How you would handle this situation?

[bceagles2012]

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I have been doing volunteer research on Monday's and Wednesday's since May. He is always nice and wants to know how I am doing in school and what classes I am taking. Since the application is due soon, he has offered to write me a letter of recommendation for medical school. When we talked about the letter this week, he asked questions that were understandable such as why I wanted to go to medical school, gpa, etc. Then, he wanted to know more about my personal life such as:
-Have you ever had sex? Why don't you have a girlfriend? Are you gay?

When I told him that "am not looking for a girlfriend" but am not gay, he said that many medical schools take students in relationships over single people and they like gays because they are different. Although I answered all the questions truthfully, it made me question the applications process because I don't agree that medical school admissions should depend on the last time I had sex.

How would you handle this situation and woudl you still ask for the letter of recommendation? If I did not ask for his letter, I do not know who else I would ask. I would appreciate any advice on handling this situation.

 

[RogueUnicorn]

lolwut

 

[GooseWing]

lolwut

Damn, you beat me to it! I'll throw this up anyways it's my fav.

 

[startswithb]

Troll.

 

[hellohi]

I have been doing volunteer research on Monday's and Wednesday's since May. He is always nice and wants to know how I am doing in school and what classes I am taking. Since the application is due soon, he has offered to write me a letter of recommendation for medical school. When we talked about the letter this week, he asked questions that were understandable such as why I wanted to go to medical school, gpa, etc. Then, he wanted to know more about my personal life such as:
-Have you ever had sex? Why don't you have a girlfriend? Are you gay?

When I told him that "am not looking for a girlfriend" but am not gay, he said that many medical schools take students in relationships over single people and they like gays because they are different. Although I answered all the questions truthfully, it made me question the applications process because I don't agree that medical school admissions should depend on the last time I had sex.

How would you handle this situation and woudl you still ask for the letter of recommendation? If I did not ask for his letter, I do not know who else I would ask. I would appreciate any advice on handling this situation.

in return for writing the LOR he wants a blowjob from you.

 

[bceagles2012]

This is not a troll and not a joke. I promise you that this is a 100% real situation that happened.

 

[RogueUnicorn]

This is not a troll and not a joke. I promise you that this is a 100% real situation that happened.

dude, if you're serious, you gotta report his ass for the sake of everyone else that comes after you.

 

[iusesharpies]

in return for writing the LOR he wants a blowjob from you.

👎
Ruunnn

 

[bceagles2012]

dude, if you're serious, you gotta report his ass for the sake of everyone else that comes after you.

Who would I report this to and for what reason? I have been very bothered about this the last few days. A few of my friends thought that this was funny but this was not a joke to me.

 

[Mbeas]

in return for writing the LOR he wants a blowjob from you.

nothing is free anymore these days.

 

[RogueUnicorn]

Who would I report this to and for what reason? I have been very bothered about this the last few days. A few of my friends thought that this was funny but this was not a joke to me.

it is absolutely no joke. meet with your dean.
http://www.bc.edu/schools/cas/about/contact/a-and-s-deans.html

edit: ODSD might be the better choice
http://www.bc.edu/offices/odsd/

 

[Hah]

It really sounds like hes using the interview for your LOR to hit on you 😕

 

[bceagles2012]

If I reported this, I personally think nothing would happen because he didn't do anything wrong. It was just in very poor taste. If I quit, I would have to find another letter of recommendation and place to volunteer which I'm not sure would be worth.

Lastly, for everyone making stupid comments, he is married.

p.s. One other note: I have another studentdoctor.net account but I created a new one because I don't want people knowing who I am.

 

[RogueUnicorn]

If I reported this, I personally think nothing would happen because he didn't do anything wrong. It was just in very poor taste. If I quit, I would have to find another letter of recommendation and place to volunteer which I'm not sure would be worth.

Lastly, for everyone making stupid comments, he is married.

p.s. One other note: I have another studentdoctor.net account but I created a new one because I don't want people knowing who I am.

you're probably right; but there may have been previous complaints filed and yours might be the one to put it over the edge. perhaps it's time to activate the LizzyM beacon.

 

[iusesharpies]

If I reported this, I personally think nothing would happen because he didn't do anything wrong. It was just in very poor taste. If I quit, I would have to find another letter of recommendation and place to volunteer which I'm not sure would be worth.

Lastly, for everyone making stupid comments, he is married.

p.s. One other note: I have another studentdoctor.net account but I created a new one because I don't want people knowing who I am.

You can pretend you are gay and say you were being discriminated against.

 

[Asyouwereatrio]

If I reported this, I personally think nothing would happen because he didn't do anything wrong. It was just in very poor taste. If I quit, I would have to find another letter of recommendation and place to volunteer which I'm not sure would be worth.

Lastly, for everyone making stupid comments, he is married.

p.s. One other note: I have another studentdoctor.net account but I created a new one because I don't want people knowing who I am.

Just because he's married doesn't mean he isn't gay and/or wants you to "pay your debt to him for writing a letter"....just saying, he might have thought you were gay and wanted to "confirm" it. 😛 Sadly, I'm not joking since I know of someone who was hit on by an interviewer at a VERY prestigious dental school...(gay interviewer and gay interviewee).

Anyway, I think you should just go for the letter...he's not going to write those details in your letter--I don't think, unless he is absolutely crazy...

I would like to recommend "bceagles2012" to your medical school program because he would greatly contribute diversity to your school's entering class. He has not dated any girls during the time he volunteered with me and confided in me that he is homosexual. His sexual identity will greatly improve the care that he can deliver to his patients and to the overall strength and diversity of your class. blah blah blah.

I reallly doubt the above would be in your letter...so just go for it! Just don't be surprised if he does anything fishy with you...

 

[Elpenor]

it amazes me how easy it is to troll on this forum.

 

[bceagles2012]

Thanks for all input. The semester is not THAT long so I will probably just try to get the letter of recommendation. He isn't that creepy of a Doctor which was why I was so surprised at these comments.

Lastly, many think of me as a "troll" but I PROMISE you that this really did happen. This will be my final comment on this topic.

 

[Malice]

I don't know why people are getting all bent out of shape over this. Pretty much what he said is true - he was just being on the level with you. Being gay does help you in that it contributes to your diversity, which can help your application stand out. As for the girlfriend thing: obviously med schools won't outright say that they don't like single people (because it's not true), but they do look for people who are sociable and able to maintain stable relationships (i.e. if you had a girlfriend you would look like one of those people).

 

[Robinson Crusoe]

I don't know why people are getting all bent out of shape over this. Pretty much what he said is true - he was just being on the level with you. Being gay does help you in that it contributes to your diversity, which can help your application stand out. As for the girlfriend thing: obviously med schools won't outright say that they don't like single people (because it's not true), but they do look for people who are sociable and able to maintain stable relationships (i.e. if you had a girlfriend you would look like one of those people).

How is a person's sexuality or relationship status supposed to be incorporated into their application? Are we supposed to put the fact that we have a girlfriend as an EC? Or in the interview, should we say, "Let's talk about sexuality." If I get a girlfriend half way through the application cycle, can I send an update letter? I've been told by a former member of an admissions committee that personal things like sexuality should never be included in an application. OP, you should make sure this letter writer does not include the answers to those questions (I'm surprised you answered them at all) in your letter.

 

[LizzyM]

Wow! I take some time away from the Batcave and come back to this.

The line of questioning from your volunteer supervisor does seem a bit "personal". It could be a desire to get to know you better and perhaps to reflect that in a letter as a way of demonstrating that he knows you well and that you are a nice guy and you have a supportive "significant other" or that you are "different" and therefore adding to the diversity of the student body. Or he could be hitting on you and although you may be too young and inexperienced to realize it, some married men are gay.

If he hasn't hit on you or otherwise behaved in a way that you feel is inappropriate, then you may not want to call him out or report him. That's your choice. If he does hit on you, don't hesitate to put a stop to it and report it... sexual harrassment takes many forms and many people get away with it for years because victims are afraid to speak up.

As for how to address sexuality and relationships in the admissions process, some applicants broadcast it very loud and clear given their experiences and their motivation for medicine. That usually includes voluntering at a clinic that serves a LGBT population or subset of that population, being engaged in HIV education, human rights efforts, etc and the professional goal of providing care to that population. Sometimes that comes on a little too strong and offends some adcom members but almost all of the clinicians recognize the need and admire the sentiment. Some people keep this side private until the interview. Then it is typical for people in a relationship to mention a spouse or partner or fiancee or whatever and even to ask about employment opportunities for trailing spouses or mention that they are highly motivated to attend this school because a partner is doing doctoral studies here. Not bringing it up is OK too and regardless of sexual orientation, if you are focusing on school and/or work and haven't found the right person, no one is going to bring it up and no one is going to hold it against you. (If there weren't any singles in the M1 class the excitement of the parties during the early weeks of school would be so much less interesting. <g>).

 

[StudyShy]

-Have you ever had sex? Why don't you have a girlfriend? Are you gay?

Those do sound very personal. It sounds like you were a bit uncomfortable with these questions because usually these aren't things that are brought up in normal conversations.