guilty mother

[foggier apple]

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Please help me not to feel guilty...
I have two kids, 15 y.o and 12y.o. husband, house, cats and dogs...😍
Currently working as a nurse , nights, 36 hours and finaly have decided to reach out for my dream: to became a doctor. After working in acute hospital setting I have observed that doc's schedule sucks. So now my plan had changed : I would like to try to get into a dental school enstead.
I went back to school to get my BS, taking only day classes, so I would be available for my kids after school, and work only on the weekend nights.
Now here is problem: School loans are very costly... and they will get even more expensive🙁 I feel like I'm taking away from my family(espescially kids) money and time.
My daughter pretty soon will need her student loans, and I have a hard time right nowto get a private loan for myself(complements of today's economy)
What are going to do when there will be THREE college students in our home at a same time????
Any suggestions?

 

[montessori2md]

On the one hand, all of you being in school at once means you're more likely to be eligible for financial aid.

On the other hand, who knows what sort of aid that will be : )

Take some time to really look at your balance sheet. Think not only about your kids, but about your spouse -how many years before retirement? What does your retirement look like? And REALLY do the math. What will your loan payments be per month, over 10 years? Will your husband's company provide health insurance for you and your kids? Or are you going to have to get it elsewhere? How much will that cost (at my school the insurance sucks)?

THEN do the math for the kids. First, a lot of kids don't get help for school from their parents, it's not the end of the universe. Second, how much is in-state tuition? Do you even know where you'll be living when they are applying for college? Are you sure they will both attend college?

I would recommend talking to your kids about this. They are old enough to participate. But talking to them without any numbers or any idea of your options will not be productive.

I would add that a lot of kids are having a hard time paying for school because of private loan interest rates, the mortgage crisis (can't take out an equity line to pay for the kids), and 529 accounts taking a hit when the Dow fell.

My plan is to pay for my son as if he were attending a state university. If he chooses to go out-of-state or private, he takes on the difference. His living expenses will be covered on a graded scale matched to his GPA -if it's 3.75+, he gets 100%. If it's below 3.0, he gets 25%, with the possibility of appealing for circumstances (he gets mono, he wants to take 6 really tough classes but is scared to lose cash, etc). I also plan on using loans if the fees are reasonable, simply because the federal loans are basically free debt.

 

[QofQuimica]

Your daughter is 15, which makes her, what, a HS freshman or sophomore? How is she doing in school? If she's not big into hitting the books, now is an excellent time to educate her (and your younger child too!) about the doors she can open by pulling top grades. Here are some ideas:

1) Does her HS offer AP or IB courses? Typically, these are taken by HS juniors and seniors. If she is academically prepared for college level work by that point, she should take as many of these classes as she can handle, and take the exams at the end of the year. She can get a semester or two of college credit for each AP test on which she scores a 4 or 5. I don't have any experience with IB programs, so you'd have to look into that if it's an option in your area.

2) Another path for her would be to take community college classes as a HS student. I don't know how this works in other states, but in FL at least, HS students can take community college classes for free as long as they are enrolled in HS. Assuming your state has this kind of program, she could easily fulfill most of the distribution requirements for a BS or BA while still a HS student, at no cost.

Either of these first two strategies would help shorten the time she spent in college, which can be a huge cost-saver. I wound up going to a state school that didn't use credit hours. But I had passed enough AP tests (and was also dual enrolled for two classes) that if I had gone to a regular university, I would have started college as a second semester sophomore and been able to graduate in two years instead of four.

3) Check into what incentives your state offers for high-achieving students to encourage them to stay in-state for college. In FL, students who earn a certain HS GPA and get a certain SAT score are eligible for free tuition at any of our state universities. My grades and SAT were good enough that I was able to get *everything* covered, including room and board, for four years (which is why I didn't go to one of the other schools where I would have been able to graduate in two years).

Even if your daughter isn't so academically inclined, there are still other options. We have another program in FL for pre-paying college expenses. Your daughter may be a little old for a program like this since she's already in HS, but this may be an attractive option for your twelve-year-old, if your state has a similar program. The advantage of these pre-paid programs is that you pay now for her college tuition at today's prices, and then her school expenses will be covered even though the college will undoubtedly raise tuition expenses in the meantime.

4) Find out what community scholarships each of you may be eligible for. If you or your husband works for a large corporation, they may offer scholarships for children of employees. Churches, civic groups, etc. are also good places to look. You should investigate what kinds of grants and scholarships your local colleges offer, and what the requirements are to get them. The time to do this is now, so that you and she both have time to fulfill them.

Unlike medical school, there is a lot more money out there to help people go to college, particularly for high-achieving students. If your daughter can pull excellent grades and do a combination of these strategies, there is a realistic possibility of her being partially or completely scholarshipped to college. Worst case scenario if she dual enrolls and no scholarships come through, it's a whole heck of a lot better paying for two years of college instead of four!

Best of luck to you both. 🙂

 

[BillytheEchidna]

Now here is problem: School loans are very costly... and they will get even more expensive🙁 I feel like I'm taking away from my family(espescially kids) money and time.

But you will be able to practice dentistry as soon as you graduate from dental school. As a dentist, you will more than compensate as a breadwinner. Your family should totally understand that you are doing it for all of them and their future. Don't wait too long: most dental schools require you to repeat courses if it has been more than 5 years since you've taken them.

Your teen daughter can soon get a part-time job and start saving for college, too. You would definitely be more eligible for financial aid with three people in college (and it looks like you will graduate before your son is a college student). After your first year (with only your husband's income on the taxes), you will be eligible for more aid than you would be, during the year that you were working as a nurse. It will get better. 🙂 Go for it!

 

[fergierrt]

I'm new, so I hate to butt in, but here is what I am thinking:

My parents couldn't help me with college. My father earned a great living, but they were older, and my mom was diagnosed with end-stage lung disease when I was a freshman in high school. The entire financial dynamic in our family changed. Figuring out a way to pay for college is a puzzle, but there are always ways to do it. I turned out just fine, in my opinion.

If anything, my predicament gave me character and made me more responsible than classmates of the same age. I performed better, had more motivation to do well, and learned some lessons about working toward a goal that I would never have learned elsewhere.

Not sure why I am saying all of this, other than to reassure you that there are worse things out there than not receiving a full ride from your parents. Your situation is a lot like mine. I work weekend night 12 hr. shifts as an RT so I can be in school full-time during the weekdays. I also feel guilty about the amount of college related debt accruing from time to time, because if you are truly like me, you make way too much income for any need based aid. When I get to feeling like this, I remind myself how comfortable my family will be when I am finished, and how much better I will be for them after I have reached my dream. This is the first time I have done something just for myself. And it is already paying off. My son is learning an up close and personal lesson of applying oneself to accomplish a dream. He sees me when I come home from work on Monday and my feet are aching and I want more than anything to go to sleep after working all night, but instead head to class. He sees when there is a good movie on tv and Mommy can't watch because she has to study to keep her grades up, or that I really want to do x, y, or z, but have work to do. I would like to think that he will rmember all of this one day when he is faced with the choice of partying or doing schoolwork, having fun or working to earn more for some reason or other.

While working toward your goal may affect your family in a negative way, as in debt, I am sure it is having positive impacts as well, so keep your chin up.

Andi

 

[dentalmama]

I'm 43 and going to be starting dental school at USC in the fall. I have two boys - 14 and 11 (almost 12) and I'm a single mom. By the time my oldest graduates high school, I'll just be graduating from dental school - so I feel its a good time for me. But I think boys are much more independent than boys and have a lot less drama than girls in middle and high school - if they're good kids, that is. But I think it really depends on the school you attend. Some dental schools allow you more flexibility (like PBL-based schools) versus very traditional and competitive schools. I like the idea of dentistry because you can practice right after you graduate, still be a doctor and help people, not have to be on call, and make your own hours when you practice! I'd go for dentistry if I were you - and go to a PBL school where you do a lot of the education on your own, or in groups. The one thing you don't want to live with though, is regrets - so if your heart is set on medical school, go for it - because you only life once and your kids will respect you for it, and you will respect yourself - the most important kind of role model for kids.