getting second thoughts, is it right for me?

[teenyfish]

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For the past three or four years, I knew that I wanted to be a doctor. There were many things I liked about it - the combination of both science & humanities, working with people and impacting them in a positive way, always being challenged, being "the top dog" (I might be a little bossy and a little bit of a control freak), and lets be honest, the salary isn't too bad either.

But lately I might be having a change of heart. What I want most out of life is to have a family, I want to have kids, and be there to raise them. I want to be able to spend the majority of my time with them when they are younger and have a good work/life balance. I'm in my first serious relationship, living together and all that jazz, and while I have no plans of getting married any time soon, it's been the first time where I can't be totally selfish in everything I do. I include him in many decisions, from small things like groceries to larger things. I don't know if I'll marry him, but I know that if I want a family I won't be able to be selfish anymore, I'll have other people to think about.

I don't know if I want to spend the next 7-9 years of my life slaving away in medical school and residency. I'd like to have a life, I dread the 60-80 hour work weeks in intern & residency years.

I'm currently in my third year of school and for the past three months have been working full time at a large pharmaceutical company in drug discovery as part of my school curriculum. I really really like the work that I'm doing and I could see myself doing this as a career, but I just can't get being a doctor out of my head. I think I'm over it but then I see medical students in their white coats on the subway and I get a tinge of jealousy and longing. It's just something that I keep coming back to. I'd really like to have a good life/work balance, and I don't know if that's something that I can achieve to my liking as a doctor. I want to work a 40-50 hour work week, less when I have young children. I don't want to have crazy hours, and uncertainty in my schedule.

I don't know if I should go the scientist route or medical route, I don't know what's best for me. Has anyone else felt this way? Any opinions?

 

[terp720]

I understand, this is something I have thought of as well. I think most of us hope to have a life outside of medicine. I don't think anyone can necessarily tell you if going into medicine is right for you or whether you should pursue a job like the one you have, but I will share some info. I don't have any personal experience, but I have to cousins who are in residency (both pediatric). Both of them have had two children while in residency. I know one of my cousins worked 50-60 hours per week, which probably took time away from family, but it is possible. I would think that a lot of it after residency is dependent on which specialty you go into as well.

 

[274631]

I agree with terp. This was also a very big concern for me, especially after I met my boyfriend and the idea of marriage and babies became a lot more real, and something I talked to my mom about extensively.

My mom, while not a doctor, is part owner and managing director of a small firm in a male dominated field. Yet she still managed to raise 3 kids and be an extremely involved mother. I have known my mom to be in her office until 3 in the morning when she had a proposal due or something like that. But with that being said I cannot recall a single class project I needed help with, event that I had where she wasn't there or involved. If it meant after a long day of work coming home to stay up with me for 5 more hours while I finished a project she was there doing it. When I talked to her about my concerns about medicine and family life, one thing she said to me really stuck. She said that your life and career is what you make of it. If family is important to you, you will fit it in. I think we get so caught up in what we hear about what it means to be a doctor that we forget that we do have some control over how we practice in the future. It may mean you aren't able to be at the top of your field/next Paul Farmer or Ben Carson, but you can make it work. There is no real way to avoid the time you have to put in for med school and residency but after that you will have a certain degree of flexibility about how you want your time to be spent. There are tons of female physicians with kids so it has to be doable. Although I am sure having a supportive partner helps a whole lot.

 

[Ismet]

Depending on what specialty you go into, you can certainly have time for a family and a life outside of medicine. I've met several physicians (all female, although I'm sure there are men out there like this too) who work part-time, allowing plenty of time to raise a family.

 

[Mt Kilimanjaro]

You might get better information here: http://www.mothersinmedicine.com

I think your concerns are valid; whether it's worth it is a decision you have to make. Medical education is time-consuming and will take up more of your free time than you probably would like. You can and should have a life outside of that, however, and many people do.

 

[SunsFun]

Although I don't have a specific advice to give, a big part of me wants more people like you to become physicians. Too many freaks who are willing to sacrifice everything and everybody for their career seem to chose medicine as their path and want others in the field to do the same, especially during residency. This pushes otherwise great candidates away from medicine who very likely would have been better doctors. And then, almost magically, we have family physicians without ability to have a family, psychiatrists with psychiatric disorders, male-dominated high end specialties, poor bedside manners, and doctors unable to understand their patients and hating them instead.

 

[ES2]

If you give up on something important to you because of someone else, don't blame them later down the road.

 

[Goro]

What does your heart tell you? Medicine is a calling, like being a policman or priest. It's not a matter of being convenient nor easy.

If you haven't done so already, start hanging around patients and their families. Then you'll know what to do.

For the past three or four years, I knew that I wanted to be a doctor. There were many things I liked about it - the combination of both science & humanities, working with people and impacting them in a positive way, always being challenged, being "the top dog" (I might be a little bossy and a little bit of a control freak), and lets be honest, the salary isn't too bad either.

But lately I might be having a change of heart. What I want most out of life is to have a family, I want to have kids, and be there to raise them. I want to be able to spend the majority of my time with them when they are younger and have a good work/life balance. I'm in my first serious relationship, living together and all that jazz, and while I have no plans of getting married any time soon, it's been the first time where I can't be totally selfish in everything I do. I include him in many decisions, from small things like groceries to larger things. I don't know if I'll marry him, but I know that if I want a family I won't be able to be selfish anymore, I'll have other people to think about.

I don't know if I want to spend the next 7-9 years of my life slaving away in medical school and residency. I'd like to have a life, I dread the 60-80 hour work weeks in intern & residency years.

I'm currently in my third year of school and for the past three months have been working full time at a large pharmaceutical company in drug discovery as part of my school curriculum. I really really like the work that I'm doing and I could see myself doing this as a career, but I just can't get being a doctor out of my head. I think I'm over it but then I see medical students in their white coats on the subway and I get a tinge of jealousy and longing. It's just something that I keep coming back to. I'd really like to have a good life/work balance, and I don't know if that's something that I can achieve to my liking as a doctor. I want to work a 40-50 hour work week, less when I have young children. I don't want to have crazy hours, and uncertainty in my schedule.

I don't know if I should go the scientist route or medical route, I don't know what's best for me. Has anyone else felt this way? Any opinions?

 

[teenyfish]

Thanks everyone for your replies, it's made me a little more optimistic! This is just something that I will have to feel out over the next year or so as I continue volunteering/shadowing and building up a resume for medical school. Over the past few months I've tried everything to convince myself to think of a different path, and while it's worked for a while I still can't shake this doctor thing. 😛 I don't need or want to be some crazy overly ambitious doctor, all I really want is to be the best doctor I can be to my patients while still maintaining a reasonable work/life balance. I'm not afraid of a few years of hard work, I just want those years to build towards a lifestyle and career that I can really enjoy.

I'm glad to know that a lot of other people have had similar concerns and have been able to work through them!

Although I don't have a specific advice to give, a big part of me wants more people like you to become physicians. Too many freaks who are willing to sacrifice everything and everybody for their career seem to chose medicine as their path and want others in the field to do the same, especially during residency. This pushes otherwise great candidates away from medicine who very likely would have been better doctors. And then, almost magically, we have family physicians without ability to have a family, psychiatrists with psychiatric disorders, male-dominated high end specialties, poor bedside manners, and doctors unable to understand their patients and hating them instead.

Thanks Suns, this made my day!

 

[QuizzicalApe]

I am also currently on my MICU nights rotation, so things are a little skewed at the moment...
but I have time for life outside of ICU rotations!

There are definitely people in my program raising kids and having babies, though. You can definitely make a family happen if you work at it, and once you're done with residency you can pursue a work arrangement that suits your life plan.