How do you handle this dating situation?

[MdHopeful2012]

I saw another member posted this question in the Drs. Lounge and was curious to see what you guys thought:

You agree to meet someone for coffee after contacting them through an online dating site but when you see them in person, they bear little resemblance to their profile picture and you know you are not interested in them.

Do you suffer through 45 minutes of awkward conversation or is there some way to cut the date off without crushing them emotionally? I have tried the honest approach where I say "I'm sorry but I'm not really feeling a connection, I'm going to leave" after a few minutes, but this seems harsh. I've done the other approach where I make polite conversation for 30-45 minutes but this isn't much fun for me or my date either.

Any thoughts? This could also apply if you were set up on a blind date.

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[Doc Henry]

I just start drinking heavily....They start to look good pretty fast.

 

[Clio]

From a female perspective... I'd much rather someone be "harsh" and honest if they're not interested for whatever reason, than try to let me down easy. (I don't see your example as particularly harsh, anyway)

 

[UnderdogMD]

Why is this in pre-allo? It will get moved.

 

[armybound]

Call them out on it. "Gee, you gained a lot of weight and got uglier since that pic on your profile. What's the deal?"

 

[Clio]

Call them out on it. "Gee, you gained a lot of weight and got uglier since that pic on your profile. What's the deal?"

Well, there's always that


I don't understand why the concern, when obviously the person you're meeting didn't care enough to be honest with you.

 

[Bartelby]

Asking out girls you meet around town would prevent that problem. If you are a student, there should be a wide market for you.

As for your original question, if it were me I would probably sit around and talk with them for a while since I had already gone out and met up with them (I am male btw). I would not end up asking for a second date. I think, though, that your "I'm not feeling a connection" thing is fine if you really don't have thirty minutes to spare talking.

As for a blind date, out of courtesy for the person who set you up you should just relax, have a good time, and not ask for a second date. That way the person will not have a friend angry at them for setting them up with a rude date.

Remember, as a guy asking for the second date is pretty much up to you. If you find you are not into the girl, just try to have a good time and then move on to someone else.

 

[Femme Fatale]

OP ~ It's best to be a gentleman ....treat her with respect ...be friendly and funny and upbeat ...just pretend she looks like her avatar. ...then politely send her an email thanking her for her company and that you enjoyed the date but would like to continue as friends. If she asks why, just say there wasn't really a connection, but you still thinks she great and would like to remain friends. 🙂

 

[armybound]

unless you give her your phone number, then she'll text stalk you for life.

stay away from the crazies.

 

[Clio]

OP ~ It's best to be a gentlemen ....treat her with respect ...be friendly and funny and upbeat ...just pretend she looks like her avatar. ...then politely send her an email thanking her for her company and that you enjoyed the date but would like to continue as friends. If she asks why, just say there wasn't really a connection, but you still thinks she great and would like to remain friends. 🙂

Ugh.

Only if he truly wants to remain friends. (see stalker post above lol)

 

[Femme Fatale]

Ugh.

Only if he truly wants to remain friends. (see stalker post above lol)

No trust me, people who lie about what they look like, have very low self esteem. If you are too harsh or abrupt they can and will turn psycho... I think a gradual ease off approach works best.🙂

 

[mindquick]

stay away from the crazies.

i disagree. crazies are the best, once you get to know them.

 

[armybound]

No trust me, people who lie about what they look like, have very low self esteem. If you are too harsh or abrupt they can and will turn psycho... I think a gradual ease off approach works best.🙂

this is why you don't just walk away during the date.

but you don't have to make a friend for life just because she's down on herself.

 

[Clio]

No trust me, people who lie about what they look like, have very low self esteem. If you are too harsh or abrupt they can and will turn psycho... I think a gradual ease off approach works best.🙂

I guess I'm just too old for games; I'd rather know right off the bat if someone isn't interested. Cut my losses and all that. You do have a point about low self-esteem. My thought is that it isn't up to him to be her therapist, and what you suggest could be seen as stringing her along, which in the end could even exacerbate her self-esteem issues.

Not long ago, a friend had an ex (casual dating ex) spray paint his parent's house with "I love you ___" and then chained herself to the tree in their front yard. Poor guy

 

[armybound]

I guess I'm just too old for games; I'd rather know right off the bat if someone isn't interested. Cut my losses and all that. You do have a point about low self-esteem. My thought is that it isn't up to him to be her therapist, and what you suggest could be seen as stringing her along, which in the end could even exacerbate her self-esteem issues.

Not long ago, a friend had an ex (casual dating ex) spray paint his parent's house with "I love you ___" and then chained herself to the tree in their front yard. Poor guy

he totally could have piitb

 

[Femme Fatale]

this is why you don't just walk away during the date.

but you don't have to make a friend for life just because she's down on herself.

Yes ...you're right. I should have said the statement should only be made once ...as a one time 'break up' line. Ideally, you should never talk to this person again. 🙂

 

[Clio]

he totally could have piitb

We were comparing freaky ex's. He won--- but not by much

 

[OCallag]

Oh c'mon, be a gentleman.

 

[Femme Fatale]

I guess I'm just too old for games; I'd rather know right off the bat if someone isn't interested. Cut my losses and all that. You do have a point about low self-esteem. My thought is that it isn't up to him to be her therapist, and what you suggest could be seen as stringing her along, which in the end could even exacerbate her self-esteem issues.

Not long ago, a friend had an ex (casual dating ex) spray paint his parent's house with "I love you ___" and then chained herself to the tree in their front yard. Poor guy

lol... that's terrible. The truth is I don't like games either. Anyone who exaggerates what they look like or misrepresents themselves technically doesn't deserve anything. But I've learned that some people don't take rejection very well. 🙁

 

[mindquick]

lol... that's terrible. The truth is I don't like games either. Anyone who exaggerates what they look like or misrepresents themselves technically doesn't deserve anything. But I've learned that some people don't take rejection very well. 🙁

that's true. at my old high school, some guy pulled out a gun and killed this girl when she rejected him. then he killed himself.

 

[Depakote]

There is already a thread on this topic in the lounge, if you wish to discuss this matter. You may do so in there.