Incident with colleague

[deleted957339]

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Very longtime lurker here. Finally prompted to post because I had an issue at work that is quite upsetting to me and I don't really know who else to ask.

I'm a PGY-3 and generally a really good performer. I really have not had any problems in residency thus far, at least not ones that have come to the attention of the program director (there was one issue where a nurse complained about my patient management that I had to explain to the program director, but the nurse wanted the patient to get way too much of a pain med and I didn't. I ended up looking good in that situation).

I snapped at someone today in a bureaucratic position (not my superior), by phone, and I told him I did not appreciate his tone. And I asked who his supervisor was. He ended up telling me the line was recorded, and emailed me and some email list where I assume his or her supervisor is on, and relaying the conversation and noted that I had said that I did not appreciate his "tone."

Honestly, I apologized to him, I said I was really overwhelmed and this is my first time in this clinical situation and I felt frustrated by his (concrete and passive aggressive - did not say this) responses when I was just trying to get help from him. These responses were initially by email and seem objectively like he was being kind of rude and unhelpful but I still probably do not look great in the phone call.

I a) feel like **** because there was no need for me to become even moderately unprofessional and b) am still kind of mad, because he was being passive aggressive and unhelpful. But mostly c) I am worried I am going to get in trouble, I feel bad enough already, lesson learned, and I don't feel like rehashing or talking about this with anyone ever again.

As a side note, I recently (in the past two weeks) experienced a very significant personal stressor. This is obviously impacting my ability to regulate myself although this is the only way it has manifested. I think that my generally pretty good reputation, in addition to the fact of the added stressor, generally means that if I do get in trouble, it's going to be ok. I know I'm obviously not going to get fired from it. I just feel like **** and I am now worried this is going to be a big deal. And like - I'm already dealing with enough stress from the other thing. I just don't want to deal with this right now. I hope I'm overthinking the whole thing.

 

[Birdstrike]

I can't possibly imaging how telling someone you "don't like their tone" could blow up into something that would threaten you're job or academic standing. If the person you said it to was a superior, I guess your program director could come back and say it was disrespectful (I guess??) but if you already apologized, I don't see how it's an issue. It's not like you said something patently offensive, insulting or used profanity, so I honestly wouldn't worry too much about it. Program directors have way more to worry about that some other attending butt-hurt because they got call out for being a passive aggressive dork. Way worse stuff than this happens all the time. My guess is this will go away. If not, just explain it like you did online here, and it'll likely go away. Always remember that the minute something more pressing comes along (which is constantly) for someone in a supervisory position, annoying day to day stuff like this goes away.

 

[deleted957339]

Thank you, I really appreciate your response. I am probably overthinking it, I just really don't like anyone thinking poorly of me and I am also (?irrationally) worried it'll get spread around, and people will think poorly of me.

Really thinking back to the phone conversation - the worst I could sound is emotional and/or mad and/or repetitive. I didn't say anything more than just being perseverative about his "tone" but there was nothing else concrete.

And it wasn't even to an attending or superior in any way - someone in a really basic bureaucratic role (someone working in hospital admissions).

I am probably overestimating the ramifications of this. Probably people do this all the time? I just don't want other people listening to the recording because I definitely am not my best self in it... and also I feel vaguely threatened by the whole situation which was probably his intent even though the reality is my job is much more secure than his so its probably the other way around and overcompensation on his part.

And when I do think of the things my PD has had to deal with, this is DEFINITELY small potatoes. It just involves me so it feels huge lol.

Honestly - now that I think about it more, once I actually did briefly sass an attending (not a psych attending, I was doing consults) also in a kind of subjective, non-concrete way, and I was freaked out for days about it. (And also in this case the attending - and her team - were hammer paging me for days and being really intrusive and inappropriate). Obviously when I am stressed I can be briefly irritable/sassy/possibly disrespectful and then feel TERRIBLE and guilty about it. And nothing came of it. And that was an attending. These are the only two incidents, I swear.

 

[wolfvgang22]

Yeah, this is common stuff. Sounds like your handling it well. Live, learn, move on. Nothing will happen. Plan a day or two of vacation.

 

[TexasPhysician]

Unless it’s regarding a problem resident, I’d be more upset by the person asking me to review a recording because someone allegedly stated they didn’t like someone’s tone. It’s a waste of time.

I had a mildly worse complaint against me in residency. I was otherwise a good resident, and I as well had reasons. Nothing came of it. If anything, positive change occurred with educating another department about what psych is used for on consults.

Looking back, I should have kept my mouth shut and done the scut work. As a faculty, I would make the same decision I did then.

 

[Bartelby]

It sounds like you snapped at someone while having a bad day. That is not great in a professional setting, which you already acknowledged by apologizing. I doubt any of us made it through training without at least one such interaction we regret. As long as it is not a pattern you should be completely fine. I don’t think it will comes up again in any form but if it does take ownership, explain yourself and what you learned from this, and move on.

The fact that you are this worried about this tells me you will be fine!

 

[deleted480308]

If the call was recorded so was their tone.

 

[NITRAS]

First, I think your fine, but it’s good to remember that you are in training and you would be wise to just let this stuff slide......especially on a recorded line. I really don’t care if the attending was out of line, it isn’t worth it.

Hopefully this will just be good experience for the next time.

 

[clausewitz2]

I had an incident second year on a very busy service where I told one of my attendings (who I just did not get along with) that I didn't appreciate the implication that I was lying about something. It came up briefly at my mid-rotation feedback session with the rotation director, and then no one ever mentioned it again. You will be fine.

Also never got indirectly accused of lying again, so there's that.

 

[calvnandhobbs68]

Guys it wasn’t the attending...he said it was some person in admissions so it was probably an admissions administrator/coordinator/secretary or something.

Have you ever heard surgeons talk to ancillary staff? Not saying it’s acceptable but as long as you didn’t get recorded telling this person to go f* themselves you’re fine. worse comes to worse it sounds like you were trying to get something for a patient through the hospital system...just say you were frustrated that you felt he was keeping you from providing the best care possible for your patient and you regret you were frustrated but you tend to get frustrated when you’re not able to provide the best care possible 😉 If it’s even remotely true the “I was just trying to advocate for a patient” line works 100 percent of the time...watch nurses use it constantly.

It’s great that you apologized but honestly you probably didn’t even need to if you were trying to get something for a patient through the hospital administrative system.

 

[SoulinNeed]

Learn from it. Move on. No big deal.

 

[FlowRate]

As noted above, I think all but the most mindful/centered/controlled of us have had something like this happen at one time or another. I've had an instance where I snapped at someone pretty high up at another facility (also being kinda passive aggressive/unhelpful) while super busy and just trying to do the right thing for my patient. It got relayed back to my attending by that person, attending mentioned it to me, no issues after that. And it was fair feedback, shouldn't have snapped, should have just done the tedious runaround paperwork, but sometimes the bureaucratic BS just gets exhausting when it gets in the way of timely patient care.

 

[deleted736562]

Residents generally are easy targets because all other staff kinda know that there's very little protecting us and they can just complain to attendings/supervisors and believe we will then get a "talk" and be "in trouble". At least that's my impression of the culture. In this case, it does seem though that you made some vague threats to him and he responded back, and you apologized. So all is fair. It's an opportunity to learn. You can only control your own behavior; unless, someone's behavior is grossly unprofessional, got to tolerate even some passive-aggressiveness.

(edited for confidentiality).

 

[whopper]

In general if you do something stupid but no one was hurt no one cares so long as you don't show a pattern of this stupid behavior.

I remember as a 2nd year I forgot to do a progress note. (Turned out after all my years of practicing, this type of thing was a once a year thing it seems). The attending and nurse manager (who really was running the unit) told me not to sweat it cause I did otherwise stellar work and this type of thing happens even with good attendings. They didn't care as long as it wasn't part of a pattern.

But this is all things being equal. You could be in a toxic program where they will hold things like this against you.