Having a child before med school

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ILuvScience

ILuvScience

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Hi all! So my fiancee wants to start having a child and I'm 24 at moment and would prefer to have one at the age of 30 ( which would be the age I will graduate med school if all goes well next app cycle). I know that it would be hard to have one while I'm in med school, so what about the year before med school??? Or should we wait during residency?? I'd prefer to be in my early 40s by the time my first child graduates high school. Also, We are planning to get married next fall probably.

Thanks : )


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Having a child in med school wont absolutely kill your chances of doing well, but it will add another layer of difficulty. That being said, I would wait until residency to have a child.

If you want to have one now though, go for it. Make sure your fiancee knows that you will not have as much free time as a stay-at-home or 9-5 mother though.
 
ILuvScience said:
...would prefer to have one at the age of 30... I'd prefer to be in my early 40s by the time my first child graduates high school...
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So... you want your kid to graduate between the ages of 12 and 13? Or do you plan on having one kid now, and another in six years? I think the former would be way cooler.
 
My wife and I are having our first child before I begin medical school (hopefully) next fall. I turn twenty-six in October. For us, a part of wanting children is wanting to spend time with them. Having kids in six years would mean we'd get to spend six fewer years with them, in the long run, so we decided to have kids now. I don't think there's any "good" time to have a child. I think it really boils down to this: do you want kids now? If you want them now, you shouldn't wait. Have them now. If you don't want kids now, I recommend you think very hard about the reasons you don't want kids, because they may still be there in six years; there's no magical transformation that occurs when you turn thirty that makes having kids suddenly desirable if it wasn't before.

On the other hand, if you're not in a position to be able to provide for your kids financially, don't have kids. But I doubt that any of this will get easier during residency, or for quite some time after, and it doesn't take immense wealth to do a good job raising your children. Your final comments suggest to me that you do want kids now; if your first child is born when you are 25, he or she will graduate from high school when you are 43. If raising children is a big priority in your life, don't let your medical training get in the way.

Before anyone jumps in and says I'm naive, blah blah blah, I recommend you find real people (as opposed to internet people) who have done both, and see what they think. My experience in such matters is that in both camps, half of folks are happy with their decisions and half are filled with regret. This is just what I think. None of it may apply to you.
 
Have them when you think the time is right. They will be your bundles of joy/ little balls of evil/cuteness.😀
 
It might make med school a little harder

BUT if you have one before you start med school, you might already be used to the hustle and bustle of having a child 😉
 
It will probably make med school a little harder...plus, you might get so attached you can't stand to leave the little moop or you might get terrible PPD and flunk out. If you don't want a baby until you're 30, don't have one until then. It's easy for your fiance to say he wants one now, he doesn't have to do any of the hard parts. I'm 24 and pregnant with my second, and it's kind of lame to be so young, most of my friends are still going out and doing fun things like traveling to Peru, while I'm trying to figure out when the best time to move my toddler to a big boy would be. Just consider it, I would probably have waited until I was older (like 30ish) if I could redo it. But, hey, good luck to ya
 
seeingstars said:
It will probably make med school a little harder...plus, you might get so attached you can't stand to leave the little moop or you might get terrible PPD and flunk out. If you don't want a baby until you're 30, don't have one until then. It's easy for your fiance to say he wants one now, he doesn't have to do any of the hard parts. I'm 24 and pregnant with my second, and it's kind of lame to be so young, most of my friends are still going out and doing fun things like traveling to Peru, while I'm trying to figure out when the best time to move my toddler to a big boy would be. Just consider it, I would probably have waited until I was older (like 30ish) if I could redo it. But, hey, good luck to ya
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Wow! You're awesome. Yep thats what I told him, but I'm just worried about being older and having kids. Idk.


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My husband and I are trying to have our first before I go to medical school. After talking to a few working moms in medicine - real people, not internet people like an above poster said - We realized that there is simply no ideal time to have children, and nothing will ever be the same after.

If you want to be a doctor and you want to be a mother, I think you need to learn to balance the two very important professions as early as possible.

There is also a very good possibly that after you give birth, NOTHING will matter in the entire world, except your baby. I have friends with PhDs who can't physically be separated from their children, and didn't think twice about walking away from successful careers. Wouldn't you want to know if this could be you before you incur the debt?

We decided on now as opposed to 4th year/residency/whenever, because of how uncertain pregnancy is. I've had friends with ideal pregnancies, and then I've read stories about women who deal with hyperemesis or are bedridden for 6 months. You have no idea how your body is going to react, and I certainly don't want to find out as an M1 and have to repeat a year because I can't meet the physical demands of medical school.

This is just my perspective, and ultimately this decision is between you and your hubby, but it sounds like you've already decided and just need some encouragement. Anything is possible with a solid support system. Hope all goes well.
 
ILuvScience said:
Wow! You're awesome. Yep thats what I told him, but I'm just worried about being older and having kids. Idk.


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:laugh::laugh: Thanks, I think so!! haha, I have just a few more things to say

1. I have a lot of friends and family who are MDs with kids and they all say that med school is like a vacation after motherhood.

2. For some reason, motherhood drains your brain, especially during pregnancy and in the first year..you can't remember anything! I have a photographic memory and I keep putting the milk in the cupboards and my keys in the freezer. I have no idea why.

3. Do you think you could seriously handle being a single mom in med school and residency?

But, you know, kids are freaking cute and snuggly..if only you could turn them off when they were being *******s.
 
ILuvScience said:
Hi all! So my fiancee wants to start having a child and I'm 24 at moment and would prefer to have one at the age of 30 ( which would be the age I will graduate med school if all goes well next app cycle). I know that it would be hard to have one while I'm in med school, so what about the year before med school??? Or should we wait during residency?? I'd prefer to be in my early 40s by the time my first child graduates high school. Also, We are planning to get married next fall probably.

Thanks : )


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Click to expand...

Talk about a receipt for disaster. What if you don't get matched because you did poorly in school because you had to tend to a child? Then you will become a married couple with a kid and 250,000+ USD in student loans and you will inevitably become a stay at home mom (what hospital in their right mind would hire some failure?). The kid will then grow up to become a degenerate scum because you were unable to support him/her and/or you would blame him/her for your failures ("if we didn't have you, I would have been living in a nicer neighborhood, drive a better car, have a better career, and overall quality of life").

Unless you husband/fiance is rich (trust fund baby or a 6 figure income?) then you should seriously get a hysterectomy (lol jk, or at least an IUD) and when you don't get pregnant just say "it is just not the right time baby, god is telling us to wait later."

Seriously, don't have a kid(s) unless you have a stable career. Having a kid grow up in less than ideal conditions because you were too impatient IS THE WORST DECISION EVER.
 
scene said:
Talk about a receipt for disaster. What if you don't get matched because you did poorly in school because you had to tend to a child? Then you will become a married couple with a kid and 250,000+ USD in student loans and you will inevitably become a stay at home mom (what hospital in their right mind would hire some failure?). The kid will then grow up to become a degenerate scum because you were unable to support him/her and/or you would blame him/her for your failures ("if we didn't have you, I would have been living in a nicer neighborhood, drive a better car, have a better career, and overall quality of life").

Unless you husband/fiance is rich (trust fund baby or a 6 figure income?) then you should seriously get a hysterectomy (lol jk, or at least an IUD) and when you don't get pregnant just say "it is just not the right time baby, god is telling us to wait later."

Seriously, don't have a kid(s) unless you have a stable career. Having a kid grow up in less than ideal conditions because you were too impatient IS THE WORST DECISION EVER.
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This maybe a tad extreme, but there is an air of truth to it. You will not be the first to have a child coming into (or during) medical school. But, it won't be easy and even harder if you don't have a strong support system behind you. (i.e who is gonna take care of the child while you are at school; your fiance, your parents, etc.)
 
Being that I worked full time the majority of my undergrad and going to school full time, I can handle a lot. And thankfully I have a very supportive fiancé and I can't wait to have his baby. I think we'll start trying tonight ; ) Lol jk. But 4real, we are going to definitely consider it


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Thanks everyone for the advice! : )


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ILuvScience said:
Being that I worked full time the majority of my undergrad and going to school full time, I can handle a lot. And thankfully I have a very supportive fiancé and I can't wait to have his baby. I think we'll start trying tonight ; ) Lol jk. But 4real, we are going to definitely consider it


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Click to expand...

I just hope you can handle it because the one thing that this nation does not need is more people relying on welfare and bleeding the tax payers dry. Also you better not come back crying to these forums about how you failed/dropped out of medical school because your child complicated the relationship between you and your fiance/husband. Which then prompted a divorce and your ex-husband taking your child away from you because you were financially unstable and crazy because you fried your brain from taking too many Xanax pills over the years since your matriculation into medical school and having the child.

Good luck nevertheless and I hope for the best!
 
It sounds like OP has her mind made up. I hope the boyfriend isn't manipulating her into making a choice she is too immature to make for herself.
 
In case you haven't seen this, start here:

http://www.mothersinmedicine.com/

Everyone of these women is a doctor, mother and wife. Read their stories, have your fiance read them too. Seek advice from real people who have been through what you are considering. Take advice from pessimistic, internet tough-guys, who can not begin to comprehend your situation, with a grain of salt. No one said medical school was going to be easy for anyone, just be realistic about what your life is going to be like and make sure your fiance does the same.
 
mdambitions said:
In case you haven't seen this, start here:

http://www.mothersinmedicine.com/

Everyone of these women is a doctor, mother and wife. Read their stories, have your fiance read them too. Seek advice from real people who have been through what you are considering. Take advice from pessimistic, internet tough-guys, who can not begin to comprehend your situation, with a grain of salt. No one said medical school was going to be easy for anyone, just be realistic about what your life is going to be like and make sure your fiance does the same.
Click to expand...

Why the OP decided to ask this question to a bunch of premeds who arent too far removed from childhood themselves is beyond me.
 
Med school is tough, but being an adult and having a real full time job is way more difficult and a way more significant time sink. If you can manage a child with both parents working full time, you can manage a child during med school.
 
mdambitions said:
In case you haven't seen this, start here:

http://www.mothersinmedicine.com/

Everyone of these women is a doctor, mother and wife. Read their stories, have your fiance read them too. Seek advice from real people who have been through what you are considering. Take advice from pessimistic, internet tough-guys, who can not begin to comprehend your situation, with a grain of salt. No one said medical school was going to be easy for anyone, just be realistic about what your life is going to be like and make sure your fiance does the same.
Click to expand...

I am hardly the cluster**** of descriptive adjectives and phrases you describe.

I merely presenting logic with comparative experiences and their results.
 
Why would you knowingly have a child before medical school? That is stupid if you ask me.
 
It's definitely easier for guys. I put in 50 hour weeks with a newborn but my wife can barely find 10 hours a week to go to work.
 
Get married first, then have the baby. You can do it. Will the grandparents be living close by to help with child care?
 
I had my first child as an M4. It was a pretty ideal time. I do not at all wish I'd had him sooner, but I was younger than you when I started med school.
 
scene said:
I just hope you can handle it because the one thing that this nation does not need is more people relying on welfare and bleeding the tax payers dry. Also you better not come back crying to these forums about how you failed/dropped out of medical school because your child complicated the relationship between you and your fiance/husband. Which then prompted a divorce and your ex-husband taking your child away from you because you were financially unstable and crazy because you fried your brain from taking too many Xanax pills over the years since your matriculation into medical school and having the child.

Good luck nevertheless and I hope for the best!
Click to expand...

You're an idiot. :meanie:
 
OP, this question would be better suited for the nontrad forum. You're getting info from people with hardly any life experience, who think changing a diaper is the horrible equivalent of losing a testicle in a bush pruning accident.

There is no right time to have a child. The next several years of your life are going to be hard emotionally and financially, with a whole host of other exciting tidbits. First suggestion, get married. That major life decision should ideally come first. Commitment to a family, with solid support from in laws is ideal. Financial stability is, eh, important but never a guarantee. You make it work. Maturity level is important as well. Are you willing to give up a crazy lifestyle for nights at home? Med school will be a challenge no matter what, it's up to you to decide what you can handle. My son will be about 6 when I matriculate and it's perfect to me. He'll be in school, childcare will be cheaper, my husband will be professionally employed with a decent income. I did not plan him, but I couldn't imagine a better arrangement.

Moms in medicine is an excellent collaborative blog. The very question you ask is discussed at length from several perspectives.
 
Mommy Doc 85 said:
OP, this question would be better suited for the nontrad forum. You're getting info from people with hardly any life experience, who think changing a diaper is the horrible equivalent of losing a testicle in a bush pruning accident.

There is no right time to have a child. The next several years of your life are going to be hard emotionally and financially, with a whole host of other exciting tidbits. First suggestion, get married. That major life decision should ideally come first. Commitment to a family, with solid support from in laws is ideal. Financial stability is, eh, important but never a guarantee. You make it work. Maturity level is important as well. Are you willing to give up a crazy lifestyle for nights at home? Med school will be a challenge no matter what, it's up to you to decide what you can handle. My son will be about 6 when I matriculate and it's perfect to me. He'll be in school, childcare will be cheaper, my husband will be professionally employed with a decent income. I did not plan him, but I couldn't imagine a better arrangement.

Moms in medicine is an excellent collaborative blog. The very question you ask is discussed at length from several perspectives.
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Yeah, my fiancée has a good job and he's studying to be an engineer as well. I think we're going to wait until I'm a M4. That just sounds more logical.


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Thanks everyone. I have decided to wait until I'm a M4 or maybe during residency. My mom got her undergrad degree, worked full time, and raised my brother and I as a single mother with no help. We are strong black women in this family and will do whatever it takes to achieve our goals : )


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ILuvScience said:
Thanks everyone. I have decided to wait until I'm a M4 or maybe during residency. My mom got her undergrad degree, worked full time, and raised my brother and I as a single mother with no help. We are strong black women in this family and will do whatever it takes to achieve our goals : )


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Click to expand...

LOL. Troll status confirmed
 
I would definitely do a search and check out the non-trad forum -- there are tons of threads like this on there. And over in that land, the general consensus is that it is far easier to have a kid before med school than during residency. I mean, think about it...you have the two academic years which are much easier to anticipate in terms of scheduling and planning than your two clinical years...not to mention what kind of timing you'll have to deal with during residency, when you'll be on-call and doing other wacky shift-type finagling. And the scheduling is far easier to deal during M1/M2 if you're breastfeeding than during the clinical rotations of M3/M4 or residency, when you can be running all over the place...I mean, do you think you'll feel comfortable asking your attending if you can take 20min to go pump every 4-6 hours?

I also highly recommend that you check out the child-care policies of the schools that you wish to attend, as well as the policies of the schools (or future workplaces) of your fiancé, and then again when you're going through match. Some residencies will make it easy to have a kid, some won't...so you're better off doing research now while the child is still hypothetical.

Hmmm...as an aside, I just noticed from another thread or two that you don't seem to be too big on searching for things, so here you go:

Baby before or after med school?
http://forums.studentdoctor.net/showthread.php?t=252540
http://forums.studentdoctor.net/showthread.php?t=58503
http://forums.studentdoctor.net/showthread.php?t=214693

And no, I'm not trying to start a flame war with a statement like that, but it seems like you are new to internet forums. It's easy for many people to use the anonymity to be as callous, nasty and otherwise unhelpful as they can be since there cannot be any retaliation other than being banned...I mean, check out the post by the guy who was ranting about welfare mothers...lol, troll!

Basically, search first and you will always win.
 
You will be applying this cycle. I say wait until you finish med school or even residency if you decide to go into a competitive specialty.
 
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DCGuava said:
I would definitely do a search and check out the non-trad forum -- there are tons of threads like this on there. And over in that land, the general consensus is that it is far easier to have a kid before med school than during residency. I mean, think about it...you have the two academic years which are much easier to anticipate in terms of scheduling and planning than your two clinical years...not to mention what kind of timing you'll have to deal with during residency, when you'll be on-call and doing other wacky shift-type finagling. And the scheduling is far easier to deal during M1/M2 if you're breastfeeding than during the clinical rotations of M3/M4 or residency, when you can be running all over the place...I mean, do you think you'll feel comfortable asking your attending if you can take 20min to go pump every 4-6 hours?

I also highly recommend that you check out the child-care policies of the schools that you wish to attend, as well as the policies of the schools (or future workplaces) of your fiancé, and then again when you're going through match. Some residencies will make it easy to have a kid, some won't...so you're better off doing research now while the child is still hypothetical.

Hmmm...as an aside, I just noticed from another thread or two that you don't seem to be too big on searching for things, so here you go:

Baby before or after med school?
http://forums.studentdoctor.net/showthread.php?t=252540
http://forums.studentdoctor.net/showthread.php?t=58503
http://forums.studentdoctor.net/showthread.php?t=214693

And no, I'm not trying to start a flame war with a statement like that, but it seems like you are new to internet forums. It's easy for many people to use the anonymity to be as callous, nasty and otherwise unhelpful as they can be since there cannot be any retaliation other than being banned...I mean, check out the post by the guy who was ranting about welfare mothers...lol, troll!

Basically, search first and you will always win.
Click to expand...

Lol...yeah, people are extremely harsh on here. However, thanks for the advice : )


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seeingstars said:
:laugh::laugh: Thanks, I think so!! haha, I have just a few more things to say

1. I have a lot of friends and family who are MDs with kids and they all say that med school is like a vacation after motherhood.

2. For some reason, motherhood drains your brain, especially during pregnancy and in the first year..you can't remember anything! I have a photographic memory and I keep putting the milk in the cupboards and my keys in the freezer. I have no idea why.

3. Do you think you could seriously handle being a single mom in med school and residency?

But, you know, kids are freaking cute and snuggly..if only you could turn them off when they were being *******s.
Click to expand...

The reason pregnant women have trouble concentrating and sometimes make 'silly' mistakes is that research has found that pregnant women experience a reduction in neuronal count during pregnancy. I don't know you well enough to offer a good opinion on whether or not having children is right for you now.
 
scene said:
I just hope you can handle it because the one thing that this nation does not need is more people relying on welfare and bleeding the tax payers dry. Also you better not come back crying to these forums about how you failed/dropped out of medical school because your child complicated the relationship between you and your fiance/husband. Which then prompted a divorce and your ex-husband taking your child away from you because you were financially unstable and crazy because you fried your brain from taking too many Xanax pills over the years since your matriculation into medical school and having the child.

Good luck nevertheless and I hope for the best!
Click to expand...

Who peed in your Wheaties this morning?
 
How possible is it to take a year off before you enter your third year in order to have a child? I think I've heard that this is a possibility on sdn. Could you also do research during this year off? If you have grandparents nearby to take care of the children often, is it possible to have a child at this time? I am also a nontraditional and won't be finishing med school until 28 or 29 depending if I get in this year. My mother discouraged me from having kids in my 30s because she had complications. She had me and my brother when she was about 32.
 
rubisco88 said:
How possible is it to take a year off before you enter your third year in order to have a child? I think I've heard that this is a possibility on sdn. Could you also do research during this year off? If you have grandparents nearby to take care of the children often, is it possible to have a child at this time? I am also a nontraditional and won't be finishing med school until 28 or 29 depending if I get in this year. My mother discouraged me from having kids in my 30s because she had complications. She had me and my brother when she was about 32.
Click to expand...

People take a year off between MS-2 and MS-3 for any number of reasons, including having a baby.

I'm a non-trad as well. I will graduated medical school when I'm 30. I had my daughter when I was 24 and my son about 2 months into MS-1. Thankfully, I have never had pregnancy complications and neither of my kids were very challenging babies (the baby was more colicky than his big sister, and now that he's mobile, he's kind of insane). That said, the baby gave me less grief whenever I tried to study at home than my daughter does, but I also think I'd be a lot more stressed with him if he were my first baby.

There's no perfect time, though some may be more convenient than others (but then you have to actually get pregnant within that window), they'll each have their own challenges. You make it work when it happens.
 
Why do people keep positing residency as a good time to have a baby? 😕
There are ACGME limits on how much time you can take off and you are working 70-80 hours a week without a lot of free daytime time to go to all the prenatal visits.

Have kids whenever you and your partner feel it is the right time for your relationship. No matter what point it is during your training it will seem like some other past or future time would be better. Overall the women that I know who had their kids before medical school or after residency are all very relieved that they did not have kids during medical school or residency. However, I know other women who have had kids during medical school and/or residency and still matched to competitive residencies and fellowships. Some took a year off from school, some didn't. Some interviewed while showing. And it is going to come up if you do a month long audition rotation. They still matched, they still had fun during medical school, they are still doctors.
 
If you want kids, then I suggest renting them.....I'm sure that you'll find a few takers 😀

Seriously, though, I think b4 or after MS (MS4 is perfect) are the best choices.....any time in between will compound an already stressful experience. You really will not enjoy preparing for a newborn and your board exams at the same time.

Also, if you have your child during MS4, you can try to secure a residency spot near your family, if you need the extra help....which you will, unless your spouse is okay with not working, or if you pay for daycare (which is not ideal imo for an infant!)
 
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scene said:
I just hope you can handle it because the one thing that this nation does not need is more people relying on welfare and bleeding the tax payers dry. Also you better not come back crying to these forums about how you failed/dropped out of medical school because your child complicated the relationship between you and your fiance/husband. Which then prompted a divorce and your ex-husband taking your child away from you because you were financially unstable and crazy because you fried your brain from taking too many Xanax pills over the years since your matriculation into medical school and having the child.

Good luck nevertheless and I hope for the best!
Click to expand...
Wow, and i thought I was snarky.
 
Neurosis said:
Wow, and i thought I was snarky.
Click to expand...

👍

No kidding.....that fellow's postings sound like they came straight out of a logic book as examples of the slippery slope fallacy, among others!
 
I think that if you choose to have children sometime in your medical education, the presence of a good support system is FAR more important than the specific timing. As others have said, there is no best time to have kids in med school or residency. But if you choose to have children, you must have people you love available and willing to help. Your fiancé/husband, first; other family members, second; good friends, third. It takes a village, after all, so don't make the mistake many professional women make in feeling too proud or guilty to ask for a lot of childcare assistance. You'll need it.
 
TheMightySmiter said:
I think that if you choose to have children sometime in your medical education, the presence of a good support system is FAR more important than the specific timing. As others have said, there is no best time to have kids in med school or residency. But if you choose to have children, you must have people you love available and willing to help. Your fiancé/husband, first; other family members, second; good friends, third. It takes a village, after all, so don't make the mistake many professional women make in feeling too proud or guilty to ask for a lot of childcare assistance. You'll need it.
Click to expand...

I agree with you 100%
 
My first reaction was 😱

But truth be told, this is your life. Do you want to have you child now or when you're 30? It's sort of cold that you can shrug off your family for your medical school education. Don't get me wrong, school comes first obviously. You don't want to be in a position where you can't provide for your family. I think you have to mull it over. Yeah, it will be EXTREMELY hard to have a baby and be in med school. You might feel like you're missing out on your child's life - and your child may feel the same way. However, if you wait then that's quite some time you will be waiting before starting your family.

Having a baby isn't like buying a house. Think about it.

What does your husband do? Can he take care of the child while you're in school? Would you both be ok with that?
 
He does remodeling and is going to school for engineering. We're putting having children off for now but if it happens then we'll deal with it them. But thanks everyone for the advice! : )


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