Gfg

[fides]

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Sigh, and here comes the meteor of a realization that after ending 3rd year in a crap university, with a crap GPA (2.45), with people that are equally as much in **** as you.


I thought I could become the quintessential "doctor" based on misguided and childish concepts of "passion" "dreams" "love...." of this profession.

I have finally come to the conclusion that there are 100 other kids out there who have the same amount of supposed "passion" as me and have a 4.0, 40, and very outstanding ECs (in comparison to my two).

Problem: Medicine is the only field i have ever envsioned for myself, it is not a matter of money or prestige or even familial pressures. No, its simply a field that sticks out for me, its my cake and I'm the fat kid.

Rationale: I cant express it in words, even if I could, I doubt anyone would understand. Its just something that attracts me with such force that any other careers or thoughts of different careers seems repulsive.

Solution should be obvious? of course it is, my grades are bad, so therefore I must study and not waste my time doing other things, my ECs are low, so tehrefore i must get involved.

Problem? zero willpower, i cant study, tried medication, tried "forced" study. Doesnt work, i ponder into thoughless mindscapes even if the laptop isnt around. Rainbows and unicorns take over when a textbook is open, and there i go into fantasy land.

Attempt at Solution: Already stated, but nothing seems to work.

Realization: I fking want to improve and not be a procrastinating bum anymore but I am at my wits end, cant seem to figure out how to get back on track and become focused again.

BIG QUESTION: DO I HAVE A GENUINE INTEREST IN THIS FIELD, IN HELPING POEPLE?

ANSWER; I dont tink any one can truthfully answer this question, especially as undergrads, our answers would be highly subjective, and somewhat perceptual and therefore not reliable in any means. What is truly a measure of interest? can we quantify passion? can we put a value on devotion? I dont believe so, but i do know Im not chasing this hollow dream for the sake of money, or prestige, or that ever reclusive feeling of being called "doctor" no for me its something else entirely an eerie sort of feeling that I cant yet comprehend and therefore cant describe, but its there, nagging at me constantly to do something when Im wasting my time, or reminding me how important Organic Chemistry is as a pre-req.

Anyways, contemplating suicide, more of a attention grabber to draw in an audience in regards to being a subtle threat of some kind. Truthfully i have contemplated it, since my life was so pathetic. dont get me wrong my life is still pathetic and I still think about it time to time, but i understand I will be taking the cowards way out and only hurting my family in the end.

 

[coyotelime]

- What is the point of this thread? Do you want advice?
- You seem to have a genuine passion for medicine. People on this forum have done a lot worse and gotten into a medical school following lots of work in post-baccs and the like.
- If you want medicine bad enough, that should drive your ventures into fantasy land when you try to study. I am sorry, but yours is a poor excuse.
- To give up your own life would be to end your dreams of pursuing medicine. It would be a silly act and I know you explicitly stated it was an attention grabber and not a threat, but don't even think about it.
- I expect this thread to blow up in the next 12 hrs.
- Best of luck in the future, keep your chin up, and please please please don't contemplate suicide.

 

[zheng]

If you contemplate suicide, you are contemplating cheating not only your family, but also me and the rest of the world from ever getting to know you. We deserve that chance.

 

[Revolver1045]

Man you can focus. You just proved it. If you could put the passion and effort into your studies that you put into creating this post you'll turn it around. I wish I had more advice for ya and I hope you decide (because you do have the ability to) to turn it around. Good luck bro

 

[HawaiiMedMan]

Anyways, contemplating suicide, more of a attention grabber to draw in an audience in regards to being a subtle threat of some kind. Truthfully i have contemplated it, since my life was so pathetic. dont get me wrong my life is still pathetic and I still think about it time to time, but i understand I will be taking the cowards way out and only hurting my family in the end.

Dude, people will tell you to stick with medicine if that's what you truly love, but if it is driving you to an extreme point to where you hate life, I might tell you otherwise. You clearly care about the caring about people side of it, so I would recommend you go change the world instead. You don't have to be a doctor to care about people per say. It's just another road to that. You could volunteer at a hospital half way across the world (cure.org) and provide hope to those that have a much worse life than you believe it or not, where getting into med school is not their problem, but getting food in their belly. Travel for a year and when you come back, you will see you live, and live well.

I'm not saying that life isn't tough, and that you aren't in a hard place. But love life as much as you can. It's not all about your job, your job should be all about you. So if you care about people, go out and care for them. Do it. I know it sounds cliché, but buddy, everything will be ok. 🙂

 

[tiedyeddog]

Anyways, contemplating suicide, more of a attention grabber to draw in an audience in regards to being a subtle threat of some kind. Truthfully i have contemplated it, since my life was so pathetic. dont get me wrong my life is still pathetic and I still think about it time to time, but i understand I will be taking the cowards way out and only hurting my family in the end.

Hey, if you're really contemplating suicide just take a step back. Breathe.

Here are two hotlines you can call. My friends have worked at one's like them. They are really people who you can call and just... talk. It seems like you need to vent and someone to understand. Even if you're not considering it anymore, just call them and if you're feeling down, they'll listen.

1-800-784-2433 - National Hope Network
1-800-273-8255 National Suicide Prevention lifeline.

Seriously, before you consider suicide anymore, give them a call. They will listen to you. You're going through a tough period in your life but people care and want to help you.

 

[Thego2guy]

Dude, people will tell you to stick with medicine if that's what you truly love, but if it is driving you to an extreme point to where you hate life, I might tell you otherwise. You clearly care about the caring about people side of it, so I would recommend you go change the world instead. You don't have to be a doctor to care about people per say. It's just another road to that. You could volunteer at a hospital half way across the world (cure.org) and provide hope to those that have a much worse life than you believe it or not, where getting into med school is not their problem, but getting food in their belly. Travel for a year and when you come back, you will see you live, and live well.

I'm not saying that life isn't tough, and that you aren't in a hard place. But love life as much as you can. It's not all about your job, your job should be all about you. So if you care about people, go out and care for them. Do it. I know it sounds cliché, but buddy, everything will be ok. 🙂

This 👍

And to add my own two cents, procrastination can definitely be a very very very serious and debilitating pathology - one which will leave you ripping out your own hair years from now (as.. you are doing now.. actually). Best way to beat it from personal experience? Take infinitesimally small baby steps. Give yourself rewards and pats on the back for making tiny progress (Going to sleep 5-10 minutes sooner. Eating healthier. Shutting off the laptop 5 minutes earlier. Staying on one assignment for more than 15 minutes. etc...)

I know you are seemingly gasping for air because you feel so helpless right now, but the ONLY way to make it better, is to STOP.....FREEZE everything in your life, take a seriously hard look at your current physical and mental state, and think real hard. Don't get hyped up by superficial bull**** images on TV, or motivational youtube videos about how you can conquer the world. Those are "empty" calories so to speak, that will motivate you for no more than 5 minutes. You need to look deep down inside. Beyond all of that.

Make a list of why you want to be successful, and not end up as a bum on the street. Then make another list of why you should even attempt to continue the premed route (ie: You have a chance -no matter how small, but still a chance- to succeed and become a doctor; if you set your mind to it, you can definitely do it; if you never try and give it all you got, you'll always have regrets, etc...). And then make a list of how awesome it would be to finally make medical school and become a doctor. Look at those lists. Read them. Stamp them on your forehead, and stare at a mirror for 5 hours.

The biggest motivator for me is the fear of failure. You have everything in your hands dude. You can turn this around. Yes, it will take time, but you can turn it around. You can become a physician. Even if you decide that medicine is not for you anymore (too much trouble, too many expenses, etc..), then you need to understand that you can still be a successful individual. Finish your education off right, be a good person, work on your work-ethic, and don't ever, ever, ever, ever, ever contemplate suicide - except maybe in a philosophy class or something 🙄

Good luck man. SDN pre-allo can sometimes foster a poisonous environment , but there are plenty of people on here who are willing to listen, and are truly willing to help.