funny work moments

[randomdoc1]

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Not sure if this will get any responses, but at least I get to share mine and I'm interested in hearing others. One of the reasons this profession is fun.

Case 1--
me: so how have you been since the last visit?
patient: oh, fine.
me: interesting, because this police report says you threw an axe at someone lately?
patient: ...
me: ...

Case 2--
me: reconstructive breast surgery is certainly a major deal. That may have been quite an experience for you.
patient: actually, I love my new bewbs. Check it out! *flashes me*
patient: they nice right?
me: ...

 

[Stagg737]

Oh man, I've got stories like these for days. I'll just start with a few encounters from one of my favorite inpatients during residency.

*Me talking to one of the nurses when the patient walks out of his room with his hair covered in toothpaste.
Nurse: Ugh, hey Mr. D, whatcha doing there?
Patient: *Stares straight at nurse* I'm in mint condition...*patient turns and walks away*

A couple days later, patient was standing staring out the window on a really foggy day:
Me: How's it going Mr. D?
Patient: Good.
Me: It's really foggy out there, huh?
Patient: Yea...it's PERFECT dragon hunting weather.

Later, a day or two before he discharged:
Me: Seems like you're doing pretty well lately. You ready to get out of here soon?
Patient: Why? They made this place for me.
Confused me: ...I'm not sure what you mean, sir...
Patient: Come on, I'll show you.
He took me to the bathroom and showed me the toilet. The name of the company engraved above the toilet was the same as his first name...

 

[painballer27]

Oh man, I've got stories like these for days. I'll just start with a few encounters from one of my favorite inpatients during residency.

*Me talking to one of the nurses when the patient walks out of his room with his hair covered in toothpaste.
Nurse: Ugh, hey Mr. D, whatcha doing there?
Patient: *Stares straight at nurse* I'm in mint condition...*patient turns and walks away*

A couple days later, patient was standing staring out the window on a really foggy day:
Me: How's it going Mr. D?
Patient: Good.
Me: It's really foggy out there, huh?
Patient: Yea...it's PERFECT dragon hunting weather.

Later, a day or two before he discharged:
Me: Seems like you're doing pretty well lately. You ready to get out of here soon?
Patient: Why? They made this place for me.
Confused me: ...I'm not sure what you mean, sir...
Patient: Come on, I'll show you.
He took me to the bathroom and showed me the toilet. The name of the company engraved above the toilet was the same as his first name...

Did his delusions resolve before he discharged?

 

[Stagg737]

Did his delusions resolve before he discharged?

Nope, less psychotic but still very delusional.

 

[Stagg737]

An interaction from the first follow-up from the first outpatient I saw in residency (a tiny, 20-something yo with multiple PDs):

me: So what do you do for work?
patient: I used to work, but haven't been able to for a long time.
me: What did you use to do?
patient: Well, my last job was working at a sex toy shop.
me: Oh, that must have been interesting.
patient: Yea, my favorite part was telling people what they could safely put up their butts.
me:......

 

[MacDonaldTriad]

I was in one of those "introduction to clinical medicine" courses they throw a bone to MS1s and you wear a white coat and have no clue what you are doing. This was in the early 80s. One week, we were told to "speak English" and not use technical terms with patients. A classmate and I were sent to Urology clinic and were greeted by a curmudgeonly Urology attending. We were reminded to "speak English" and I was fortunate to not have to go first. My classmate was confronted by an elderly woman who was hard of hearing. He launched into a urology review of systems and asked her in a loud voice "do you have dysuria". The attending bristled and my classmate gave it another try. "Do you have pain on urination?" The patient looked puzzled and said "what?" The attending couldn't stand it any longer. He stood up and said, "let me show you how to do this son". He spoke into the patients best ear. "Madam, does your pee burn?" She looked at him puzzled and said "I don't know, I never tried to light it"... So much for experience.

 

[docksan]

My favorite patient told me that babies sprout out of fallopian tubes fully-grown before calling me a drug dealer.

 

[Stagg737]

I was in one of those "introduction to clinical medicine" courses they throw a bone to MS1s and you wear a white coat and have no clue what you are doing. This was in the early 80s. One week, we were told to "speak English" and not use technical terms with patients. A classmate and I were sent to Urology clinic and were greeted by a curmudgeonly Urology attending. We were reminded to "speak English" and I was fortunate to not have to go first. My classmate was confronted by an elderly woman who was hard of hearing. He launched into a urology review of systems and asked her in a loud voice "do you have dysuria". The attending bristled and my classmate gave it another try. "Do you have pain on urination?" The patient looked puzzled and said "what?" The attending couldn't stand it any longer. He stood up and said, "let me show you how to do this son". He spoke into the patients best ear. "Madam, does your pee burn?" She looked at him puzzled and said "I don't know, I never tried to light it"... So much for experience.

I love concrete thinking. My favorite is when psychotic patients respond to "How are you feeling?" by saying "With my hands."

 

[littlefred]

My favorite was when a patient told me a joke in an outpatient setting.

Patient: Hey Doc, I heard you like jokes... You are my favorite psychiatrist.

Me: What makes you say that?

Patient: Because all the other psychiatrists I've been to show me pictures of my dad beating me and my mother abandoning me. You don't.

 

[randomdoc1]

I love concrete thinking. My favorite is when psychotic patients respond to "How are you feeling?" by saying "With my hands."

in reality, you are not washing your hands. your hands wash each other, as you watch like a little creep....
don't remember who said that

 

[littlefred]

My patient's joke was about the Rorschach test, for those who didn't get it.

 

[singasongofjoy]

I wish I had a better memory for these things b/c I know there have been many, but recently- A therapy client kept referring to "canid-style" and it took me a minute to realize she was talking about sex positions.

 

[randomdoc1]

I wish I had a better memory for these things b/c I know there have been many, but recently- A therapy client kept referring to "canid-style" and it took me a minute to realize she was talking about sex positions.

is that a form of canine style? If not, please describe what exactly that position is supposed to be. I googled and can't find it lol

Edit:
Oh wait, I found this-->
“Canids form a knot,” says Daniella Rabaiotti of the Zoological Society of London. “The penis latches inside the vagina using penile spines so they can, like, walk around stuck together.”

 

[singasongofjoy]

is that a form of canine style? If not, please describe what exactly that position is supposed to be. I googled and can't find it lol

Edit:
Oh wait, I found this-->
“Canids form a knot,” says Daniella Rabaiotti of the Zoological Society of London. “The penis latches inside the vagina using penile spines so they can, like, walk around stuck together.”

Oh wow-- that is an interesting nugget of info! Which, given my client's appreciation for odd and obscure animal facts, I am definitely pulling out if that conversation topic comes up again. She definitely meant "doggie style" but this new knowledge adds a whole 'nother level of entertainment value for me!

 

[alina_s]

I received a voucher for unlimited intergalactic travel. This from a guy who’d earlier accused me of working in concert with Joseph Mengele.

 

[randomdoc1]

I got a postcard from someone who said they time traveled and it was great. He did not agree when I told him I did not think he was doing so great.

 

[DOCOC15]

I am definitely pulling out if that conversation topic comes up again.

pun intended?

 

[TheRightMedication]

I

I received a voucher for unlimited intergalactic travel. This from a guy who’d earlier accused me of working in concert with Joseph Mengele.

I trust he solemnly told you "Don't panic. Bring a towel." As he handed it to you.

 

[1edyfirel]

In medical school. Interviewer was my attending. Young man, schizophrenia.

Pt: I don’t need to be in here! I’m fine, and I don’t have schizophrenia. I don’t care what my mom says! I can take care of myself!

Attending: you cut your penis off last year

Pt: that was LAST YEAR!! Can you people not move on?

 

[ObsequiousAplomb]

At interdisciplinary rounds, a nurse is reading over each of the cases. She gets to a particularly problematic patient, there for the past 40 years as an NGRI. He has an intellectual disability and is a public masturbator. Nothing else.

She says:
"Mr so-and-so, a 59 year old male with borderline intellectual personality, bipolar type. No behavioral concerns noted. Last night he was observed responding to internal stimuli as evidenced by his ejaculating on two peers and a new staff member during the evening shift."

Without missing a beat she moved on to the next patient. Since I did not even know where to start with that, I accepted that we could just move on and circle back later.

 

[alina_s]

I

I trust he solemnly told you "Don't panic. Bring a towel." As he handed it to you.

He was happily grandiose the months that I knew him, except for the Mengele moment, which happened in court. The voucher was an entire page, hand-written.

 

[SpinDktr]

I just saw a really paranoid patient with schizophrenia who has been on the unit a little longer than he should have due to outside circumstances. He's getting a little stir crazy unfortunately. He blew up a little bit and started yelling for a little while, then threatened to sue me. He then calmed down a bit and apologized, saying he also has "Post-Traumatic Sex Disorder". He didn't even realize he had said the wrong word, but it was one of those times I really wanted to laugh....

 

[futureapppsy2]

borderline intellectual personality, bipolar type.

Those are certainly all words…

he also has "Post-Traumatic Sex Disorder"

A couple days later, patient was standing staring out the window on a really foggy day:
Me: How's it going Mr. D?
Patient: Good.
Me: It's really foggy out there, huh?
Patient: Yea...it's PERFECT dragon hunting weather.

I think Persona 4 may have forever tainted my internal take on foggy weather, ngl (SUCH a good game, especially Golden).