Hey Non-trads: So when's a good time to have kids?!

[evajaclynn]

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I tried to search the internet for information on this topic, and didn't come up with much. It seems to be a huge problem to decide when the best time would be to start a family. You've got your 2 years of classes, 2 years of clinical rotations, then 2-7 years of residency, depending on your area of interest.

For those of you who are thinking about having children while in medical school, or for those of you who already have children, or heck, to anyone out there with an opinion, I'd like your thoughts on this subject!

 

[RachelD]

I tried to search the internet for information on this topic, and didn't come up with much. It seems to be a huge problem to decide when the best time would be to start a family. You've got your 2 years of classes, 2 years of clinical rotations, then 2-7 years of residency, depending on your area of interest.

For those of you who are thinking about having children while in medical school, or for those of you who already have children, or heck, to anyone out there with an opinion, I'd like your thoughts on this subject!

Hey there. I'm applying to Med School this year. I have three boys (3,4 and 5) I had all three of them while I was in Grad School 😱. It worked out perfectly for me as they are now becoming more independent (no diapers etc). Having kids in Grad school can't compare to med school. I just don't see how anyone could do it. I think you have to do it before or after. If you have kids and want to go to med school make sure you have a support network ready. I only applied to the University of Oklahoma because that is where I have family who can help out. My husband is also great and also very supportive. Without the support I would not consider med school with three children!

 

[medanthgirl]

great question - i won't be ready to apply to med school until next fall, but i'll be 27 by then and definately feel worried. we don't have any children now, but i'm feel so confused about when we should try (making the huge assumption that i get accepted of course). my husband went to university of washington for med school and they were very family friendly, and just friendly to alternative routes in general. one guy did part time med school his second year b/c he became part owner in a coffee shop and wanted to be chief barista.

typically i've heard that if you want to have kids in med school, do it between the second and third year...sometimes you can even do research with that year off, retrospective case studies in a clinic, etc. i have a very small family though, so i'm worried that i wouldn't have the support that the above poster mentioned. 🙁

 

[evajaclynn]

great question - i won't be ready to apply to med school until next fall, but i'll be 27 by then and definately feel worried. we don't have any children now, but i'm feel so confused about when we should try (making the huge assumption that i get accepted of course). my husband went to university of washington for med school and they were very family friendly, and just friendly to alternative routes in general. one guy did part time med school his second year b/c he became part owner in a coffee shop and wanted to be chief barista.

typically i've heard that if you want to have kids in med school, do it between the second and third year...sometimes you can even do research with that year off, retrospective case studies in a clinic, etc. i have a very small family though, so i'm worried that i wouldn't have the support that the above poster mentioned. 🙁

I have also heard that the best time is between 2nd and 3rd year. I know that people say it is very difficult at any time, and I'm sure that they are correct. At the same time, I do plan on having a family at some point. Good luck to you - I hope that it works out.

 

[Croooz]

My friend had his last 2 while in medical school. The second child was born in the beginning of year 2 and the third in the middle of year...his first child is a sophomore in college. He's 42, in year 4 and has 2 kids in diapers. His wife is the same age......it can be done. He loved the timing because they forced him to realize that there's more to life than medical school.

 

[WillowRose]

I've heard many people say between 2nd and 3rd year is a good time. I shadowed a dr who had her first child during her second year of residency. I think the answer to this question is the same thing I said years ago when my husband said it wasn't the "right time" to have kids.........

If you wait for the "right time," it will never come. Being a parent is hard work no matter what else you are doing at the time. If you have a supportive spouse who is willing to take on many of the major responsibilities of child care, that is the most important thing to consider. In other words, when you're ready to have a child, that is the right time.

 

[evajaclynn]

I've heard many people say between 2nd and 3rd year is a good time. I shadowed a dr who had her first child during her second year of residency. I think the answer to this question is the same thing I said years ago when my husband said it wasn't the "right time" to have kids.........

If you wait for the "right time," it will never come. Being a parent is hard work no matter what else you are doing at the time. If you have a supportive spouse who is willing to take on many of the major responsibilities of child care, that is the most important thing to consider. In other words, when you're ready to have a child, that is the right time.

So what do you do if you are both (you and your spouse) going to be in medical school?! 🙂

 

[evajaclynn]

Doh! Surrogate mother or adoption are always options.

This is a question my wife and I have been putting off too much. She's in the first of 5 years of surgical residency. I'm applying for med school now. I think the biggest factor in our case is that we're both 30, with the more important part of that being she's 30. If we waited until her residency is over, she'll be 35, and that's just too high risk in our minds. Yet being pregnant while working 100 hrs/wk is also high risk. Our latest thought was maybe she could do a research year during her residency and use that lower-stress year to have our first.

I thought the cap on work hours for residents was 80 hrs/wk. Not that that isn't still a lot! Things always have a way of working out. Good luck with the application process!

 

[jules0328]

Wow, I am so glad I found this thread. I have been having problems with this for a little while now and need some further advice on the matter. I am 26 and currently enrolled in a post bacc program. I am going to apply for fall matriculation 2006. However, I have some roadblocks in between now and then. Because I have just started, I plan on taking my MCATs in August of 2005 which will delay me taking orgo II until Fall of 2005. While I know it is still possible to apply and finish taking one class, I am limiting my chances of admission big time. Which leads me to this, if I do get accepted for fall of 2006, i will be 28. I am getting married this March 2005 and my fiancee is already 28. He doesnt want to have children late in his thirties and honestly, neither do I. I am having a hard time with this....although I have yet to even start my medical career, this is a thought that haunts me at night.

Any thoughts from anyone? How old where you when you started medical school? When did you begin to have children? Before or after medical school?

 

[Fermata]

When they're planned.

 

[sfbear]

I'm always looking for more information on this - I'm glad I found this thread! I've been told inbetween years three and four is a good time because fourth year rotations are more flexible. thoughts?

 

[mamadoc]

I'm surprised to hear some people have been told that between 2d and 3d year would be a good time to have a baby - that's the LAST time I'd think would work well. At the end of 2d year you've got Step 1, and then you start clinical rotations somewhere in the June-August timeframe. And after the relatively predictable classroom schedule of 1st and 2d years, 3d year with new stuff like 6am rounds and overnight call is a big shock. To try and adjust to that schedule with a new baby - ugh. Someone mentioned a research year between 2d and 3d years - yeah, that would certainly work. But going right into the typical 3d year with a new baby is something I wouldn't recommend.

My class had a whole bunch of babies born during our fourth year, it was fun! I had at least one classmate whose baby was due shortly after graduation; she decided to defer matching for a year. A popular choice seemed to be pregnancy during third year (which would be tough, but isn't as tough as AFTER the baby's born) and baby arriving early in fourth year.

There are lots of ways to do it. Building an extra year into your school schedule, deferring matching, putting in a research year during school or residency - there's lots of flexibility if you know how to look for it.

 

[N-toxicologist]

I have no idea about when the best time to have kids in med school, but I don't think there's ever a "perfect" time. You may make plans, meet certain goals to try to set yourself up for success, and that's all fine and good, but kids throw a variable into the equation that can neither be adjusted for nor quantified. You cinstantly be "changing game plans" so to speak. It's taken me ten years to get through undergrad with three kids. The youngest will be five if I start med school next fall. Iyt's not like having a newborn or going through pregnancy, but school age kids have their own socail life that you have to keep up with, so it's still demanding.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, whenever it feels right, do it. If you have to postpone or make some other adjustment on the school/residency side of things, do it. Your family will come first, no matter when or under what circumstances you start it.

 

[medanthgirl]

then of course there's the whole child care issue when you do make it. a couple of the female docs i work with have 3, 4 children, but also had nannies when the kids were young so that they could have full careers. although it's worked out great for them, something about that just feels wierd to me. thoughts? 😕

 

[evajaclynn]

then of course there's the whole child care issue when you do make it. a couple of the female docs i work with have 3, 4 children, but also had nannies when the kids were young so that they could have full careers. although it's worked out great for them, something about that just feels wierd to me. thoughts? 😕

I really don't like the idea of having a nanny either - maybe this stems from that 90's movie, "The Hand That Rocks The Cradle".

Anyways, I totally understand how you feel on this one!

 

[Paws]

I have a friend who is trying to have a baby and timing it for the summer between her first and second year. The strict class schedule and the predictable coursework is what made the choice for her. And she plans to have a sitter come in and watch her baby. I agree when she says that there are alot of people who can help love your child, it doesn't only have to be the mom and dad.

I babysat a little boy from 6 months to 4 1/2 and it was like he was my own son! I loved being his occasional sitter, and we would spend alot of time together. So I agree that the right sitter can be a wonderful addition to a child's life. I would never think of it as a bad thing to leave my child with another person.

 

[NubianPrincess]

🙁

 

[Runtita]

Good luck to all of you planning on "timing" your kids. We're 50/50- one was conceived exactly when we wanted- the other took almost a year. My point is...you can lead spermatozoa to an ovum but you can't always make it "sink"...or the zygote "stick". 😉

 

[njbmd]

I thought the cap on work hours for residents was 80 hrs/wk. Not that that isn't still a lot! Things always have a way of working out. Good luck with the application process!

Hi there,
The 80-hour cap is on hours spent in the hospital. Don't think for one second that you job is done when you leave the hospital. There is tons of reading and study that goes along with residency especially surgery residency. There are in-service exams and tons of manual practice exams. I can easily be in the hospital 80-hours a week and spend quite a few additional hours reading and studying for exams.
njbmd 🙂

 

[efex101]

To those that are opposed to having nannies...how are you going to have childrend and work full time? just curious because I see it no other way unless you have a husband that is going to stay home full time...I think that many are not aware that the hours in medicine are not "just 80 hours per week" like njbmd stated there is more work to be done after you leave the hospital in other words your work is almost never done..

 

[AppalachiaGrrl]

can you take a 1 year leave of absence in med school? you can in grad school

and isn't it nice how the medical profession hasn't come into the 21st century and worked to accomodate the life cycle of women who now make up 50% of med students... 👎

ps: i have a 4 m.o. son (sleeping on my lap) and am planning a few more at some point. applying to med schools this summer or next...

 

[Paws]

I am all for the nanny thing, and I say that now after having seen like, oh all of my friends have some form of sitter. You really have to do it if you plan to be a working mom. There are a lot of guys in my class who are married and their wives stay at home (ok, that's another thread for another time...) but that is not a realistic option for most couples and for most women.

Like I said above, it can be an awesome experience for everyone involved. The kids have someone special just for them, and a neat relationship that can help them grow, the mom has the opportunity to be a full person and know that her kids are in good hands, and the sitter gets an awesome job, plus the opportunity to have loving kids in her life. To me, it's a win-win situaiton all around. We all need extra people in our life to help us along and help us grow.

When I babysat it was one of the best things I ever did and it completely changed my thinking and my life. I loved that little kid and I loved the money!

 

[medanthgirl]

very nice post, paws. I guess i hadn't thought of it that way. talking of it that way, it sounds better than putting a baby in daycare! my mom's worked at a daycare for over 10 years, and she works at a great one...but there are some scary ones out there too. i look at mom md from time to time but it seems like the vast majority of women either have nannies or their family to help take care of their child/children.

i agree with appalachia girl too...it's depressing to think that these goals have to be so exclusive of each other. wouldn't that be awesome if a med schools had a co-op daycare setup? oh my gosh, the thought of popping in to see my baby right there during lunch or in between classes, that would be the best!!!!

 

[Sugar72]

I am currently a 3rd year and 32y.o I had my first child between my 1st and 2nd year. It worked out really well for me. I had to sit out of gross anatomy lab winter quarter of my first year - but i took the written portion. I had to make up the lab part (practicals and all) in the winter quarter of my second year in addition to my full load - but it wasn't that difficult - it helped me study for boards. many schools will let you do a 5 year plan by spreading your first 2 years over three years so you don't overextend yourself - especially private institutions. The physiological changes of pregnancy made it hard for me to study and concentrate ( and sit down in one spot for longer than an hour!)- so I would try to avoid taking boards while pregnant. Attendance is also optional at my school (with a couple of exceptions) so I took advantage of that when I wasn't feeling well. That isn't an option during rotations! A lot of my classmates are having babies this year - maybe some of them will post their experiences with childbirth in their third year.

 

[evajaclynn]

🙁

why the frown?

 

[jennie 21]

Wow, I am so glad I found this thread. I have been having problems with this for a little while now and need some further advice on the matter. I am 26 and currently enrolled in a post bacc program. I am going to apply for fall matriculation 2006. However, I have some roadblocks in between now and then. Because I have just started, I plan on taking my MCATs in August of 2005 which will delay me taking orgo II until Fall of 2005. While I know it is still possible to apply and finish taking one class, I am limiting my chances of admission big time. Which leads me to this, if I do get accepted for fall of 2006, i will be 28. I am getting married this March 2005 and my fiancee is already 28. He doesnt want to have children late in his thirties and honestly, neither do I. I am having a hard time with this....although I have yet to even start my medical career, this is a thought that haunts me at night.

Any thoughts from anyone? How old where you when you started medical school? When did you begin to have children? Before or after medical school?

This is JMO, but if I were you I'd think about trying to have a kid BEFORE med school starts. You're getting married in March 2005--so if you start TTC shortly after the wedding you could deliver early in 2006. That would give you a good 6-9 months to be with the kiddie before school started, and honestly the first 2 years of med school aren't all that bad schedule-wise, at least compared to the other possible times. There's a lot of lectures, you can skip most of those if your school has a transcript service, and just study at home. Granted there's A LOT of studying involved but still I think your schedule's more flexible then than it will be again until you finish residency. The other good time is fourth year...lots of elective rotations, lots of time for research, pretty flexible schedule, problem being you'd be entering your internship with a 1 year old. (That may not be a problem to some people, but it is to me because when are you ever going to see the kid?) Personally, I just wouldn't want to go thru residency with a baby/toddler. It's better if the kid is a bit older (i.e. school age) when you enter residency I think.

For myself, I plan on waiting until after residency to have kids...but then I'm younger than most of you (turning 23), so I have that option. I'll be 25 when I finish med school, 28 or 29 when I finish residency. Plan is that hubby and I will start trying after I'm done with residency, so somewhere in the neighborhood of 28-30. (I should mention he's a medical student too, we're both MS2's, so having a baby while both of us are in med school/residency would just be nuts). I'd like to take quite a bit of time off when I have a baby, but I just don't know how that works. All the women docs I talk to seem to come back to work a few months after giving birth, which is fine if it's what you want but it's not what I want. In my ideal world, I'd like to stay home until the kid is preschool age (maybe working 1-2 days a week in a clinic to keep my skills and certification), then go back to work part-time until they're school-age, then go back to work full-time or maybe do a fellowship to kind of get back in the game. But I just don't know if it's possible to take that much time off/working part-time or if doing so would really jeopardize your career. I don't care about prestige much, I'm not especially interested in an academic career and I don't feel the need to be at the very top of my field, but I would like to have a successful practice (not necessarily private practice, could be clinic or HMO) and be respected by my colleagues and feel I'm making a contribution. I just don't know how it all fits together. I just feel really strongly that I want to be there to raise my own kids while they're young, and I don't want to work full-time during that period. And I'm not sure if that's possible or what the consequences of that choice would be. Thoughts?

 

[k's mom]

If anyone would like to go beyond the primarily hypothetical advice given here, please go to the spouses and partners forum and search the forum for "having kids" or "kids while in med school" Many, many, many people have discussed this issue over the past several years. It will give you an idea of how people who have actually gone through pregnancy/child rearing have coped. Also, check out mommd.com. GREAT resource!!!!!!!

 

[peehdee]

i haven't read all the things people posted, but isn't the problem more for women? i mean if you're a guy and your wife gets pregnant you're not the one who will have to walk around with the baby. i realize you have to be there for her and support her and all, but you as a man can still go to classes, study at home with the wife in the other room, help here out when she needs it, etc... but if its the opposite, it seems harder, if the wife is in school AND pregnant, its a little bit harder. i've never been pregnant, but i'm sure its not easy walking around with a 5 lb thing in your belly.

its seems to me that its about financial matters. if you can afford it, you should have it before coming to school, or between 2nd and 3rd year (after step 1). people take a year or two off to do research or something else so it seems that, that would be a good time to 'make a family' as well. besides unless you're planning to be a gunner and honor all your classes, its not so bad to simply 'pass' your classes. especially if you have a spouce. i'm not suggesting that its easy, but its not impossible. or else right after 4th year. definately residency is probably the worse time.

🙂

Wow, I am so glad I found this thread. I have been having problems with this for a little while now and need some further advice on the matter. I am 26 and currently enrolled in a post bacc program. I am going to apply for fall matriculation 2006. However, I have some roadblocks in between now and then. Because I have just started, I plan on taking my MCATs in August of 2005 which will delay me taking orgo II until Fall of 2005. While I know it is still possible to apply and finish taking one class, I am limiting my chances of admission big time. Which leads me to this, if I do get accepted for fall of 2006, i will be 28. I am getting married this March 2005 and my fiancee is already 28. He doesnt want to have children late in his thirties and honestly, neither do I. I am having a hard time with this....although I have yet to even start my medical career, this is a thought that haunts me at night.

Any thoughts from anyone? How old where you when you started medical school? When did you begin to have children? Before or after medical school?

 

[VeganSoprano]

At this point, it feels like it'll be half-past never. I'm 24 now, facing another 3 semesters of prereqs, then 4 years of vet school (if I get in on my first try), 1 year of internship, and 3 years of residency. So I'll be 34 by the time I'm done and board-certified, and then I'm going to want to actually get to work...

I figure if I'm married and want to start a family, I might just be a general practice vet and bypass the residency and board certification. But right now, I'm very single. I want to have kids...I really do...but it's tough to see how it will all fit in.

 

[evajaclynn]

http://forums.studentdoctor.net/showthread.php?t=160379 👍

 

[njbmd]

I tried to search the internet for information on this topic, and didn't come up with much. It seems to be a huge problem to decide when the best time would be to start a family. You've got your 2 years of classes, 2 years of clinical rotations, then 2-7 years of residency, depending on your area of interest.

For those of you who are thinking about having children while in medical school, or for those of you who already have children, or heck, to anyone out there with an opinion, I'd like your thoughts on this subject!

Hi there,
Most of my female classmates who were planning to have children did so near the end of their third year. Fourth year is mostly electives so you can schedule easy elective like Clinical Pharmacology or Dermatology near delivery time. You also get plenty of time off during fourth year for interviews etc.

The downside to this is that you can be fairly visibly pregnant while you are inteviewing for residency during November, December and January. When I was applying for residency, I did run into a couple of pregnant ladies who were interviewing who said that it didn't matter much to the residencies.

During residency, most of my colleagues started pregnancies toward the end of their second year. Third and fourth year are generally research years and the ideal time to give birth and be home with your child. (Seven-year residency with two research years) The guys had wives that gave birth all during residency.

Do keep in mind that babies have a way of coming no matter how carefully they are planned. People seem to work around them and do OK so most any time is a good time to start a fimily.

njbmd 🙂

 

[IWuvTeef]

have kids when you can afford them

 

[k's mom]

have kids when you can afford them

No such time exists.

 

[Halcyon440]

I'm thinking I'm going to have two "lag" years (application years). I'd much rather have a child before med school/residency than have to try to juggle it with school. I'm going to be done with my postbacc coursework Spring 2006 and hope to take the MCAT that April. I'm hoping to have a baby late 2006 and not start applying until 2007 (for admission 2008). This means the baby would be a toddler when I start school and that I will be around, albeit studying all day, during those earlier years. S/he will be ready for pre-school by the time 3rd year craziness starts.

I will have to find some kind of part-time job or something during my lag years, but I think in the end it will be the best thing for us. Oh, I'm 30 right now btw.

But as someone mentioned this is all hypothetical. Who knows what will happen?

Also, for those worried about having kids post 30. I just turned 30 last July and I feel the best I've ever felt in my entire life. I don't feel too old to have a child at all. If anything, I still feel too young! Back in my early/mid 20's thirty seemed so far and old. But it's so not. If you will only be in your early thirties when you're all done, waiting until the end is not as crazy an option as it seems.

Of course, it's easy for me to say since now I'm "over the hill". But really, 30 feels wonderful!

 

[40wada]

Hi all! I was just wondering if anybody knows what the maximum age would be the safest time to have kids, for a female. I have heard that females who are pregnant in their thirties run the risk of having babies with down syndrome. Is this true? Any response is very, very appreciated. Thanks!!!

 

[k's mom]

Hi all! I was just wondering if anybody knows what the maximum age would be the safest time to have kids, for a female. I have heard that females who are pregnant in their thirties run the risk of having babies with down syndrome. Is this true? Any response is very, very appreciated. Thanks!!!

Actually, you can have a baby with Down's Syndrome at any age, but the statistical chances for a chromosomal abnormality increase with maternal age (I don't know what the current consensus is about father's age). Your eggs have been sitting around since before you were born, so of course the possibility of "abnormal" eggs increases with time. You just have to accept (or not) the risks associated with age when trying to concieve, the chances of not being able to concieve, and plan accordingly. Don't flame me please, I'm not saying for anyone to freak out and go get pregnant tonight....but if you wait until you are older you should take prenatal precautions, talk with a fertility doctor, etc... The actual statistically recommended age seems to be fluctuating, but for your specific concern, I think it is 35. I am midway through my third pregnancy now, but for my second pregnancy, I turned 30 during my second trimester. Therefore, they offered me two different types of genetic tests...one they recommend for women under 30, a different one for women over 30. So, that seems to be some type of a cutoff too. For any more specific #'s, I would ask over on the OB/GYN boards. OH, and I don't know your background (undergrad? student? spouse?), but put all thoughts of your own fertility aside if/when you take embryology. It will make you think that it is impossible to have a healthy child!