Family unsupportive of length of training

[PHD12]

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I was talking to collegues at work and it seems that many people (including myself) have family members, particularly parents, who are unsupportive of their career choice as clinical psychologists or complain about the length of training. Others have families that completely misunderstand the profession and diminish the training that is required. I was wondering how others deal with the common questions that come up during family gatherings, particularly around the holidays.

Here are some examples:

You are STILL in school? Why does it take so long?

You are X years old, when are you going to make money?

Why can't you just open your own practice already (even after explaining that one needs a licensure)?

Your friends already have houses/apartments and are making money for a while, why don't you do something easier?

Its easy to become a therapist, why is it taking you so long?

While I agree that the length of training is long, I find it frustrating when people outside the profession make discouraging comments. I have also provided family members with answers to these questions and I still get the same questions over and over again. Holidays have become unpleasant.

 

[Pragma]

I was talking to collegues at work and it seems that many people (including myself) have family members, particularly parents, who are unsupportive of their career choice as clinical psychologists or complain about the length of training. Others have families that completely misunderstand the profession and diminish the training that is required. I was wondering how others deal with the common questions that come up during family gatherings, particularly around the holidays.

Here are some examples:

You are STILL in school? Why does it take so long?

You are X years old, when are you going to make money?

Why can't you just open your own practice already (even after explaining that one needs a licensure)?

Your friends already have houses/apartments and are making money for a while, why don't you do something easier?

Its easy to become a therapist, why is it taking you so long?

While I agree that the length of training is long, I find it frustrating when people outside the profession make discouraging comments. I have also provided family members with answers to these questions and I still get the same questions over and over again. Holidays have become unpleasant.

Wow, that sounds like a harsh family!

I can say that with my extended family (which I see during the holidays), education is quite valued. Most people are impressed and interested in the work, although I'd say if anything they seem a little indirectly disappointed that I put off having children because of the career choice.

With the inlaws, I find myself chuckling because they are all just impressed that "there's a doctor in the family." When I am at those gatherings, I end up explaining to people how a psychologist is different than a physician/psychiatrist. Then usually people hit me up for personal advice 😀

Maybe it's just because I have a wonderful Midwestern family 😀 (meaning they save the s%*# -talking for gossip).

 

[LilMissPsyD]

I was talking to collegues at work and it seems that many people (including myself) have family members, particularly parents, who are unsupportive of their career choice as clinical psychologists or complain about the length of training. Others have families that completely misunderstand the profession and diminish the training that is required. I was wondering how others deal with the common questions that come up during family gatherings, particularly around the holidays.

Here are some examples:

You are STILL in school? Why does it take so long?

You are X years old, when are you going to make money?

Why can't you just open your own practice already (even after explaining that one needs a licensure)?

Your friends already have houses/apartments and are making money for a while, why don't you do something easier?

Its easy to become a therapist, why is it taking you so long?

While I agree that the length of training is long, I find it frustrating when people outside the profession make discouraging comments. I have also provided family members with answers to these questions and I still get the same questions over and over again. Holidays have become unpleasant.

That sounds pretty typical...especially if the family is not "educated" per se. I would just take it for what it's worth. If there are no doctors, lawyers, vets, dentists, etc. in your family...then they wouldnt really understand because they havent beent through it. Keep in mind....only 1% of the population has a doctorate degree...keep pushing. Get your degree....and all this discouragement will be a thing of the past.

 

[PhDMiss2014]

My family is very understanding although I do get the occasional, if you would have gone to law school like your brother, you'd be done by now. However, my fiance's family cannot understand why I'm still in school and why we can't set a date until the whole internship process is over. They don't seem to understand that I'm most likely going to be hundreds of miles away if I match this year. If I don't match this year, then the engagement will be prolonged even further. His family believes that there are jobs lining up for psychologists and I can name my own ticket ! It gets frustrating when I have to deal with them, Thanksgiving wasn't fun and I think Christmas this year will be even less fun.

 

[Doctor Eliza]

I think that by the end of my training I was just as frustrated with the length of training as they were, so comments didn't bother me much. And my parents were very financially supportive of my excessive schooling, so how much could I complain? By the time I reached graduation, I was dying to be a "real adult". This resulted in buying a house and adopting a dog as soon as I found a job. In some ways, it would have made sense to hold off on both of those decisions, but I wanted to be like my Facebook friends who had been busy living like adults for years.

best,
Dr. E

 

[erg923]

I think that by the end of my training I was just as frustrated with the length of training as they were, so comments didn't bother me much. And my parents were very financially supportive of my excessive schooling, so how much could I complain? By the time I reached graduation, I was dying to be a "real adult". This resulted in buying a house and adopting a dog as soon as I found a job. In some ways, it would have made sense to hold off on both of those decisions, but I wanted to be like my Facebook friends who had been busy living like adults for years.

best,
Dr. E

In my first year out of school working as faculty (not raking in the dough or anything, but I make more than the typical "post-doc"), we have a wonderful condo that we have furnished quite stylishly...and now have a fully themed bar area completed with vintage Kentucky bourbon barrels and all!! Yay! Still glad we have held off on the house. No worries about decline values and being "unwater" on a mortgage. We will buy I'm sure, but frankly, I am no rush for this.

I know what OP means though. Fam didn't quite get it until recently. Wife has always been a supportive rock though.

 

[Doctor Eliza]

In my first year out of school working as faculty (not raking in the dough or anything, but I make more than the typical "post-doc"), we have a wonderful condo that we have furnished quite stylishly...and now have a fully themed bar area completed with vintage Kentucky bourbon barrels and all!! Yay! Still glad we have held off on the house. No worries about decline values and being "unwater" on a mortgage. We will buy I'm sure, but frankly, I am no rush for this.

I know what OP means though. Fam didn't quite get it until recently. Wife has always been a supportive rock though.

One reason I jumped on the house was the stimulus money that was available when I was looking. Unfortunately, my now hubby (who I didn't know at the time) had the same idea. Three years later and we own two houses. Oh well, the rental market is good now.

Dr. E

 

[PHD12]

Thanks for the comments guys! I don't care about owning a house or a nice car so I'm trying to shrug off the comments for now and avoiding some of these relatives in the process while finishing up my requirements and getting licensed soonish.

I absolutely HATE housework so owning a big house sounds like a nightmare to me....good thing I picked clinical psychology instead of psychiatry or medicine in general 🙂 I just want a 1-2 bedroom condo. I also like having my cute old car since the maintenance is cheap. I don't care if someone scratches it (unlike those people that park their fancy cars and are anxious about someone touching it). There are positive aspects to living a somewhat frugal lifestyle and not making more than you need.

 

[Therapist4Chnge]

For the first 4-5 years my extended family would ask me each X-mas if I was done. Years 6 and beyond most of them just asked me where I lived, and based on the response they would guess what I was doing. Some were 2 states behind! 😱

 

[coloradocutter]

😀 I was an attorney before making a great salary, owned a house in my mid-20s. My mom wanted me to be an attorney and pushed and pressured me from the time I was 12 or so. I thought about being a psychologist in college, but my parents weren't supportive, so I kept trying to live someone else's dream. It caught up with me after I practiced a few years. I found a great mentor who was a JD-PhD and happy, applied to PhD programs, and here I am. I am in my last year now, and my mom doesn't even know where I am in my program. She has never congratulated me on any accomplishment in my PhD program. She didn't think it was a big deal that I even got in. She doesn't think it's a big deal that I have never made a B in the program. She has just never been supportive. My Dad has come around somewhat. But when I went home recently, my family was asking my brother and sister about their fresh out of college jobs and just oohing and aahing over every little thing. But you would think I was a drug dealer or something. Everyone just avoids talking to me. My husband actually made a comment about it - yea for here and now processing! Because the funny thing is that I LOVE psychology as much as I HATED law. I am also working in forensic psychology, so it utilizes my law degree.

I am ok though. My husband has been super supportive and my major professor and some of my friends are as well. I love what I am doing, and loving what you do makes so many things possible. You enjoy your family and friends more, everything. It's a blessing.

You have to live your life for yourself. Family who truly love you will be happy when you are happy.

 

[LivingOffLoans]

You are STILL in school? Why does it take so long?

You are X years old, when are you going to make money?

Why can't you just open your own practice already (even after explaining that one needs a licensure)?

Its easy to become a therapist, why is it taking you so long?

I have been asked all of these questions. I wouldn't necessarily say that my family is not supportive, but I do experience most of them as rather disinterested. Some even forget exactly what it is I'm going to school for. I might actually feel offended if we were in regular contact.

Relative: "So, when are you going to start prescribing medication?"
Me: "I'm not going to be a medical doctor. That's different. I'm going to be a therapist, remember?"
Relative: "Oh. So what are you going to do?"
Me: "Listening...a lot of listening, and some talking."
Relative: "You have to go to school for that? Haven't you been in school for a long time? Why can't you prescribe medicine by now?"
Me: "Because I'm not that kind of therapist. I'm not going for psychiatry."
Relative: "I see. So what kind of therapist are you then?"

You get the point. Someone should make one of those XtraNormal videos of this type of scenario.

But I do have a couple of relatives, and then a couple of friends that I've known for over 10 years, who are all very supportive and have spent many nights chatting on the phone with me when the going gets tough.

 

[wigflip]

I was talking to collegues at work and it seems that many people (including myself) have family members, particularly parents, who are unsupportive of their career choice as clinical psychologists or complain about the length of training. Others have families that completely misunderstand the profession and diminish the training that is required. I was wondering how others deal with the common questions that come up during family gatherings, particularly around the holidays.

Here are some examples:

You are STILL in school? Why does it take so long?

You are X years old, when are you going to make money?

Why can't you just open your own practice already (even after explaining that one needs a licensure)?

Your friends already have houses/apartments and are making money for a while, why don't you do something easier?

Its easy to become a therapist, why is it taking you so long?

While I agree that the length of training is long, I find it frustrating when people outside the profession make discouraging comments. I have also provided family members with answers to these questions and I still get the same questions over and over again. Holidays have become unpleasant.

Most of the grad students I know, across a variety of disciplines, get some version of these questions from family and friends. It sucks, I know. 🙁

I try to remind myself that I don't really keep up with the intricacies of all of their jobs, and just work towards steering the conversation back towards them when the dumb/intrusive questions start. I also keep it on a "need-to-know" basis. None of my family members know the details of my research, or even that I'm published, and for me that's preferable to wrangling over the politics of my areas of interest, or receiving their uninformed, unsolicited opinions on the significance of my work.

 

[G Costanza]

Relative: "So, when are you going to start prescribing medication?"
Me: "I'm not going to be a medical doctor. That's different. I'm going to be a therapist, remember?"
Relative: "Oh. So what are you going to do?"
Me: "Listening...a lot of listening, and some talking."

I would expect most people would be confused or disinterested with an answer like that.

 

[G Costanza]

This topic brings up a side commentary about our field. We need to be able to accurately and concisely describe what we do as professionals. The public wonders what the heck a psychologist does because half of them can't provide a reasonable answer when asked what they do.
Sit down and think about what you are going to tell someone the next time you are asked. Be a good steward to our profession so the public doesn't think we are all Freudians on leather couches turning everything into penis envy.

 

[LivingOffLoans]

This topic brings up a side commentary about our field. We need to be able to accurately and concisely describe what we do as professionals. The public wonders what the heck a psychologist does because half of them can't provide a reasonable answer when asked what they do.
Sit down and think about what you are going to tell someone the next time you are asked. Be a good steward to our profession so the public doesn't think we are all Freudians on leather couches turning everything into penis envy.

Funny, this is pretty close to what one of my uncle's thought therapists did. All the more reason for us to contemplate your comment.

 

[Therapist4Chnge]

The APA should put more $ towards direct to consumer/general public education about the field. They make hand over fist money in publishing (their annual report has more detail), so it'd be a reinvestment. I can see how Div 40 & 22 help me/the field, but I'm not see much from the mother-ship.

 

[AcronymAllergy]

The APA should put more $ towards direct to consumer/general public education about the field. They make hand over fist money in publishing (their annual report has more detail), so it'd be a reinvestment. I can see how Div 40 & 22 help me/the field, but I'm not see much from the mother-ship.

👍

I was only half-joking when I'd mentioned earlier (either here or in another thread) that I have yet to see a commercial for CBT.

 

[JustNoticing]

Here's the APA's attempt at a youtube commercial:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=CvcOivVzCaI

 

[Psychadelic2012]

I also think that it needs to be described, widely, as more than "therapist." This occurred to me in the other thread with all of the MDs and med students as well. Psychiatrists see themselves as doctors and psychologist as therapists. Someone else just said to me today, after asking where my degree will take me, "Will you be a therapist?," and honestly it just annoys me so much. Psychologists are SOOOO much more than therapists. We're evaluators/assessors, researchers, teachers, administrators, advocators, AND therapists, as a group. We need to communicate this more to people--especially our colleagues (i.e., psychiatrists)!! I have a real issue with people saying that therapists talk to people all day, first of all, because it implies that it's something that anybody can do (because they don't understand what's involved), and when psychologist = therapist, it really devalues our profession. No wonder people are confused about why it takes so long!! Their friggin' priest does what we do!!

 

[erg923]

I also think that it needs to be described, widely, as more than "therapist." This occurred to me in the other thread with all of the MDs and med students as well. Psychiatrists see themselves as doctors and psychologist as therapists. Someone else just said to me today, after asking where my degree will take me, "Will you be a therapist?," and honestly it just annoys me so much. Psychologists are SOOOO much more than therapists. We're evaluators/assessors, researchers, teachers, administrators, advocators, AND therapists, as a group. We need to communicate this more to people--especially our colleagues (i.e., psychiatrists)!! I have a real issue with people saying that therapists talk to people all day, first of all, because it implies that it's something that anybody can do (because they don't understand what's involved), and when psychologist = therapist, it really devalues our profession. No wonder people are confused about why it takes so long!! Their friggin' priest does what we do!!

Having grown-up and devout Catholic (and I remain one), I have found multiple members of the clergy, not just brothers and priests but liberal minded pastors, to be vastly superior counselors (for the situation) than many of the psychologists I know. 😀

 

[Dirkwww]

I can relate to this in the sense that my family has no understanding of how graduate schools work or the field at all. The time, the tests, applications, license, anything. It's a bit weird because i feel like i am completely on my own.

 

[SpiceyT]

I think you get to a point where you just accept that they don't get it and let the questions and comments roll off you. Most of my family doesn't really "get" the process or what I'm doing. I worked with my MSW for years and was discounted because my step-sister is an RN (not a psych-RN), so, despite the fact that I knew much more about psychotropics, she wasn't hearing it. Now, though, she has chronic pain and she and other family members have come to me about pain meds, dependency, and pain management. They won't get you until they find something in your wheelhouse that they relate to. My MD/PhD/JD friends get me and my work and that's good enough for me.

 

[PsychPhDone]

I'm lucky in that most of my friends and family are familiar with the demands of my training. Just wanted to send over some support! Has anyone tried the tack of "would you go to a doctor who had 2 years of training"?

Maybe they would. 😛