Frustrated new grad

[throwaway987]

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Hi. I have struggled with mental health issues off and on throughout my undergrad years. I took a job in a rural town due to saturation issues (a problem which I'm sure you are all well aware). I entered pharmacy as a naïve student in my 2nd year of undergrad with limited volunteering experience in a small pharmacy with low volume and didn't work much throughout the years either, both of which are terrifyingly stupid decisions that I wish I could go back in time and change.

The pharmacy I'm currently at is high volume for the region. I know the situation I'm in is not bad compared to a lot of classmates. The chain I'm with is reputable for treating its staff decently well. But even so, it's hard for me to handle the pressure. I have made numerous insurance billing mistakes along with lots of clerical errors that don't adhere to company policy. I feel like it's only a matter of time before I make a clinical error that kills someone and gets me sued and in debt for life.

I feel like I realized that pharmacy is not the right path for me and I have come home crying to my family/friends on Skype numerous nights in a row and it's only been a few weeks. I don't know if this is something anyone else struggles with. It feels like I'm being melodramatic because the situation I'm in is comparatively decent but all my mistakes are causing me a lot of anguish and I end up having suicidal thoughts as a result at night. I'm also alone in a town with a lot of old people and it feels like it's going to be difficult here finding friends my own age. My sleep has been suffering as well.

I don't know if I'm just "soft". Maybe I'm just weak. Does it ever get better? Should I switch career paths? Am I just too mentally ill to function in society?

Sorry for the rant.

tl;dr New grad. Not adjusting well. Mental health issues in the past. Suicidal thoughts arising again. Hoping to hear some words of wisdom from people who have been through similar issues.

 

[awval999]

1-800-273-TALK (8255)
National Suicide Prevention hotline

 

[BMBiology]

What you are going thru is normal. I still remember my days working in retail. I hated it.

First, you should get malpractice insurance. I did. It is cheap and it brings a peace of mind.

Second, start looking to transfer to a location closer to home or a new job closer to home.

Third, find out what you need to work on. Extra training?

Forth, take a short vacation when needed.

It does get better with time.


Sent from my iPhone using SDN mobile app

 

[Rukn]

Don't worry too much, you are new.

Everybody makes mistakes.

Learn from them and build your confidence.

 

[HelpfulPharmer1]

My sleep has been suffering as well.

Suicidal thoughts arising again.

Please improve your sleep first.
I have seen the direct link between not enough sleep and suicidal thoughts.

My professor explained like this:
When you sleep, your body re-generates and repairs. You make certain hormones...
Source: https://sleepfoundation.org/how-sleep-works/what-happens-when-you-sleep

• Tissue growth and repair occurs
• Energy is restored
• Hormones are released, such as: Growth hormone, essential for growth and development, including muscle development

If you don't sleep well, you don't make enough hormones.
When the brain is missing those hormones which you create during sleep, you are going to have imbalance of neuro-hormones. Let's add them up slowly:
If we don't have enough sleep for 1 day, we don't make that special hormones.
If we don't have enough sleep for 2 days, we don't make that special hormones again.
If we don't have enough sleep for 3 day, we don't make that special hormones, again and again.....

Very soon, we suffer "withdrawal symptoms" of such hormone.
In "Withdrawal phase", some of us may feel sad or suicidal. That's how Lack of Sleep link with Suicide (as seen a lot in depressed patient: no sleep, depress, no sleep, depress, suicidal thoughts, no sleep, depress....)

This may not happen to all of us. Perhaps, you are the special.

Just like many of us went through romantic breakup without issue, some were suicidal, Romeo and Juliet. (some compared that to Intense withdrawal of Dopamine and Oxytocin.)

Just like many of us became doctor without issue, some doctors killed themselves.
http://www.idealmedicalcare.org/blog/category/physician-suicide-2/
Source: Video of Why doctors kill themselves.



So please see "Message of Hope for Students and Doctors",
Hear the voices and see through the eyes to the souls and hearts of Doctors that almost killed themselves.

Yes, that means You, my friend, you are a Doctor of Pharmacy and you are important to us like all other humans.



Sleep Well and Do No Harm.

 

[Humble Sloth]

Hi. I have struggled with mental health issues off and on throughout my undergrad years. I took a job in a rural town due to saturation issues (a problem which I'm sure you are all well aware). I entered pharmacy as a naïve student in my 2nd year of undergrad with limited volunteering experience in a small pharmacy with low volume and didn't work much throughout the years either, both of which are terrifyingly stupid decisions that I wish I could go back in time and change.

The pharmacy I'm currently at is high volume for the region. I know the situation I'm in is not bad compared to a lot of classmates. The chain I'm with is reputable for treating its staff decently well. But even so, it's hard for me to handle the pressure. I have made numerous insurance billing mistakes along with lots of clerical errors that don't adhere to company policy. I feel like it's only a matter of time before I make a clinical error that kills someone and gets me sued and in debt for life.

I feel like I realized that pharmacy is not the right path for me and I have come home crying to my family/friends on Skype numerous nights in a row and it's only been a few weeks. I don't know if this is something anyone else struggles with. It feels like I'm being melodramatic because the situation I'm in is comparatively decent but all my mistakes are causing me a lot of anguish and I end up having suicidal thoughts as a result at night. I'm also alone in a town with a lot of old people and it feels like it's going to be difficult here finding friends my own age. My sleep has been suffering as well.

I don't know if I'm just "soft". Maybe I'm just weak. Does it ever get better? Should I switch career paths? Am I just too mentally ill to function in society?

Sorry for the rant.

tl;dr New grad. Not adjusting well. Mental health issues in the past. Suicidal thoughts arising again. Hoping to hear some words of wisdom from people who have been through similar issues.

Dude it only gets worse and a lot worse. The good news is you will get conditioned to the pain and stress of retail and eventually your psyche will reach a numb equilibrium with the stress. Getting into pharmacy school is easy because the actual occupation of retail pharmacy will rot your soul. Working in retail is some individuals literal idea of Hell. You signed the deal with the devil so what did you really expect? I would switch career paths before you hurt yourself or someone else. Usually retailpharms don't burn out till at least the fifth year you are way above schedule.

I hope you find peace in whatever path you chose to follow.

 

[Humble Sloth]

 

[ldiot]

I would say most if not all fresh grads feel a great deal of pressure. It takes some time to adjust and become comfortable. You are not incompetent, you just need some more experience which will come with time.

Many people I have talked to interned with a company for several years and still had a very rough first few months, so walking into a new company and new computer system as a fresh pharmacist is rough for anyone.

Many people have felt down on themselves after being thrown to the wolves, so to speak. Trust me you will either adapt and excel in your job or you will move on to another company that you enjoy more. Just give it some time.

I know pharmacists who have been working for 15+ years and still make mistakes with insurance and stuff of that sort. I've even met pharmacists who have worked for 40 years and couldn't do anything but verify scripts. Nobody can go without making mistakes, all you can do is take care of your customers/patients and do the very best that you can.

 

[farmadiazepine]

1-800-273-TALK (8255)
National Suicide Prevention hotline

1-800-273-TALK (8255)
National Suicide Prevention hotline

 

[ldsrmdude]

This thread has been reported by several users due to the comments about self-harm. SDN takes such statements seriously and we would like to remind the OP and all posters that SDN should not serve as a place to obtain counseling or other advice regarding significant psychological issues. Anyone who is contemplating harming themselves should immediately seek professional counseling advice, not rely on SDN or other non-professional resources.

As others have posted, there are several resources available for the OP. This thread is going to be closed