Get out and live your f’ing life

[The Knife & Gun Club]

My wife and I met as kids at a house party. Dated and quickly decided we both wanted to be docs. We fought tooth and nail to go together as a couple to college, med school, and residency, and fellowship, all together.

At one point she was working 3 jobs. We traded summers for research gigs. Skipped weekends off together to make sure we were moving through the medical education pathway with maximum benefit for “some day”.

Well yesterday, at 30 years old, my wife was diagnosed with high grade metastatic ovarian cancer, 10 months from graduating her final year of fellowship after well over a decade of training. Looking at mortality in the face all those extra nights, weekends, days we spent distracted on some trivial aspect of the medical education system is just so jarring. An absolute waste of years together that she and I will never get back.

It’s a rant post but hey, if you have someone in your life that matters to you go home and give them a hug today. Stretch your time off and take that trip. Maybe think about not picking up that extra shift or doing that extra task to “help out the team.” You never know when the dice will roll a snake eyes and things will change in a heartbeat.

---

Members don't see this ad.

 

[hopeful22213]

I'm so sorry. That's awful.

 

[Pinner Doc]

My wife and I met as kids at a house party. Dated and quickly decided we both wanted to be docs. We fought tooth and nail to go together as a couple to college, med school, and residency, and fellowship, all together.

At one point she was working 3 jobs. We traded summers for research gigs. Skipped weekends off together to make sure we were moving through the medical education pathway with maximum benefit for “some day”.

Well yesterday, at 30 years old, my wife was diagnosed with high grade metastatic ovarian cancer, 10 months from graduating her final year of fellowship after well over a decade of training. Looking at mortality in the face all those extra nights, weekends, days we spent distracted on some trivial aspect of the medical education system is just so jarring. An absolute waste of years together that she and I will never get back.

It’s a rant post but hey, if you have someone in your life that matters to you go home and give them a hug today. Stretch your time off and take that trip. Maybe think about not picking up that extra shift or doing that extra task to “help out the team.” You never know when the dice will roll a snake eyes and things will change in a heartbeat.

Sometimes there are just no words. I’m really, really sorry to hear this.

 

[HemorrhagicShock]

Truly a terrible situation

The worst

I'm wishing you and your wife the best. Please do everything you can to bring her as much joy and happiness as possible for the rest of her time.

Good luck and Godspeed my friend

 

[Stellar Mudd]

Very sorry. Thank you for bringing us this lesson and sharing with us given everything you’re dealing with.

 

[alpinism]

Damn man I'm really sorry that's horrible news especially this close to graduation.

Hopefully you're able to cut down on shifts or even take a leave of absence.

I'd spend as much time as possible with her these next few months.

 

[JacobMcCandles]

Thinking about you guys and sending strength.

 

[Saddleshoes]

Hey Knife

Rant all you want here!
I am amazed you can be so eloquent and sharing at a time like this!
Thank you for your wisdom.


I have been where you are going. All I can share is this...
Take good care of your wife. It will be good for both of you.

 

[EctopicFetus]

Sorry about this. Life is precious and frankly the Med Ed system takes so much from us.

 

[DocEspana]

I am so sorry to hear this. If it helps you feel better, I will be going home and cherishing what I have today much more (and holding them much closer) because of this reminder to remember whats important. Life is..... life is chaotic and often ****. We know this, but its terrible when we experience this too. I'm taking your suggestion to heart.

 

[cyanide12345678]

I’m so sorry for what you are going through.

I hope you can take time off and spend some quality time off with your wife.

Thank you for the reminder of what’s actually important in life.

 

[watermanMD]

Thank you for this perspective shift. We lose a lot in the service of others. It's never not painful to learn that life is unfair, even seemingly cruel sometimes. I, too, have been reminded this as of late. This post helps bring to the forefront things that really matter. Medicine isn’t really one of those things. Thanks for the reminder. I’d shake your hand and hug you if I could. I wish you both strength in this next stage.

 

[BJJVP]

This is so sad and touching. I am praying for you both. Thank you for the reminder.

 

[ERMudPhud]

Thank you for the reminder. I try to remind myself of this frequently but sometimes forget. 8 years ago my wife, also EM doc, came home one day and said she was quitting. Most fortunate decision she ever made. Resulted in her getting an early mammogram while she still had good insurance. Subsequently found to have breast CA and BRCA2. Made for a rough year and several more years of recovery but life is good now. But it also let her spend lots of times with kids as they went through high school. I would repeat, life is good now

Oncology seems to find new miracles every year. Hope this is your year.

 

[Porfirio]

Man, that is horrible. Sorry to hear this. No words…

 

[WhatJobDoIPick]

I'm so sorry. So so sorry

Your ER brother and sisters are here for you if you need to vent.

 

[The Knife & Gun Club]

Thanks all - just gotta take it all as it comes and do what we can.

Medicine can become our personas or take over our lives. But ultimately it is a job, and a job is time away from the people you love. Just think about that when you’re picking up the extra shift or choosing a job with more waking hours away from home, or hell any job where you’ll have less usable time where you’re home and present.

It’s crazy how some of those moments that seemed so trivial in the moment are so immensely valuable in hindsight.

Go home and hug someone you love.

 

[dozitgetchahi]

My wife and I met as kids at a house party. Dated and quickly decided we both wanted to be docs. We fought tooth and nail to go together as a couple to college, med school, and residency, and fellowship, all together.

At one point she was working 3 jobs. We traded summers for research gigs. Skipped weekends off together to make sure we were moving through the medical education pathway with maximum benefit for “some day”.

Well yesterday, at 30 years old, my wife was diagnosed with high grade metastatic ovarian cancer, 10 months from graduating her final year of fellowship after well over a decade of training. Looking at mortality in the face all those extra nights, weekends, days we spent distracted on some trivial aspect of the medical education system is just so jarring. An absolute waste of years together that she and I will never get back.

It’s a rant post but hey, if you have someone in your life that matters to you go home and give them a hug today. Stretch your time off and take that trip. Maybe think about not picking up that extra shift or doing that extra task to “help out the team.” You never know when the dice will roll a snake eyes and things will change in a heartbeat.

When I was in medical school, there was a chick a year ahead of me who graduated and became an OB resident. She developed lymphoma after starting residency, started chemo, and died 6 months later of a PE.

We heard about this at 5am on our godawful surgery rotation, while we were standing in the surgery call room about to get dressed down by some resident about why we hadn’t done this and that yet. Let me tell ya, it was a sobering moment. I can remember someone broke down crying, talking about why were doing this to ourselves when we could just die tomorrow having seemingly not done anything with our lives yet, and then we got yelled at by the surgery residents who came in.

One of the worst things about this profession is how much youth (read: time) it steals from you.

 

[wysdoc]

My wife and I met as kids at a house party. Dated and quickly decided we both wanted to be docs. We fought tooth and nail to go together as a couple to college, med school, and residency, and fellowship, all together.

At one point she was working 3 jobs. We traded summers for research gigs. Skipped weekends off together to make sure we were moving through the medical education pathway with maximum benefit for “some day”.

Well yesterday, at 30 years old, my wife was diagnosed with high grade metastatic ovarian cancer, 10 months from graduating her final year of fellowship after well over a decade of training. Looking at mortality in the face all those extra nights, weekends, days we spent distracted on some trivial aspect of the medical education system is just so jarring. An absolute waste of years together that she and I will never get back.

It’s a rant post but hey, if you have someone in your life that matters to you go home and give them a hug today. Stretch your time off and take that trip. Maybe think about not picking up that extra shift or doing that extra task to “help out the team.” You never know when the dice will roll a snake eyes and things will change in a heartbeat.

You must be both so stunned about this right now, what a huge blow to absorb.
Look at all the two of you have accomplished through your time together already, pursuing what you both wanted and making it work; none of those things were wasted years, even if it feels that way today. I guess your hardest project is coming up next is to combat the cancer.
A friend, a little older than your wife, had a similar diagnosis 20 years ago of ovarian cancer metastatic at the time of discovery, everyone thought it would be a short lifetime after that. Her chemo was highly effective and she is still alive and thriving, in remission, 20 years later. It's possible for the same great response to treatment for your wife and many more years together of planning and working and yes, crying along the way.
I hope you can find a smart and kind oncologist who will help you plan the best path forward.

 

[emergentmd]

Man, this sucks. No words can make it any better. Hope this helps docs who complain how terrible they have it in EM, those who work to achieve independence without enjoying the process, and those who value money over life experiences/relationships.

You never know what tomorrow brings so try to be a happy person.

 

[emergentmd]

One of the worst things about this profession is how much youth (read: time) it steals from you.

Yeah, as I get older my biggest regret is the loss of my 20's to medicine. This is by far the top of my list when people asks me my biggest regret or why they should not go into medicine

 

[TooMuchResearch]

Holy ****. I'm so sorry. I hope the best for each of you. I'm going to hug my wife.

 

[TooMuchResearch]

Medicine sucks. Where did that thread go.

 

[dchristismi]

The "medicine sucks" thread is about patients mostly. This sucks in a wholly different way.
I'm sorry, my friend.
I'm really, really sorry.

 

[EctopicFetus]

Im sorry. We are all here for you. Medicine is a thief. It robs us in many ways of our time, our enjoyment of life and in some ways steals our joy in life.

As others on here have said and I tell those around me.. Dont delay. Enjoy life. The Dave Ramsey/WCI mindset is wrong. The Die with Zero mindset is where we in medicine need to be. Go out and enjoy life, buy the better concert ticket, take the time to have an experience with your spouse/friend/kids.

I fight this fight with my wife. I don't win on many topics but I have won this one. My kids are getting older, ill see them a lot less as they go off to college and become adults. There was some statistic that 75% of the time we ever spend with our kids is before they are 12. I have no idea if this is true. I do know the concept of this hit home and reminded me to make the most of the time I have with my kids (some are more and some are less than 12).

I am sure you will be a supportive spouse, I pray you guys have a good outcome, no words can describe the pain you are going through.

 

[mihirtak]

My wife and I met as kids at a house party. Dated and quickly decided we both wanted to be docs. We fought tooth and nail to go together as a couple to college, med school, and residency, and fellowship, all together.

At one point she was working 3 jobs. We traded summers for research gigs. Skipped weekends off together to make sure we were moving through the medical education pathway with maximum benefit for “some day”.

Well yesterday, at 30 years old, my wife was diagnosed with high grade metastatic ovarian cancer, 10 months from graduating her final year of fellowship after well over a decade of training. Looking at mortality in the face all those extra nights, weekends, days we spent distracted on some trivial aspect of the medical education system is just so jarring. An absolute waste of years together that she and I will never get back.

It’s a rant post but hey, if you have someone in your life that matters to you go home and give them a hug today. Stretch your time off and take that trip. Maybe think about not picking up that extra shift or doing that extra task to “help out the team.” You never know when the dice will roll a snake eyes and things will change in a heartbeat.

yoooooo, my dude. wishing you and your wife all the best during this difficult time. I just saw on instagram and put 2 and 2 together regarding your post. Praying for a good outcome!

 

[Mad Jack]

My wife and I met as kids at a house party. Dated and quickly decided we both wanted to be docs. We fought tooth and nail to go together as a couple to college, med school, and residency, and fellowship, all together.

At one point she was working 3 jobs. We traded summers for research gigs. Skipped weekends off together to make sure we were moving through the medical education pathway with maximum benefit for “some day”.

Well yesterday, at 30 years old, my wife was diagnosed with high grade metastatic ovarian cancer, 10 months from graduating her final year of fellowship after well over a decade of training. Looking at mortality in the face all those extra nights, weekends, days we spent distracted on some trivial aspect of the medical education system is just so jarring. An absolute waste of years together that she and I will never get back.

It’s a rant post but hey, if you have someone in your life that matters to you go home and give them a hug today. Stretch your time off and take that trip. Maybe think about not picking up that extra shift or doing that extra task to “help out the team.” You never know when the dice will roll a snake eyes and things will change in a heartbeat.

I'm so terribly sorry you're going through this, and I wish the best for both of you

 

[hoot504]

I'm very sorry to hear that. You did what you thought was best at the time, in planning for your future. Maximizing time with loved ones is important, but I do think that striving for our hopes and dreams is what keeps us 'happiest' as human beings, even if (especially in the MD training pipeline) it can feel like endless delayed gratification. It sounds like you two have accomplished some amazing things together. I hope you take some solace in that.