I need some personal help.

[ahc336]

---

Members do not see this ad.

Hello pre-allo,


Before reading, yes, I search-barred and read the responses, but to err on the side of caution [of making a rather important decision] I am posting to get a personalized answer because the circumstances are a bit different then what I found in the other posts.

I transferred from a satellite state-school to one of the state's flagship schools (brownie points to who guesses which, it won't be hard). My GPA dropped .3 from 3.9 to 3.6 (so cGPA 3.75, which I'm happy with). I'm attributing that to 1) harder to get good grades at the 2nd school, and 2) just beginning to take pre-reqs (humanities major). Long story short--I wouldn't be transferring back solely based on academic premises because I feel comfortable at either uni. The previous school would be much easier, yeah, but I'd probably be fine at either.

Secondly: I have a research position at the college of vet. med. at the second institution. I doubt it will matter to adcoms, but it's one of the best vet. med. schools in the country (as humbly as I can say that, I don't wish to sound cocky). The research is something that will look great if published. I have no doubt I could get on board with research at the previous school due to it's location (also, my state is big on STEM--once again, shouldn't be too hard to figure out lol) to a metropolitan area. Would it look as good as being published at the VM school? Probably not, but I would still likely have research on my app.

Third, I do not pay a dime to go to school. I'm very thankful for it. I didn't at the previous institution as well. I have two private scholarships and the rest is covered by the federal financial aid. I can transfer the scholarships once, which I did already. I could write and try to appeal to the private lenders, but the success of that is continent on many factors which I/we don't know the guaranteed outcome of. I am applying for additional scholarships in anticipation of failing to transfer the scholarships I do have already.

On to the meat: I wholeheartedly regret transferring universities. I count it as my biggest personal mistake, and that opinion is something I feel very strongly about and have spent a lot of time thinking (read: beating myself up) about. I left people (plural) I love very much at the previous school and I miss them dearly. I still visit but it's not the same. I have struggled making friends at the new school, fraternity being considered even, and spend a majority, if not all, of my time alone. I'm working 20 hrs. a week, spending limited (~10/12 hrs.) time weekly on research, and taking 14 hours, and I'm burned out--to those doing more than me, I'm proud of you and jealous, and keep on doing you.

Furthermore, I am, by my uneducated opinion, clinically depressed and have been for about 8 to 9 months. I attribute this to personal grief and other factors which all stem from transferring and losing those I cared about. Yes, I have spoken to providers about this--I know you guys would've asked, so I'll beat you to the punch 😉

Those factors weighed, the only thing keeping me at the flagship would be the research position, my fraternity (and that's something I'm readily willing to give up), and finances. Let me reiterate: I am very grateful to be receiving a free education, but staying here will mean compromising my mental health and happiness and I'm sure if I am willing to make that compromise for much longer.

Thank you for reading such a long post, if you made it this far. I have come to SDN many times for academic advice and you guys have always pulled through, and I am hoping that you all will now do the same for personal advice. You guys rock.

AHC

 

[DokterMom]

So if I were to condense this way down, it would be "Better School" versus "Really Miss My Friends"? --

Let me ask directly -- How much effort did you put into meeting new friends at your new school? I know it's harder as a transfer student, and considerably harder when you're depressed. But please be honest about how much you've done that should have worked but didn't because the second school is "just not a good fit".

Trying to ascertain whether it's worth it or not to try to make this work. On the one hand, you transferred 'up' and one transfer is fine. Frankly, transferring back 'down' is not going to look good, so if you can make the new school work, you should. But if you truly can't succeed there (and if you're miserable and can't fix it, it's unlikely you will) then going back is better than staying and failing.

 

[asturner91]

College can be lonely, especially having to start all over at a new school halfway through. I did something similar at your same school. And you're doing a lot, don't downplay the amount of stuff you're doing.

Going on the assumption that you're in NC, adcoms (especially ECU) won't really care whether you're at UNC or NCstate or any of the UNC satellites as long as you have strong stats and strong ECs.

If you're unhappy at your current school, then you have a couple of choices:
A) set up some interesting ECs at your old school and transfer back
B) stay at your current school and go out of your way to do more social things. Go join some random clubs and do things that put you out of your comfort zone, like swing dancing.

PM if you wanna chitty chat

 

[prehealthadvisor55]

Consider this...when in an interview for med school & they ask why you went back, what will you say? And do you want there to be any red flags that would make adcoms think you couldn't handle the adjustment to med school?
Taking care of yourself is important. But keep in mind your choices now will have an impact later. Good luck.

 

[thatwouldbeanarchy]

Where are you at in your studies? If we're talking about sticking it out at school #2, how many years are we talking about? And how much debt would you have to incur if you transferred back and lost your scholarships?

I also think it's worth asking yourself why you transferred in the first place. Your happiness is definitely important--I'm not trying to say that it shouldn't be a big consideration. But starting out at a new school is never easy. There's a good chance you'll be going through the same process again in a few years when you start med school.

 

[Goro]

Depression is poorly managed on anonymous internet message boards. Get help STAT!!!

 

[mistafab]

Go get help OP.

You can make friends anywhere, your obstacle is your mental health right now.

 

[Doug Underhill]

Wait, you got a 3.6 your first two semesters at NC State taking pre-reqs and this is a crisis? I didn't touch 3.6 until midway through sophomore year, and my cGPA never hit 3.75. The median GPA for accepted medical students is 3.70.

You can't diagnose yourself with depression, either. Only a physician can do that. SDN is not for medical advice.

 

[darknecrosforte]

Seems like you're at a negative steady state, so at least you aren't getting worse in terms of depression. Considering your ability to be coherent and not being so far gone as to completely screw your situation grade-wise, I'd say you're probably completely fine. It isn't a matter of "Oh, well people who are ACTUALLY depressed are incapable of being productive", but more like "This situation is probably more common as students matriculate into medical school from a regular college" so it could be helpful to push through with a "This is practice for when I get into med school" mindset. Part of growing as an individual is a necessary separation from others in order to know who you are so you can fix what needs fixing.

In my situation, as I got better at studying and prioritizing and time-management (much more free time), I STILL drifted from friends and some family because when I got into high-volume-learning mode, I began to notice how little people around me value lifelong learning. It really bothers me and has isolated me except for a handful of people who are seriously pursuing mastery of various areas of life. Some are gifted musicians (church folk), entrepreneurial STEM majors, and independent business folk. With THESE people, my motivation is drastically increased and I just enjoy being around them more as time goes on. When NOT around them, I feel pretty alone, but I feel inspired to be as badass at what interests me as they are at what they work on. It's like this for maybe two weeks at a time and then one day of hanging out with 1-2 of them and I noticed that it helps keep me on track as a philosophy/medicine enthusiast.

TL;DR - Find peers/heroes who inspire you and work to share your value with them.

 

[carpediem22]

I agree that mental health is your biggest concern right now. Perhaps if you get the treatment you need, you won't feel so alone at UNC.

I will say it is generally not advisable to transfer twice, and will raise red flags to medical school adcoms. Especially if you say the reason why you transferred back was that you were unhappy and couldn't adjust, as the transition from one college to another is comparatively less stressful than the college --> med school transition (this coming from another transfer student). I'd try to stick it out if I were you, but like I said, I think this will be a lot easier to do if you seek treatment.

 

[ahc336]

Furthermore, I am, by my uneducated opinion, clinically depressed and have been for about 8 to 9 months. I attribute this to personal grief and other factors which all stem from transferring and losing those I cared about. Yes, I have spoken to providers about this--I know you guys would've asked, so I'll beat you to the punch 😉

Emphasizing this for the next couple of readers. I wrote a long post and it seems it wasn't clear enough that I have/am receiving help on that front

Will post more in-depth replies tonight when I'm done with class, thanks to those who have responded so far

 

[ahc336]

So if I were to condense this way down, it would be "Better School" versus "Really Miss My Friends"? --

Let me ask directly -- How much effort did you put into meeting new friends at your new school? I know it's harder as a transfer student, and considerably harder when you're depressed. But please be honest about how much you've done that should have worked but didn't because the second school is "just not a good fit".

Trying to ascertain whether it's worth it or not to try to make this work. On the one hand, you transferred 'up' and one transfer is fine. Frankly, transferring back 'down' is not going to look good, so if you can make the new school work, you should. But if you truly can't succeed there (and if you're miserable and can't fix it, it's unlikely you will) then going back is better than staying and failing.

Yes. And the compromise is taxing me to the point of breaking. It's not worth the added "prestige." I put quite a bit of effort in. I'm a bit extroverted as it is, I joined a fraternity, and I put myself out there. I'm striking out at all things I do here (apart from academics). So my attitude is **** this, why should I stay?

Consider this...when in an interview for med school & they ask why you went back, what will you say? And do you want there to be any red flags that would make adcoms think you couldn't handle the adjustment to med school?
Taking care of yourself is important. But keep in mind your choices now will have an impact later. Good luck.

I have no doubts about being able to defend the decision in front of an adcom. I will be able to show that my grades weren't really affected and that the decision was solely motivated by personal reasons.

Where are you at in your studies? If we're talking about sticking it out at school #2, how many years are we talking about? And how much debt would you have to incur if you transferred back and lost your scholarships?

I also think it's worth asking yourself why you transferred in the first place. Your happiness is definitely important--I'm not trying to say that it shouldn't be a big consideration. But starting out at a new school is never easy. There's a good chance you'll be going through the same process again in a few years when you start med school.

I am taking my first prerequisites this semester. I'm a sophomore. cGPA is 3.75 before taking pre-reqs, so that will answer the other person's question somewhat.

And you're completely right in your second section, but the tradeoff is a bit different. Here, I'm alone 24/7 and I see the people around me surrounded by companions and friends 24/7. I am failing in everything I am doing (apart from academics), I'm being made fun of everywhere I turn (something that has never before been an issue for me), and I'm 20 years old. College is supposed to be the best years of your life. Right now they're the worst. Before I transferred, I was happier than I've ever been. I realize it's unrealistic and stupid to tell myself everything will go right back to how they were, but I'm not telling myself that. I know it will be different, but something has to give, and it's not going to be me.

Wait, you got a 3.6 your first two semesters at NC State taking pre-reqs and this is a crisis? I didn't touch 3.6 until midway through sophomore year, and my cGPA never hit 3.75. The median GPA for accepted medical students is 3.70.

You can't diagnose yourself with depression, either. Only a physician can do that. SDN is not for medical advice.

See above post. As for the last part of your post, I addressed the fact I am uneducated (read: not a physician). Thanks for posting

Seems like you're at a negative steady state, so at least you aren't getting worse in terms of depression. Considering your ability to be coherent and not being so far gone as to completely screw your situation grade-wise, I'd say you're probably completely fine. It isn't a matter of "Oh, well people who are ACTUALLY depressed are incapable of being productive", but more like "This situation is probably more common as students matriculate into medical school from a regular college" so it could be helpful to push through with a "This is practice for when I get into med school" mindset. Part of growing as an individual is a necessary separation from others in order to know who you are so you can fix what needs fixing.

In my situation, as I got better at studying and prioritizing and time-management (much more free time), I STILL drifted from friends and some family because when I got into high-volume-learning mode, I began to notice how little people around me value lifelong learning. It really bothers me and has isolated me except for a handful of people who are seriously pursuing mastery of various areas of life. Some are gifted musicians (church folk), entrepreneurial STEM majors, and independent business folk. With THESE people, my motivation is drastically increased and I just enjoy being around them more as time goes on. When NOT around them, I feel pretty alone, but I feel inspired to be as badass at what interests me as they are at what they work on. It's like this for maybe two weeks at a time and then one day of hanging out with 1-2 of them and I noticed that it helps keep me on track as a philosophy/medicine enthusiast.

TL;DR - Find peers/heroes who inspire you and work to share your value with them.

Thanks for the post. I think what you said carries a lot of truth and I appreciate you taking the time to write such a thoughtful response. I would agree that I am in the 'steady negative state' like you first said. It's not caused by academics, and honestly, I don't see much different in the academic programs apart from rigor in grading. I will get a higher GPA at the other school and get my friends back (they peg me on constantly to come back), so I see no reasons to not go back.

Some of my buddies there are professionally-minded too--for instance, one of my buddies is pursuing his PhD. in bio. So I'd have some of that sort of environment there.

I agree that mental health is your biggest concern right now. Perhaps if you get the treatment you need, you won't feel so alone at UNC.

I will say it is generally not advisable to transfer twice, and will raise red flags to medical school adcoms. Especially if you say the reason why you transferred back was that you were unhappy and couldn't adjust, as the transition from one college to another is comparatively less stressful than the college --> med school transition (this coming from another transfer student). I'd try to stick it out if I were you, but like I said, I think this will be a lot easier to do if you seek treatment.

NCSU* 😉

I agree about transferring twice. It will probably raise a red flag, but I feel like I can stand and defend that flag. I have been seeking treatment and will be making more appointments to come.


Thanks to everyone for your thoughtful replies. I hope to see more.

 

[ahc336]

PM if you wanna chitty chat

I would if you turned on PMs!

 

[thatwouldbeanarchy]

If you really feel that transferring back is what you need to do to be happy, then do it! It sounds like you understand the risks/benefits. It's possible that it's something adcoms might ask about but in my opinion, it doesn't seem like something severe enough to really hurt your chances as long as you maintain high stats and have good EC's.

I do think it'll be important to learn to adapt to new situations since you'll likely be doing that again in med school. But there is such a thing as "fit" and maybe this school just isn't right for you.

 

[carpediem22]

I agree about transferring twice. It will probably raise a red flag, but I feel like I can stand and defend that flag. I have been seeking treatment and will be making more appointments to come.

The issue will be more that you may not have an opportunity to do so, because that flag may be enough to keep you from getting an interview at your target schools. I suppose you could write about it either in the primary AMCAS app or in secondaries, but again, giving a reasoning along the lines of "I couldn't adjust" will: 1) Make adcoms worried about you adapting to medical school, since most medical students go through a period of being unhappy and stressed, and, 2) Make adcoms think that you don't know what you want, since you left one school for another and then decided to go back -- what were the reasons you left in the first place, and are they not still there? What drew you to the flagship school (other than prestige), and are those reasons not still there? How will adcoms know that you won't change your mind about medical school one year into it, after you've seen how hard and stressful it can be (particularly on your social life)?

Pre-med considerations aside, I would still advise you to try to stick it out just a little bit longer at NCSU. Oftentimes transfer students find the first semester difficult, but eventually settle in and make friends. At my particular school, for example, more than one of my fellow transfer students expressed being very unhappy and considered leaving after the first semester. Six months later, however, nearly all of us were very well-adjusted and had found friend groups through ECs, classes, etc. Transferring is not an easy thing to do, and you do have to make an extra effort to make new friends (which is of course harder since people already have established friend groups), but usually students who stick it out manage to find their way after a semester or two. PM me if you have any questions or want to talk more, I've advised dozens of transfer students at my school and am happy to keep doing so.