Feeling a bit lost

[ridethecliche]

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"Here we are Mr. Pilgrim, stuck in the amber of the moment. There is no why." *

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I've been having major academic issues this year. Teetotled and just got through everything (just around pass for most classes ~75%), but just fell apart a bit this semester and failed my first class. I can retake it and I'm planning to do that in early feb, but the big issue is that we take step 1 in mid april and I don't think it's going to be logistically possible for me to be ready for it.

I've struggled with motivation for a good part of this year. Recently started taking anti-depressants and bloodwork found that I'm a bit hypo-thyroid which explains a lot of what I've been dealing with.

At this point, there's pretty much no way I could take the exam in April and do well. There's just too much crap from the first year classes that I need to go back and do that just won't happen right now because of regular class. We finish at the end of feb and have 2 structured and 4 weeks to brush up. It's not enough time. That sounds crazy, but trust me it's true.

At this time, I have two options:

1) Defer a year. Drop the class I failed and finish out the other one. Retake the class next year. I can still sit for exams for the class I finished, so things will be fresh-ish. Nothing on transcript.

Pro: Get a handle on health ish and spend the year getting caught up on everything instead of feeling lost all the time because I'm finally not foggy all the damn time.

2) Defer the start of 3rd year by 5 weeks. They don't usually let people do this, but the schedule can be finagled to buy you some more time if it comes to it. I feel like it's less time than it sounds like, but it feels doable.

Revisionist thinking is definitely a thing, but I mentally and physically feel so freaking different than how I did a month ago that it's blowing my mind.

I'm talking to an academic advisor and probably some professors at school too. The money aspect of things, while not insignificant, doesn't bother me that much. If the year pays off, then it was a decent opportunity cost for doing better.

I'm kind of at a loss right now regarding how to go about this. Hoping for some input. I think I pm'ed a few people about this a few months ago (gyngyn, docmom).

TLDR;
Depressed student (feels weird to say) finally gets put on meds and finds motivation that seemed lost forever a few weeks ago. With the gravity of not firing on all cylinders for the good part of a year sinking in, student debates between dropping a class and taking an extra pre-clinical year or taking the option of delaying 3rd year by 5 weeks to get more dedicated time. Said student looks for feedback and thanks SDN in advance. Said student is also tired and will now stop talking about themselves in the 3rd person and go to bed.

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*Kurt Vonnegut.

 

[solitarius]

I've struggled with motivation for a good part of this year. Recently started taking anti-depressants and bloodwork found that I'm a bit hypo-thyroid which explains a lot of what I've been dealing with.

The hidden toll of medical school.

2) Defer the start of 3rd year by 5 weeks. They don't usually let people do this, but the schedule can be finagled to buy you some more time if it comes to it. I feel like it's less time than it sounds like, but it feels doable.

Yeah, I'd do this if you can be sure you'd pass Step.

 

[ridethecliche]

The hidden toll of medical school.

Yeah, seriously. Honestly folks, if you think you're depressed at all go talk to your counseling center. I legitimately felt like an idiot when I woke up one day and realized that I felt this way when realistically things had been going on like this for atleast half a year, if not longer.

Yeah, I'd do this if you can be sure you'd pass Step.

I obviously don't have the luxury to go back in time and tell myself what I know now, but I have two concerns:

1) Not giving myself an honest shot at ish.
2) Making third year harder than it already will be because I won't have adequately learned what I was supposed to.

 

[Taddy Mason]

2) Defer the start of 3rd year by 5 weeks. They don't usually let people do this, but the schedule can be finagled to buy you some more time if it comes to it. I feel like it's less time than it sounds like, but it feels doable.

I had to pretty much do this because of some family issues that came up. I was completely honest about my situation and my school's deans were more than willing to work with me. I'd say this is your best option right now. Feel free to PM me if you have questions.

 

[solitarius]

Unless you completely repeat Year 2, you're going to have a one year lag, which could frankly go the other way. You forget stuff.

No shame in passing at 75%. No shame in passing Step 1. It's kind of unlikely you're going to pull 240+, but I could be wrong.

OTOH, taking a medical leave of absence is going to raise suspicions in the hyper-judgmental fishbowl we inhabit.

 

[DoctorLacrosse]

damn man, really sorry to hear this. we go way back on here, so first off, if I can help at all or you ever need something, don't hesitate to reach out.

Secondly, if it were me personally I'd delay the 5 weeks since i know i really wouldn't want to wait another whole year. 5 extra weeks is a LOT of time and you could run through a program like DIT for step where you'd get lectures on the relevant material to feel more "caught up" and see the important stuff again (plus pathoma, sketchy, Uworld, yada yada).

a year off really wouldn't be the worst thing if you feel yourself leaning that way, especially if you could do research and step studying during that time. I still think 5 weeks is plenty of time with some structured program to pass step, and unless you have something else in mind to do during the year off, it might ultimately feel like too much looking back and you could forget a lot along the way. only you can decide that. best of luck to you man, really.

 

[ridethecliche]

Unless you completely repeat Year 2, you're going to have a one year lag, which could frankly go the other way. You forget stuff.

No shame in passing at 75%. No shame in passing Step 1. It's kind of unlikely you're going to pull 240+, but I could be wrong.

OTOH, taking a medical leave of absence is going to raise suspicions in the hyper-judgmental fishbowl we inhabit.

At my institution, they allow us to drop one class from 2nd year and take the other one during the 'third' preclinical year. I'd also have the option of taking all the exams for the class I had already finished to keep myself on task.

That said, yes, one of my worries is that I've already just about finished everything so the extra year of stuff would be a bit weird that way since I wouldn't be seeing new material at all. I.e. lots of time to forget things. I know that happens and my academic adviser has said something to the effect of the extra year not helping in some cases. That said, I'd easily be able to fill in some time doing research where I used to work before med school. I've actually been in touch with that group and I'm still involved with some of the work they're doing. It wouldn't be too hard to spin it in a 'this cool opportunity came up' kind of way, especially because it's a continuation of something from the past that I'm interested in doing. It would not be a medical leave of absence.

Regarding structure etc: I feel like my best bet right now is to dial in the second year stuff as best as possible between now and finals at the end of feb, so I'm good on that stuff and don't have to worry about 'relearning' it over dedicated. So the way it would go is to use the first half of dedicated to get brushed up on 1st year stuff (review/anki/some qbanks) while keeping 2nd year stuff fresh (flagged qbank q's/anki) and then spend the 2nd half of dedicated doing a pass of uworld (random selections to mimic the exam) and brush up on sections that are problem areas while memorizing the last little bit of biochem ish.

Interested to hear how folks would organize themselves for this. I'm open to taking the year, but obviously that's not ideal. I wonder if SN2ED will make me a schedule 😛

Re score: I realize I'm probably not going to repeat my 97th percentile result with the MCAT and I'm pretty okay with it. Hitting the average for the test takers is fine by me. I'd like to do the best possible. I'm not going to commit seppuku if I don't get a 260. Numbers have never really motivated me. I'd just like to get to a level with this material where I feel comfortable with it in the way that I think a student is supposed to at the end of 2nd year.

damn man, really sorry to hear this. we go way back on here, so first off, if I can help at all or you ever need something, don't hesitate to reach out.

Thanks bud!

 

[Goro]

Very sorry to hear this, RTC. There's some good advice in the thread already. I'm always a fan of taking the time to go and heal, and come back stronger.

 

[ridethecliche]

Very sorry to hear this, RTC. There's some good advice in the thread already. I'm always a fan of taking the time to go and heal, and come back stronger.

Thanks Goro. Luckily, I'm doing okay. We caught things before self care went to total shiet and it was helpful that I'd been seeing folks at school for something else so it came up in conversation and we followed it up. My main issue, as often happens for those with depression (still feels weird to say) was a weird sense of apathy and lack of motivation. It wasn't the usual "ugh, I don't want to study right now," but instead a more insidious issue of completely losing track of time, feeling hazy all the time and not being able to think or assimilate new information at all, and just sleeping all the damn time. Sooo... if anyone reading this is like 'huh that sounds oddly familiar,' just go talk to someone. It could be nothing, but the worst thing that happens is that you know someone that can be a resource if you ever need that. It's a reassuring feeling to have.

I met with the academic adviser today and she thinks that the extra time with 5 more weeks of dedicated time for a total of ~11 weeks dedicated is going to make a huge difference for me if I can keep a reasonable pace and keep things in perspective. I'm meeting with the director of our main second year course this week and talking to him about what he thinks. I think he's of the opinion that I'll be able to pass...but what does that really accomplish.

This is weird.

 

[DoctorLacrosse]

Thanks Goro. Luckily, I'm doing okay. We caught things before self care went to total shiet and it was helpful that I'd been seeing folks at school for something else so it came up in conversation and we followed it up. My main issue, as often happens for those with depression (still feels weird to say) was a weird sense of apathy and lack of motivation. It wasn't the usual "ugh, I don't want to study right now," but instead a more insidious issue of completely losing track of time, feeling hazy all the time and not being able to think or assimilate new information at all, and just sleeping all the damn time. Sooo... if anyone reading this is like 'huh that sounds oddly familiar,' just go talk to someone. It could be nothing, but the worst thing that happens is that you know someone that can be a resource if you ever need that. It's a reassuring feeling to have.

I met with the academic adviser today and she thinks that the extra time with 5 more weeks of dedicated time for a total of ~11 weeks dedicated is going to make a huge difference for me if I can keep a reasonable pace and keep things in perspective. I'm meeting with the director of our main second year course this week and talking to him about what he thinks. I think he's of the opinion that I'll be able to pass...but what does that really accomplish.

This is weird.

11 weeks is an enormous amount of time, I almost wish I had more time than what my school gives. I personally think you can do better than just pass. Not to sound like a broken record, but I do think starting with something like DIT could really work wonders for building your baseline knowledge before tackling the rest of dedicated if you think that'll be an issue. Either way, I don't doubt you'll figure this out

 

[Goro]

Good luck, RTC!!! Fingers crossed for your success!

Thanks Goro. Luckily, I'm doing okay. We caught things before self care went to total shiet and it was helpful that I'd been seeing folks at school for something else so it came up in conversation and we followed it up. My main issue, as often happens for those with depression (still feels weird to say) was a weird sense of apathy and lack of motivation. It wasn't the usual "ugh, I don't want to study right now," but instead a more insidious issue of completely losing track of time, feeling hazy all the time and not being able to think or assimilate new information at all, and just sleeping all the damn time. Sooo... if anyone reading this is like 'huh that sounds oddly familiar,' just go talk to someone. It could be nothing, but the worst thing that happens is that you know someone that can be a resource if you ever need that. It's a reassuring feeling to have.

I met with the academic adviser today and she thinks that the extra time with 5 more weeks of dedicated time for a total of ~11 weeks dedicated is going to make a huge difference for me if I can keep a reasonable pace and keep things in perspective. I'm meeting with the director of our main second year course this week and talking to him about what he thinks. I think he's of the opinion that I'll be able to pass...but what does that really accomplish.

This is weird.

 

[Vain Brother]

good luck, man. i remember you and doctor lacrosse from the pre-med days around here. hope everything works out. honestly the best advice i can give would be talking to your advisors and classmates/upperclassmen, who know your situation and school schedule best.

 

[ridethecliche]

Had a meeting with one of the directors of the main course today and talked to him for about an hour. Even when I've been in an unfortunate circumstance, I've been pretty lucky to have pretty fantastic people available to me. We talked for atleast an hour and the conclusion was basically that we were both sure that I could pass, but how does 'just passing' affect my future goals and practice and how does it play a role in putting together the foundation for the rest of my education. He talked a lot about how he has seen everyone from medical students, to residents, to fellows, to attendings try to get through things without the full foundation they needed and how they're always kind of chasing their tail to some degree.

I honestly don't think I made the connections I wanted to make in the material this year. I have spent the last year staring at everything I'm doing through a haze and it is blowing my mind how much more quickly I'm able to understand something or how much longer it takes me to get lost. We both agreed that given how things have gone for both classes this year, my dedicated period would involve a significant amount of time devoted to making sure I had learned all the stuff that is supposed to be fresh from this year. We agreed that it was essentially akin to cramming for the boards.

Part of me knows that I can do this given how I feel, but I'm not sure I can rely on that feeling lasting. I feel like this entire plan is predicated on a schedule and plan working perfectly without any wiggle room for error, or getting sick, or needing a few more days to get something down, or the scariest of all of these... the haze returning for a bit.

Yesterday I felt like I'd made a decision to stay the course and now I'm second myself after talking to someone that I trust and respect.

11 weeks is an enormous amount of time, I almost wish I had more time than what my school gives. I personally think you can do better than just pass. Not to sound like a broken record, but I do think starting with something like DIT could really work wonders for building your baseline knowledge before tackling the rest of dedicated if you think that'll be an issue. Either way, I don't doubt you'll figure this out

Our academic folks actually recommend against DIT. They work pretty closely with us during dedicated and I think I'm going to take their advice about this even if it's worth exploring a bit further. It was a pretty firm, "we've seen this really mess with people," type of response.

 

[DoctorLacrosse]

[QUOTE="ridethecliche, post: 18498684, member: 375627"Our academic folks actually recommend against DIT. They work pretty closely with us during dedicated and I think I'm going to take their advice about this even if it's worth exploring a bit further. It was a pretty firm, "we've seen this really mess with people," type of response.[/QUOTE]

I guess I meant more of a lecture based review course rather than DIT specifically, but I can understand that. at the end of the day you have to do what you think is right for you.

 

[ridethecliche]

I have boards and beyond as a supplementary resource. It's not complete or perfect, but it's pretty dang good!

I've actually been reading textbooks a lot this year. I love Robbins and the katzung board review book for pharm. Regular katzung was way overboard. I opened it once and it's been sitting on my shelf ever since.

 

[Scumbag_Steve]

.

 

[ridethecliche]

Might be better asked on the step 1 subforum, but would 10-12 weeks of dedicated study time allow someone that was 'barely passing' classes to rebound a bit? I'm not aiming for a 260 here, but ending up around average would be nice.

Realistically, I'm at about 70% on NBME's right now. We have an organ systems curriculum and my last score was a 68 on one that covered 2/3 of the total course. Hoping to go up a bit on the last one we have coming up, but I'm nervous since taking the finals means that I can't pull the plug anymore.

I think it's going to be a bit rough, but if I can ward off burnout, 10-12 weeks should be plenty for getting solid with first year stuff (I'm doing a little bit of review now as well) while keeping second year stuff going and doing question banks only for the last 6 weeks of review.

What say you SDN?

 

[ridethecliche]

Update:

Isn't it weird that the drugs we're going to prescribe people actually work?

Hashimoto dx and on levo.

Grades went up over 20% between our first and third NBME exams for credit. We're scheduled to take step 1 by mid april, but I'm going to move some things along to take it in mid-late may. Hoping the additional bit of runway helps.

Thanks for all the talking to friends. Grateful to be in your ranks.

 

[ridethecliche]

In the spirit of revisiting things, I'm currently on the trail for residency interviews in psych/child psych.

Step 1 ended up okay. I scored in the 210-220 range. Not my best work, but I struggled with timing on the test and just couldn't finish every section. Probably left 7-10 questions entirely blank.

I had a great third year and loved all my clerkships. I wasn't too grade focused so my performance wasn't super notable in any way, but that's just how I've always been. I was pretty motivated for step 2 though and ended up with a 230-240 score on CK. Had issues with timing here too and likely left a similar number of questions blank, but was far better prepared overall.

Point being, if you feel out of it during MS1 and MS2, know that there is often a light at the end of the tunnel and that third and fourth year are both very different.