Help with personal statement.

[Rusmedvedj]

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I have been working on my personal statement with my pre-dent adviser and a friend of mine who is in dental school, however more opinions wouldn't hurt. Please tell me what do you think about my personal statement. What if I get rid of the first paragraph, would it make the statement better?

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(Edit) Never mind.

 

[I want to go to there]

Did you seriously post your PS for everyone to see and make it easy to copy some or much of it to their PS?

As for input, your whole essay is basically about change in career prospects and your reason for choosing dentistry is flimsy at best. Choosing dentistry because you like to work with your hands and the brief mention of your mom being motivating factor is simply weak. It may be how it happened, but do try to class it up.

 

[Majisk]

I would recommend taking your PS down, posting a feedback help post, and PMing the people who offer to read it.

 

[darknightzzz]

......................

I feel nervous and scared when I send my PS to readers through private message.

and here there is someone bold enough to post entire PS on sdn (a website read by many registered users but many more unregistered users).