinbaily]

Keep your version. The family member bit has been done to death.

But the OP said that it changed their life. If it had a major impact on the decision to pursue medicine, then why should they leave that out?

 

[TooMuchResearch]

But the OP said that it changed their life. If it had a major impact on the decision to pursue medicine, then why should they leave that out?

Because the OP already wrote the essay he/she wanted to write.

 

[schrizto]

I don't think someone necessarily has to cover everything in their essay either. You have to have something to talk about in your interview, right? Well I guess some interviews are closed-file... but if it majorly influenced the OP's decision to pursue medicine then it would have been something they mentioned in their first draft without someone else suggesting it.

 

[Kuune]

Let me give a little more information.
I definitely included the bit about my mom, but it's not the running theme of my essay. and it was obviously life-changing, but it wasn't the MAJOR contributing factor to my wanting to be a doctor. My app is really research heavy. 3 years, a publication, and another one submitted (on which i'm 2nd author). I thought that might merit more words.

thanks everyone for the feedback!

 

[DoctwoB]

Go with your gut, not with what your parents say. Parents often make terrible proof-readers, as I've found out. I have a friend who wrote a pretty strong logical essay about why he wanted to be a doctor, got parental feedback, and changed it too a more touchy feely "how my life was changed by patient interaction x" type essay. He didn't do nearly as well as he or I expected this cycle, (though he will be going to med school) and he's left wondering what if.

I haven't read the essay, so I can't say for sure, but I think its much better to screw up while trusting your work than to go with what you or someone else thinks that the adcom "wants" to hear.

 

[justinbaily]

Okay, then I agree with the poster who said that your mom should not be the focus of the essay. If that event was not a major motivation, then it would come off as fake.

I also agree with DoctwoB that you should not tailor your PS to what you or other people may believe that adcoms want to hear. I do believe that hearing outside opinions of what you have written is valuable, however. I changed the theme of my PS and a number of paragraphs after a professor pointed out some flaws in my initial PS. I am unbelievably happy that I did.

 

[addo]

Hey its your own PERSONAL statement. Take advice and feedback, but ultimately it will be your own so you decide.

 

[d1ony5u5]

Definitely go with what you think is best. Parents are so invested (emotionally), that they don't see things clearly or objectively when it comes to this sort of situations. You know where your strengths lie, and you are the one who is going to be in the driver's seat of this whole process (primary, secondaries, interviews, LoIs, etc) not them. So, go with what you know is best.

And by the way, don't let people tell you that going with the research angle is a bad thing. My app was also research heavy, and my statement had important similarities to yours. In the end, it got me in exactly where I wanted to go. Your application has to have a message supported by all its components (LoRs, Ps, ECs, etc) and if yours happens to be research, the problem could be not making it the central theme of your app.

Good luck!

PS. as far as advise on how to deal with your family's input, what I did was to show them the final draft after I had worked a ton on it, and also really on top of the date of submission, so I could always just tell them that although their feedback was valuable and appreciated, it just didn't make it into the final version because of timing. Obviously, if they pointed out something that made sense and I agreed with, I did incorporate that into the final version...

 

[alibai3ah]

Yep had many family members trying to change my PS. I didn't listen to them and now I'm accepted 😀

Go with what you have. Listen to what they have to say of course, but ultimately go with your gut feeling about which version to pick....

 

[MisterVeil]

Agree with the idea that, more often than not, parents and family make horrible proofreaders.

While I don't blame them for my crappy, cliche college application essays way back when I was applying to colleges (I'm the one who wrote them after all), I do blame them for giving me approval and undeserved confidence 😀

Fortunately, I realized my folly after I'd gotten into college. Now, several years later, I wouldn't dare let them read or give me comments on an essay.

 

[Kaustikos]

Yeah, I only let my sister read it, but for proofreading. Long story short, I tend to use way too many adjectives and make the sentence the longest stretch of nouns, verbs, etc that it infuriates the person reading it. Otherwise, I refuse to allow anyone else in my family to read it and criticize. If they do, I ignore it.

 

[schrizto]

Back in high school, I let one of my parents read one of my essays. They got angry because the word "hate" was in it which they said was a strong word that shouldn't belong in an essay and refused to continue reading (the essay was about me initially hating a class and then ending up loving it). Then they continued on to say that any college adcom who read the word "hate" would have the same reaction as them. In other words, it was a completely ridiculous situation with baseless reasoning and resulted in a big argument between me and my parents.

Of course the OP's situation isn't as silly as mine was, but I think in most cases the student has a better idea of what they should say in their essays than their parents do.

 

[Haplo]

Have you considered just telling the truth, rather than just pandering?

 

[da8s0859q]

I bet many people have had to deal with this annoying problem. So I wrote finished my personal statement a few days ago, and sent it out to a few people to read and edit. I wrote about my research and how I've grown from it. I used particular instances in my research and connected them to experiences in volunteering, and wrapped it up saying I wanted to be a doctor because I want to be the one to apply new research to the patients.

My father read it, and told me that I should instead focus my essay on family influences and how "my life was changed because my mother died from cancer." Now of course, it was a life changing event, but it's so cliche, and I don't think I can write something like that without sounding super fake. Also, I've read in various tip sources that writing about a family death isn't a good idea because the ad com doesn't want to see one incident being the sole reason for all your decisions.

What do you guys think? Do ad coms care for the emotional family member being sick essays?

Your father is not applying to medical school. You are.

 

[runawayclock]

My father read it, and told me that I should instead focus my essay on family influences and how "my life was changed because my mother died from cancer." Now of course, it was a life changing event, but it's so cliche, and I don't think I can write something like that without sounding super fake. Also, I've read in various tip sources that writing about a family death isn't a good idea because the ad com doesn't want to see one incident being the sole reason for all your decisions.

What do you guys think? Do ad coms care for the emotional family member being sick essays?

I feel like "my relative died and this changed my life" essay is usually the most trite and cliché type of essay (even if it's your mum and it really was a life-changing episode) simply because it's so common. Same goes for opening lines "I've always been fascinated with/interested/mystified/intrigued by/ the human body/medicine/science..." I forget who said it on the board, but i agree: sick-relative essays can also seem like you're taking the reader's emotions hostage which is never a good thing.

Also, your parents are not going to be the most objective readers as other people have said. They have intimate knowledge of your life events, but not the significance of the events to you. What they perceive as life-changing won't necessarily be the same for you. At the end of the day, you're writing to impress the admissions committee, not your parents. Just go with what feels right and truthful for you.

 

[eldoctor]

one of the few, if any, advantages of parents who only speak a foreign lang: no annoying feedback lol

 

[runawayclock]

one of the few, if any, advantages of parents who only speak a foreign lang: no annoying feedback lol

+1.
though this is greatly outweighed by being 12 years old, more fluent in english than your parents, and having to deal with address changes, billing disputes, and every day bizniz that requires interacting with english speaking people.

 

[docelh]

Is your dad planning on taking Step 1 for you as well?

 

[ILikeDrugs]

I remember a adcom on here saying that they were tired of the 'ol dying/dead grandparent/parent/neighbors cousin's girlfriend stories. Don't listen to your dad. 👍

 

[smmossey]

I remember a adcom on here saying that they were tired of the 'ol dying/dead grandparent/parent/neighbors cousin's girlfriend stories. Don't listen to your dad. 👍

Good to know adcom's have hearts 🙄

Do whatever you think really expresses who you are. I wrote about my brother's death and how it influenced my choice to go into medicine, and really all the choices I have made up until now. I'm not going to lie and talk about a clinical experience which I could probably fabricate, and if the adcom's don't like it then I guess I won't be a doctor after all.

Point is speak from the heart about what YOU want to talk about, and not what someone else wants you to. However, I would include some mention of your clinical experience if only in a passing remark.

 

[LizzyM]

Good to know adcom's have hearts 🙄

We also have eyes... eyes that scan as many as 800 essays per season. Dead grandmothers are a dime a dozen. Deceased parents and siblings are less common but much more gut wrenching. It is very, very hard to use that topic and write a good essay.

 

[justinbaily]

I think that it's doable if the illness or death had a very definite effect on the applicant's motivation and they understand why it had that effect.

 

[TooMuchResearch]

We also have eyes... eyes that scan as many as 800 essays per season. Dead grandmothers are a dime a dozen. Deceased parents and siblings are less common but much more gut wrenching. It is very, very hard to use that topic and write a good essay.

I laughed a little at this.

 

[schrizto]

one of the few, if any, advantages of parents who only speak a foreign lang: no annoying feedback lol

haha but that advantage is gone for people whose parents can read just a little english... then they can't correct grammar AND also give off the mark feedback. 😛

 

[hmockingbird]

I haven't let my parents read my personal statements since I applied for college. I think my initial decision not to let my parents read my med school statement was about them suggesting a super emotional topic as well. I did tell my mom what it was about eventually but they didn't read it. I think it's hard when someone is so emotionally invested in your life, so it can be helpful to get someone to read it who has more of an objective perception and probably someone who's involved in admissions or the medical field.

ETA: Also, in the event that both topics are relevant, I think it is better to write a sincere essay about a topic you want to write about, than try to force the other topic.

 

[Goro]

Nice necrobump from six years ago.

I haven't let my parents read my personal statements since I applied for college. I think my initial decision not to let my parents read my med school statement was about them suggesting a super emotional topic as well. I did tell my mom what it was about eventually but they didn't read it. I think it's hard when someone is so emotionally invested in your life, so it can be helpful to get someone to read it who has more of an objective perception and probably someone who's involved in admissions or the medical field.

ETA: Also, in the event that both topics are relevant, I think it is better to write a sincere essay about a topic you want to write about, than try to force the other topic.

 

[NotWayneBrady]

Nice necrobump from six years ago.

 

[piii]

If you write too much about research, and you're not applying MD PHD, you may have some trouble.

 

[The Knife & Gun Club]

I read the first post and was like "Awesome, this seems like a thread where my input may be helpful!"

Then I saw the date...

😵