Heavily panicking, can't focus on studying ?

[IRONEURON]

I'm in my 1st year of Med school and I'm panicking over Biochemistry so bad that I can't focus on actually studying it.
The funny part is that Anatomy is something I like and it's my forte, many of my classmates are envious that I'm so good at Anatomy, but I couldn't care less : I always had this all-or-nothing mentality, and the fact that I suck at Biochemistry makes me to hate everything and I don't even care that I'm good at Anatomy, because what I'm not good at pisses me of so much that I don't care about the things that I'm good at.

I'm so furious and so undisciplined, because I know I should just put myself to the desk and study, but whenever I try to do it and I realize how bad I am at something, I start to get these strong OCD feelings that time gets by, and I'm stuck at something, and I am wasting my life away, and I'm going to fail the exam, and I'm going to end up dumb, tired and lonely, and I'm going to hate myself for it, and so on and so forth.
I know it's scary, but it's the scenario that keeps playing in my head every single day, around 10x/day.
I feel like I'm getting mentally weaker each day, I feel like crashing, I feel like I'd want to run away and don't even remember my own name, because I knew that Med school brings out the worst of people, but I didn't know that there are so many bad things to bring out of me . . . now that is shameful.

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[Pepe18]

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[Southplains]

Biochem was really bimodal in my class, people either did great or awful. I think it had to do mostly with what background you had in undergrad. I would not worry too much, use review resources/practice questions to point out the important steps in pathways like control points, important synthesis steps, and where things go if the typical pathway isn't it. Don't worry about memorizing every little step and intermediate product.

 

[Azete]

www.moofuniversity.com -- you're welcome.

As far as not being good at Biochem, we all suck at something. There's very few (any?) med students that dominate every subject, everybody has their strengths and weaknesses. Don't kill yourself trying to get an A in classes you're bad at, just pass and move on.

 

[Foot Fetish]

You need to completely change your attitude on this. The best students focus on the material they are struggling the most with. It's easy and comfortable to just keep making passes through the stuff you have a good handle on, but there's no growth in doing that. Growth comes only from challenging yourself. It's going to be unpleasant, but the only way to master the material in medical school is to take a good, hard look at what you're deficient in at any given point in time and just hammer away at that specific thing. Address deficiencies as soon as possible.

 

[Shjanzey]

Welcome to medical school. Guess what? You are going to feel like a ****** every single day. You need to get help and overcome this now, because your knowledge is going to be constantly challenged and you will feel deficient all the way into residency. Everybody struggles with something during this journey. Some of us can't cope, most of us find a way around it. I am betting you can figure it out. Don't give up, if something isn't working change your approach.

 

[Goro]

Go see your school's counseling center STAT if you value your future career in Medicine .

I'm in my 1st year of Med school and I'm panicking over Biochemistry so bad that I can't focus on actually studying it.
The funny part is that Anatomy is something I like and it's my forte, many of my classmates are envious that I'm so good at Anatomy, but I couldn't care less : I always had this all-or-nothing mentality, and the fact that I suck at Biochemistry makes me to hate everything and I don't even care that I'm good at Anatomy, because what I'm not good at pisses me of so much that I don't care about the things that I'm good at.

I'm so furious and so undisciplined, because I know I should just put myself to the desk and study, but whenever I try to do it and I realize how bad I am at something, I start to get these strong OCD feelings that time gets by, and I'm stuck at something, and I am wasting my life away, and I'm going to fail the exam, and I'm going to end up dumb, tired and lonely, and I'm going to hate myself for it, and so on and so forth.
I know it's scary, but it's the scenario that keeps playing in my head every single day, around 10x/day.
I feel like I'm getting mentally weaker each day, I feel like crashing, I feel like I'd want to run away and don't even remember my own name, because I knew that Med school brings out the worst of people, but I didn't know that there are so many bad things to bring out of me . . . now that is shameful.

 

[IRONEURON]

You need to completely change your attitude on this. The best students focus on the material they are struggling the most with. It's easy and comfortable to just keep making passes through the stuff you have a good handle on, but there's no growth in doing that. Growth comes only from challenging yourself. It's going to be unpleasant, but the only way to master the material in medical school is to take a good, hard look at what you're deficient in at any given point in time and just hammer away at that specific thing. Address deficiencies as soon as possible.

Part of me thinks this is the right answer, but on the other hand . . . whatever, I am going to focus on the part that agrees with this ! No more excuses !
Thank You !

 

[IRONEURON]

Go see your school's counseling center STAT if you value your future career in Medicine .

Give me a break. You didn't help me at my previous posts neither, so I don't expect anything else from you.

 

[Affiche]

Give me a break. You didn't help me at my previous posts neither, so I don't expect anything else from you.

Actually, I kind of agree with Goro. Your attitude is hella concerning.

This level of anger over a challenging course isn't normal, nor is it normal to think your classmates are jealous of you and, further, to not care about them. I get that you're frustrated and sometimes that doesn't translate well on the internet, but that part of your post doesn't shine you in a very great light.

Feeling stressed and wondering if you're spending too much time on something/still might fail is normal, and I can empathize with that. You just have to trust that your study habits will get you to where you need to be, self-evaluate, and ask for help when you need it.

 

[Goro]

I'll help you by putting you on "Ignore".

Give me a break. You didn't help me at my previous posts neither, so I don't expect anything else from you.

 

[EleanorAbernathyMD]

Give me a break. You didn't help me at my previous posts neither, so I don't expect anything else from you.

Is it just biochemistry? English seems to be on the fritz too...


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[mistafab]

Hey there OP -

Your mindset is quite alarming. I'd concede and take the advice you've been given by seeking counseling. No shame in asking for help. There is danger in avoiding or ignoring the red flags though. It is normal to have doubts, however it is not normal to "feel like crashing" or "wasting my life away" every day, around "10x a day." Nothing should make you feel that way, not in med school, and not in anything really.

I'm in my 1st year of Med school and I'm panicking over Biochemistry so bad that I can't focus on actually studying it.
The funny part is that Anatomy is something I like and it's my forte, many of my classmates are envious that I'm so good at Anatomy, but I couldn't care less : I always had this all-or-nothing mentality, and the fact that I suck at Biochemistry makes me to hate everything and I don't even care that I'm good at Anatomy, because what I'm not good at pisses me of so much that I don't care about the things that I'm good at.

I'm so furious and so undisciplined, because I know I should just put myself to the desk and study, but whenever I try to do it and I realize how bad I am at something, I start to get these strong OCD feelings that time gets by, and I'm stuck at something, and I am wasting my life away, and I'm going to fail the exam, and I'm going to end up dumb, tired and lonely, and I'm going to hate myself for it, and so on and so forth.
I know it's scary, but it's the scenario that keeps playing in my head every single day, around 10x/day.
I feel like I'm getting mentally weaker each day, I feel like crashing, I feel like I'd want to run away and don't even remember my own name, because I knew that Med school brings out the worst of people, but I didn't know that there are so many bad things to bring out of me . . . now that is shameful.

Give me a break. You didn't help me at my previous posts neither, so I don't expect anything else from you.

 

[guitar25]

2 things stand out that I notice: 1) "I'm so furious and so undisciplined, because I know I should just put myself to the desk and study, but whenever I try to do it and I realize how bad I am at something, I start to get these strong OCD feelings that time gets by, and I'm stuck at something, and I am wasting my life away, and I'm going to fail the exam, and I'm going to end up dumb, tired and lonely, and I'm going to hate myself for it, and so on and so forth."
I hear a lot actually from this part: anger, perfectionism, OCD, negative self-talk. Oh yeah, I do that too! Still struggling. But you can keep spinning this wheel or TAKE GOOD ADVICE - seek some help.

But that brings me to the 2nd thing standing out: 2) "Give me a break. You didn't help me at my previous posts neither, so I don't expect anything else from you."
I think I counted that 3-4 times as your form of "Thank you for offering wise counsel".
As I said before, I struggle with OCD mixed with perfectionism which leads to procrastination which leads to negative self-talk. But I DO know if more than one person has offered up the same advice, maybe I should listen.
Good luck. But you are only in 1st year, so this is your BEST time to get help with this. And believe me, you are not alone in this general pattern.

But I also see your other posts have generated a lot of genuine concern for your well-being. The other site also had many people urging you to get help. This is not a do-it-yourself project. Please get to your counseling office as many have already advised.