Good jokes on marriage!

[Smilemaker100]

You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get
married and wish you were dead.

At a cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your
wedding ring on the wrong finger?" "Yes, I am. I married the wrong man."

A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds: "Husband Wanted". Next day she
received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have
mine."

When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her
keep him.

A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished.

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get
married?" Father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying."

A young son asked, "Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man
doesn't know his wife until he marries her?" Dad replied, "That happens in
! every country, son."

Then there was a woman who said, "I never knew what ! real happiness was until
I got married, and by then, it was too late."

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you
say -- talk in your sleep.

Just think, if it wasn't for marriage, men would go through life thinking
they had no faults at all.

First guy says, "My wife's an angel!" Second guy remarks, "You're lucky.
Mine's still alive."

A Woman's Prayer: Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom, to understand a man, to
love and to forgive him, and for Patience, for his moods. Because, Lord, if
I pray for Strength, I'll just beat him to death.

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[Phil]

A Fairy Tale

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl, "Will you marry me?"

The girl said, "No!"

And the guy lived happily ever after and went fishing, hunting, played golf a lot, and drank beer whenever he wanted.

The End

 

[Smilemaker100]

A Fairy Tale

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl, "Will you marry me?"

The girl said, "No!"

And the guy lived happily ever after and went fishing, hunting, played golf a lot, and drank beer whenever he wanted.

The End

How about this fairy tale...

Once upon a time, a girl fell in love with a man and wanted to abandon her career, bare his children and be a stay at home wife. But then the man told her " No way ho say. I will never be faithful. Forget it."

So the girl realized "Hey. Aren't MOST men unfaithful? " Then she talked to many women and saw how many women were unhappily married and realized..."I am not missing out on anything!"

So the girl banned men for life except for some friendships with some asexual men /gay men. She went on to become a society girl attending all the greatest parties in town, a Nobel Prize winner, a great philanthropist and a reknown artist. And lived happily ever after...

 

[Smilemaker100]

A Fairy Tale

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl, "Will you marry me?"

The girl said, "No!"

And the guy lived happily ever after and went fishing, hunting, played golf a lot, and drank beer whenever he wanted.

The End

Weren't you the romantic guy who sold his truck and asked his long time girlfriend to marry him? Kind of a weird joke coming from you...

 

[Phil]

How about this fairy tale...

Once upon a time, a girl fell in love with a man and wanted to abandon her career, bare his children and be a stay at home wife. But then the man told her " No way ho say. I will never be faithful. Forget it."

So the girl realized "Hey. Aren't MOST men unfaithful? " Then she talked to many women and saw how many women were unhappily married and realized..."I am not missing out on anything!"

So the girl banned men for life except for some friendships with some asexual men /gay men. She went on to become a society girl attending all the greatest parties in town, a Nobel Prize winner, a great philanthropist and a reknown artist. And lived happily ever after...

That's not funny, its kind of sad. 🙁

 

[ASDIC]

The price women pay for marriage is sex. The price men pay for sex is marriage. ~ unknown

 

[Smilemaker100]

That's not funny, its kind of sad. 🙁

No, I think it's a pretty good fairy tale. It's just a social commentary on our times. I wonder how many "potential" female Nobel prize winning laureates or great artists have been "lost" to marriage. When a woman gets married and has kids, all of her other dreams go on the back burner. I once thought I would be a "traditional" woman but I don't think there is any man who is worth it. That won't happen to me. You can bet on it! It will never happen to me.

 

[Smilemaker100]

Now that we brushed on the topic of fairy tales...
THIS is the type of story that should be read to little girls! LOL!

Once upon a time, in a far away land, a beautiful, independent,self-assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat, contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle. The frog hopped into the princess' lap and said:" Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young prince that I am and then, my sweet, we can marry and set up housekeeping in your castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so."

That night, as the princess dined sumptuously on lightly sautéed frog legs
seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled and thought to herself:
"I don't f***ing think so." 👍 👍 👍 👍

 

[beentherdonthat]

The price women pay for marriage is sex. The price men pay for sex is marriage. ~ unknown

Ya know, I've always wondered about this "myth" - that once you're married you no longer have sex. Personally, I can attest that it is NOT true. My husband and I married 11+ years still have an active sex life, 2-3 times per week. I think women who "opt out" once their married are fools!

How many of you singles are getting some on a frequent basis?