Sorry if I'm posting this in the wrong location but I seriously could use some help and guidance from you all. I'm halfway through my first year in a terminal masters program in general psychology. The first semester was a bit of a transition but I made it alright and got all A's. I also established a good relationship with my PI/mentor. However, I noticed that I wasn't as happy or content as I thought I would be in this program and/or at this particular university. It wasn't my top choice for a number of reasons but I was glad to be back in school, learning new things, and finally making a step towards my future. I came to believe that things would get better, i.e. my mood and happiness would improve and I would just be able to deal with things better.
Some background: I come from a really horrible family situation where a lot of bad things happened to me. I experienced a lot of trauma and one of the mistakes I made in picking this program was selecting a program that is so close to home. It has caused more problems and more stress for me ever since I've been here. I desperately needed to get away from here but I didn't get into the PhD programs that I was interested in (which were all far away) and this was really my only option if I wanted to continue my education. I have tried to stay away from that bad home environment but the same people that I'm trying to get away from are making getting out (or breaking away) incredibly hard.
I didn't have anywhere to go for Winter Break so I reluctantly went back home and unfortunately endured a very, very traumatic experience that has been hard for me to recover from. It was a horrific life-threatening situation and that caused a lot of emotional and psychological pain that only made the feelings of unhappiness and stress even worse. That was the tipping point in a very bad, dysfunctional, and dangerous situation and family environment and I'm desperately trying to make it so I never have to experience anything like that again.
After experiencing that, I returned to school but I'm finding it near impossible to concentrate on my work and commit myself to doing a thesis. My advisor, while great and very helpful (though he doesn't know about what I experienced because I didn't want him to think that I couldn't handle the responsibilities and opportunities that he has given me), is not really using the population that I want to study and use in my thesis and future work. We recently worked on a poster together and it was really hard to get motivated but I powered through it, submitted it, but I made some mistakes that I think may have hurt my relationship with my advisor. That, along with the fact that my project is not going to get accepted for reasons that I can't go into made me sink into an even deeper hole.
The reason why I'm posting on here because I feel like I'm reeling and spiraling and I don't know how to deal with this feeling. Everything seems impossible. I can't even look at the beginning of my thesis stuff without wanting to throw up my hands and say "screw everything". I know I'm mostly feeling this way because of recent personal events but I'm trying to do some re-evaluating and make some life changes but I feel like I have no one to talk to, no one who can give me hug when I need it or who I can really go to about what has been going on. I've started therapy and I think it will be helpful but school has been this battle and I'm really trying to fight and deal with everything, and it's amazing that I'm managing to keep up with my TA and Research Assistant duties. I'm trying to get out of a toxic home/family situation and find another place to stay (which is adding even more stress because my lease is almost up and I have nowhere to go) all while trying to do projects and work on my thesis. I feel overwhelmed and it sucks because it's not even entirely school related. I get up in the morning and just go through the motions.
What can I do right now to get back on track? Everything is going wrong in my life and I just would like some guidance and advice on how to make it through this. I don't want to leave my program because I want to get my masters, plus I've already paid for this semester. Transferring also won't work right now. Should I decide not to do a thesis in an effort to cut down on stress? Will my chances of going on to a PhD or different degree program be harmed if I decide not to do a thesis?
Some background: I come from a really horrible family situation where a lot of bad things happened to me. I experienced a lot of trauma and one of the mistakes I made in picking this program was selecting a program that is so close to home. It has caused more problems and more stress for me ever since I've been here. I desperately needed to get away from here but I didn't get into the PhD programs that I was interested in (which were all far away) and this was really my only option if I wanted to continue my education. I have tried to stay away from that bad home environment but the same people that I'm trying to get away from are making getting out (or breaking away) incredibly hard.
I didn't have anywhere to go for Winter Break so I reluctantly went back home and unfortunately endured a very, very traumatic experience that has been hard for me to recover from. It was a horrific life-threatening situation and that caused a lot of emotional and psychological pain that only made the feelings of unhappiness and stress even worse. That was the tipping point in a very bad, dysfunctional, and dangerous situation and family environment and I'm desperately trying to make it so I never have to experience anything like that again.
After experiencing that, I returned to school but I'm finding it near impossible to concentrate on my work and commit myself to doing a thesis. My advisor, while great and very helpful (though he doesn't know about what I experienced because I didn't want him to think that I couldn't handle the responsibilities and opportunities that he has given me), is not really using the population that I want to study and use in my thesis and future work. We recently worked on a poster together and it was really hard to get motivated but I powered through it, submitted it, but I made some mistakes that I think may have hurt my relationship with my advisor. That, along with the fact that my project is not going to get accepted for reasons that I can't go into made me sink into an even deeper hole.
The reason why I'm posting on here because I feel like I'm reeling and spiraling and I don't know how to deal with this feeling. Everything seems impossible. I can't even look at the beginning of my thesis stuff without wanting to throw up my hands and say "screw everything". I know I'm mostly feeling this way because of recent personal events but I'm trying to do some re-evaluating and make some life changes but I feel like I have no one to talk to, no one who can give me hug when I need it or who I can really go to about what has been going on. I've started therapy and I think it will be helpful but school has been this battle and I'm really trying to fight and deal with everything, and it's amazing that I'm managing to keep up with my TA and Research Assistant duties. I'm trying to get out of a toxic home/family situation and find another place to stay (which is adding even more stress because my lease is almost up and I have nowhere to go) all while trying to do projects and work on my thesis. I feel overwhelmed and it sucks because it's not even entirely school related. I get up in the morning and just go through the motions.
What can I do right now to get back on track? Everything is going wrong in my life and I just would like some guidance and advice on how to make it through this. I don't want to leave my program because I want to get my masters, plus I've already paid for this semester. Transferring also won't work right now. Should I decide not to do a thesis in an effort to cut down on stress? Will my chances of going on to a PhD or different degree program be harmed if I decide not to do a thesis?
