Getting through med school with children.

[Beanamania]

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I'm looking for advice from parents who have gone through medical school and/or residency with children. Is it possible to be a good student and/or resident and also be a good parent?

And one more completely unrelated question: what if you graduate from med school, choose to specialize in one thing, and then a few years after your residency decide that you'd like to specialize in something else? Would you go through another residency? Is it even possible?

Thanks in advance.

 

[AGDJenni]

I can't help you with the children and med school part because I don't have kids. But, I do know you can switch residencies because I know a guy who did general surgery for a year and then switched to anesthsia (I think I spelled that wrong). Anyway, I am hoping to have all of my children before age 37, and it seems like there is no good time to have a kid.
Year 1-2 : hard core studying, adjusting to new lifestyle, Step 1
Year 3-4 : rotations and kissing but so you can get into a residency of choice, Step 2
Residency: hard work, low pay, LONG hours, kissing butt to get a good job after residency
After Residency: starting on your career/your own practice so you can't slack off and be a parent because you need a strong start

Heck, by the time things slow down enough to have kids I'll be 40! So......I feel your pain.

 

[mommy2three]

while i have not been in medical school i was in a smp where i took med school classes with ms-1's.
these are the things i learned while in that program that i can share with you (i had two children at that time and became preg with my third during the year):
- you will NEED a good support system around you, you will want to go to school near your family if possible. this is especially true if you have a school age child who is involved in activities. there were days when i was later from class and my parents picked up s from after school care and would shuttle her to the activity of the day then i would be there to pick her up when it was over.
- your dh/so will have to be prepared to pick up the slack. my dh was very understanding about what it takes to suceed and did everything in his power to help me. he would take the kids to the park or to mcdonald's for lunch or something whiel i studied. he would make dinners during the week (i would make a big dinner like spaghetti sauce on the weekend when i did not have a test and all he would have to do is heat and then we could eat 🙂 ). he was my rock...he believed in me when i doubed myself.
- forget about your house being super clean....it will not be. our house was clean and healthy but no where near as **** and span as it was before i was in the program. dh also helped by picking up the slack here and i had to learn to accept that even though he did not do the kids laundry the same way i did that it was okay because it was done and that all that really mattered. same thing applied to dishes in the dishwasher...it was not the way i did it but the important thing is it was done. this was a big deal for me becuase i am very particular about the way i do things and to let go was a huge deal for me 🙂
- spend a week before school and breaks to make and freeze as many easy dinners as you can...that way you have easy things to make on a crazy night when you are studying and have been running ragged all day (trust me when i say the last thing you will want to do is come home and make a dinner from scratch).
that is all i can think of for now......if i think of any more i will come back and add them.

yes it is difficult but it can be done 🙂
you may want to checkout mommd.com...there are a bunch of moms there who are doing it 🙂

 

[montessori2md]

1) search this thread a bit : )
2) Don't expect to spend uberquantities of time w/ your kids
3) have at least 4 people/schools/well trained chimps (ok, maybe not) who can take care of said kids in a pinch.
4) find really really good center/nanny while still pregnant, preferably around your 20 wk ultrasound, don't wait till 3rd trimester, you'll be too nervous and um, large.

I teach at a school w/ kids from 3mos to 12 years, and my moms w/ infants have professional jobs (law, med, accountants, etc) that are very demanding. Several travel regularly for work, many are up to the wee hours of the morning finishing paperwork, and they are tired, they sometimes need grandparents to help out, their husbands are very involved with their kids. But they all have great, happy babies.

The key is to still PARENT when you're available to your kids, and not become too permissive because a) you just want to have fun when you're with them or b) you're just too tired to say no when they ask for more cartoons/candy/whatever. The other really, really, important thing is a couple of other adults around who can be consistent too (aka dh, grandparents, neighbor, nanny, whatever).

There is no ideal time to have kids.

 

[efex101]

It depends on what you mean by being a "good parent". We all have different perspectives on what this means. If to you it means spending a substantial amount of time with your family then, no, you cannot be a good parent. Medical school is the most time intensive endeavor I have ever done and my family time has decreased a lot. I am always tired and when I get home I really want to just rest. I am not saying it is impossible but it is very hard to do medical school with a family. My husband is in charge of EVERYTHING pretty much (he cooks/shops/takes kids to appts/does clothes/etc) since I started medical school. I used to be the primary caregiver before medical school and our roles had to change once I started.

Also, experiences can vary depending on how much time you *have* to be in class versus not. Some schools are more lenient others not so much.

You will need a husband that is 200% invested in this with you and some family. If not, you will need help (nanny/au pair/sitter).