Inapropriate interview questions - how to handle

[Neroli]

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I saw in a few program review posts that questions about family/upbringing were considered standard. This seems invasive, inapropriate, and irrelevant to me. So what if your family is Rockwellian or dysfunctional, if growing up was easy or rough. Sure, there is the stereotype that people interested in psychiatry are trying to diagnose themselves or their family, which may be true, but is this appropriate fodder for interview scenarios? Assuming someone has done their own personal work and is well adjusted and can be a good physician/psychiatrist, how is their past relevant for an interview?

What are interviewers getting at with this type of question?

Evading the question likely just makes interviewers more currious, these are psychiatrists after all.

I'm not crippled or ashamed of the fact that my father died of cancer in my 20s, and how complicated this was because I had a strained relationship with him, or that my mother is a hoarder and how negatively that has impacted me, but this is stuff for my personal therapist to hear about, not my residency interviewer.

So the bottom line is: does this line of questioning come up often, and how does one handle this since being dismissive/evasive is so transparent to this type of interviewer and I just don't want to get into my negative family dynamics?

 

[st2205]

I don't know. I think people are just curious and want to know more about people for the sake of knowing who they are. I think making this whole process so rigid is rather ridiculous. If anything, inappropriate personal questions favor the applicant because 1. They get a better feel for what the program may really be like and have more information to steer them away or 2. They rule themselves out of a spot in the program's eyes and save themselves from entering a program that may become 'discriminatory' or what have you after they find out more about you. In short, the restrictions force programs to put up a façade. That's not beneficial to the applicant.

 

[Salpingo]

I'm not crippled or ashamed of the fact that my father died of cancer in my 20s, and how complicated this was because I had a strained relationship with him, or that my mother is a hoarder and how negatively that has impacted me, but this is stuff for my personal therapist to hear about, not my residency interviewer.

So the bottom line is: does this line of questioning come up often, and how does one handle this since being dismissive/evasive is so transparent to this type of interviewer and I just don't want to get into my negative family dynamics?

The answer is yes. While my friends told me non-psych residency interviews are generic, HR-style form questions, psychiatrists are perplexingly interested in who you are as a person. On occasion that overlaps with upbringing. The better the program, the more likely the faculty will want to get in depth, as opposed to checking off boxes to superficial questions.

The best advice I heard regarding any interview was to steer towards the positive. When asked about a former job and why you decided to leave, no one wants to hear about how much you didn't get along with other people or how you felt the job was beneath you, since they can easily imagine you saying the same about them. Hopefully you can find something positive to say about your family and start there, maybe one lesson you learned, intentional or not, or a fond memory.

Just as a final thought, residency will function (or dysfunction) a lot like a family. There will be sibling rivalry, feelings of pressure and rejection, as well as several awkward alcohol-fueled social gatherings (hopefully no creepy uncle).

 

[Neroli]

I don't know. I think people are just curious and want to know more about people for the sake of knowing who they are. I think making this whole process so rigid is rather ridiculous. If anything, inappropriate personal questions favor the applicant because 1. They get a better feel for what the program may really be like and have more information to steer them away or 2. They rule themselves out of a spot in the program's eyes and save themselves from entering a program that may become 'discriminatory' or what have you after they find out more about you. In short, the restrictions force programs to put up a façade. That's not beneficial to the applicant.

Fair points, thanks for you thoughts.

 

[michaelrack]

Just as a final thought, residency will function (or dysfunction) a lot like a family. There will be sibling rivalry, feelings of pressure and rejection, as well as several awkward alcohol-fueled social gatherings (hopefully no creepy uncle).

There will be some incest, and often creepy uncles.

 

[islandCrazy]

Now I'm curious whether an interviewer will think I'm being evasive if I describe my normal and extremely boring l suburban life.

 

[peppy]

While you can make arguments for why asking these kinds of personal questions could be justified, I think when someone is asking someone they just met very personal questions it raises questions about if the interviewer is asking because of their own voyeurism or their lack of awareness of appropriate boundaries. Definitely a yellow flag for me, if not a red flag.

If I were you, I'd probably try to rehearse some answers about the family questions that emphasize the positives of your family. Is there anything positive that you can highlight about them? I do think it's completely appropriate to talk about your father passing away and how you coped with it, but I definitely would not bring up the stuff about not getting along with him, or your mother's hoarding. An interview is a time when you want to put your best foot forward, and I don't really see how bringing those things up with help you. Maybe get some feedback from others around you about what they think of your rehearsed answers to make sure it doesn't sound fake.

I like my faculty and fellow residents just fine, but there are definitely things that I have chosen not to share with them because there is no reason that they need to know. It's ok to have boundaries. 🙂

 

[splik]

I don't particularly like talking about myself, and I'm difficult to read so I did worry about this last year. The reality is only at one place did I get asked really personal questions and I knew I would because it was very dynamically oriented and as a result I handled it well. Typically only the analytically inclined places or faculty will ask really personal questions. If you are not interested in psychodynamics, then just don't rank those sorts of programs. On the other hand if you want to go to a heavily dynamically inclined program then you need to be able to talk about your experiences in a reflective way. And realize that at certain programs nothing is private and everyone will know your business. There aren't that many of them around today since the decline of psychodyamic psychiatry however. It is not talking about difficult painful things, but talking about the process of becoming the person you are, and sounding like an inquisitive, reflective, thoughtful person.

Also these aren't really inappropriate questions as they are allowed to ask nosy questions as long as they aren't illegal (and usually they aren't).

In short, practice, practice, practice, have some prepackaged answers, always focus on the positive, form is more important than content (i.e. they will be looking at the way you talk about things, rather than what you say), and as mentioned focus on the strengths.

Also if some says 'tell me about yourself' - even if it is a psychoanalyst don't go there! Don't say anything you wouldn't to a blind date, which is, in effect what this is.

 

[splik]

also if you have mentioned something on your application, e.g. a year out for being ill, or having been an alcoholic then be prepared to talk about it. Most people who mention these things have some sort of rehearsed answer and we swiftly move on to other things.

 

[Neroli]

Thanks everyone, some good advice here. I certainly can focus on the strengths and personal growth I've gained from my family. Now if only I had a creepy uncle I'd be a shoe in.

 

[PikminOC]

In addition, I was asked other questions like what books I like to read for fun. I dropped "crime and punishment since it was an impressively long book (read in HS)"

 

[st2205]

In addition, I was asked other questions like what books I like to read for fun. I dropped "crime and punishment since it was an impressively long book (read in HS)"

I don't read books. At all. If it's not medical (for learning) I don't read books of any kind. Now, I read a lot of stuff, just not books. I also hate fiction. Oh, a lot of this probably stems from the fact the first book I ever (literally) read cover-to-cover was in eighth grade and it was Back to the Future II, which was an easy read because it was taken from the script and I'd seen the movie so many times I could visualize everything in my head.

I've been asked this question twice and, as you see, I'm sure they think I'm an idiot.

 

[PikminOC]

I don't read books. At all. If it's not medical (for learning) I don't read books of any kind. Now, I read a lot of stuff, just not books. I also hate fiction. Oh, a lot of this probably stems from the fact the first book I ever (literally) read cover-to-cover was in eighth grade and it was Back to the Future II, which was an easy read because it was taken from the script and I'd seen the movie so many times I could visualize everything in my head.

I've been asked this question twice and, as you see, I'm sure they think I'm an idiot.

you must have read one classic novel in HS or college.

 

[notdeadyet]

In addition, I was asked other questions like what books I like to read for fun. I dropped "crime and punishment since it was an impressively long book (read in HS)"

I'd exercise extreme caution with that strategy. The folks who ask questions like "what's your favorite book?" are most likely readers. Replying something like C&P or anything you had for assigned reading as a HS junior is likely to have a follow up of "who was your favorite character? What was your favorite scene? Why". Your sputtered response will do way more harm than the admission that you're not a reader.

But, Jesus, given all the time and money you invest, it's probably wise picking up and trudging through one decent book before applying. Aside of potentially saving you at a crucial interview (confession: an applicant who doesn't read would likely drop down several notches in my unconscious as I rated him/her), reading is just plain good for you. Read something about a life experience that doesn't have anything remotely to do with medicine and it might just also make you a better doctor.

 

[quirks]

So far, I've had two out of three schools with multiple people asking me where else I'm applying and how many interviews I'm going on. I've always just been honest (I start with just regional, then get more specific if they keep asking). Hoping honesty doesn't backfire!

 

[peppy]

I agree that it's good to read a book or two in anticipation that someone along the way will probably ask you about books. Books and movies tend to come up a lot in psych interviews since many psychiatrists have more of an interest in the humanities than other specialties do.

I don't think you need to try to impress people by claiming that you spend your spare time reading the great classics like War and Peace. We all know that realistically hardly anyone nowadays reads classic books unless forced to and it will probably sound like you're BSing. Just make sure you pick a book about something non-medical, to show everyone how Well-Rounded you are, and preferably nothing controversial/subversive since you don't know how the interviewer might take that. I'm sure you can find an easy, quick book to read that will at least give you something to talk about.

 

[twright]

So far, I've had two out of three schools with multiple people asking me where else I'm applying and how many interviews I'm going on. I've always just been honest (I start with just regional, then get more specific if they keep asking). Hoping honesty doesn't backfire!

As has been described in numerous posts on SDN, if you are assigning nefarious intentions to interviewers who ask about other, don't.

e.g., thread here

This is a common question. Whether or not it's "illegal" is a matter of some debate.

Applicants often worry that PD's somehow use the answer to adjust rankings. If you're interviewing with me, and you tell me that you also interviewed with the place across the city, or my "arch nemesis" program, then somehow I'll hold that against you. Or, if you tell me a list of the places you're interviewing and I think I'm the "best" on the list, that I'll assume that I made a mistake inviting you, or rank you lower, etc.

This seems very unlikely. I guess, perhaps, in small programs or in fields with small numbers of residents and big egos, it's possible. But in IM, I highly doubt it.

It's possible that your list of interviews might be used to guage your interest in the geographic area. If all of your interviews are in Calif except for one in Iowa, that would be quite telling. So, it could affect your ranking in that way.

Most likely, the question is asked so that we can discuss why my program is better / different from that other program. Many interviewers see it as a harmless question. I have to specifically tell my interviewers to avoid it, since it seems to make applicants uncmfortable.

You really just have two options.

1. Answer the damn question. As others have indicated, your answer can benefit you or it can hurt you. Leukowhat surmised that program directors ask this out of insecurity, but I am inclined to agree with aPD that most, if not all, interviewers are not asking this question with malicious intent. Rather I would guess that it is the most insecure applicants who complain the most about this question.

2. Don't answer the question. Substitute hand waving, "I'm applying broadly", "I am looking for programs where I will get great clinical exposure", etc. But you had better be a smooth talker. If your interview detects your bullsh*tting and gets annoyed with you, that's not too good either.

 

[jmadden]

I saw in a few program review posts that questions about family/upbringing were considered standard. This seems invasive, inapropriate, and irrelevant to me. So what if your family is Rockwellian or dysfunctional, if growing up was easy or rough. Sure, there is the stereotype that people interested in psychiatry are trying to diagnose themselves or their family, which may be true, but is this appropriate fodder for interview scenarios? Assuming someone has done their own personal work and is well adjusted and can be a good physician/psychiatrist, how is their past relevant for an interview?

What are interviewers getting at with this type of question?

Evading the question likely just makes interviewers more currious, these are psychiatrists after all.

I'm not crippled or ashamed of the fact that my father died of cancer in my 20s, and how complicated this was because I had a strained relationship with him, or that my mother is a hoarder and how negatively that has impacted me, but this is stuff for my personal therapist to hear about, not my residency interviewer.

So the bottom line is: does this line of questioning come up often, and how does one handle this since being dismissive/evasive is so transparent to this type of interviewer and I just don't want to get into my negative family dynamics?

Whats the quote

You maybe right and maybe you are reading too deep into normal conversation fodder or an unprepared interviewer

 

[jmadden]

Remember you are interviewing the program too and dont want to be stuck with an SOB for 4 years

Maintaining your professionalism with unprofessional and distressed people (patients) is the job

 

[billypilgrim37]

There are simply a wide range of opinions about personal questions in interviews. To some, these questions are entirely inappropriate, and to others, if you aren't willing to talk about these things, then you're not ready to be a psychiatrist. Most places are somewhere in between. I found that the more probing interviews were typically benign and administered by people with seemingly warm intentions. If you're the type that finds these things wildly inappropriate, it might be a signal that the program might have a culture that won't mesh with you. Or it might be that they had one clueless putz interviewing applicants. Hard to tell.

 

[notdeadyet]

"So... Tell me about your family... What was it like growing up in NE Portland..." and the like is pretty much small talk 101. How detailed you get and what stories you tell is up to the interviewee but defensiveness, indignation, or paranoia probably won't play well.

There is a very real list of verboten questions and you can and should feel free to refuse to answer questions about your religion, sexual orientation, etc. but getting too tightly wound over the other chatter will probably not put your best foot forward.

 

[YoungPsychDoc]

I was asked twice at my AE interview whether or not I have a significant other. This really irked me - it's none of their business. I do not plan to rank them and I will be notifying the program director of this fact.

 

[Scorcher31]

I think you are reading to much into the significant other thing. Again their interest is probably to promote the area. If you said yes, they might mention how family friendly the program is, how great the schools are and how safe the area is. If you said no, they might mention all the exciting things to do in the area, great resteraunts, clubs, etc. or how social the residents are with each other.

I used my significant other as a reason I was interested in the area I was applying. People are always going to wonder if you really want to move halfway across the country for them. Sometimes it helps to have a well thought out reason that makes sense like family ties to he area, a spouse that can be transferred there, or some other reason when they ask why are you interested in coming to *insert less desirable area here*. This is a seperate question than why our program.

It looks good if you know about the area. But, since I only applied in areas my spouse could work I could simply use that as one of the reasons by default. Maybe it dosen't work for everyone, but I found just being as honest and as warm as I could worked well for me on the interview trail.

 

[twright]

I was asked twice at my AE interview whether or not I have a significant other. This really irked me - it's none of their business. I do not plan to rank them and I will be notifying the program director of this fact.

I think you are reading to much into the significant other thing. Again their interest is probably to promote the area. If you said yes, they might mention how family friendly the program is, how great the schools are and how safe the area is. If you said no, they might mention all the exciting things to do in the area, great resteraunts, clubs, etc. or how social the residents are with each other.

I used my significant other as a reason I was interested in the area I was applying. People are always going to wonder if you really want to move halfway across the country for them. Sometimes it helps to have a well thought out reason that makes sense like family ties to he area, a spouse that can be transferred there, or some other reason when they ask why are you interested in coming to *insert less desirable area here*. This is a seperate question than why our program.

It looks good if you know about the area. But, since I only applied in areas my spouse could work I could simply use that as one of the reasons by default. Maybe it dosen't work for everyone, but I found just being as honest and as warm as I could worked well for me on the interview trail.

Agree with this. YoungPsychDoc, you might have a more enjoyable experience interviewing at programs if you chilled out a little bit.

 

[peppy]

Chances are they were asking about the significant other with good intentions. However that doesnt change the fact that it is illegal to ask about marriage and family status in a job interview. It reflects poorly on the program if their interviewers have not been trained to avoid such questions.
When I interviewed I had one interviewer ask if anyone in my family was mentally ill in the process of trying to discern why I was interested in psychiatry. In another interview I got the impression that the Interviewer was fishing for if I had kids (again probably with good intentions because that interviewer had kids). Personal questions are asked often and it probably is in your best interest to just shrug it off but that doesn't mean it's right for interviewers to ask these things.

 

[Scorcher31]

Chances are they were asking about the significant other with good intentions. However that doesnt change the fact that it is illegal to ask about marriage and family status in a job interview. It reflects poorly on the program if their interviewers have not been trained to avoid such questions.
When I interviewed I had one interviewer ask if anyone in my family was mentally ill in the process of trying to discern why I was interested in psychiatry. In another interview I got the impression that the Interviewer was fishing for if I had kids (again probably with good intentions because that interviewer had kids). Personal questions are asked often and it probably is in your best interest to just shrug it off but that doesn't mean it's right for interviewers to ask these things.

You are right that it still is an inappropriate question no matter what the intent. With that said, I would still answer it. If for example me being married was a big enough deal to the program not to rank me, then I don't want to end up there anyways. Why find out later that you are going to be a bad fit for the program and be unhappy there because of something that was avoided. Fit and comradery is so important during residency.

 

[geripsyched]

Don't really want to get into "illegal vs. legal" question issue because there are just so many variables. For example, I could see why significant other questions may appear much more threatening to an applicant with a diminishing ovarian reserve than to a male in his 20's. (Legalities aside, and all else being equal, would a program rather have a resident who is at "high risk" for missing months of training or a resident at "low risk" for doing so?) That said, we are interviewing for psychiatry residency spots, not a surgical specialty dominated by men, and I think that the vast majority of such questions are made with the best intent. Because this is probably such a non-issue at many psychiatry residency programs, I wouldn't be surprised if many interviewers aren't even aware (although they should be) that it is an illegal area in which to initiate discussion.

For what it's worth, if you DO have a significant other who will be relocating, I have found that it has been very helpful to talk about it. Recently a department chair and director of a program that I am familiar with went out of their way to secure a competitive hospital job for the spouse of an incoming intern. I love seeing this level of commitment to not only the residents, but also the residents' families. At all my interviews, when I am talking with the program directors, I mention that I have a significant other who will be looking for hospital work. It has been interesting to see who responds to this information and offers to assist my significant other in finding employment (please don't ask which programs). I'll be busy no matter where I end up for residency, but if my significant other is out of work for long, s/he will be miserable, which will inevitably make me less happy...

So, if you do have a significant other working in the medical field, it may be worthwhile to mention it (especially since the healthcare industry is the one area of the economy that seems to be expanding everywhere in the country - thank you rising health insurance costs!)

 

[SmallBird]

I was asked twice at my AE interview whether or not I have a significant other. This really irked me - it's none of their business. I do not plan to rank them and I will be notifying the program director of this fact.

Really? I would think carefully about deciding not to rank a program on this basis. It's really not a particularly invasive question.

 

[YoungPsychDoc]

I decided to bite my tongue and say nothing to the PD. However, no one at AE is getting a thank you note😉

 

[st2205]

I decided to bite my tongue and say nothing to the PD. However, no one at AE is getting a thank you note😉

I doubt they'll be heart-broken.

 

[YoungPsychDoc]

I doubt they'll be heart-broken.

Neither will I.

 

[PikminOC]

this never ends..i was at a job interview where apparently my bc was secondary to..do you have any kids??