here is a good one

[medicineman1]

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What does one do if the fiance/wife has a delayed negative reaction to the "match" location? All you docs out there can appreciate that the match can chew you up and spit you out into the corners of the United States that you may have found fun to interview at, but never imagined living for three long years?! What then? Divorce? Change fields and scramble? What in the heck to do now? You know this very topic has ruined a marriage or two. And I'm not talking the preconceived oh baby, " wherever you may roam". I'm talking once the dust has settled and now the fact has set in, and chaos insues?! -where it is obvious that the location has changed everything! What do you do?

 

[dc2md]

well first you could talk with your wife/fiance and NOT even rank a program in a location you both don't like -- unless those programs are more important than your relationship.

 

[OldPsychDoc]

What does one do if the fiance/wife has a delayed negative reaction to the "match" location? All you docs out there can appreciate that the match can chew you up and spit you out into the corners of the United States that you may have found fun to interview at, but never imagined living for three long years?! What then? Divorce? Change fields and scramble? What in the heck to do now? You know this very topic has ruined a marriage or two. And I'm not talking the preconceived oh baby, " wherever you may roam". I'm talking once the dust has settled and now the fact has set in, and chaos insues?! -where it is obvious that the location has changed everything! What do you do?

We thought that we had agreed on the #1 location, but when we went to look for a house there after matching, the "sticker shock" and reality of it all had her begging me to break the match for couple of weeks. We sucked it up though and it all worked out fine. Five years later she was reluctant to leave there to come back where we started!

 

[bjolly]

if it's a delayed negative reaction, I take it the fiance/wife initially said it would be ok then changed his/her mind? Or maybe always hated it but said ok thinking it would never happen. I think in that case you have to remind them that they had a chance to weigh in on this issue before you entered into a binding contract to go there and that it's now out of your hands. And that residency isn't forever, and if they value the relationship/marriage they will have to try to find a way to make it work. Three years is long, yes, but it's not 30. Marriage involves going through periods that suck and finding ways to get through them because it's a lifetime commitment.

 

[TexPre-Med]

I thought residency was more important than life itself. No?

 

[swpm]

What does one do if the fiance/wife has a delayed negative reaction to the "match" location? All you docs out there can appreciate that the match can chew you up and spit you out into the corners of the United States that you may have found fun to interview at, but never imagined living for three long years?! What then? Divorce? Change fields and scramble? What in the heck to do now? You know this very topic has ruined a marriage or two. And I'm not talking the preconceived oh baby, " wherever you may roam". I'm talking once the dust has settled and now the fact has set in, and chaos insues?! -where it is obvious that the location has changed everything! What do you do?

Sorry, but I'm just baffled. I really only see two possibilities here.

• If you didn't talk about the potential for living at location X before you ranked the program, you're a *****. If the marriage fails, it's because you were too childish or selfish to seriously discuss life-changing events with your wife ... not because the weather or cultural attractions at location X suck.
  
  
• If you did discuss the potential move, and ranked the place after you and your wife agreed that living there would be tolerable for Y years ... but your wife has a "delayed negative reaction" ... then she needs to grow the **** up and suck it up. If her cluster B personality disorder, stupidity, or immaturity prevents her from doing that, the marriage was doomed anyway.

Marriages don't fail because of geography. Other issues may lead to squabbles, divorce, John Wayne Bobbit re-enactments, murders for the insurance money, etc ... but having to live a whole coupla years someplace suboptimal ... I have a hard time believing that's ever more than a convenient excuse.

 

[werewethere]

I find it somewhat unusual for a spouse/significant other to have a delayed reaction about something so significant, especially since I imagine you discussed it at length prior to submitting your ROL and determined that what you submitted was the best you could do.

Consider if there is some other factor that has changed in the interim. Maybe this is an expression of something else she doesn't feel comfortable expressing at this point. Maybe she's looking for reassurance that you recognize and appreciate her sacrifice, maybe she's trying to figure out if you are more committed to your career or your relationship.

I would think the key is to find the opportune time to sit down and let her speak her mind, in detail, no matter how absurd her ideas/feelings/concerns appear to you. You may also want to canvas her family and close friends to determine if what she told you is what she told them. Once you have the information you need, you both can make the right decision regarding career and life. Good luck.

 

[Faebinder]

First try hypnosis...

Add some psychotrops.

Then add alcohol... she will be as good as new.. (take some yourself)

when all that fails (and that's impossible).... Consider marriage councilors.


Seriously, if your spouse is having that much of a negative reaction, you are in the wrong marriage. Find yourself a better partner in life who will support your career without jeapordizing the family that you have made with them. First go to a marriage councilor with them though.