evennotodd
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- Oct 21, 2024
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Hey everyone!
I’ve been wondering over the past few days whether I’m cut out for the rest of the journey (or perhaps more aptly, rat race) that is medicine. So I wanted to see how other people process it? I apologize for the long post (I have lots of feelings/questions, and yes I know some of this may be neuroticism), but appreciate any insight you can provide!
I’ve always been a bit of a perfectionist (or rather I believe that I should be/am capable of doing my best, which I also happen to believe is getting top grades/opportunities). I’m also someone who is indecisive and likes to have all the doors/opportunities open for me to choose from.
Unfortunately it seems to me that the top jobs are the ones that have the most opportunity and flexibility to pivot and go beyond just practicing clinically (which would hopefully still be figuring depending on specialty) into interdisciplinary projects (research, business, etc). In my mind the pathway that is the easiest way to open the door to getting a job like that (a job which opens pretty much any door you want) is to go to a top residency (and maybe fellowship depending on if that’s needed), which is easier from a top med school, which is easier from a top undergrad.
I’ve always been a strong student (outside of math which unfortunately translated to a dual credit A- and B in calculus 1 and 2, starting my college career off without a clean slate), so unfortunately that’s somewhat intrinsically instilled in my identity.
In college at my state school I got a string of B’s (2 B+, and a B-) in the organic/lab sequence. Both B+ were due to not knowing what to expect for the first exam of the course. I then turned both these around, but it wasn’t enough to compensate for ~60% on the first exam. I told myself I would kick ass in the rest of the sequence but then my extracurriculars made that hard because I was away for 1-2 weeks of the semester and the timing of exams sucked. There’s also definitely a psychological component where I might have burnt myself in HS and didn’t have to study my freshman year (which I really enjoyed and had a lot of fun with awesome people), so I simply haven’t been able to lock in (at least consistently) like I was able to in HS.
I transferred to a T20 (for a variety of reasons), and that adjustment has been rough since I didn’t realize just how much of my happiness comes from a social life (which I naively thought would be easier when I was back to living on campus) rather than academic validation/reaching my ambitions. Biochem is kicking my ass (it’s known to be bad here) and so I’m looking at a B realistically (maybe worse depending on how the chips fall, but I’m gonna work my ass off), with a B+ or higher being possible but definitely highly luck dependent (leaving my cGPA/sGPA lower than the 3.81/3.66 they currently sit at). Rather than dropping and retaking it next semester, I plan on taking upper levels to try and help my sGPA, but my trend certainly doesn’t look good as a string of classes rather than just one and learning from it (you’d think I would’ve learned my lesson by now but somehow something slight different always gets in the way). I’m also not super optimistic about the rest of the prereqs (namely physics).
I know that going to a T20/top medical school isn’t everything and doesn’t remotely guarantee being happy (as I’ve seen in my experience when I transferred as an undergrad), but I obviously want to do the best I can and have the option on the table if I want it (which who knows what I want). It certainly doesn’t help that my premed advisor said that while med schools give some grace (if only I could give that to myself) for applicants from my undergrad, that may not fully extend to those who only did a portion of their courses here. He also said “anecdotally, transfers get into top schools a lower rate than those who were here for 4 years since they aren’t as sure a bet”. This definitely pissed me off/left me discouraged.
How do you all balance (in my case seemingly sky high/outsized/unrealistic) ambition with the reality of being human (especially when you’re performance is a real reality check that you’re nothing special, and might even be less than average)? Not to mention the fact that there are just people who don’t have to work for it (which is certainly not me) or want it as bad that will sail through to the top while I’ll have to fight and may just land middle of the pack (which is contrary to the core of who I am).
Sincerely,
A (slightly) neurotic premed
Edited to add:
I definitely want to enjoy life (so less stress seems to be the key) but at the same time it’s hard not to be competitive/ambitious by my nature especially when it seems everyone else is that way.
It’s one thing to have options and decide on the easier/gentler path or school, it’s another to feel like that choice was ripped from your hands (or not attainable).
I’ve been wondering over the past few days whether I’m cut out for the rest of the journey (or perhaps more aptly, rat race) that is medicine. So I wanted to see how other people process it? I apologize for the long post (I have lots of feelings/questions, and yes I know some of this may be neuroticism), but appreciate any insight you can provide!
I’ve always been a bit of a perfectionist (or rather I believe that I should be/am capable of doing my best, which I also happen to believe is getting top grades/opportunities). I’m also someone who is indecisive and likes to have all the doors/opportunities open for me to choose from.
Unfortunately it seems to me that the top jobs are the ones that have the most opportunity and flexibility to pivot and go beyond just practicing clinically (which would hopefully still be figuring depending on specialty) into interdisciplinary projects (research, business, etc). In my mind the pathway that is the easiest way to open the door to getting a job like that (a job which opens pretty much any door you want) is to go to a top residency (and maybe fellowship depending on if that’s needed), which is easier from a top med school, which is easier from a top undergrad.
I’ve always been a strong student (outside of math which unfortunately translated to a dual credit A- and B in calculus 1 and 2, starting my college career off without a clean slate), so unfortunately that’s somewhat intrinsically instilled in my identity.
In college at my state school I got a string of B’s (2 B+, and a B-) in the organic/lab sequence. Both B+ were due to not knowing what to expect for the first exam of the course. I then turned both these around, but it wasn’t enough to compensate for ~60% on the first exam. I told myself I would kick ass in the rest of the sequence but then my extracurriculars made that hard because I was away for 1-2 weeks of the semester and the timing of exams sucked. There’s also definitely a psychological component where I might have burnt myself in HS and didn’t have to study my freshman year (which I really enjoyed and had a lot of fun with awesome people), so I simply haven’t been able to lock in (at least consistently) like I was able to in HS.
I transferred to a T20 (for a variety of reasons), and that adjustment has been rough since I didn’t realize just how much of my happiness comes from a social life (which I naively thought would be easier when I was back to living on campus) rather than academic validation/reaching my ambitions. Biochem is kicking my ass (it’s known to be bad here) and so I’m looking at a B realistically (maybe worse depending on how the chips fall, but I’m gonna work my ass off), with a B+ or higher being possible but definitely highly luck dependent (leaving my cGPA/sGPA lower than the 3.81/3.66 they currently sit at). Rather than dropping and retaking it next semester, I plan on taking upper levels to try and help my sGPA, but my trend certainly doesn’t look good as a string of classes rather than just one and learning from it (you’d think I would’ve learned my lesson by now but somehow something slight different always gets in the way). I’m also not super optimistic about the rest of the prereqs (namely physics).
I know that going to a T20/top medical school isn’t everything and doesn’t remotely guarantee being happy (as I’ve seen in my experience when I transferred as an undergrad), but I obviously want to do the best I can and have the option on the table if I want it (which who knows what I want). It certainly doesn’t help that my premed advisor said that while med schools give some grace (if only I could give that to myself) for applicants from my undergrad, that may not fully extend to those who only did a portion of their courses here. He also said “anecdotally, transfers get into top schools a lower rate than those who were here for 4 years since they aren’t as sure a bet”. This definitely pissed me off/left me discouraged.
How do you all balance (in my case seemingly sky high/outsized/unrealistic) ambition with the reality of being human (especially when you’re performance is a real reality check that you’re nothing special, and might even be less than average)? Not to mention the fact that there are just people who don’t have to work for it (which is certainly not me) or want it as bad that will sail through to the top while I’ll have to fight and may just land middle of the pack (which is contrary to the core of who I am).
Sincerely,
A (slightly) neurotic premed
Edited to add:
I definitely want to enjoy life (so less stress seems to be the key) but at the same time it’s hard not to be competitive/ambitious by my nature especially when it seems everyone else is that way.
It’s one thing to have options and decide on the easier/gentler path or school, it’s another to feel like that choice was ripped from your hands (or not attainable).
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