How to get past a bad experience

[Artemis611]

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Hello everyone. I need some advice from people who are going through the stress of being a pre-veterinary student. When I was a freshman at college I started interning at a veterinary clinic. Everything was going fine and I learned a lot but it started going downhill very fast. I started getting yelled at for various things if I did not do something perfectly and I witnessed the veterinarian threaten employees and hit some animals. Eventually, I started to get derogatory comments and then, I started getting physically abused. One day, I was holding a kitten down for a blood draw and asked about the vein and how she learned to hit it correctly. It was then that I got physically hit on the head to the point where I was almost about to black out and was told to never comment on the veins because she was superstitious. I was very shaken from this experience and after that, I still was still getting physically and emotionally abused. After a year and half of working there I had a psychotic break and had to leave. Ever since then I was diagnosed with PTSD but I have still pursued my interest in the veterinary field.

I have a little over a thousand of hours of veterinary experience with caring for horses, marine animals, and small animals include cats and dogs (cats especially). I have a couple hundred hours of veterinary experience with some zoo animals, birds, pocket animals (guinea pigs, hamsters, and lizards/geckos). I have also done two small independent studies (working on a third in the spring) and am finishing up my departmental honors thesis on new ways to relieve cats of anxiety. I have roughly a 3.4 GPA and a 3.2 science GPA (not that great but still need to take some more science courses that will bring it up). I have not taken the GRE but I have been practicing and will take it in the summer.

Unfortunately, I do have a lot of anxiety when I work under a vet or in a kennel due to the fear of being physically abused or not doing something up to someone's standards. I have carried on with this fear and I have panic attacks a lot when I have a triggering event. I just worked so hard for this and I still want to be a veterinarian but I do not want these panic attacks anymore. I am currently in therapy but these things take time. I am a senior though in undergrad and I feel like it is taking too long to get the panic attacks on track. Though, they are a lot better, it is still a concern if I go to veterinary school and I will basically be surrounded by veterinarians. I feel like I have come way to far to give up and I keep going and gaining experience but, I was wondering if you guys have any advice on panic attacks or bad experiences and how to work through them. I am just in a tough spot and would like some advice. Thanks

 

[Gwenevre]

I feel like it is taking too long to get the panic attacks on track.

First and foremost, yes, these things will take time. After what sounds like an awful experience, it is going to take some work and time to feel comfortable in this field. You cannot put a time limit on healing, and when you do I feel like you end up holding yourself back more than moving forward.
I haven't personally dealt with panic attacks, but I have a very good friend who does. She says that it helps during an attack if she focuses on a specific piece of furniture or something in your room that is permanent.

 

[catnips]

Hello everyone. I need some advice from people who are going through the stress of being a pre-veterinary student. When I was a freshman at college I started interning at a veterinary clinic. Everything was going fine and I learned a lot but it started going downhill very fast. I started getting yelled at for various things if I did not do something perfectly and I witnessed the veterinarian threaten employees and hit some animals. Eventually, I started to get derogatory comments and then, I started getting physically abused. One day, I was holding a kitten down for a blood draw and asked about the vein and how she learned to hit it correctly. It was then that I got physically hit on the head to the point where I was almost about to black out and was told to never comment on the veins because she was superstitious. I was very shaken from this experience and after that, I still was still getting physically and emotionally abused. After a year and half of working there I had a psychotic break and had to leave. Ever since then I was diagnosed with PTSD but I have still pursued my interest in the veterinary field.

I have a little over a thousand of hours of veterinary experience with caring for horses, marine animals, and small animals include cats and dogs (cats especially). I have a couple hundred hours of veterinary experience with some zoo animals, birds, pocket animals (guinea pigs, hamsters, and lizards/geckos). I have also done two small independent studies (working on a third in the spring) and am finishing up my departmental honors thesis on new ways to relieve cats of anxiety. I have roughly a 3.4 GPA and a 3.2 science GPA (not that great but still need to take some more science courses that will bring it up). I have not taken the GRE but I have been practicing and will take it in the summer.

Unfortunately, I do have a lot of anxiety when I work under a vet or in a kennel due to the fear of being physically abused or not doing something up to someone's standards. I have carried on with this fear and I have panic attacks a lot when I have a triggering event. I just worked so hard for this and I still want to be a veterinarian but I do not want these panic attacks anymore. I am currently in therapy but these things take time. I am a senior though in undergrad and I feel like it is taking too long to get the panic attacks on track. Though, they are a lot better, it is still a concern if I go to veterinary school and I will basically be surrounded by veterinarians. I feel like I have come way to far to give up and I keep going and gaining experience but, I was wondering if you guys have any advice on panic attacks or bad experiences and how to work through them. I am just in a tough spot and would like some advice. Thanks

I am so sorry for your experience. I have had panic attacks as well. They started at a bad point in my life but eventually decreased, through some therapy and breathing exercises. I am sometimes still afraid of getting them, however, if they are getting better,remind yourself that - that you are getting better. To me what worked was raising my awareness of the panic attacks. Recognize them when they hit you and remind yourself that it'll be over in a second. Remind yourself that you have had it before and got over it, and you'll get over this one, too. I know, easier said than done. One thing that immensely helped me was breathing exercises. Try to learn to focus on your breathing (like you would in meditation) when you get stressed or panicky. Sounds like a simple advice, I know, but it really helped me. My therapist was the one suggested, and helped. I started by giving myself 10-15 minutes daily in which I would do nothing but sit and just try to breathe deep. (I guess it was meditation of some sort). Next time a panic attack hit, I just closed my eyes and focused on breathing. Because I was doing this daily, it came easy even in that panicky, anxious state. When your breathing is under control before or during a panic attack, you get this physiological response that leads you to feel calmer. Your heart stops beating so fast, and you can control yourself.

It will take time. Don't give up. This worked for me, and it might for you - or something else might. Believe me, my panic attacks got really bad, and it took time for me, too. But you will find what works for you, and you will get over this. Vet school can be stressful (I'm not there yet myself) but once you learn to deal with panic attacks better, you learn to deal with the overall stress better.

I am sorry for the terrible experience. But kudos to you for not giving up. That shows strong character. You have good stats, and awesome experiences! You'll get through this!

 

[swiniazycie]

I went through panic attacks in high school, but I never went to therapy. Long story. But what helped me was learning my signs (I would feel a stitch in my throat, my mouth would get dry, etc) and when I got worse I could hardly breathe and broke out into hives. It's a mess, panic attacks are scary. Breathing exercises sound great, I think I'll steal that idea if mine act up again. I focus on my favorite song, and play the chorus/riff whatever in my head repeatedly. Helps because I play an instrument but whatever.

I've also put myself into situations where I really didn't enjoy something pre-veterinary related. Ive have bosses I can't stand and I'd have to show up and fake being nice for longer than I wanted to. It's important to take time and remind yourself why you want to be a vet. For me I would spend a day or two volunteering with my rural vet. It helped me so much having a "laid back" mentor who honestly enjoyed teaching me to remind me why I love this path.

Also try volunteering at smaller clinics. My favorite places to volunteer only have 1-3 vets and a handful of techs. In my experience, less people have made me feel less "envading their space" (my old job the old techs would basically be mean to new people) and comfortable asking questions. Sometimes it's slow pace so you can take your time to ask questions and not feel bothersome (which is an issue for me).

 

[swiniazycie]

Oh. It also helped me to do a tedious repeating task. Like making a fist and slowly extending my fingers and counting or taking apart a pencil or anything.

 

[Artemis611]

Those are all great ideas! I actually did have a panic attack this morning and focusing on furniture really helped. I definitely feel like if I rush the healing process I will just get more frustrated which would make me have more anxiety. It is nice to know that people are going through panic attacks and they are still pre-veterinary 🙂. It is very stressful to be a pre-vet student especially with panic attacks and I will try some of the things people have suggested on here to see if that helps.

 

[pp9]

I am so sorry you had to go through with all of that. My experience with anxiety and panic is actually slowly becoming my past 🙂

I would get panic attacks out of the blue or when I was seriously stressed. I usually took it as a signal to just slow the heck down. My panic attacks leave me with that feeling you get after running 10 miles while out of shape-tight chest, burning throat, out of breath. They start out with my heart racing faster than I've ever felt and with blacked out vision. I haven't had one in a while, thankfully.

My battle with anxiety probably started when I was 8 or so. I couldn't really tell you why, but the only event that I can think of was the death of my grandmother. Ever since then, I've been on and off medication (I have been off for years now). Some of my anxiety habits will likely stay with me, as anxiety is a lifelong battle. Just the cross-country move I did left me with destroyed fingernails, among other things I do when I'm anxious/stressed. I can't really say I have any good ways of coping. All of my coping mechanisms involve bitten fingernails or pulling at my hair. There is something call the habit-reversal technique that you could look up. It doesn't sound like you have any habits that need breaking, but the fist-clenching and releasing that HRT has you do might be relaxing for you!

Always seek help when you feel like you can no longer see the light at the end of your tunnel. I am always available via message, as are the others on this thread, I am sure!

 

[Jess Monster]

That's terrible. It's never okay for someone to assault you in the workplace. It doesn't matter how frustrated or superstitious that person is. That vet is an ass. I like to believe that the best way to bring out someone's true character is to give them a little bit of power over other people and watch what happens.

As for getting past your bad veterinary experience, just remember that this bad actor doesn't represent the profession. As difficult as it might be due to your triggers, continue to find other experiences. You did nothing wrong asking questions and you didn't deserve the abuse you received. It's terribly unfortunate that someone else's wrongdoing should have such a lasting effect on you. It's good that you recognized that you were having problems and it's good that you have chosen to utilize therapy. Some people never get that far and probably would have just given up.

When I had a bad employment experience last year, I was lucky that I had previous veterinary experiences to bank on because if that had been my introduction to the profession I would have walked away. While I didn't witness my boss physically abuse anyone, he did use his size to physically intimidate others and he was very verbally abusive to his staff. Having those other experiences was useful in sifting out the legitimate criticisms from all the other crap. As a perfectionist, it's hard to fail and even harder to accept that in some situations other people won't let you succeed no matter how hard you work.

Edit: Apparently the forum censored my original comment by replacing ass+hole with "dingus."

 

[Skimble]

I occasionally have panic attacks in the middle of the night, most associated with getting into/handling vet school. I had one last night for the first time in a while. One of the Dr's I work with recommended counting backwards from 500 by 3's, and it does help take my mind off things, though due to some OCD issues, can't do 500 because I won't get down to 0, so I count down from 600.

 

[Njnealon]

Hey! I wouldn't say I've had sizable panic attacks, but I've had a lot going on the past few years and had a bad depressive episode. I ended up taking a year off after graduating, to try and recuperate a little. For mental health, realizing what triggers your attacks might help, and then trying to avoid those situations/later develop a coping strategy for them might help. That being said, realizing you are only human helps too. It is okay to feel upset, anxious, etc given all that you went through! What helps me is going to the gym most days for a little while, and channeling my energy into something aerobic. Also baking and sleeping and listening to music when I start to get upset again help me. Hang in there, I think you can use your experiences and determination to be a wonderful, compassionate vet someday! 🙂

 

[WhtsThFrequency]

Holy Jesus.

That's assault. Charges need to be pressed. Even if statute of limitations has passed for criminal prosecution, a civil case may still be viable. Who knows how many other people this person has continued to physically abuse. Other employees, family members, etc. not to mention patients.

 

[pp9]

I kind of thought about this thread all day today, and I just wanted to say that I sincerely hope the offending veterinarian will seek treatment for what are clearly some deep-rooted aggression/control/anxiety issues. If a person is that superstitious about hitting a vein that she resorts to nearly giving someone a concussion, she needs professional help. Whether she seek it out voluntarily or as a requirement by a court (and I fully support you in researching your legal options as well).

 

[GoldenGirl28]

Holy Jesus.

That's assault. Charges need to be pressed. Even if statute of limitations has passed for criminal prosecution, a civil case may still be viable. Who knows how many other people this person has continued to physically abuse. Other employees, family members, etc. not to mention patients.

Excellent point. If this vet is abusing humans who are able to communicate what is happening to them, I shudder to think about her treatment of animals who cannot advocate for themselves. @Artemis611, I am so sorry that happened to you! I hope you're able to stay healthy and happy, and not let this terrible experience color your entire view of veterinary medicine.

 

[Artemis611]

Excellent point. If this vet is abusing humans who are able to communicate what is happening to them, I shudder to think about her treatment of animals who cannot advocate for themselves. @Artemis611, I am so sorry that happened to you! I hope you're able to stay healthy and happy, and not let this terrible experience color your entire view of veterinary medicine.

Yea I realize now that I should have said something. But I was just an intern and she is a Dr. I just felt at that time no one would believe me. I am still trying to find peace about what happened but I know when I become a Veterinarian, I would never treat my coworkers or employees like that. I guess I really realized what not to do when you are a Veterinarian. I considered writing about this in a personal essay but I do not know if it is a good idea. I do not want a whole investigation launched since it was so long age. Would a vet school launch an investigation from a personal essay?

 

[GoldenGirl28]

Yea I realize now that I should have said something. But I was just an intern and she is a Dr. I just felt at that time no one would believe me. I am still trying to find peace about what happened but I know when I become a Veterinarian, I would never treat my coworkers or employees like that. I guess I really realized what not to do when you are a Veterinarian. I considered writing about this in a personal essay but I do not know if it is a good idea. I do not want a whole investigation launched since it was so long age. Would a vet school launch an investigation from a personal essay?

I highly doubt that a vet school would file a report with the appropriate investigative authority based on your admissions essay. State laws on reporting abuse vary, but generally unless the victim is a child or vulnerable adult, there won't be a criminal investigation launched. I'm not sure if the AVMA has any additional regulations about reporting misconduct committed by veterinarians, but my gut feeling is that a vet being physically abusive to an adult isn't something that would cause the vet school to report the incident.

This is certainly a formative experience that you have grown from, but personally I wouldn't use it as the topic of your admissions essay. The Times had an op-ed piece last year called "Naked Confessions of the College Bound: Oversharing in Admissions Essays" that talked about this: http://www.nytimes.com/2014/06/15/o...ni-oversharing-in-admissions-essays.html?_r=0. And while your experience is less outrageous than some of the topics mentioned, I think it is still a risky choice. Just my two cents.

 

[pp9]

Yea I realize now that I should have said something. But I was just an intern and she is a Dr. I just felt at that time no one would believe me. I am still trying to find peace about what happened but I know when I become a Veterinarian, I would never treat my coworkers or employees like that. I guess I really realized what not to do when you are a Veterinarian. I considered writing about this in a personal essay but I do not know if it is a good idea. I do not want a whole investigation launched since it was so long age. Would a vet school launch an investigation from a personal essay?

The schools wouldn't launch an investigation because:
1. If you did write about it, you wouldn't/shouldn't reveal identities involved other than your own. (they would connect the dots from your VMCAS, though)
2. The schools are not legal authorities. They could report the veterinarian, but wouldn't investigate the matter, legally speaking. That is a huge step for a school to take over an essay written by someone they don't know and without knowing the situation. Not to say that you'd be lying in your essay, but I personally don't take actions without knowing all of the factors possible.

I agree that this unfortunate event in your life should not be talked about in your personal statement. For one, it is actually unprofessional in my opinion. The lasting emotional scars you have received are absolutely valid. With that being said, it is considered a no-no to bad-mouth ANY previous employer, regardless of how hellish your experience was. Plus, I'm not exactly sure how you could describe what happened and explain how it will make you a better veterinarian in addition to talking about your passions, how you became interested in the field, and your other experiences in the 5000 character limit.

 

[thecatastrophist]

Yea I realize now that I should have said something. But I was just an intern and she is a Dr. I just felt at that time no one would believe me. I am still trying to find peace about what happened but I know when I become a Veterinarian, I would never treat my coworkers or employees like that. I guess I really realized what not to do when you are a Veterinarian. I considered writing about this in a personal essay but I do not know if it is a good idea. I do not want a whole investigation launched since it was so long age. Would a vet school launch an investigation from a personal essay?

I'd agree with others and say not to write about it. Your essay should focus on your strength and preparation as an applicant. The experience sounds hugely complicated, and you only have so much space to talk about everything. I think that when people focus too hard on negative experiences in essays like that, they run the risk of turning their essay into something that talks more about a bad situation than why they're a strong applicant.

The situation with schools and their reaction is complicated. Regardless of what happens, schools themselves wouldn't be the ones doing the investigation. If there was something very specific written in the essay, it MIGHT be a cause for concern enough to report it to the state licensing agency. But, the school itself wouldn't do any of the investigating even there was one.

 

[that redhead]

I would talk to your therapist (and/or seek out a second therapist) about how you're progressing. It's possible that adding medication may be helpful if even for the short term.

For what it's worth, I'm with WTF: that was assault and it doesn't matter that you aren't a doctor; you're a human being that deserves to be treated like one.

 

[Artemis611]

Thanks for all the advice! I figured I should not write about it. It has just been rough but I have figured out I am really interested in the veterinarian behaviorist specialty. There is one a half hour away from me and I am thinking about interning there. Hopefully it will be a better experience and I will relate to it more since it is a specialty I really want to pursue .