I don't like competition.

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With38401

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I can sense that most of my classmates want to see me fail. I always try to help other classmates, but they don't help me in return because they only care about their success. They all act like hypocrites. I can't seem to make best friends who I can really trust. I need classmates that can help each other to reach our goals. I feel like I am slowly slipping into depression. I don't like competition anymore.

How do you guys deal with this?
 
Hmm, I really enjoy competition in most every aspect of my life, but there is a way to be competitive without being a backstabber. You have to remember, it does come down to just YOU. But I would imagine there have to be some other classmates who feel like you do. I really enjoy study groups, etc. My competition comes in knowing that I worked harder, studied smarter, and was more passionate.

I am a powerlifter/bodybuilder and follow the same ideal. I workout with friends occasionally, and try to give them the best advice I can when I can, but secretly I want to be the best.
 
With38401 said:
I can sense that most of my classmates want to see me fail. I always try to help other classmates, but they don't help me in return because they only care about their success. They all act like hypocrites. I can't seem to make best friends who I can really trust. I need classmates that can help each other to reach our goals. I feel like I am slowly slipping into depression. I don't like competition anymore.

How do you guys deal with this?
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Depends, are you at a pass/no pass school, or a school for grades? I'm going to assume it is not P/NP, because these schools usually have a strong sense of community and aren't too competitive... I think a lot of these "competitive medical schools" are like jungles and your options are to either eat, or get eaten. You don't have to be like your classmates and secretly wish failure amongst everyone, but you also don't have to go around helping everyone. Only help a select few that you really trust, and if you do well on exams or in a block, try not to let other people find out. A lot of people hate it when others do better than them. Also, read the 48 laws of power... a lot of those can be used to help you here.

In undergrad, I was always the guy that made study guides and circulated them and tried helping other pre-meds, but my med school was also super competitive and I feel like if you don't adapt to that, it can eat you alive
 
RNtoMD87 said:
Hmm, I really enjoy competition in most every aspect of my life, but there is a way to be competitive without being a backstabber. You have to remember, it does come down to just YOU. But I would imagine there have to be some other classmates who feel like you do. I really enjoy study groups, etc. My competition comes in knowing that I worked harder, studied smarter, and was more passionate.

I am a powerlifter/bodybuilder and follow the same ideal. I workout with friends occasionally, and try to give them the best advice I can when I can, but secretly I want to be the best.
Click to expand...
trobinsonmd said:
Depends, are you at a pass/no pass school, or a school for grades? I'm going to assume it is not P/NP, because these schools usually have a strong sense of community and aren't too competitive... I think a lot of these "competitive medical schools" are like jungles and your options are to either eat, or get eaten. You don't have to be like your classmates and secretly wish failure amongst everyone, but you also don't have to go around helping everyone. Only help a select few that you really trust, and if you do well on exams or in a block, try not to let other people find out. A lot of people hate it when others do better than them. Also, read the 48 laws of power... a lot of those can be used to help you here.

In undergrad, I was always the guy that made study guides and circulated them and tried helping other pre-meds, but my med school was also super competitive and I feel like if you don't adapt to that, it can eat you alive
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Thank you for replies. It means a lot to me.

How did you deal with the people who secretly wished your failure? Did you avoid them? unfriend them?
 
I just make note of it and pretend like I don't know. We had a guy in nursing school that I never could put my finger on. I knew him doing nursing prereqs and he was a helpful study partner, and would explain things infront of the class by drawing it on the board (in order to help himself as well understand) that really helped us all learn. I liked him. But in nursing school it turned out he was a backstabber and you couldn't trust him. He put peoples business out etc. I still studied with him when possible because it helped me learn and I did better, but I just watched what I said around him and knew he couldn't be trusted.

If someone makes you better, be around them. If they bring you down, avoid them like the plague. Their intentions are unimportant. Just KNOW their intentions and be mindful of that, and don't allow yourself to be disadvantaged. Your vulnerability is in your hands, not theirs.

"Invincibility is in oneself, and vulnerability is in the opponent. Invincibility is a matter of defense, vulnerability is a matter of attack. Therefore skillful warriors are able to be invincible, but they cannot cause opponents to be vulnerable. That is why it is said that victory is discerned and not manufactured."

-Sun Tzu

“If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle.”
-Sun Tzu
 
It may seem idealistic to have most of your classmates supporting you and you supporting them, but the harsh truth is that med school is place where you have to be selfish. Maybe your generation sees everything as a social media endeavor, where your status in life is measured by how many people friend you or upvote your actions?

Old school med school was always dog-eat-dog. It's a good time to become self-centered and only worry about your own success, especially during M1 and M2 where you're gearing up to murder Step 1. During clinicals you can start working on how to be a good team member.
 
With38401 said:
I can sense that most of my classmates want to see me fail. I always try to help other classmates, but they don't help me in return because they only care about their success. They all act like hypocrites. I can't seem to make best friends who I can really trust. I need classmates that can help each other to reach our goals. I feel like I am slowly slipping into depression. I don't like competition anymore.

How do you guys deal with this?
Click to expand...
Go seek out your school's counseling center, STAT.
Perhaps change your major.
 
Medicine tends to be more competitive. If you don't want competition, why not something less competitive? Even my nursing school was highly competitive.

I don't say this being rude, but just being real- Toughen up. Don't care what people think, and look out for yourself. If you can trust someone, good. But don't care about anyone but you.

Anything worth anything in life takes work and usually competition if it involves other people. Think about it. Musicians, artists, doctors, lawyers, etc.

I get the feeling youre pretty young, and a lot of this comes with age.
 
My advice is to never help someone with the expectation that they will help you unless you make a specific deal about it.

In my undergrad classes I'd help people whenever I could, just because I like helping people. Maybe 15% of the people I helped were able to help me back, but there was zero expectation that I would receive anything in return. Any help I got was pure bonus. With some of the people who helped me after I helped them (or vice-versa) I would make formalized helping arrangements. In one instance I met a guy with the same classes as me who was really thorough about fully reasoning out answers to physiology homework assignments. I was super diligent about making detailed biochem study guides. I would sit with him and go over the physiology homework before handing it in (this was explicitly permitted by the professor), and in return I would email him my study guides.

That being said, while waiting for physics exams to start I would blast kanye west in my headphones, look around the room and think "I am the smartest mother****er in here and I'm going to set the curve." You gotta strive to be the best, or else whats the point? I never wanted to see anyone fail...I just wanted them to get B's🤣
 
No offense but there’s always going to be competition in any good paying field. Ya gotta learn to embrace it. Med school is like the major leagues, everyone wants in
 
Just keep helping people and you'll find others like you. I remember my freshman year we were placed in groups for one class and the others in my group were pretty arrogant and condescending (I don't think they realized it, but it felt that way to me) because I was slower than them getting through the material. I've met many others like this since then. But fast forward a few years and I've since found a group of friends that are awesome and not like that. No surprise though that almost none of them are premed 😉

I think I have only a few premed friends and we're not super close but they're nice and never feel like they're going to backstab me. We've been helping each other passing tips and things throughout the application process.

But my closest friends that I always hang out with consist of a business major, a math major, and a few various engineering/science (nonpremed) majors. Unfortunately most of them could care less about their grades though so they can be a bad influence sometimes but I'm pretty good at not letting it affect me.
 
Wahed said:
That being said, while waiting for physics exams to start I would blast kanye west in my headphones, look around the room and think "I am the smartest mother****er in here and I'm going to set the curve." You gotta strive to be the best, or else whats the point? I never wanted to see anyone fail...I just wanted them to get B's🤣
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You're a kind and gentle killer --- I can respect that.

Your preference for Kanye music .... we can defer that for another discussion 😛
 
freedoctor17 said:
I think I have only a few premed friends and we're not super close but they're nice and never feel like they're going to backstab me. We've been helping each other passing tips and things throughout the application process.
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I only had one pre-med friend in undergrad and he was mostly cool but would occasionally sneak in a snarky comment on why I only scored a 86 on a bio midterm when he always scored a 94 or above when he took the same course. He was one of those Indian kids in the accelerated premed/med program and never got a B in his entire life.

I think if I only hung around people like him in college I woulda stressed myself out too much and gave up on going to med school.
 
Just ignore them. You can't control what other people do, you can only control what you do. I avoided people like that in college and I was better for it. All of my pre-med friends were decent, helpful people who had a vested interest in helping each other out. Honestly, in my experience, most people are helpful and want you to succeed. Seek them out and avoid the toxic ones!
 
Unfortunately, it's something you'll have to perpetually deal with. Sometimes the sense of competition or jealousy can be subtle and passive aggressive too. That's the worst.

I was going to say, also make sure you don't discuss doing well or even imply doing well to friends. But then I thought about it, from personal experience, and I realized talking about it is useful. It's a good way of figuring who's a genuine friend who can be happy for you and can view it as friendly competition, and differentiate them from those so bitter they cannot.
 
I hate to say this but you get used to it OP. I don't know if you are a freshman or a sophomore but over time not only do you get used to it but you also learn how to best function in such an environment.

Obviously not saying continue to hang out with these people or give them help but in the grand scheme of things, stuff like this happens and will continue to happen. I am just another premed so I can't speak for med school and beyond but in many other areas of life you will see competition and some of its bad sides. Just learn to deal with it and have an end goal in mind (i.e. being the best you and getting into medical school, presumably). Better you encounter tough situations early on in your life then see stuff like that for the first time in med school or residency and then not know how to deal with it.
 
If you don't want or like competition you're in the wrong field. You want to get into a competitive specialty? Well, so does everyone else and there aren't participation trophies. You are either the best and deserve the spot or tough luck. You want to work in a highly desirable area or with a lucrative group? Same deal.
 
Try to be friends with the pre-pharm or pre-PT or OT types in your classes. I found that easier than the intrinsic competition that made it hard to get close to most other premeds. Maybe look for some overall pre-Health clubs at your school, Be the Match, the groups against cancer etc to be in a similar but not so competitive and possibly negative community.
 
Goro said:
Go seek out your school's counseling center, STAT.
Perhaps change your major.
Click to expand...

With all due respect, I do not believe changing majors is the only viable option towards avoiding 'gunners'. I absolutely agree consulting a counselor will be beneficial to the OP for coping with academic stress and issues that arise from classmates and others, as pre-medical obligations, commitments, and demanding schedules may predispose them towards developing mental illness.

To the OP: I had a very similar experience with other undergraduate students (I am still in UG). Not to 'brag', but Chemistry and Biology (like many pre-medical students on this forum) was my forte, and I excelled in these courses. I consistently volunteered my time towards helping students who struggled with their coursework, as well as those who could not keep up with the course due to outside commitments (full-time jobs, family, etc.) Tutoring older students was my favorite, because they undoubtedly demonstrated more drive and commitment then many traditional students. Despite these efforts, many classmates would take advantage of me (ask me for answers to homework assignments, projects, etc.) but at the same time smack-talk me behind my back and claim I was "full of myself" for doing the things I did, and label me as an 'anti-social, no-life' because chemistry and biology was my passion and not partying and getting wasted. Yes, it did hurt because I helped them and I enjoyed doing it. However, what you need to learn is that in life you must refrain from comparing yourself to others and instead begin to respect yourself. In retrospect, I wish I had never helped those who did not give me respect but it was a good studying technique for myself in preparation for future exams.

Keep your goals in mind. Do not let go of your ambitions, stay positive, and when everything turns out alright, you can laugh in their faces how successful you are.
 
bananafish94 said:
Just ignore them. You can't control what other people do, you can only control what you do. I avoided people like that in college and I was better for it. All of my pre-med friends were decent, helpful people who had a vested interest in helping each other out. Honestly, in my experience, most people are helpful and want you to succeed. Seek them out and avoid the toxic ones!
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How's your old roommate doing? Did he ever make it?
 
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