I failed to match last year (US MD) into my chosen specialty and scrambled into a prelim med spot. Over the past few months I have come to the realization that I have probably made the wrong career choice and am about ~80-90% sure that I want to leave medicine completely. I am virtually certain I will not reapply for residency through the match this year. The reason that I say 80-90% and not 100% is that I realize a small part of what I'm feeling now is anxiety over being dumped into something as overwhelming as internship in a few days. But this has been a long time coming as I have almost left the field multiple times already. I had great grades, scores, med school etc, and I feel that I didn't match because it must have been obvious in interviews that my heart wasn't in it and I lacked the drive to get through it.
The question I have now is if I should try to survive the intern year or if I should just quit now. I'm committed in the sense that I have already relocated, settled in, and been through orientation, but I'm struggling to see the point. I didn't drop out of med school because I was advised that finishing and getting the MD would leave me more options than dropping out, even if I planned to leave medicine because it is never good to have a failure on your resume. Am I in the same boat again? Do I need to finish this?
Part of what is holding me back is the fear of closing the door on medicine. I have many great options outside of medicine available immediately. But I'm always worried that one day I'll find myself struggling financially and drown in what-ifs and kick myself for throwing away a 200k education when I'm unemployed and can't pay the bills. The money isn't as much of an issue right now. I have very little student loan debt, which I suppose is why I have this option of leaving. I wouldn't have that much of a problem with just sticking it out for a year except for the time commitment. I, admittedly, was not the most well-informed or prepared med student, and didn't quite understand what the demands of an internal medicine internship were. I understand now that it will be pushing 80 hours per week with 14 hour days. Complicating this whole mess is that I have obligations that I cannot get out of outside of work that require 2-3 hours of my time per day. This was hardly ever a problem in med school (and would have been manageable if my first residency choice had worked out), but I see it being a HUGE problem now. Something would have to give, and that something would be sleep. They EXPECT us to run off of 6 hours of sleep during wards months, and I'm not sure I can run off of 3-4 hours of sleep per night for an entire year. I feel exhausted even after orientation. Which leads me back to my original question, is it worth it to finish pgy-1 and take step 3 or should I just write off the 4 years and $200k and pick up where I left off before going to med school? What kind of doors will a medical license keep open for me should I need them?
Finally, if I were to quit say 1-2 months in, how much would I be screwing over my current program and interns?
The question I have now is if I should try to survive the intern year or if I should just quit now. I'm committed in the sense that I have already relocated, settled in, and been through orientation, but I'm struggling to see the point. I didn't drop out of med school because I was advised that finishing and getting the MD would leave me more options than dropping out, even if I planned to leave medicine because it is never good to have a failure on your resume. Am I in the same boat again? Do I need to finish this?
Part of what is holding me back is the fear of closing the door on medicine. I have many great options outside of medicine available immediately. But I'm always worried that one day I'll find myself struggling financially and drown in what-ifs and kick myself for throwing away a 200k education when I'm unemployed and can't pay the bills. The money isn't as much of an issue right now. I have very little student loan debt, which I suppose is why I have this option of leaving. I wouldn't have that much of a problem with just sticking it out for a year except for the time commitment. I, admittedly, was not the most well-informed or prepared med student, and didn't quite understand what the demands of an internal medicine internship were. I understand now that it will be pushing 80 hours per week with 14 hour days. Complicating this whole mess is that I have obligations that I cannot get out of outside of work that require 2-3 hours of my time per day. This was hardly ever a problem in med school (and would have been manageable if my first residency choice had worked out), but I see it being a HUGE problem now. Something would have to give, and that something would be sleep. They EXPECT us to run off of 6 hours of sleep during wards months, and I'm not sure I can run off of 3-4 hours of sleep per night for an entire year. I feel exhausted even after orientation. Which leads me back to my original question, is it worth it to finish pgy-1 and take step 3 or should I just write off the 4 years and $200k and pick up where I left off before going to med school? What kind of doors will a medical license keep open for me should I need them?
Finally, if I were to quit say 1-2 months in, how much would I be screwing over my current program and interns?