inappropriate resident

[radhika]

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I have been shadowing an AWESOME doc for the past 2 1/2 mo. and it has been amazing 🙂 until....a stupid twitchy resident showed up that will NOT stop talking to me. He insinuated that he slept with a lot of girls at the all women's college i transferred from. he starts out by saying that he knew the the school well and he said "use your imagination" in the the sleaziest wayyy possible....ewwwww

i tried the whole pretend he is not there bit...but he still keeps talking to me
when i change the subject to "what courses would u find helpful to take before med school/any advice" he calls me a dork...and one of 'those' (nerds) obv. he's the twitchy dork....i have awesome ppl skills....and am not a dork!!!

and then he talks about 'that summer' AGAIN!!!

i hate him but shadowing is awesomeee..

advice?

 

[cabinbuilder]

You need to say to the jerks face, "You do realize this is sexual harassment?". Might want to have a small tape recorder on you to have proof. If that doesn't stop it then you need to report this person to the individual at the hospital who deals in sexual harassment complaints and get it stopped now.

Think about what kind of crap he is saying to patients??? It won't be the first individual you encounter, you don't not have to sit back and take it.

Good luck. You will feel better in the long run.

 

[cliffhuxtableDO]

who cares? hes an underpaid, overworked, underfed, under slept resident who is getting a rise out of flirting with you. just try to make a friend out of the somewhat awkward situation you're in.

 

[radhika]

cliffhuxtableDO: he TOTALLY doen NOT look underfed....also he usually stands around and asks to scrub in and the doc says no eack time....so overworked? (atleast not the 8 hours im stuch following them)

cabinbuilder: i think im too insignificant as a hospital person to be filing complaints...maybe i should just suck it up and ignore him to death...😕

 

[DoctorPenguin]

Eh... I'm gonna have to agree with Cabin on this one. Maybe not as far as the tape recorder, but I think you should stand up for yourself and tell him to stop telling you those things because your not interested.

Activate your "mean gene"... if something comes up and your doc is brought into it, explain the situation to him, and he'll have a talk with the resident. Is this issue taking away from your volunteer experience? If so, tell the sleezeball to his face.

This is assuming your planning to volunteer for the doc for a long time. If it's only a couple more weeks, just persevere through it lol.

 

[MightyMoose]

cliffhuxtableDO: he TOTALLY doen NOT look underfed....also he usually stands around and asks to scrub in and the doc says no eack time....so overworked? (atleast not the 8 hours im stuch following them)

cabinbuilder: i think im too insignificant as a hospital person to be filing complaints...maybe i should just suck it up and ignore him to death...😕

While I think it's inappropriate, you are missing a key point here, there are plenty of med students, residents, attendings, and private doctors that have zero social skills and think what they are doing is appropriate. As per Cabinbuilder's statement about patients, I find it very unlikely that this guy is trying to bolster his ego with his patients, but I suppose it could happen. His comments stem from a lack of social skills and insecurity. These guys aren't worth the time it takes to bother with it. If you make a mountain out of every molehill your medical life is going to be a verrrrryyy long and unsatisfying career. People can tell you all day long that you should report them, but in residency programs, unless it is directly viewed by attendings and others in power you are going to sound like a squeeky wheel and people will start to avoid you... And even if it is viewed by them, they might not see the issue.

Just avoid the guy and if you feel the need to confront him, tell him you don't care to hear about his sexual exploits and that you are trying to learn about medicine not who he spent X summer with. This will have the effect of making him realize that he's being inappropriate and that you are bothered by him, both of these things will cause this guy to either avoid you or spend his time trying to make you like him again by giving you his perspective of the "inside scoup" on medicine. Either way, it's a win win for you.

Either way, good luck with the situation.

 

[JaggerPlate]

Technically ... Cabin is right. However, as 'bad' as this sounds, let me ask you a few questions:

1. How long are you going to be shadowing for? If it's for another two days or whatever, is it feasible to just assume the guy is an enormous ass who thinks he's jawesome because he lies about sleeping with women 10 years younger than him and just ignore it/take it as a life lesson that the world is full of losers?

2. Could you mention something privately to the attending? While the jerkoff deserves to get slammed, I'm not sure if you really want to get involved with this huge ordeal right now. Honestly, I could only imagine that this would launch him huge investigation that you'd find yourself all wrapped up in.

Sorry if that sounds weird or something. I understand that what he's doing is deplorable and really pathetic (and I'm sorry it's happening to you), but I just wouldn't want you to get super wrapped up in a big sexual harassment ordeal with a hospital employee, you know? Something should definitely be done, but I think mentioning something to the attending may be a better course of action. Just my .02

 

[traitorman]

Just avoid the guy and if you feel the need to confront him, tell him you don't care to hear about his sexual exploits and that you are trying to learn about medicine not who he spent X summer with. This will have the effect of making him realize that he's being inappropriate and that you are bothered by him, both of these things will cause this guy to either avoid you or spend his time trying to make you like him again by giving you his perspective of the "inside scoup" on medicine. Either way, it's a win win for you.

Either way, good luck with the situation.

+1 just being direct should get him to stop

 

[DrBowtie]

This is a situation that you just need to face him as an adult. A polite but direct "I'm not interested, please stop talking about your exploits" needs to be the first step.

 

[MLT2MT2DO]

Or you could just sleep with him and get an LOR from him. Of course if he won't write you an LOR after sleeping with him that could be a huge blow to the ego...

 

[radhika]

JaggerPlate:

1. How long are you going to be shadowing for? If it's for another two days or whatever, is it feasible to just assume the guy is an enormous ass who thinks he's jawesome because he lies about sleeping with women 10 years younger than him and just ignore it/take it as a life lesson that the world is full of losers?

long-term type of shadowing, its super awesome b/c sometimes there are osteopathic attendings that i get to meet which opens up more doors, really do not want to leave.

2. Could you mention something privately to the attending? While the jerkoff deserves to get slammed, I'm not sure if you really want to get involved with this huge ordeal right now. Honestly, I could only imagine that this would launch him huge investigation that you'd find yourself all wrapped up in.


kind of dont want to talk to the attending about this...would be uber weird. maybe ill just tell him i dont care over and over. I have tried telling him...he just does this creepy smile, and 5 min later...same thing....seriously, shouldn'rt he be following the other docs and learning??



MLT2MT2DO could prob. be bff with Dr. Twitchy

 

[MightyMoose]

seriously, shouldn'rt he be following the other docs and learning??

No, he should be tending to his patients and writing notes... If he wastes that much time he either has one of the cushiest residencies out there, he's a terrible resident, and/or he continually violates duty hours to get his work done.

 

[radhika]

No, he should be tending to his patients and writing notes... If he wastes that much time he either has one of the cushiest residencies out there, he's a terrible resident, and/or he continually violates duty hours to get his work done.

either way....not doing his job....

 

[jhu6569]

radhika!! As a medical school professor I state that you NEED immediately to report this behavior to this resident's direct supervisor and be prepared to address the issue with the next higher levels of administration. You, I understand, feel un-impowered. You are NOT so! This resident, assuming your statements here are correct, is a threat to the medical profession; not only, but importantly, yourself.

Please! DO NOT allow this individual to exert perceived, rather than actual power to control you and your future career. Think back to why you decided upon a course to become a physician. Probably: to help people. You need to go on and do that. This resident is clearly NOT doing that. First: you owe it to yourself. Second: you owe it to the medical community. Step up and be counted.

I fully realize that this is easy for me, some total stranger on the internet, to say. However, my credentials in the field of medical education are genuine, I have been involved with similar situations in the past, and I DO know that you will receive the appropriate support.

Best wishes.

 

[jhu6569]

Sorry, buddy! With a reply like yours you have not the slightest chance of becoming a physician. Stated here by a 30+ year experienced medical school professor. Stop trying to be clever and start thinking about the PROFESSION of medicine. Please.

 

[radhika]

what reply?😕

 

[Pet of the Week]

what reply?😕

Probably mlt2md2do.

 

[Stan The Man]

based on only what you said in your opening post, i would say he hasn't done enough to be punished in any way yet. I think you should just continue to ignore him and if he keeps it up then get more direct with him and if he still keeps it up then maybe talk to the Doc about it. Lets just remember that the guy worked his butt off just to get where he's at right now and that going to a superior could get him in trouble and maybe even blow the residency thing he's got going right now? If he deserves it he deserves it, but just a couple indirect comments (based on what you said) shouldn't get him in trouble or have some sort of "investigation" going on towards him. I don't think any of us could give you any solid advice seeing that we were not there and its your call on what to do but try to think if this guy is really out to harm you in any way or just a harmless pathetic *****.

 

[Pet of the Week]

Hey Jhu aka med school prof (lmao) OBVIOUS TROLL IS OBVIOUS

On another, more related note:

Pretty much 100% sure he's actually a med school prof. I figured out his true identity too. I'll become a detective if I don't get into medical school. 🙂

 

[sideways]

I say give the guy a chance. Break him off some.

 

[slarveson]

typical girl racing to judgement...sorry OP and im kidding in a way but at the same time there may be some truth in that statement.

 

[radhika]

Hey Jhu aka med school prof (lmao) OBVIOUS TROLL IS OBVIOUS

On another, more related note:

😍 funny!! i wish my dog could do that!!!

Jhu: Thank you so very much for ur response. i still feel awkward for being a shadow and making a deal about this....

i think im gonna keep with the igonoring until it gets super bad, at which pt. i might go ahed and tell someone....what if he just really is a freak-show of a person....

thanks so much everyone!! will keep y'all posted!!🙂

 

[radhika]

Probably mlt2md2do.

lol....true!! stupid question on my part! lol

 

[MightyMoose]

😍 funny!! i wish my dog could do that!!!

Jhu: Thank you so very much for ur response. i still feel awkward for being a shadow and making a deal about this....

i think im gonna keep with the igonoring until it gets super bad, at which pt. i might go ahed and tell someone....what if he just really is a freak-show of a person....

thanks so much everyone!! will keep y'all posted!!🙂

You need to tell him FIRST, then go to someone higher up if it doesn't get resolved... 🙄

 

[wolverinepwns]

welcome to the world of hospitals!

 

[Bigz]

You need to say to the jerks face, "You do realize this is sexual harassment?". Might want to have a small tape recorder on you to have proof. If that doesn't stop it then you need to report this person to the individual at the hospital who deals in sexual harassment complaints and get it stopped now.

Think about what kind of crap he is saying to patients??? It won't be the first individual you encounter, you don't not have to sit back and take it.

Good luck. You will feel better in the long run.

Leave him alone he had a high GPA, high MCAT score and or by the way he also wrote a great secondary essay about diversity, integrity respect etc. in the medical field.

 

[MLT2MT2DO]

Sorry, buddy! With a reply like yours you have not the slightest chance of becoming a physician. Stated here by a 30+ year experienced medical school professor. Stop trying to be clever and start thinking about the PROFESSION of medicine. Please.

On second though...I'll leave it alone. If you want to assume you know me because of this post, that's your problem.

 

[cbrons]

You need to say to the jerks face, "You do realize this is sexual harassment?". Might want to have a small tape recorder on you to have proof. If that doesn't stop it then you need to report this person to the individual at the hospital who deals in sexual harassment complaints and get it stopped now.

Think about what kind of crap he is saying to patients??? It won't be the first individual you encounter, you don't not have to sit back and take it.

Good luck. You will feel better in the long run.

Little extreme? She's just the premed shadowing, not even an employee. She should chill out IMO.

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

 

[CookDeRosa]

I have been shadowing an AWESOME doc for the past 2 1/2 mo. and it has been amazing 🙂 until....a stupid twitchy resident showed up that will NOT stop talking to me. He insinuated that he slept with a lot of girls at the all women's college i transferred from. he starts out by saying that he knew the the school well and he said "use your imagination" in the the sleaziest wayyy possible....ewwwww

i tried the whole pretend he is not there bit...but he still keeps talking to me
when i change the subject to "what courses would u find helpful to take before med school/any advice" he calls me a dork...and one of 'those' (nerds) obv. he's the twitchy dork....i have awesome ppl skills....and am not a dork!!!

and then he talks about 'that summer' AGAIN!!!

i hate him but shadowing is awesomeee..

advice?

I'm a 40 year old woman who has spent every moment of my work history in a man's world. I was the ONLY female in my graduating class of 72 😎 and worked side by side with men since day 1. I survived and you can to- not only that, you can get respect. People read you in the first few minutes they meet you, and people will only do to you what you let them do. I'm a really easy person to work with, I'm attractive, I'm friendly, but I'm not interested in male attention at work- I'm happily married with 4 kids.

Watch how other people interact with him. Are there other women he doesn't get far with? If so, observe-learn-do. I strongly disagree with the suggestion of crying to a supervisor. You'll look incapable of dealing with uncomfortable situations, and your doc will see this. Learn how to shoot people like him down with a facial expression, body language, etc.

Learning this now will save you a lifetime of grief. Again, he's not treating everyone like this, watch those who already know how to finesse the situation and do what they do. If your doc sees you step up and take charge (instead of taking the bull **** this guy dishes) he will see you in a much more positive light. If there is a sliver in the deepest corner of your mind that finds this flattering, he's reading it.

*btw, if he does annoy everyone, then they don't need you to tell them so, they already know and will handle him in their own way.

 

[cbrons]

CookDeRosa sounds awesome and I second her advice.

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

 

[FrkyBgStok]

Agree with stan. This may piss you off, but it definitely isn't sexual harassment. If he says something like "you won't get a LOR without sex" would be, but right now he is just awkward. Good luck dealing with it, but that is life.

 

[engineeredout]

Based upon your typing/spelling/overuseofLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL I think I can hear your voice in my head and it sounds incredibly whiney.

If you've actually attended high school or college this can not have been the first awkward guy you've had to deal with. Tape recording is paranoid and reporting it to the attending seems unnecessary. Just tell him to go away; get that intrinsic bitch mode running.

 

[Bigz]

I'm a 40 year old woman who has spent every moment of my work history in a man's world. I was the ONLY female in my graduating class of 72 😎 and worked side by side with men since day 1. I survived and you can to- not only that, you can get respect. People read you in the first few minutes they meet you, and people will only do to you what you let them do. I'm a really easy person to work with, I'm attractive, I'm friendly, but I'm not interested in male attention at work- I'm happily married with 4 kids.

Watch how other people interact with him. Are there other women he doesn't get far with? If so, observe-learn-do. I strongly disagree with the suggestion of crying to a supervisor. You'll look incapable of dealing with uncomfortable situations, and your doc will see this. Learn how to shoot people like him down with a facial expression, body language, etc.

Learning this now will save you a lifetime of grief. Again, he's not treating everyone like this, watch those who already know how to finesse the situation and do what they do. If your doc sees you step up and take charge (instead of taking the bull **** this guy dishes) he will see you in a much more positive light. If there is a sliver in the deepest corner of your mind that finds this flattering, he's reading it.

*btw, if he does annoy everyone, then they don't need you to tell them so, they already know and will handle him in their own way.

With all due respect this is the worse advice ever regarding workplace harassment especially coming from a woman. No you report him to put a stop to it because eventually it will escalate. He might not do it to you anymore but if not reported he will do it to others and allowing that to happen is just as wrong.

 

[radhika]

I brought flashcards for a test i needed to study for to work on during my off-time. He would stand there and talk at me....i would just continue to not respond. He then tried "what's wrong" and i said he was wasting my time....and he left.


later he started behaving in the same manner with a nurse, and she told him off and said she would report him if he continued. I feel that she could do this b/c she is actually an employee.....i felt it would put me in a bad light if i were the one to report him. Maybe ppl would feel that this was my fault in some way.

engineer: Nope, not whiney, jut weirded out....and actually, this is about the first time this has happened to me with a person that is not a random freak.....

 

[Winged Scapula]

Agree with stan. This may piss you off, but it definitely isn't sexual harassment. If he says something like "you won't get a LOR without sex" would be, but right now he is just awkward. Good luck dealing with it, but that is life.

Actually it is sexual harassment as it is creating an unpleasant workplace environment for the OP. According to the courts:

Unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favors, and other verbal or physical conduct of a sexual nature constitute sexual harassment when

1) submission to such conduct is made either explicitly or implicitly a term or condition of an individual's employment,
2) submission to or rejection of such conduct by an individual is used as the basis for employment decisions affecting such individuals, or
such conduct has the purpose or effect of unreasonably interfering with an individual's work performance or creating an intimidating, hostile, or offensive working environment. (29 C.F.R. § 1604.11 [1980])

A key part of the definition is the use of the word unwelcome. Unwelcome or uninvited conduct or communication of a sexual nature is prohibited; welcome or invited actions or words are not unlawful. Sexual or romantic interaction between consenting people at work may be offensive to observers or may violate company policy, but it is not sexual harassment.

He is not required to extort her by withholding a good evaluation but simply creating a hostile workplace is enough to consider it sexual harassment.

I know this is awkward OP, and that yes, these socially unaware types are rampant in medicine, but he has clearly marked you as someone he can trample on and intimidate with his false sense of power. Many in medicine spent too much time studying and not enough time learning the rules of social engagement. Most just come off as nerdy and awkward; some as creepy. These guys look for someone whom they perceive as powerless to focus their attention on. The fact that he is hitting on a pre-med tells me that he is probably unsuccessful with women his age/status and focuses on women who might be impressed that he is a physician. 🙄

Since this is a long-term shadowing experience you need to get your big girl panties on and say something directly to him and if he refuses to stop, talk to his attending/program director and if that fails, file a formal complaint with HR. You are not an employee but you have rights to be treated well.

 

[arfandada]

lol

 

[CookDeRosa]

I brought flashcards for a test i needed to study for to work on during my off-time. He would stand there and talk at me....i would just continue to not respond. He then tried "what's wrong" and i said he was wasting my time....and he left.


later he started behaving in the same manner with a nurse, and she told him off and said she would report him if he continued. I feel that she could do this b/c she is actually an employee.....i felt it would put me in a bad light if i were the one to report him. Maybe ppl would feel that this was my fault in some way.

engineer: Nope, not whiney, jut weirded out....and actually, this is about the first time this has happened to me with a person that is not a random freak.....

You handled this well. Keep it "all business," he will stop and you'll look like a professional.

 

[MLT2MT2DO]

Since this is a long-term shadowing experience you need to get your big girl panties on and say something directly to him and if he refuses to stop, talk to his attending/program director and if that fails, file a formal complaint with HR. You are not an employee but you have rights to be treated well.

+1, this seems like common sense to me. Hence my original sarcastic post. People need to learn to figure out how to work through things (also using the proper channels, starting with the individual) instead of running to a message board asking for advice.