Hopelessly attracted to a resident--please help

[femme_fatal]

I am a third-year medical student. I got really attracted to a resident on my team who is in the position to evaluate me; i can sense that he liked me back--although he was very professional, at all times, his body language, eye contact (excessive at best, downright staring sometimes), and the way he talked/looked at me had made it obvious he liked me. I am not sure if he is in a relationship, and he has not filled out my evaluation yet. It has been awhile since we worked together, and I have moved on to a different team, but I see him every day (we all share the same workroom) and it is very painful. I really would like to tell him how much i like him, but i know it is inappropriate and unprofessional and can make things bad for him, since he is the male in the position of power, and this is the last thing i want.
The problem is, I can't get him out of my head and feel like I have no control over my feelings. Should i approach him or wait and do nothing? Should i wait till eval is filled out or just try to forget the whole thing? I feel that this is 'damned if you do damn if you dont' kind of situation. It is so rare (for me especially) when the liking is mutual, and even though I am fairly young for a 3rd year, i feel my life and youth are slipping away in the confines of the hospital--i have not dated anyone since i started medschool after a breakup of a long-term relationship.
thank you for your input.

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[doc05]

getting together with a resident is really inappropriate. he might get fired over it. why not go after one of your classmates?

 

[femme_fatal]

i do realize it is unappropriate and if i didn't care about that i would have taken 'measures' a long time ago. i am not inclined in any way to get anyone fired for whatever reason; i am a pretty peaceful person (contrary to my screen name🙂
my whole point was that throughout these 3-or so years i haven't really liked anyone that much, and, as for classmates, i haven't found anyone among the 90 students in our class that i have mutual attraction with.

 

[VentdependenT]

Get out more.

 

[VentdependenT]

Get out more .

 

[scootad.]

wait till your grade is back, then send him an email to go out for coffee. life is too short, dont expect to find someone during residency.

good luck

 

[p53]

I am a third-year medical student. I got really attracted to a resident on my team who is in the position to evaluate me; i can sense that he liked me back--although he was very professional, at all times, his body language, eye contact (excessive at best, downright staring sometimes), and the way he talked/looked at me had made it obvious he liked me. I am not sure if he is in a relationship, and he has not filled out my evaluation yet. It has been awhile since we worked together, and I have moved on to a different team, but I see him every day (we all share the same workroom) and it is very painful. I really would like to tell him how much i like him, but i know it is inappropriate and unprofessional and can make things bad for him, since he is the male in the position of power, and this is the last thing i want.
The problem is, I can't get him out of my head and feel like I have no control over my feelings. Should i approach him or wait and do nothing? Should i wait till eval is filled out or just try to forget the whole thing? I feel that this is 'damned if you do damn if you dont' kind of situation. It is so rare (for me especially) when the liking is mutual, and even though I am fairly young for a 3rd year, i feel my life and youth are slipping away in the confines of the hospital--i have not dated anyone since i started medschool after a breakup of a long-term relationship.
thank you for your input.

GO FOR IT! For some people it is hard to find mutual attraction. It is not as easy as people protray it to be. The reason he is flirting with you is because he likes you. If you don't go for it you will 2nd guess yourself over and over. This will continue to occupy your thoughts. Sink or swim, jump into the water. Whatever happens you get closure.

 

[fang]

Why not wait a few weeks till you go to a different service and then pursue it? I don't see anything wrong with dating a resident as long as they're not evaluating you...

 

[Jeff05]

go for it AFTER the eval is in. always maintain professionalism.
then, see what happens. i've witnessed many-a student resident relationship, it's not that uncommon.
but, a word to the wise...if you're going to have future rotations at this hospital...maybe ever residency...and it doesn't work out...it will be...awkward.


as far as your life slipping away in the confines of the hospital...that's just cause you're on surgery.

 

[Bo Hurley]

I am a third-year medical student. I got really attracted to a resident on my team who is in the position to evaluate me; i can sense that he liked me back--although he was very professional, at all times, his body language, eye contact (excessive at best, downright staring sometimes), and the way he talked/looked at me had made it obvious he liked me. I am not sure if he is in a relationship, and he has not filled out my evaluation yet. It has been awhile since we worked together, and I have moved on to a different team, but I see him every day (we all share the same workroom) and it is very painful. I really would like to tell him how much i like him, but i know it is inappropriate and unprofessional and can make things bad for him, since he is the male in the position of power, and this is the last thing i want.
The problem is, I can't get him out of my head and feel like I have no control over my feelings. Should i approach him or wait and do nothing? Should i wait till eval is filled out or just try to forget the whole thing? I feel that this is 'damned if you do damn if you dont' kind of situation. It is so rare (for me especially) when the liking is mutual, and even though I am fairly young for a 3rd year, i feel my life and youth are slipping away in the confines of the hospital--i have not dated anyone since i started medschool after a breakup of a long-term relationship.
thank you for your input.

Man if this resident plays his cards right you'll be an easy score.

 

[jvarga]

It would not be inappropriate for you to start up a relationship with a resident as long as that resident has no bearing on your grades. If I were you, I would wait until the whole rotation has finished to even begin to pursue this relationship. By doing this, you will not raise as many suspicions from staff, other residents, or even your classmates. Also, he would not be in a position to get "fired" since there will be no perceived favoritism in his evaluation of you during the rotation. Good luck!

 

[Pili]

i do realize it is unappropriate and if i didn't care about that i would have taken 'measures' a long time ago. i am not inclined in any way to get anyone fired for whatever reason; i am a pretty peaceful person (contrary to my screen name🙂
my whole point was that throughout these 3-or so years i haven't really liked anyone that much, and, as for classmates, i haven't found anyone among the 90 students in our class that i have mutual attraction with.

Become friends as, as soon as that MD degree is in your pocket, ...well fill in the blank. True passion must be pursued. Just be patient.

 

[Doc Ivy]

Become friends as, as soon as that MD degree is in your pocket, ...well fill in the blank. True passion must be pursued. Just be patient.

I would agree with this advice, but there's no harm in emailing him now, just to let him know where your head is at... the anticipation might be a good thing. But if you say nothing, then try to rekindle down the line when the "heat" is gone, he might have forgotten the crush he had on you, or worse he might be taken 😛

 

[waterski232002]

If you think it's hard for you to make a move... think about the position he is in (he's not going to make the first move b/c that's a lot sketchier since he is evaluating you).

Anyways, this isn't that big of a deal... go for it! As long as you're not crazy and he's not crazy, then you have nothing to worry about. To hell with everyone else.

 

[saiyagirl]

whatever you do, you MUST MUST MUST wait until AT LEAST the eval is in! actually, i would agree with the person above who wrote that you should wait until that rotation is over. that would be ideal.

and then ask him to go out to coffee, and knock his socks off!

 

[scootad.]

or his boxers! 😉

 

[LADoc00]

This all sounds like a dream I had once, but I was the dashing resident with hot med students all over me like I was a rockstar...mmmm


😍

On a sad note I knew a friend who got raped by resident because she thought the eval he was gonna give outweighed her "misjudgement." I thought that was crazy because now he was gonna do it again. Oh well. Med school is filled with high drama tho, that I agree, gets worse as housestaff too.

 

[Whisker Barrel Cortex]

I see no conflict of interest or problems with this as long as you wait until after the evaluation is in to contact him.

Residents and med students are not far apart in age and status, the only thing that makes it unique is the evaluation. Once that is done with, its fair game. I know of at least two of these couplings that has worked out.

 

[Eme-RG-ency]

Great story! Let us know how it works out.

 

[ginger_flower]

I find myself hopelessly attracted to residents too - but probably because most of the good ones are taken already and I'm slightly desperate and most med studs are sexually repressed if not in a relationship. dude....if there were only more single hotties in the hospital.

altho, what I've found in the med stud/resident couples thing is that most people in medicine are dorks and well...dorks get along better with dorks. 😀

 

[Blade28]

I'd avoid this during your rotation.

 

[Doc_Thks_JC]

Hi,
Just wanted to say that life is very very short. It is not inappropriate to go out with a resident if you like him and he likes you. Just wait until he has sent in your eval. so he want feel awkward when he fills it out, then go for it.
Good luck in your endeavors in medicine and always remember if you follow your heart (in any matter), you can't go wrong!!!

 

[fourthyearmed]

Just wait until the rotation is over then go for it! As a single med student I know how hard it is to meet people!

 

[femme_fatal]

Thank you to all of you who replied!
Our evals aren't anonymous, unfortunately, so if I do decide to ask him out and he gives me a crappy eval (deservingly, because I did not do a very good job on this rotation while he was there--i was still getting used to the environment)--should i ignore it? or, is being upset will change the color of the whole situation?

 

[fourthyearmed]

If he likes you he'll probably give you a better evaluation than you expect. 😉

 

[aphistis]

Thank you to all of you who replied!
Our evals aren't anonymous, unfortunately, so if I do decide to ask him out and he gives me a crappy eval (deservingly, because I did not do a very good job on this rotation while he was there--i was still getting used to the environment)--should i ignore it? or, is being upset will change the color of the whole situation?

Don't let it affect you. By waiting till after you're off his service, you're making an effort to separate your professional life from your personal. He'll be doing the same thing, so don't think it's coloring his perception of you if he seems otherwise interested. Good luck. 😉